Posted a new article to the Padre Steve’s View from 102 blog. No Time for 9th Inning Meltdowns. The link to the blog is here: http://hamptonroads.com/2009/08/no-time-9th-inning-meltdowns
Have a great day!
Peace, Steve+
Posted a new article to the Padre Steve’s View from 102 blog. No Time for 9th Inning Meltdowns. The link to the blog is here: http://hamptonroads.com/2009/08/no-time-9th-inning-meltdowns
Have a great day!
Peace, Steve+
Filed under Baseball
Padre Steve’s View from 102 is now up at the Virginia Pilot-Hampton Roads Online website. The posts unlike here are pretty short and focus on baseball, especially the Norfolk Tides and Baltimore Orioles; heretical sports like football, basketball and hockey, but never NASCAR they relate to life from my view in Section 102, Row B Seat 2 at the Church of Baseball, Harbor Park Parish.
The link is here: http://hamptonroads.com/blogs/padre-steve039s-view-102
Peace, Steve+
Filed under Baseball
Pete Rose Taking out Ray Fosse at Home during the 1970 All Star Game
For the sake of the shear sportiness and terror of it all there is nothing quite as thrilling as getting beaned by a pitcher, creamed by a comebacker or run over by an aggressive runner coming into Second or Home. Likewise catching a bat in the face or head qualifies as somewhat sporty. This was really brought into focus this weekend when three players, the Met’s All-Star Third Baseman and former Norfolk Tides infielder David Wright, Dodgers pitcher Hiroki Kuroda and Texas Rangers Infielder Ian Kinsler took shots in the head on Saturday. Wright was taken down by a 94 MPH fastball from Giants pitcher Matt Cain. I am a Giants fan and the pitch certainly was not intentional but the sight was chilling as the ball hit Wrights helmet and put him on the ground. A video on Wright’s MLB page is linked here: http://mlb.mlb.com/team/player.jsp?player_id=431151
The pitch from Cain was not intentional, just a high and tight fastball that got away from him. However the hit on Wright was brutal, Wright was down for about a minute, was taken to hospital where her was diagnosed with a concussion and could be out for the season. The blast that Kuroda took off of the bat of Arizona Diamondback Rusty Ryal had the potential to kill him. Kuroda also suffered a concussion but never lost consciousness. A video of the play, which was ruled a Ground Rule double as the ball went off of Kuroda’s head into the dugout is here: http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090815&content_id=6445324&vkey=news_la&fext=.jsp&c_id=la
Kinsler took a pitch to the helmet from Fernando Cabrera following a hit on his shoulder. Kinsler remained in the game.
Taking a shot or getting plunked is no fun. Playing in a sandlot game in 3rd grade I took a line drive comebacker to the face. The ball slammed by left check just below my eye and put me down on the ground. I have taken a number of pitches to my body, never any to the head. When I played I saw getting hit by a pitch as a way to raise my On Base Percentage before I even knew what that was. Nonetheless getting balls thrown at you either intentionally or unintentionally does make you a bit nervous. If you have read my blog I admit that I was never much of a hitter. However I have never admitted until now that I didn’t try very hard to get out of the way of inside pitches. I may not been much of a hitter but I was pretty good at going on base either due to walking, getting hit or running out a play at first when a infielder bobbled a ball and couldn’t make a play. Getting hit was the easiest albeit the most painful way to get on base. I wish I had kept stats and charted my at bats when I was a kid playing organized Little League ball. I was probably hit by pitches more than anyone on the team. The other scary or sporty things that I found were taking a bat to the head, which happened to me twice and getting run over by someone bigger than you at Second or Home plate which happened to me in baseball and softball.
The thing that is the terrible thing about what happens when one takes a big hit is that the player is often not the same following the incident. Of particular note what happened to Ray Fosse of the Indians when ran over by Pete Rose in the 1970 All-Star game. Rose plowed over Fosse and has been accused by some of ruining Fosse’s career. The impact is one of the most memorable in All Star Game history, I remember watching the game as my dad cheered Rose, one of his favorite players of all time around third and into Fosse on that final play of that memorable All Star Game. I can feel for Fosse as when I was playing softball in college I was run over by an opposing player at home plate. The impact hurled me back about 6 feet as I was jumping to catch the throw from the outfield which was over my head. I ended up falling on my right hand jamming the arm and breaking a small bone in the wrist ending my season, which patently was the best season I had hitting in either baseball or softball hitting over .300 with 2 triples and 6 doubles. A friend of ours took a picture of the impact which was amazing, as it captured the moment when the opposing player put his shoulder into me with me in the air and ball almost in my glove. Unfortunately I lost my copy of it years ago and the friend has since passed away. I have also been bowled over at Second as opposing players attempted to break up double plays. On that I have given as well as have taken, I have never gone in easy to second if I thought the play might be close.
Another situation was when Tony Conigliaro of the Red Sox was hit on the cheek by a pitch from Angles pitcher Jack Hamilton at Fenway Park on August 18th 1967. He suffered a linear fracture of the left cheekbone and a dislocated jaw with severe damage to his left retina. He made a comeback the following year but was not the same. He played with the California Angels in 1971 in 74 games and 21 games with the Red Sox in 1975.
If player is beaned by one team, or there are several pitches that either hit batters or come close the opposing team might retaliate by going after the other teams better hitters. There is now a pretty good debate going on about this and if things are getting out of control. After having a lot of his players hit by pitches White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen warned opponents that if they hit more of his players that he would have his pitchers retaliate saying “If I see somebody hitting my players and I know it’s on purpose, two guys are going down. I don’t care if I get suspended, I don’t care.” Some were taken aback, but I can understand a manager protecting his players and even rallying them with such words.
Occasionally a catcher will get caught by a bat when a hitter swings. I got caught by one of these in baseball and one in softball. Thankfully both were glancing blows as at that time catchers only had face masks and not protective headgear. I was crowding the batter in both instances and was caught on the wrap around after the batter swung and missed at a pitch. A clean hit might have actually knocked some sense into me. Thankfully the Deity Herself was looking out for me and probably used all of these events to further warp my brain. One day, schedule, Judy and the Deity permitting I will get back into an old guys baseball or softball league. God help us all.
Peace,
Steve+
Filed under Baseball, philosophy
Grainger Stadium Kinston NC
“The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again.” – James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams (1989)
There is something about baseball that is healing. It is part of the fabric of our American culture something that somehow overcomes the political and religious divisions that so divide our country right now. We were at Gordon Biersch watching the last couple of innings of a qualification game for the Little League World series between a team from Peabody Massachusetts and one from Rhode Island. It was one of those magical games that ended with a walk-off Grand-Slam home run in the bottom of the 6th. It triggered a flood of memories for me and ait got Judy, the Abby Normal Abbess and I talking about some of our own expereinces travelling the country and watching baseball.
I love the game of baseball especially going to a ballpark and seeing a game. The experience of this for me has been life-long though difficult to continue from about 1983-1999 due to a tour in Germany with the Army a very difficult four years of seminary followed by residency, my first hospital job where I worked the second shift, a mobilized tour in Germany prior to coming in the Navy in early 1999. During those years getting to games was a rare event, either due to time or money. Despite this we as a couple got to a few games and I got in a couple on my own when traveling. Thankfully, Judy, the Abby Normal Abbess tolerates and even joins me in my own baseball journey.
When I went into the Navy and moved to North Carolina that began to change. North Carolina of course is the setting of the classic baseball movie Bull Durham and once can visit some of the same ballparks as are shown in the movie. The adventure of going to the ballpark again became a regular part of our lives. It began in a little town in Eastern North Carolina called Kinston, the home of the Kinston Indians. Kinston is a town that has seen better times, but the Indians, or the K-Tribe as they are known is part of the lifeblood of the community. They play in Grainger Stadium, which though an older ballpark is still a great place to watch a game. The Indians Carolina League which is advanced “A” ball and for a number of years dominated that League. When were stationed in Camp LeJeune we would make the trip to Kinston on a regular basis when I was in town. At the time the Indians farm system was producing a lot of great prospects, many who now are major leaguers, including Grady Sizemore, Jhonny Peralta Shane Victorino and Victor Martinez. When we left LeJeune we were stationed a brief time in Jacksonville Florida, where we lived very close to the Baseball Grounds of Jacksonville, home of the Jacksonville Suns then the Los Angeles Dodgers AA affiliate in the Southern League. The ballpark is a great venue to see a game and the Suns management led by Peter Bragan and Peter Bragan Jr. who are part of a great baseball family run a great show, and the Dodgers staff was a class organization. I got to meet Tommy Lasorda in Jacksonville as well as Steve Yeager. I have 2 game worn special issue jerseys from the Suns. When we moved to Norfolk in 2003 the season was already over but beginning on opening day of 2004 I began to worship at the Church of Baseball, Harbor Park Parish. This if you follow this site is the home of the Norfolk Tides. Ever since then I have had the opportunity to see the game close up on a very regular basis.
In addition to attending the games near us we would travel and see other games. We would make trips down to Kinston from Virginia. Once we went to a reunion of a singing group, the Continental Singers and Orchestra that I ran spotlight for back in 1979 which was being held in Kansas City. On the way we saw a game in Louisville with the Louisville Bats, followed by a game in Cedar Rapids Iowa where we saw the Cedar Rapids Kernels play the Battle Creek Yankees and followed it with a trip to the “Field of Dreams” outside Dyersville, where that film was made. Judy indulged me by playing catch with me on the field and taking my picture coming out of the cornfield. It was almost; well it was a spiritual experience. Occasionally when we visit Huntington West Virginia we try to see the West Virginia Power in Charleston.
Until I went to Iraq Judy and I used to take trips to Minor League ballparks around our Wedding anniversary. We would take about four or five days and travel city to city to see some of the most fascinating baseball venues around. We haven’t made a trip like that, even outside the wedding anniversary in a while mainly due to time as my much leave time has been spent going home to assist with my parents, especially the past 18 months where my dad’s Alzheimer’s Disease has progressed to the point of him being in a nursing home on palliative care. Despite that I would always try to find time to see a game when in Stockton. Before Iraq we would see the Stockton Ports in Billy Herbert Field. The Ports now play in Banner Island Ballpark which is a great place to see a game. If the Ports have not been in town we have occasionally been able to see the Giants, the A’s or the Sacramento River Cats, the AAA affiliate of the A’s.
The anniversary trips took us to some of the most interesting places to see games. I have already mentioned Kinston where on one of our anniversaries we got to throw out the first pitch. We have also travelled to Winston-Salem, when they were the Warthogs and Charlotte home of the Knights, the AAA affiliate of the White Sox. Actually, Charlotte’s stadium is just down the road a way in Round Rock South Carolina. We got rained out in Winston-Salem as a major storm hit at game time. To our north we have been up to Frederick Maryland, home of the Frederick Keys, the Carolina League affiliate of the Orioles and Harrisburg Pennsylvania to see the Harrisburg Senators, the Montreal Expos-Washington Senators AA Eastern League affiliate at Metro-Bank Park on City Island. This park was used in the movie Major League II as the Spring Training facility. There were two really cool things that happened at Harrisburg which was on our anniversary. First we saw Phillies Slugger Ryan Howard about tear the cover off a ball hitting a double down the right field line and the General Manager had a ball autographed for us by the team. That was really cool. Likewise when Atlanta still had its Richmond affiliate, the Richmond Braves, we made a number of trips to “The Diamond” in Richmond. This was the worst stadium I had ever watched a game in, though the team was always good. We saw a playoff game there in 2004 between the Braves and the Columbus Clippers, who were then the Yankees AAA affiliate. Sitting behind home plate I saw Jason Giambi play for the Clippers on a rehab assignment.
I have done some parks on my own when travelling. Any time I have been on the road in baseball season and have the chance I try to see the local team if circumstances permit. I have seen a number of games in the Pacific Northwest seeing two Seattle Mariners short season single A Northwest League affiliate the Everett Aquasox and AAA Pacific Coast League affiliate the Tacoma Rainiers. Everett is an especially interesting place to see a game. The games are well attended and the team management has some great promotions including “Frogfest” where the team wears tie-dyed jerseys and there is a kind of 1960s hippy theme. The Rainiers play in Cheney Stadium in Tacoma. In Tacoma I saw Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez pitch his first AAA game. Both Everett and Tacoma are nice places to see a game. While on the USS Hue City at the Maine Lobster Festival I worked a deal with festival organizers to get tickets for our sailors for two games watching the Portland Seadogs the AA affiliate of the Boston Red Sox. When the Seadogs hit a home run a lighthouse rises up from behind the fence and a foghorn sounds.
However the two most interesting place that we have seen games together are Ashville North Carolina, the home of the Ashville Tourists and Zebulon North Carolina home of the Carolina Mudcats. Ashville has quite a history with McCormack Field dating back until 1919. The grandstand was rebuilt a number of years back, but the playing field is the same. The outfield wall backs up into a tree covered hillside into which home runs hit at night almost seem to dissolve. Zebulon is another matter. The stadium is about a mile out of town surrounded by farm fields. When you drive to it down US 64 from Raleigh the stadium almost seems to emerge from nowhere as if it were beamed down from a orbiting starship. It is a fairly new stadium and very modern a great place to see a game. We went there to see the Mudcats, who were then the Marlins AA Southern League affiliate play the Mississippi Braves. We got to the stadium and found that somehow I had left our tickets at home. Since the game was in an hour and home was bout a 6-8 hour round trip I knew that going home to get them was not an option. So I went to the ticket manager and explained the situation. He had remembered taking my ticket order by phone as we had talked about shared military experiences. He was able to print us duplicates for the seats that we had previously purchased and we saw the game, as always from down behind home plate. In this game we saw Braves All Star catcher Brian McCann play the week before he was called up to Atlanta.
I hope that we have some time next year to make at least one trip out to see some other Minor League venues. They are a lot of fun and part of the fabric of our country and somehow I believe if we reconnect in these locations, watching this timeless game that maybe just maybe we can overcome the emnity of all that divides our country and learn to be Americans again. We will never all agree on politics, religion, domestic, foreign or economic policy. No Americans ever have, but we can discover what it means again, through this wonderful game called baseball. I do think that the Deity Herself approves of all of these local parishes of the Church of Baseball scattered about our land. At the same time I always have my place in Section 102, Row B Seat 2 at Harbor Park.
Peace, Steve+
Note: This is a substantial re-write of a post that I did toward the beginning of this site. At the time I had very few readers and of course it had very few views. I think sometimes there are times in life when you have to go back to things that are important. Revisiting the better times in the past is sometimes a way for me to get through the more difficult days of the present. My dad has been in End Stage Alzheimer’s Disease for some time now. He is down to 112 pounds and when I last saw him in May was only occasionally able to have any meaningful communication and I was blessed to get a few minutes on a couple of consecutive days where we had conversation s that bordered on better times. The funny thing they revolved around baseball for for dad and me was a point of connection through most of our lives. If we could talk about nothing else, there was always baseball. I have been kind of down about his condition lately as he for all intents and purposes hangs between life and death, not really the man that I knew, the man who taught me to love the game of baseball. My mom and I talked this week and she asked when I was coming out next. The thing is I don’t know. I just had to tell her that we would wait and see.
Me with Lefty Phillips of the California Angels in 1970
Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” George Will
Baseball has always been a source of enjoyment for me. I’ve noted in numerous other posts that God speaks to me through baseball. For me there is something mystical about the game. It extends beyond the finite world in some respects and there is symmetry to the sport unlike any other. George Will’s quote at the beginning of this post is dead on. Not all holes or games are created equal.
My First Ball Field, Oak Harbor Washington
Though I had played Little League Ball in the 1960s and well as a lot of backyard or sandlot games, it was 1970-1971 when my dad began taking us to California Angels games while stationed in Long Beach California that the game really captured me. The seed of course had been planted long before games on a black and white TV, playing catch, teaching me to throw, field and run the bases. We even saw the Seattle Pilots in person while stationed in Washington State. While my dad thrived on all sports, baseball was the one that he gave me as a gift. He gave my brother golf, another spiritual game, which Zen masters love, but which is not to be compared with baseball because it is not in its purest form a team sport.
Oak Park Little League 1972 American League “Rams” I am at top left
Growing up with baseball was something that I cannot imagine have not done. It was part of life from as far back as I can remember and this was because dad made it so. It kind of reminds me of the beginning of the movie For the Love of the Game where home movies of a child playing ball with dad are shown during the opening credits and score. I can close my eyes and remember vivid details of ball fields and backyards where dad would play catch with me play pepper and fungo and teach me to pitch. He never did much with hitting. When I had him in a brief lucid moment when I visited in May I thanked him for teaching me to love the game, told him I still heard his voice telling me to keep my butt down on ground balls and that he did not teach me to hit. He simply said “you can’t teach someone to hit, it’s a gift, lots of people can’t hit.”
I wonder if my Dad felt this way at times?
Those days at Anaheim Stadium when it was called “the Big A” due to the scoreboard shaped like a large “A” with a halo ringing the top were magical. I met players, got signed balls and hats, and was even selected as a runner up in the “My Favorite Angel” contest. For that I met my favorite Angel, First Baseman Jim Spencer a Golden Glove Winner who later played for the White Sox and Yankees, and two tickets behind home plate. I met Spence at the game as well as an autograph signing at a local Von’s grocery store. When trying to look him up in 2003 I found that he had passed away on February 10th 2002 while I was deployed. He wasn’t very old, only 54 dying of a heart attack. Before his death he was lending his expertise to the Naval Academy baseball team. In 15 years in the majors in which he played in 1450 games and only made 55 errors, a .995 fielding percentage, one of the best in baseball. During the 1970’s he was considered one of the premier defensive First Basemen in the game. He played in the 1973 All-Star Game, won the Gold Glove in 1970 and 1977 and played on the Yankee’s 1978 World Series team. He was one of my favorite players growing up. I think that is why I like sitting behind the plate in my little world of Section 102, Row B, Seat 2 at Harbor Park so much now.
Jim Spencer’s 1979 Signed Yankee Card, I have one of these
When we moved to northern California we reconnected with the San Francisco Giants and the Oakland A’s. This was during the A’s dynasty years and we saw a number of games including an ALCS game against the Tigers. Seeing the greats like Catfish Hunter, Reggie Jackson, Rollie Fingers, Campy Campaneris and Vida Blue was awesome. However our first love was the Giants. We only occasionally got to Candlestick Park where they played in those days. Candlestick if you have ever been there is a miserable place to see a game for nothing else that it is colder than hell, if hell were cold. One game we did see was Ed Halicki’s no-hitter against the Mets in 1975.
Ed Halicki’s No-Hitter, Dad took me to this
While dad was deployed to Vietnam my mom would drop me off at Billy Herbert Field in Stockton California where we lived and let me see the Stockton Ports who were then the California League single A affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles. Those games were always fun. I remember talking to Orioles great Paul Blair when he visited a military base that I was serving and he told me how he remembered playing in Stockton as a minor leaguer.
My Childhood Haunt, Billy Hebert Field, Stockton CA, former home of the Stockton Ports
In high school and college due to other diversions I stopped playing baseball and did not have as much contact with it. However it never completely left me, I always longed to be either playing in or watching a game.
Other major sports do not hold me captive the way baseball does. I think there is the nearly spiritual dimension that the game has which makes it timeless. Other sports such as football, basketball, hockey and soccer are limited to rectangular playing surfaces of set dimensions determined by their leagues. With the exception of a few old hockey rinks there are no individuality to these venues, save perhaps for team or sponsor logos. Likewise all of the other sports play a set time clock. If a team gets way ahead early, it is likely that the game will be over. While it is possible that a game could go into “overtime” the overtime in these games has different rules than regulation time. “Sudden death” “Shootouts” and truncated times show that these games are not meant to go past regulation time. It is an aberration from what is considered “normal.” In these games a team with a big lead can simply sit on the ball and run out the clock. Earl Weaver put it well: “You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You’ve got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.”
Baseball is not like that. In order to win you have to throw the ball over the plate and give the other team a chance to come back. The nine innings could in theory go on for eternity, as they nearly do in W.P. Kinsella’s The Iowa Baseball Confederacy, A story which is patently eschatological, though not in a pre-millennial dispensationalist manner. Foul lines in theory go on for eternity, only the arbitrary placement of the outfield wall and the physical limitation of hitters keep the game within earthly limits. I’m sure that outfields are a lot more spacious and have a wonderful playing surface in heaven.
Save for the late 1960s and early 1970s when fascists took over the design of stadiums in order to make them suitable to play football on, baseball parks have had their individuality. Outfield dimensions, type of grass, the kind of infield and warning track soil which is used, are all determined by the team. Some fields cater to hitters, others pitchers. And with the overthrow of the stadium fascists at Baltimore’s Camden Yards, the baseball park regained its dignity. Gone were the ugly, drab oval stadiums, fields covered in often shoddy artificial turf. The unsightly and even hideous venues such as Riverfront, Three Rivers, Veteran’s Stadium and others, even dare I say the Astrodome and Kingdome were demolished and made nice piles of rubble, replaced by beautiful ballparks each with its own unique character that reflect the beauty of the game.
Jeff Fiorentino Hits Three Run Homer at Harbor Park, my view from 102
This year for the first time in my life I bought season tickets for my local AAA team, the Norfolk Tides who are the AAA Affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles. I also went Norfolk’s Harbor Park to see the Commonwealth Classic an exhibition game between the Baltimore Orioles and Washington Nationals. Harbor Park was one of the first of the new generation of minor league parks and a wonderful place to see a game, or as I like to say “Worship at the Church of Baseball.” When Harbor Park was built the Tides were affiliated with the New York Mets. As such the outfield dimensions are nearly identical to the former Shea Stadium, making it a very large yard and pitchers playground. The outfield backs up to the East Fork of the Elizabeth River, shipyards and bridges dominate the view. There is not a bad seat in the house. Since coming back from Iraq the ballpark is one of the few places that I have been able to consistently go where I am at peace, not hyper-vigilant and anxiety free. In a way my season ticket has been both therapeutic and pretty essential to me getting a bit better in the past year. Last year when the minor league season ended it was difficult. I am not looking forward to 6 months without a ball game here.
Opening Day at Harbor Park: One of the few places of peace in dealing with my PTSD
With every home game the gift that my father gave me begins to unfolds again as I gaze in wonderment at the diamond. This year is different; my dad is in a nursing home in the end stage of Alzheimer’s disease. Last year he still knew enough of what was going on to talk about baseball, especially the San Francisco Giants and bad mouth the American League. Dad was always National League fan and he loathes the designated hitter. He used to call the American League the “minor league.” He told me stories about the greats of his childhood and he was an avid fan of Pete Rose, he loved his high intensity play and hustle, something that he passed on to me. I can still recall him yelling at me to “get your butt down,” “stay in front of the ball,” “hustle down the line any time you hit the ball” and “don’t be afraid to run over a catcher or go in hard to break up a double play.” Rose’s banishment from baseball for gambling hit him hard. I guess it was for him like the banishment of “Shoeless Joe” Jackson and for me the agony of the Steroid Era which was a stain on game but now is now history. Unfortunately it is being used by self-righteous politicians a bureaucrats to make baseball and baseball players look bad so they can look good. At this point I say reinstate Shoeless Joe and Pete Rose and stop with the endless illegal leaks of documents and alleged positive tests of players whose names are being leaked out one or two at a time. I think my dad would say the same now, if only he could.
My Dad Carl and I, May 2009 Giants fans to the end
Dad gave me a gift, a gift called the game, the game of baseball. Sure, it’s only just a game. Right… Baseball is only a game in the sense of the Grand Canyon just being a hole in the ground and the Pacific Ocean a pond. I’m sure that the Deity Herself must agree.
Peace, Steve+
Filed under alzheimer's disease, Baseball, Loose thoughts and musings

I love Yogi Berra quotes. Somehow so much of what he said, even most of the things that he never said really resonate with my warped mind. Somehow the illogical logic makes sense and I stop and say, damn…why didn’t I think of that?
I quote him here because it is absolutely amazing how much more observant I am in daily life having served in Iraq and come home with a nice case of PTSD, a bit of anxiety, hyper-vigilance and insomnia. I used to fret about the PTSD, anxiety and the rest of the stuff. It did bother me and I guess it still does, but the insomnia gives me time to write and the hyper-vigilance really helps on the Interstate Highways of the Norfolk, Virginia Beach and greater Hampton Roads metro area.
Now I have been noticing this in the past month more than even at the height of my crash. Back then I had all these things but was way too gooned up to even figure out what they meant. I was talking with my Vietnam Veterans of America buddies Ray and John the Beer Men the other night at Harbor Park. They man the beer stand behind home plate that sells Gordon Biersch Märzen and Bock, Yuengling Lager, Shock Top, Miller Lite and Micholob Ultra. I of course will have either the Märzen or the Yuengling depending on my mood, since the Märzen is a premium beer you get less of it for the same price. Anyway I digress….I was talking to these guys, both of who served in Vietnam about how much more aware of what is going on around me than I was before. And it seems that although I seem to be doing better most of the time that I am more geared up than I was a few months ago. I am noticing everything and when I’m driving I can sense the danger of the idiot driver careening across four lanes of traffic not signaling and talking on a cell phone while eating a hamburger even before I see him. This was the case on my way home several times this week. I could sense things going on before they happened. It used to be prior to Iraq that Judy would see or sense these things before I ever would; now the foot is in the other shoe. Ray and John tell me, as does Elmer the Shrink, that this is a normal reaction to perceived danger. Now I do understand his intellectually, I have read books and gone to seminars about PTSD and Combat Stress at the same time what is going on still makes me think. I was telling Ray and John, half-jokingly that it was almost like “using the force.” I mentioned to Judy and a friend that it almost seemed that I could drive with a blindfold and still get through safely like the Jedi train the Padwan’s to do. Of course I am not stupid and will never try this out unless perhaps I buy an x-box or wii with a driving program and do it in the comfort of my living room.
In a CH-46 over Al Anbar in a rare day flight
So with the hyper-vigilance I am in the zone so to speak. My mind and body feel more closely connected than ever before. I notice changes in my body, hear better and am alert to anything. Now lately I must be even more spun up than before and I don’t rightly know what is causing it. I will have to go down and discuss this with Elmer the Shrink. The part that is different now is that my spunuppedness now includes a pretty good startle reflex. This is new, I had a bit of one probably since I was halfway through my tour, and now it is much worse. So I’ve been thinking about how my dad came back from Vietnam. Before he left he was pretty intense but he could relax. Unless he was really provoked he seldom got angry.
After he returned from his Vietnam tour and then deployed again for 11 months barely five months after his return from Vietnam he was way different. He was much more angry, drank heavily, and his startle reflex was out of this world. He would talk about being “nervous as a cat.” He never talked to a pastor or therapist about anything, never re-connected with the people that he served with and did not go to veteran groups for any real socialization. He seldom talked about his experiences and when he did he shared little. I think I can understand why now, the thoughts, feelings and sensations are intense and often unnerving. Sometimes they are downright frightful. Maybe that is why it is so hard to get to sleep.

I have become very aware of surroundings as well as myself and that has made me better at my vocation as a chaplain and Priest. I notice body language, eye movement, choices of words as well as non verbal cues when talking with a person and I can sense things going on in ways I could not have done before. So I observe a lot more simply by watching and I hope that I have not contributed to any lack of miscommunication by my readers tonight in writing about this rather surreal subject.
Peace, Steve+
Post Script: The Tides might be getting things back together, they won their third straight and are back to 2 games behind the Wild Card Gwinnett Braves and 3 games behind Division leading Durham.
Filed under Baseball, iraq,afghanistan, PTSD, vietnam
The Website of Historian, Author and Priest Steve Dundas
Dr. Rex .... Blogging for change.
What is the right question?
A former cop taking on tough subjects
A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.
Personal ramblings and rants of a somewhat twisted mind
Toronto, Los Angeles.....and now CHICAGO. LOGAN Cinemas in midtown Chicago.
A liberal that believes in facts.
Life After Retirement
Devotionals, Opinion, General Musings
Observations about my life and the world around me.
Just another WordPress.com weblog
Living nonviolently in a violent world
Cogito Ergo Sum
Souvenons-nous