Daily Archives: February 21, 2009

I had an epiphany last year in the midst of the onset of my post Iraq PTSD crash….”Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.”

The value of living life to the fullest really came to  me then.  I’ve seen a lot of death and destruction in my life: I’ve experienced trauma, had people shoot at me, been robbed at gunpoint, been on aircraft with mechanical problems, narrowly missed terrorist bombs and a lot of other rather “sporty” events.  Likewise I have seen death and trauma up close and personal.  Babies born too early to live, elderly people passing away after long lives, young men killed and maimed by war, children and the elderly maimed, cities and villages devastated.  I’ve seen people of all ages whose lives have ended suddenly either to disease or trauma and seen people suffer excruciating deaths.  In all of this though I have also found life in people who no matter what their circumstance choose to live and often seen the grace of God in the midst of great suffering.   It is as Alister McGrath says: “Life under the Cross.” I had one of those experiences with a Navy widow last week, who in her dying moments continued to look after those around her, thanking people, blessing people, laughing, joking, crying and praying.  I had the privilege of conducting her funeral yesterday, she was a saint.

I know that death is a reality, those who seek to deny it only deceive themselves. Even Jesus died, there is no resurrection without death first.  There is almost a death denying cult in the western world.  Many doctors cannot look someone in the eye who has a terminal illness and tell them that the illness or something related to it will kill them.  We often rely on machines to extend life well after they serve any purpose in bringing healing to the patient forgetting that the patient is a person with hopes, dreams and wishes.  Everybody dies…but how do we live?

I also know that there is injustice and poverty in the world, even in our country. I know that innocents suffer because of the choices of powerful nations and individuals, politicians, businessmen, dictators and even religious leaders.  There are times when we have to stand up to injustice, but when we do we must be in the business of reconciliation and not revenge while we advocate for the least, the lost and the lonely, those who have no one to speak for them.

I know people who for whatever reason cannot seem to enjoy life or find happiness. I know people who cannot enjoy friendship with people who are not like them and I am sad for them.  There are people of faith, who dehumanize others who don’t believe like them or live by the tenants of their particular faith. Some of these will actually kill in the name of their God and I am not simply talking about radical Islamic terrorists.  There are plenty of others from every faith tradition who do the same thing.  The Westboro Baptist “God hates Fags” crowd who disrupt funerals of fallen US Servicemen and women saying that their death is God’s judgment on them for serving the United States. They despise the nation and the sacrifices of those that they mock while enjoying the freedom that both give them.  There are people in every religion who do this sort of thing, they dehumanize the people that God has created in his image.  I have seen others who have no faith who mock those with faith and seek to deny them their rights as well.  Both radical secularists and religious radicals are willing to use the power of government to silence  or even persecute those that they disagree with.  Somehow I don’t think that this kind of life is what God intended.

My CPE supervisor during my CPE residency said something to me that resonated then, and still does today. He told me that I had to stop living my life expecting failure and heartache. He said that I could actually write much of my own future by how I look at life and chose to live in faith, hope and dreams, to believe in a good future while remaining grounded in reality.  He opened the future to me, a future full of possibility,exploration and adventure.  A future of hope, friendship and faith.

I’ve learned, and it has been an often painful learning curve, to live and appreciate life and the great gifts that God has given me.  I’ve learned to laugh and live with people and to have friendships beyond what would have been my comfort zone even a few years back.  I’ve also learned that even if I believe something with all my heart it doesn’t necessarily mean that God agrees with me. I had to learn to turn off the incessant voices in the media that seek to divide and destroy their opponents, who in the name of “debate” belittle, silence, attack, dehumanize and sometimes demonize those who disagree with them.  This doesn’t mean that legitimate differences should be pushed aside, but it is a call to civility especially for people that are entrusted with reconciling the world to God.

At dinner with General Sabah in Ramadi

For me life has come to mean community and friendship, finding commonality while recognizing differences.   I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but that’s okay, it is a free country.  I’ll agree to disagree but remain respectful and not become enemies just because of a difference of views. I have chosen to live in this reality.

Peace,

Steve+