Category Archives: philosophy

July 29, 2009 · 22:31

Breaking Slumps and Losing Streaks

Fiorentino HR against Colon Jeff Fiorentino, seen here Hitting a Home Run off Bartolo Colon has Come up Big for the Norfolk Tides in 2009

The Norfolk Tides came home Tuesday after their worst road trip of the season in which they fell behind both the Durham Bulls and Gwinett Braves. When things are not going well for a team, organization or individual it seems that events almost conspire against them. It was that way for the Tides, errors and bad decisions at the plate, on the base paths and the field plagued them over the road trip. The problems continued on Tuesday where the Tides lost their 9^th of the last 10 games. Now it was not that the team was bad, they made some great comebacks but fell short each time sometimes in heartbreaking ways.

Tonight after getting out to an early lead the Tides were behind 5-2 in the bottom of the 7^th. Elliott the Usher and I as well as Barry the Scorekeeper wondered what was happening. It seemed that there was no energy on the team. Unfortunately when a team, organization, military unit or individual gets on a losing streak it is hard to get motivated, especially when you come close but come up short. I remember being told in my Pastoral Care Residency that I had to stop believing that things were going to be difficult or that I would always come up short. My supervisor told me that I had the power to actually envision a positive future and make things happen to see it come into being. Now I have always been a fighter and even a survivor, but being a survivor doesn’t necessarily make you a winner.

The Tides picked up 2 in the 7^th as Robby Hammock led off with a hit and Tides hitters Blake Davis, Joey Gathright and Jeff Fiorentino brought the runs across with key hits. Brandon Snyder singled to drive in Victor Diaz and tie the game the game in the 8^th. Tides reliever Alberto Castillo came in at the top of the 9^th and shut down the Indians after getting into a jam after giving up a hit and an error by 3^rd Baseman Brandon Snyder.

Sometimes the key to breaking a losing streak is in how one player can raise help lift the team. Following the promotion of Matt Wieters, Nolan Reimold and Oscar Salazar to the Orioles and the loss of Scott Moore, Jolbert Cabrerra to season ending injuries and temporary absences to injury of Justin Turner and Joey Gathright, it was Jeff Fiorentino that stepped up. He now stands near the top of the International League in hitting with a .315 batting average and has been a clutch player offensively and defensively. Tonight Jeff went four for four with a walk, drove in a run in the 7^th. Hecame to bat with one out in the 9^th to single to drive Justin Turner in for the winning run. It broke the losing streak and hopefully will begin a rebound for the Tides. Since the Tides have played well the bulk of the season even allowing for significant numbers of call ups and injuries it is well possible that they will turn things around. It was significant that other Tides were involved in the comeback and that instead of giving in to going through the motions they came together to win. The team still has a lot of heart and character and still can only continue to get better.

May we all do the same, with a little help from the Deity Herself.

On a side note, Tides pitcher Chris Tillman had his first Major League start in Baltimore against Kansas City. He had a no decision but the Orioles won the game 7-3. Former Tides relievers Matt Albers came in in the 5th to hold the Royals and Jim Johnson got the save. Baltimore continues to get great performance out of the pitchers called up from Norfolk this year.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under Baseball, leadership, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy

Tagged as alberto castillo, baltimore Orioles, barry the scorekeeper, brandon snyder, chris tillman, durham bulls, elliott the usher, gwinnett braves, indianapolis indians, international league, jeff fiorentino, jim johnson, joey gathright, jolbert Cabrera, justin turner, matt albers, matt wieters, nolan Reimold, norfolk tides, oscar salazar, robby hammock, scott moore, victor diaz

July 27, 2009 · 20:45

Going to War: Ministry amid Training

Two years ago my group of Individual Augmentees was leaving Ft Jackson South Carolina on the way to Kuwait, which was our final training site before going on to our assignments in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait and other locations in the CENTCOM Area of Operations. In the two weeks prior to our departure we received training in a number of areas, especially weapons which I was exempted from as a Chaplain, though I did fire the crew served weapons for the fun of it. I wasn’t always a chaplain and have a hard time not enjoying a Mk 19 Automatic Grenade Launcher, M-240 series machine gun or the classic .50 caliber Machine Gun. Since I used to call in 155mm Artillery fire these are little guns, but still fun to play with. When you are chaplain and are exempted from actual training it does not mean that it is time to go to the Food Court at the Post Exchange to chow down on Pizza and Ice Cream. Ministry abounds if you want to go hang out. One of the fun things about hanging out with Navy guys unfamiliar with small arms is to watch them trying to clean them and get them past an Army armorer in an Arms Room. To see the looks of shock as my fellow sailors brought back their M-16s and M-9s for more cleaning. They had not yet learned the dirty little secret that a good armorer can find things dirty on a weapon that you didn’t even know existed. It was at this point with me calmly pointing out tricks of the trade that a physician who I had gotten to know looked at me and said: “Chaplain, you were in the Army weren’t you?” He looked at me as several others who had just had their weapons rejected stopped what they were doing and waited for my response.

I was kind; I acknowledged that indeed I had served in the Army and that I was not always a Chaplain. I then looked at the physician and said “Give me the weapon.” I took it from him, broke it down and gave a quick lecture on how to clean a weapon of the M-16 series. The dirty secret on these things is that you almost never get your weapon through the inspector on the first try. There are more places for carbon to hide on an M-16 than places you can find Waldo. Thus a good inspector knowing that he has a bunch of novices coming through simply rejects every weapon. I think that it builds character. I showed those around me all the little places where carbon was hiding on this officer’s weapon and how to get it clean to pass inspection. Knowing such things gives you additional “street cred” as a chaplain as you go off to war. It shows that you care about what your guys have to do enough to teach them. This is really vital when your Navy or Air force guys are training with the Army. It opened doors to ministry with these men and women. So if any of my deploying friends need some pointers on the care and feeding of an M-16 let me know.

Additionally, ministry seems to happen when you stay engaged with people. I was blessed that two additional chaplains, Commander Kyle Fauntleroy and Command Dave Rodriguez who were heading off to manage the “Warrior Transition” program in Kuwait. Together we figured out how best to care for our sailors including how we did services as well as counseling. We had a pretty good amount of business. It seems that life and tragedy happens even in training. We had a young hospital corpsman who was diagnosed with Leukemia during our first week there. Both the Navy chain of command and Army trainers expected us, in between and after training to make sure that she and her family were cared for. Other sailors found out that their husbands, wives or significant others were cheating on them. Still others were hurt in training accidents and could not deploy. In every case one or more of us took care of the sailor in question. It was a community of individuals that for a brief two weeks began to gel together despite the fact that when the training was completed we would go separate directions, some for more training at other bases and others directly to the Middle East.

Apart from the young woman with Leukemia the most notable thing that I got to do was baptize a young Navy Reserve Intelligence Officer who had been raised in the Episcopal Church but who’s parents had forgotten to have him baptized…oops. The subject came up when he became engaged to a Catholic girl. He needed to prove that he was a baptized Christian, only problem when he went to his parish they could find no record. So he inquired of his parents when he learned of the “oops we should have done that” situation. I like to baptize people, they way we do it you don’t have to wear hip-waders or make up anything because it is all in the Prayer Book so it’s not that hard. So I did it on our last Sunday morning with his fiancé present. It was really cool. The young officer had the bunk next to me in the barracks so we had gotten to know each other during conversations as we checked or put together equipment, packed gear, washed clothes or went to chow. He was very smart and friends as well as unassuming. When asked what he did in civilian life he simply said that he worked intelligence and foreign policy in DC. I figured as most would infer that the young man was with the CIA or DIA or some other outfit. We saw each other a couple of times as Nelson and I traveled about Al Anbar Province the last time in the Wal-Mart sized chow hall number three at Al Asad as we waited for a flight out west. After I returned and was having my PTSD meltdown I found that the young man was then Senator Barak Obama’s senior National security adviser. We had stayed in touch in the following months but finding out this was a surprise. We have remained in touch and he now serves as Chief of Staff for the National Security Council. I think it’s cool that he is up there working with General Jones on the NSC. He’s a good man who despite his high position remains active in the Naval Reserve. He is doing well in his marriage and remains in contact with guys like me. It makes me even more prayerful for him as he advises the NSC and President. It was one of those moments when I knew that the Deity Herself had placed me in a person’s life that due to his office needs prayer more than we can imagine.

Ministry of all types continued to happen our entire time at Fort Jackson, we dealt with family deaths, birth notifications and medical emergencies. We counseled, prayed and assisted sailors in need and looked out for each other. Nelson was engaged not only receiving training but also giving it having run something like 400 convoys in Afghanistan. He ended up as one of the honor graduates and won a leadership award from the Army staff. It is really great to have an assistant of Nelson’s caliber when you go to war. As we got ready to leave Ft Jackson my young friend went off for more specific training at another base with many of the other Intelligence Officers and specialists. Nelson and I packed up our gear, stacked it and helped load trucks which would take us to our flight.

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Filed under iraq,afghanistan, leadership, Military, philosophy, Tour in Iraq

Tagged as baptism, barak obama, cia, dia, fort jackson sc, general james jones, m-16 rifle, m-9 pistol, ministry, national security council, nelson lebron, PTSD, weapons cleaning, weapons training

July 25, 2009 · 23:46

Offensively Offending the Chronically Offended

We live in a country that has transformed itself into one of the thinnest skinned, easily offended and offendable bunch of folks in the world. It doesn’t seem to matter what political affiliation, religion, race, gender, socio-economic group or Dodger’s fan a person is now days they are bound to be offended at something. However, we now seem to live where almost everyone is offended at something and it matters not a whit what it may be, hell I even offend myself sometimes. There are some people who almost seem to live with a chip on their shoulder. They are the chronically offended who are quite often easily offensively offended. While most of the time trying not to give offense I have been known to offend the chronically offended, the merely offendable, and even the totally unaware with twisted or sarcastic comments and oddball humor which Judy tells me is not always as funny as I think it is. Nonetheless there are patently many people who are both chronically offended and very angry. I am assured by the Deity Herself that such is not a good and virtuous combination. Especially on those occasions when I am one of the guilty parties questioning the parentage and Oedipal tendencies of the idiots who move across four lanes of traffic without signaling on I-264. At times I wish this was Iraq in 2007 so my turret gunner or RP2 Lebron could shoot them. Thankfully my newly honed skills using the force that I developed in Iraq, which I am told is actually hyper vigilance, does allow me to sense and avoid these Kamikazes before I even see them.

I remember once when I was a civilian hospital chaplain and stopped by a grocery store to pick up some food to take to work. An older gentleman was going toward the sliding automated door and out of simple politeness I said “Sir, please, after you.” Hell, the way I walk, which is as those who see me rapidly racing down the long halls of our medical center without breaking into a jog can testify is pretty fast, it was a safety thing too. I could have run the gentleman down had I not stopped to let him through first. That would not have been cool. I could have seen the newspaper headline in that town:

LOCAL HOSPITAL AND ARMY RESERVE CHAPLAIN SLAMS ELDERLY MAN TO GROUND TRYING TO BEAT HIM THROUGH KROGER DOOR

That would not have been good. The man, instead of smiling and thanking me stops in front of the door, turns around and says: “Why are you calling me sir? Why are you disrespecting me?” He said it very loud, very sharply and I was wondering what the hell was going on. So I kind of defused the situation by using humor. I said, “Sir, I call everybody sir, even ma’ams.” The man cocked his head, gave me the most confused look that I could imagine shook his head and went through the door. I didn’t know that being polite and respectful could be taken as offensive and disrespectful. Maybe when some young guy does that to me someday I will understand. Of course only after whack him with my tazer from my motorized scooter because I think he is being disrespectful and watch him writhing in pain and twitching all over the place.

I knew a young Chaplain who was spouting off in a public forum once in a manner that did not offend me, but which I thought if certain other people read it could affect him and his career in a negative manner. This is no one that I have worked with past or present, only someone that I happen to know in passing. I was concerned for the young man, so I contacted him just to let him know to be careful. I was surprised at the venom with which he reacted to my comment which was only meant to help keep him out of potential trouble. No good deed goes unpunished. Maybe he will go to a self-help course, but then again, selves are very difficult to help.

Now I think everyone at some time has been offended by something or someone. Crap we are human; we can’t help but be, though I do find the Romulan that resides in me very appealing. However, to live my life is a perpetual state of offendedness is something that I refuse to do, even though I both give and take offense probably every day, especially during the morning or afternoon commute. Hell, judging by the number of people I have lost as friends on Facebook after I have written articles on this site I know I give offense, even when I don’t mean to. Mea Culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa, pray for me a sinner.

Our offendedness is not helped by the litigious nature of our society where lawsuits are as common as business suits. Someone gets offended and someone sues them. Then someone else gets offended and sues and pretty soon Anne Coulter and Keith Olberman are mud wrestling on Larry King Live, while the ladies on The View come to fisticuffs. Pretty soon offensensitivity reigns and it is like half the country are Frank and Estelle Costanza. What is bad about this is that people are now so spun up by the loudest and most shrill accusatory voices in the media and society that it is hard to turn off. Politics especially has become venom filled and hatred driven. A lot of our electorate is now so polarized and offended by anything anyone else says that there is almost a civil war going on. Albeit this is a without weapons marching armies and crashing cannon, but instead one waged with great energy on the airwaves and the internet. There is occasional talk of secession or armed revolt by one side or the other depending on who’s in power. Politicians and political parties are no longer opponents, they are mortal enemies. Often times interest groups within the various parties opt for a no-quarter approach to how they do business to advance their cause and push their parties further to the extreme. Caricatures and sound bites suffice for truth for many people regardless of them being on the left or right wing of the body politic. It is true at least as far as practice that the extremists in both major parties have more in common with each other than they do the middle where traditionally most Americans live.

Thus with a highly divided, hypersensitive and easily offended populace we are heading for big trouble unless people stop taking themselves so seriously and get about with finding a way to cooperate and make things work. I know that is important to remain principled, but there is also a duty to be civil and respectful even when critical of a person’s position or presentation.

I was reminded of this fact recently when I criticized a pastor’s non-theological remarks on this site. My criticism was unduly harsh and cynical in tone. When this was pointed out I modified the article to make the same point without purposely sky lining the individual in what could be seen in a disrespectful, uncharitable and even un-Christian fashion. I may be a passionate moderate but it is important for me to keep a sense of decorum in what otherwise could be an unseemly brawl. The criticism of how I handled the initial post was valid and sometimes I have to tell myself that restraint, respect and civility is a virtue, even if I think I am right. So please don’t take offense if you deem me offensive or if I have offended the chronically offendable. After all, restraint, respect and civility are one the one thing that separates us from the Cable News Media, prickly pundits and Talk Show Hosts.

Peace, Steve+

Post Script: A friend sent me an e-mail which made a point that I want to ensure that my readers understand. He reminded me that people “would really discern the difference between having a “bad day” response to a situation and those who, perpetuate the historical hatred both past and present of our nation….And then attempt to minimize actions/responses through humor or referring to others as “hypersensitive….this article missed the mark and seemingly inferred …a mocking of responses toward inequality and hatred.”

Of course I assured him that in no way was I at all minimize such actions or refer to those who have been the target of hatred, injustice and discrimination as “hyper-sensitive” or mock actual repsonses to inequity and hatred, regardless of who it is directed toward. That is something that I could never do. The post is a more humorous look at how divided our country has become and how in our dividedness everything is now offensive to someone. Peace, Steve+

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Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, Political Commentary

Tagged as anne coulter, bloom county, chaplains, dodgers, facebook, frank and estelle costanza, i-264, iraq, kamikazes, keith olberman, larry king live, offensensitivity, opus, politicians, romulans, turret gunner

July 23, 2009 · 19:34

Loose Thoughts: Can Somebody Tell Me What Sleep is and Why the Old Crap? Why not New Crap?

bean church 1 Mr Bean Trying to Stay Awake in Church. I can Really Relate See the video at

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7178785146631188901&ei=UthpSvKcCpv-qAOCyJAd&q=mr+bean+in+church&hl=en

Tuesday and Wednesday were days where the old Crap both my own life and others kept rising to the top. My current and crap, which in reality is my old crap move to the present are my PTSD related issues or maybe it’s the whole damned subscription. My stuff came up, because as Elmer the Shrink says that they have been suppressed by my brain and get dredged up by stuff that triggers them. Thus it is kind of involuntary, something that I hate. I am a deliberate and logical person and I don’t like this stuff coming up and screwing with my life, which right now is pretty busy and stressful.

Tuesday night I had the “privilege” of getting two and a half hours of sleep after a great seminar on Caregiver Operational Stress management and intervention. I was proud of myself. I actually got through an entire daylong seminar without an immediate PTSD meltdown during the seminar. That last three times I have attended classes or seminars dealing with things related to or that touch on my stuff it has been like a old pitcher who has seen better days getting chased from the mound at Yankee Stadium in the first inning giving up 7 runs without recording an out. Tuesday it was hard but it was like getting a complete game and the win. This was a big accomplishment for me as I have not been able to do this since before I went to Iraq. However, the subject matter did kick up a bunch of my stuff from Iraq and getting to sleep was really; I mean really fun….not. To use the old pitcher metaphor I may have got the win but my arm and body need some time to recover, only instead of the arm and body it is by pea-brain. So Tuesday I didn’t get to bed until 2:30 AM and was back up at 5:00 AM so I could come to work and take the duty for the house in addition to my regular duties.

Now I don’t mind having duty, especially at night when I get a chance to round through our hospital wards and spend time with staff, especially the folks in the various ICUs and units that are not part of my daily routine. Yesterday I had a couple of meetings today, a long one in the morning and a couple in the afternoon. The last meeting was like one of those afternoon classes that I dreaded back in college and seminary; the kind that I took because I was either working or wanted to sleep late, but which kicked my ass. One time in seminary the “Z Monster” grabbed me after eating a big burger at lunch before going to class. That afternoon in Philosophy of Religion the Professor, Dr. Yandall Woodfin, decided to enlighten us with a slide show of various art masterpieces and the religious and or philosophical meanings that could be ascribed to them, I think there were several slide trays of them as this was in the technological dark ages before Power Point poisoning. I was sitting in the front row, my desk almost under Dr. Woodfin’s nose just slightly to the left of the slide carousel. The lights were turned low so we could see the pictures better and the temperature was just warm enough in the classroom to make me even more sleepy. As all the blood in my body rushed from my brain to my burger locker I began to struggle to stay awake. It was like Mr. Bean trying to stay awake in church http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7178785146631188901&ei=UthpSvKcCpv-qAOCyJAd&q=mr+bean+in+church&hl=en I was fighting hard but the “Z Monster” won. I was doing the “bob, jerk and sleep” for about 20 minutes when finally catastrophe hit. I flipped my desk; it was a rollover accident without a roll bar, but it was amazing that I did not hurt myself and just how fast I recovered. I had that desk righted and had my ass back in it before anyone knew what hit them. My fellow students tried to restrain their laughter as the unflappable Dr Woodfin kept the lecture going without missing a beat. I don’t know if it was years of training or the fact that he was in his “teaching zone” but his focus was amazing as he showed absolutely no distraction by my roll over.

I had similar experiences in other academic and military settings, but while I may have fallen out of my seat I never again flipped a desk. However today was tough. I had been pumping myself with caffeine all day long and evidently it was not having the desired effect. I got to the NOD (Nurse of the Day) meeting where the on call people meet with representatives of the nursing units to get an idea what is going on in the hospital at large. Today I took my seat and the “Z Monster” showed his well disguised face and zapped me. Pretty soon I was fighting to stay awake. I was pinching myself, shrugging my shoulders, sucking down my Coke Zero just to stay awake, a couple of times I caught myself about to fall forward in my chair, thankfully I didn’t snore…yes I have done that in meetings or classes too. When the meeting ended I was more than happy. I slowly rose from my chair, shook myself out and downed the last of my Coke Zero. When I got back onto the ICU I got second wind and was good the rest of the evening, made all of my rounds and finally feeling that things were okay for the night trundled off to the chaplain call room to try to sleep. I got in the bed, pulled the threadbare hospital sheets and too small blankets over me, arranged the flat pillows so they resembled a real pillow turned off the lights and close my eyes. Unfortunately though my body was toast my brain did not want to turn off, it was like the brain had a mind of its own and was going to keep my body up even though my body was saying “Oh God let me sleep.” I was so tired that I couldn’t even write myself to sleep like I normally do. Even my entreaties to the Deity Herself seemed to go unanswered, so a laid there, turned on the television and surfed the paltry selection of channels that Mordoc the Preventer of Information contracted to get finally flipping between late night talk show hosts on the major networks other than Conan O’Brien I didn’t know who the majority of these guys were, one of them who followed Conan started kissing the camera in the middle of his monologue. I rapidly changed channel as that was frightening. Finally about 2:30, which must be the new 11:30 for me, I drifted off to sleep to be awakened by the 0600 test of our Code Blue response pager. I did my duty turnover, pumped myself full of caffeine checked on the ICU and PICU, visited some patients, consulted the staff, answered some hot e-mail and calls regarding our incoming Pastoral Care Residents and realized that my body was starting to tell me that I was done. I trudged down to our main office, sat down with the boss who asked why I was still at work, discussed a couple of issues with him and got sent home where I kissed Judy, pet the dog and threw my ass in bed. I feel slightly more human now and pray that the sleep I got this afternoon does not mess up going to sleep tonight.

bean church two

While thinking about how my old crap was exhumed by the class, something that Elmer the Shrink says that my brain has been suppressing, I got an e-mail from a pastor who has syndicated opinion column for a number of newspapers here in the USA. The guy used to write some pretty good stuff that was encouraging, inspiring and occasionally thought provoking. But something has changed and his articles have become often become almost venomous. I guess that he’s really angry about something, probably Obama and the Democrats. I understand that that is his right as a citizen, there are a lot of people unhappy with the President and Congress, my mother is one of them. I talk to my mother almost daily almost and for eight years she bitched about Bush and the Republicans and now she is bitching about Obama and the Democrats, but she represents herself, she is not a pastor, she holds no church or public office and thus can do whatever she wants.

Anyway this pastor chose to write an article full of anger and poisonous invective, but not at anything happening now. He chose to dig up old crap with no relevance to the Gospel, or to anything that is happening now. He chose to write about a doctoral seminar that he attended several years ago. He discussed a situation where a non-US citizen pastor of an American church in a graduate program was criticizing the USA as a major source of the world’s problems. Now I might take offense if someone did that, I would defend my country and I might depending on the situation confront him during or after the class. However, this chose to drag this up when it seems totally irrelevant to anything going on now. I really don’t think that anyone is concerned about how a foreign pastor pissed this minister off years ago. People are scarred spitless of the Commie North Koreans, Iranian nukes, Pakistani nukes, the expanding war in Afghanistan, the price of gas, the economy and a hundred other very real crisis’s. But this pastor decided to tell how a long time ago he responded in a class to a guy who dared to criticize the USA. But this wasn’t the worst of it, this guy ended the column with a particularly acidic comment that was like cup of “America Love it or Leave It” with a shot of Drano. There was no redemptive point to the article; there was no humor, no spiritual lesson, just a very angry and bitter screed about something that happened in a classroom among a bunch of doctoral students which happened four years ago at the height of the insurgency in Iraq. I did not think that the article was befitting of him and hope that his ministry is not filled with stuff like this as it is poison. Like Drano it will clean you out, but it will leave you empty inside. If this were an isolated occurrence with this pastor I would chalk it up to him having a bad day, but he is trending this way and I’m afraid that if he continues to do so he will hurt his church and the broader Christian church by becoming identified more with a political message than his faith. In fairness I don’t know what caused him to write the article, maybe something triggered him and caused this to kick in. I do want to be fair to him. I do plan on discussing the matter with him because I actually do care.

Now I’m sure that there are people who think that I’m full of crap too, and I’m okay with that, because I know that I have issues and rough edges and sometimes push the envelope. At the same time I do try to find a point of contact in the present and write, even when I am critical of a person or institution. I do not believe that anyone or any institution is totally bad or good, even people that I disagree with are like broken clocks, they are right twice a day.

I hope to sleep tonight and I hope none of my old Crap or anyone else’s old Crap shows up tonight. Unfortunately Crap tedns to rise to the surface.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under iraq,afghanistan, leadership, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, PTSD, Religion

Tagged as combat operational stress management, conam o'brien, congress, democrats, economic crisis, elmer the shrink, insomina, iranian nukes, iraq, mordoc the preventer of information, mr bean, mr bean at church, mr bean in church, north korean nukes, operational stress, pitcher, power point poisoning, president obama, PTSD, yamkee stadium, yandall woodfin, z monster

July 20, 2009 · 23:13

Roster Moves: No Game, Series or Season in Baseball or Life Goes Without Them

046 Norfolk Tides Manager Gary Allenson making a Slight Adjustment to the Outfield with 1 Out in the 9th Inning

Larry: Who’s this? Who are you?
Crash Davis: I’m the player to be named later.

From Bull Durham

Sometimes I feel like the player to be named later. I am amazed at the changes on a baseball team’s roster during the course of a season. At the same time being in the military for almost 28 years I have some understanding of them in daily life. This season with the Norfolk Tides and my place of work at a Major Naval Medical Center has been a perfect example of how no roster survives intact.

Now this is nothing new, as long as there have been baseball teams and militaries there have been personnel changes. In baseball as in the military there is constant moves of personnel as people are transferred, promoted, demoted, are injured or retire from either the service or the game. Sometimes roster moves are part of a natural process as an organization decides how it wants to chart its future. Other times they are dictated by a need that occurs that has not been anticipated such as injuries, trades, transfers, retirements or personnel or budget constraints, either expected or unexpected.

In the Minor Leagues the Minor League affiliates exist to supply their Major League organization with young talent, player development, rehabilitation and depth to meet the demands of a long season. It is similar in the military where support and training organizations exist to meet the needs of the operating forces. This is true regardless of military branch of service. When the Major League Team or the operating forces are stretched, experience losses or suffer setbacks it is common for them to draw upon the support and training organizations to fill the holes and meet the needs of the larger organization.

I have watched this close up in two worlds this year both where I work and where I watch the Tides play ball. At work this has occurred where due to retirements and transfers our department has lost a lot of people who have not yet been replaced, creating a lot of pressure on those who remain, likewise we are tasked with more missions to support the operating forces. The same is true of the rest of the Medical Center where many physicians, nurses, corpsmen and other sailors have been deployed to meet the demands of the expanding war in Afghanistan while still supporting other worldwide commitments and our own home town mission. While this is going on other needs have come up in caring for returning warriors, wounded warriors and their families as well as the rest of the military community that depends on us for their primary and specialized medical care. I have seen more colleagues and friends than I can count be deployed from what is supposedly a pretty safe “non-deploying” shore billet to support the operating forces, Navy, Marines and Joint or NATO. I have watched the organization adapt to the call ups by moving people around as well as finding people to fill the void, even if they are only on contract.

Our Norfolk Tides began the season with a very solid roster and within two months the big club, the Baltimore Orioles had called up several pitchers as well as the heart of the batting order, Outfielder Nolan Reimold, Catcher Matt Wieters and Infielder Oscar Salazar. Meanwhile the Tides lost several players to injuries which forced Manager Gary Allenson and the Orioles organization to fins personnel both within and outside of the organization to fill the gaps created by call ups to the big team and injuries. To do this they brought up players from AA Bowie, moved players down from Baltimore and found and traded for players outside of the Orioles system. At first the adjustment was difficult but now the new players and those who were left are coming together to keep the team, at least for now in first place in the International League South. Yet with every move the organization has to decide how to best utilize the players that it has. In the case of the Tides this comes down to Manager Gary Allenson and his coaches working together with the rest of the Orioles organization.

Even in the midst of a game there are roster changes, sometimes for pitchers, sometimes hitter and sometimes even for running or defense. Some of the changes are for injuries, or situational based on statistics of what you have empirical evidence to show that one course of action is better than another. Thus you have relief pitchers and pinch hitters or runners. No at bat or even pitch is the same, which is like life, nothing remains the same so you must make the adjustments on every play.

At the personal level changes affects everyone in the organization even if their job in the organization does not change. At the minimum the changes affect the dynamics of the work environment, the chemistry between teams and the concern for friends who have left the organization with whom we have invested significant amounts of time and emotional energy. Thus when Oscar Salazar was called up by Baltimore it left a huge hole in the team because Salazar was not only a leading contributor on the field but his tremendously positive attitude off the field in energizing the team and working with younger players. Individual losses while seemingly statistically insignificant can be magnified by the intangibles of what a person brings to the team. Some who seem to have all the right stuff may not be missed, while others who maybe don’t have the same talent level as others might be more sorely missed. Since a team depends on the efforts of everyone, especially in baseball where the game is both immensely individual and absolutely interdependent personnel changes must be weighed carefully in the overall mission of the team or organization. The Tides are fortunate to be with Baltimore as the organization is not only scouting talent for the O’s but their Minor League affiliates. I met a Baltimore Scout at a Tides game over the weekend who said they were out seeking hitters for Norfolk due to call ups to the O’s and injuries to members of the Tides. The larger organization, though a work in progress recognizes that its future lies in its Minor League system. Thus over the past couple of weeks they have picked up Michael Aubrey from the Cleveland organization and Victor Diaz, a former Tides Outfielder when they were in the Mets organization and who later played in New York, Texas and the Houston organization before playing with the Hanwha Eagles in South Korea before being signed by the Orioles and assisted to the Tides. A good organization not only looks to the situation they are currently facing u to the future. A bad organization does not plan for the future but only concentrates on the present. In the case of the Tides we are prospering under Baltimore but suffered for almost 20 years under the Mets, who have continued to neglect and abuse their farm system, especially their AAA affiliates. The fans in Buffalo despise the relationship.

On the personal level this also means that individuals can be moved around to meet the needs of the organization. This does not always make players happy be they ball players or military personnel. There have been times in my career that I did not like what was happening to me in the organization, not so in the Navy but definitely in hte first part of my Army career. Such unhappiness when left unchecked can lead to blow ups. The movie Bull Durham has a great example where Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner complains about his reassignment from an AAA team back to a single A team.

Crash Davis: You don’t want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip: Nah.
Crash Davis: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month’s dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, f— this f—ing game!
[pause]
Crash Davis: I quit, all right? I f—ing quit.
[Crash exits the office and stands in the clubhouse for a minute before sticking his head back through the door]
Crash Davis: Who we play tomorrow?
Skip: Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.

I cannot say that in my Navy career I have ever felt like Crash Davis, in fact I have even when doing a lot of “relief” work and been moved around sometimes faster than I wanted to be because I was needed to put out a fire. At the same time I have always been dealt with well. I have not been sent back down in the organization, but have been moved up or laterally to do different jobs, like I said often on short notice like the time when two different chaplains were fired and I went from one job to the next and ended up nine or ten weeks at 29 Palms prior to a 7 month deployment in two different battalions. Those were stressful, but not bad and the organization treated me well. Some people don’t have that experience however and roster moves on short notice can be a source of consternation, anger and discord if not handled well by the team manager or the command.

However I did come into the Navy at a lower rank than I left the Army in 1999 just to get back in the show that was the cost of getting back in the game full time, something I am amazed that I got the chance to do and every grateful to the Navy, my Bishop and the Deity Herself. In my current billet I love what I do and who I do it with, but the organization will be making some changes as we graduate our current residents, gain new residents, gain and lose other personnel and adjust to meet an ever changing and increasing mission. While we do this we seek to set the standard of professional competency not only in the Navy but the civilian world. For me this will involve changes, changes that on one level I resist, but on another level completely understand and agree with as the way to help the organization move forward. Come September those changes will be made. I can say that I don’t feel like Crash because this involves things that I have always wanted to do but unless I am adaptable will not be able to do, unless the Deity Herself creates a couple extra days to the week and makes every day a 32 hour day. Thus I will adjust as will the rest of the organization as we collectively work together to ensure that we are taking care of those that God has given us.

So far as the story goes tonight, the one constant in the season is change, teamwork and adjustment to change. As Sparky Anderson once said “If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good attitude. If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to playing the game right. If it plays the game right, it will win—unless, of course, it doesn’t have enough talent to win, and no manager can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?” Thankfully, our leadership seems to be rising to the task and and we have the talent, so why worry?

Peace, Steve+

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Tagged as aubry huff, baltimore Orioles, bowie bay socks, bull durham, cleveland indians, crash davis, deployment, gary allenson, hanwha eagles, marines, matt wieters, minor league baseball, nato, navy, navy medicine, new york mets, nolan Reimold, norfolk tides, operating forces, oscar salazar, relief pitchers, south korea baseball leagues, sparky anderson, victor diaz

July 18, 2009 · 13:36

Crossing the Mendoza Line: It’s not All about the Lifetime Batting Average

Hammock Grand Slam Robby Hammock Crossing the Plate after his Grand Slam in the Bottom of the 6th against Charlotte

When I was playing baseball I hit somewhere around the Mendoza line. I was never much of a hitter but I made up for my lack of hitting by being pretty solid defensively, a pretty versatile utility player and hustling on every play. Likewise I would be the guy encouraging other players. On two different teams in two different sports I was named the “Most Inspirational Player” by my teammates. Being the most inspirational player does not mean that you are a particularly good ballplayer but rather that you add something else to the team dynamic. In fact you may not be admired for how well you play, but rather how hard you try and how you get along with your team mates. I was talking to my dad who is now in a nursing home with end stage Alzheimer’s disease on my last visit. In a rare moment I had him back talking baseball I thanked him for how he helped me learn to love the game, pitch and field, especially fielding. I said to him, the only thing that you didn’t do was teach me to hit. He looked up at me and said “Son, there are a lot of people who can’t hit, it’s a gift.” So I guess I was doomed to be a Mendoza Line player.

Mario Mendoza played for the Pirates and Mariners. To be kind he was an amazing defensive shortstop but he as my dad would have said” Couldn’t hit his way out of a wet paper bag.” His career average was .215 although he often flitted and flirted with the .180 – .200 level. He never played in an All Star game or World Series. He never hit more than two home runs in a season, in fact one was an inside the park job playing for the Mariners and he hit below .200 in five of his nine major league seasons. However, despite that Mario Mendoza lives on in baseball, his name forever associated with a low batting average. In modern baseball parlance the Mendoza line is considered a batting average of .200. Credit for who coined the term goes depending on your source to either George Brett, the All-Star Third Baseman of the Kansas City Royals or fellow Seattle Mariners Tom Paciorek or Bruce Bochte from whom Brett may have heard the term. Either way the term stuck after ESPN commentator Chris Berman who used the term in 1988 to describe the hitting struggles of a star power hitter. Once Berman made the comment it became a pretty standard way of denoting guys who struggle at the plate. Mexican sportscaster Oscar Soria corroborates the Paciorek and Bochte version referencing a conversation with Mario Mendoza while Mendoza was managing the Obregon Yaquis in the Mexican Pacific League who stated that Mendoza said “that Tom Paciorek was the first to mention the phrase “Mendoza Line” when he read the Sunday paper” and that “then George Brett heard about that.” Soria then discussed how Mendoza was initially angered by Berman’s use of the term but now “he enjoys the fame of the phrase Mendoza line.” For a really good discussion of the Mendoza Line see the article in the Baseball Almanac at: http://www.baseball-almanac.com/books/mendozas_heroes_book.shtml, from which the information above is gleaned.

Now my buddy Elliott the Usher and I have frequent discussions about the game discussing pitching, hitting, fielding, base running, prospects, scouting and strategy. Elloitt is one of those gems of Baseball knowledge, his love and knowledge of the game shows in the way he deals with people including Major League Scouts, players from the Tides and visiting team who are charting the game and others. I really think that he should be hired as a commentator or color man on some baseball broadcast. This season we have enjoyed a lot of laughs as well as had a lot great talks amid the joys and sorrows of the season. One of our frequent subjects of discussion is players on our team as well as the visiting teams who are hitting near or below the Mendoza Line. We have a few on the Tides who are hovering at or below the Mendoza line. A couple of these players are former Major Leaguers and a couple career minor league guys. Last night I decided to venture out for the first time in two days since I was now getting a case of “cabin fever” and my cocktail of Vicodin, Motrin and Amoxicillin seemed to have my pain and swelling a bit more under control. Judy said my cheek still looks “like a squirrel’s” but at least I wasn’t in too bad of pain, though when I got up in the morning and until 2 or 3 PM I was still pretty sore and tired. At least for the majority of the game the pain was manageable and of course as soon as I got home I dumped a butt load of meds down me and went to sleep.

Last night the Tides swept a double header from the Charlotte Knights who are the AAA affiliate of the Chicago White Sox. Since the game was rain delayed after a series of severe storms raked the area in the two hours prior to the first pitch it was not well attended. Because of this I was able to flit between my buddies Barry down in section 102 and Elliott. It was good to be able in a fairly relaxed atmosphere to talk about the game. The Tides had lost the last game prior to the All Star Break in Durham and then the first game back from the break. In those two games their hitting died and they were outscored 16-3. Last night Chris Tillman was throwing an outstanding game having given up just one run in the first inning. It wasn’t until the 6^th inning until the Tides scored their first run with one out when Michael Aubry doubled to score Justin Turner to tie the game 1-1. The Tides then loaded the bases and Brandon Pinkney struck out for the second out. At this point with the bases loaded, Elliott and I gave a mutual groan. One of our “below the Mendoza Line” batters, catcher Robby Hammock was coming to the plate. Robby is a good defensive catcher and while playing for the Arizona Diamondbacks caught Randy Johnson’s perfect game in 2003. However this year has seen Robby really struggle at the plate. The count went to two and from the way Robby had been swinging the bat tonight Elliott turned to me and said “I can’t look.” Robby then fouled off the next pitch. I said “Elliott he’s dragging this out.” Then I yelled “Hey Mendoza! Get a hit!” At this point Robby who is currently hitting .190 stood back into the batter’s box. The pitch from Knight’s reliever John Link was a slider that didn’t cut and Robby planted it in the picnic area in Left Center for a Grand Slam home run. Elliott and I rejoiced, Robby had maybe gotten the hit that would re-ignite the team for the second half of the season. This blew the game open and the Tides went on to win 5-1. Robby was quoted in the Virginia Pilot today about the hit “I closed my eyes and put my bat in the spot” and “I felt decent today, I just got lucky and that’s all there was to it.” Tides fans are not complaining even if it was lucky, I’m happy for you Robby, you helped get us back on track enjoy the moment and keep hanging in there.

The hitting surge continued in the second game. Jeff Fiorentino and Michael Aubrey, who are .300 hitters, Fiorentino about .325 right now and way above the Mendoza Line each had 2 hits and drove in two runs while our other way below the Mendoza Line players had a good night. Infielder Carlos Rojas was in at Third due to injuries that forced Manager Gary Allenson to reshuffle the line up. Carlos is a pretty good defensive player with pretty good range. However he was only hitting .156 going into the game but went 2-3 with two singles in what I think was his first multi-hit game of the season. Catcher Chad Moeller who has struggled at the plate since coming down from Baltimore when Matt Wieters was called up also doubled and scored a run as the Tides took the second game 5-1 with Chris Waters getting the win.

All in all it was not a bad night for our guys living below the Mendoza line; hopefully they will all get themselves up above it. As a member of the Mendoza Line club myself I hope that they all do well and that last night is a harbinger of things to come. Today my mouth feels a bit better than yesterday though I woke up in some pain. I plan on seeing tonight’s game with Judy as the Tides hopefully will extend their International League South Division lead over the Durham Bulls by defeating the Knights here again.

Coming back to the Mendoza Line itself the way that guys like Mendoza make their mark is by the intangibles that they bring to the game. Some of the “Mendoza’s” went on in other ways to make a difference in the game through coaching, managing, scouting at the Major or Minor League level, as well as in sports media, announcing or writing. Some would include guys like Tony LaRussa career .199 average in 10 seasons, Charlie Manuel .198 in 6 seasons, Bob Uecker career .200 in 6 Major League seasons, Sparky Anderson who hit .218 in one season in the Majors and once said “I led the league in “Go get ’em next time.” Tommy Lasorda was a pitcher and had a 0-4 record and 6.48 ERA in three major league seasons as well as Earl Weaver who never made it to the Majors. All made lasting marks on the game and all were way below the Mendoza line.

The application to baseball players and non-ball players alike when you find yourself at the Mendoza Line is to make the most out of what you have. Play to your strengths and know that if you do this you will make a mark, even if it is not at the plate. I figure as a somewhat well trained and experienced theologian, historian, military officer and Priest that the Deity Herself understands bad days, and lackluster careers and still helps us get through life. So anyway, as a Mendoza Line alumnus I say to all those hovering around the line, find a way to make your mark and do well, I’m cheering for you as are all the other Mendoza’s among the Saints in Heaven.

Peace, Steve+

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July 9, 2009 · 22:08

Visiting the Super Holy International Temple: The Ten Pretty Good Suggestions

I was visiting the Super Holy International Temple a few weeks back when I had a revelation…well maybe not exactly a revelation but a somewhat differently inspired inspirational moment of unquestionable inspiration. Or maybe it was just my mind was a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives through my insomniac PTSD’d brain after one too many beers at Gordon Biersch. Whatever it was, I can assure you that it was something that was important enough to write about. As the beneficiary of a relatively limited amount of wisdom and wanting to ensure that I am not becoming a Harry Tick I decided to check this out with the Deity Herself.

So I did so and indeed the Deity has allowed me to pass this wisdom on to my readers. Most of it deals with me but the application might be applicable to anyone who feels that is applicable to them, otherwise if not applicable readers should not make any application whatsoever to the way that they live their lives.

With that in mind this was what I received in that moment of differently inspired inspirational moment of unquestionable inspiration, what I will call the Ten Pretty Good Suggestions:

1. Dude, you don’t know nothing about a lot of things so don’t go making it up as you go along hoping that I will agree with it just because you found a Bible verse to back it up.

2. Likewise since you don’t know nothing don’t you go piddling about telling people that something was my will. While it may have been, it just may as well not have been. That is for me to know and you keep your mouth shut about, especially if it was one of those really sucky times where something bad happened to someone who obviously did nothing to deserve it…like little kids dying of cancer, women losing babies when they really want them, young people getting killed in war, people who are good people who love God and demonstrate love to others getting terrible diseases or watch family members and friends suffer while really sucky bad people seem to prosper and stuff like that.

3. Bad things happen to good people and bad people alike, just as good things happen to good people and bad people alike. The rain falls on the just and the unjust and this is why the Dodgers have won a number of World Series since coming west and the Giants haven’t.

4. Shit happens to both good and bad people not because the Deity wills it or the Devil is causing it but simply because pain, death and suffering are common to all due to the fall. Hey, that one rhymed so quit calling bad things “acts of God” or God’s will” since you don’t know nothing anyway.

5. The Deity does not take religious instruction from you Padre otherwise the creation would be far more fouled up than it has become, it doesn’t need your help. So please remember to thank me for Global Warming otherwise you’d be freezing you ass off down there.

6. Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that the Devil is out trying to get you. Just because he is a “roaring Lion seeking out someone to devour doesn’t mean that you are worth a whole lot of his time. Since he has made enemies with the Deity and had his head whacked at the Cross, he is probably not screwing with you at this moment. If you believe this Padre you are way too full of yourself and need to do some serious confession. Make no doubt there Padre, the Devil is out there and the proof is in artificial turf on baseball fields and aluminum or composite bats, those are unnatural and definitely the work of the devil.

7. Padre, just because you believe something really hard does not mean that I believe it or will just try to make you happy by allowing it to happen. Just ask Cubs fans last year when they thought they were going to the World Series…it didn’t happen.

8. You may not like it but you game is going to get rained out once in a while so move under the awning sit back and watch the grounds crew do their thing.

9.Don’t you go thinking that just because you did something that you think is special there Padre that I have to do something in return for you, like I love you and all that but dude I don’t owe you squat. My love, giving up my Son to die on the cross for you and the salvation of the world, including your sorry ass isn’t enough?

10. Since you don’t know nothing instead of telling people going through hard times that it is “God’s will” or “from the Devil,” simply admit that you don’t know and walk with them through the valley loving them and caring for them on the way, knowing that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me” and “I will be with you to the end of the age.” Like duh? I think that those are even in the Bible there Padre. Just like “in this world things will often be really sucky and stuff will go against you but be happy dude because I have overcome the world.”

So anyway after receiving that I had to stop and think, you know like dude, those are pretty profound. So since they are applicable to me don’t assume that they are applicable to you unless however they are applicable in which case you should make application and apply them. Somehow I think that there are a lot of folks who like me are tired of having people try to tell them how to live their lives or how God somehow figures into something bad happening to them when in fact it may not be God, or for that matter even the Devil either. Maybe shit just happens. I know that I got tired of people feeding me full of how they knew what God was doing in my life when bad stuff happened. all the way back in seminary when things went to Super Holy International Temple on me. Why should I inflict the Super Holy International Temple on others?

Peace, Steve+

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Tagged as 23rd psalm, acts of god, artificial turf, attacks of satan, baseball fields, chicago cubs, christian faith, composite bats, dodgers, global warming, god, God's will, gordon biersch, insomina, metal bats, PTSD, san fransisco giants, satan, the devil, the fall of man, why bad things happen to good people

July 8, 2009 · 20:45

Sometimes You Wanna go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

The hit long running comedy Cheers set in Boston Bar is something that I have grown to appreciate more and more throughout the years. It comes from the community of disparate people who find refuge in that bar each with their own lives and stories which all intersect at Cheers. The lyrics to the theme song from the show sum up where I sometimes find myself in life, especially coming back from Iraq.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

The last verse to the song “Where Everybody knows Your Name” never aired on the show and continue….

Be glad there’s one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they’re always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

The need for community is something that I didn’t think that I really needed for most of my life. It took a huge amount of time isolated in the military as well as coming back from Iraq with a nice case of PTSD to realize that I could not exist without some kind of local connection. This is something that when I returned from Iraq I knew that I did not have. For a good amount of time this didn’t matter because I was always on the road or deployed. It is easy to cover up the need for local relationships and community when you aren’t around.

For me this isolation really began when we moved to the Hampton Roads area back in 2003. I was assigned to a command where I was on the road a lot. However I sought to make build relationships with the local mission of my church in our area as well as other local clergy. After a clash with the local idiot masquerading as a priest I was forbidden by the bishop to have any contact with any of his priests or parishes. I guess since that bishop didn’t get my tithe that I didn’t matter. A couple of years later both the bishop and the idiot priest had left our church for happier hunting grounds. So when I came back from Iraq in 2008 I was isolated. I had transferred in October 2006 from a Marine Command where I felt absolutely comfortable to a different command where I was new and about everyone else was going about 95 different directions. The command chaplain who I had come on board under in the larger command had transferred during my deployment, while the one officer that I had developed a relationship with at my new command was deployed a couple of months after me. When I returned from Iraq even my office had been packed up and I had no-where to work from for over a month. My belongings, including many military mementos and awards were crammed into a trailer and it took almost a year to find the majority of them. A couple of items were not recovered. So on the military side I was pretty isolated and feeling pretty down. As I said I had no church ties from my denomination anywhere near me and had not, due to my own pathology and hectic travel and deployment schedule did not establish a relationship with another church until this year. Other friends had transferred over the years and I had one other chaplain in the area that I can call a friend. We have known each other since 1999 and our wives are best friends. Apart from that I was about as isolated and alone as I could get. It was then with my PTSD kicking my ass that I knew after all these years that I needed to be in community and in relationships with people locally. It was no longer good enough to simply check in with guys that I had known for years but who lived far away.

It took a while to get from knowing that I needed something until I was able to get established in a number of places and begin to build my local ties. The first two places were Harbor Park where I see the Norfolk Tides play and the local Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant. Harbor Park was something that I went to before Iraq as I love baseball. I was no stranger there, I’ve been around long enough to get to know staff, vendors and ushers and have met the General Manager Dave Rosenfield on a good number of occasions as he walks the concourse among the Harbor Park faithful. However something happened when I came back from Iraq. In most places I could not handle crowds, even going to church at the fairly large Catholic Church where I occasionally attend with Judy who is a member there. It is large and rather busy and since I only know a few people there I get a bit anxious, even though I love the Pastor, Deacons and the few people that I know. However every time I would step onto the concourse at Harbor Park and the lush green field came into view I could feel stress and anxiety leaving my body. Somehow almost magically I am at peace when at a ball game. I felt the same thing even in crowded Major League Parks at San Diego and San Francisco when I made trips to the west coast. When the season ended last year it was terribly difficult as the PTSD and Anxiety, nightmares and chronic pain were still raging. When this season came around and with Harbor Park now on my way home from work I knew that I needed to get a season ticket. I cleared with Judy and for the first time in my life I had a season ticket. Since the season began in April the Park has become more of a place of refuge and place of fellowship with some great people. Seeing Elliott the Usher, Ray and John the Vietnam Vets at the Beer Stand behind the plate, Kenny the Pretzel Guy, Skip the Usher in the section above me, Mandy up in the Tides Store my next seat over neighbor Barry, Barry’s daughter Julie, Tina and her husband, the Judge and others has given me a sense of community that is like a comfortable pub.

The same has been true at the Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant has become another place where I feel at home. I think this began with Kira, the choir child from Judy’s Church as well as guys like Mike, John and girls like Kai Ly who been incedible. We began by being frequenters of the dining room but have over the past several months moved to the bar as it is a bit more laid back and we get to know more people. Now the noise can occasionally be a bit much, but the kids who work there are really great to be around. I was just recently inducted into the Stein Club. Both Harbor Park and Biersch were important because even though the people that I met were those in the intersection they were places and people that began to get me back in touch with community.

Another really key part of building community for me is my work at Portsmouth Naval Medical Center. Somehow I am at home in the surreal environment of the ICU and PICU and the great folks who work on those floors. On call I am beginning to feel the same way about our NICU. The relationships formed in these areas as well as with my fellow chaplains have become especially important. My boss and some of our other chaplains have really helped me through some really rough times since I got here as I have dealt with the PTSD and other issues from Iraq. As I have made the adjustment to being back in the hospital setting I realized just how much I enjoyed the challenge of Critical Care chaplaincy, the care for patients, families and especially the staff and residents. I am at home here.

The final piece fell into place a few months ago, that was beginning to worship at St James Episcopal Church in Portsmouth. I had met the Rector (Pastor) of the Parish, Fr John at the hospital as he visited two of his parishioners who were patients in my ICU. We not only met but we became friends and he invited me to St James. Now Fr John is from Nigeria and the parish is predominantly African American, West Indies or Nigerian. The church reminds me a lot of East Side Presbyterian Church in Stockton CA which I attended with Judy. The liturgy while Episcopal is punctuated with familiar hymns and Old Negro Spirituals. The Church itself was founded in the 1890s as a place for African American Episcopalians to worship, Jim Crow being quite strong in those days. When I first went there I wondered about the wisdom of it but I knew that I needed a place to worship outside my little guestroom altar. I didn’t know what to expect, but the folks at St James love worship, music and have enfolded me, a Priest from a different communion into their community and for the first time since I came in the Navy, and certainly since I came back from Iraq I feel a sense of connection with a local parish. One thing that I believe is quite significant is that prior to the Civil War my familyowned slaves in what was then the western part of Virginia. I even met a man from Liberia who has my last name. His family went from the United States, to Canada, back to the UK and then on to Liberia before his family came back to the United States. His brother even serves in the US Navy. I’m sure at one point Cecil Dundas’s ancestors once were owned by some part of my family in Virginia. But we are both of the Dundas family and I think that is pretty cool. Small world.

I don’t necessarily think that I am alone in the search for community. I think for a lot of people they would want to find such a community in church, but from what I am seeing across the denominational spectrum and the move to large churches or mega-churches I am seeing more lonely people who attend church regularly but never feel a sense of family or community. Some of the things I hear from these lonely and disconnected Christians remind me of the lyrics to Abba’s hit Super Trouper:

Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still I’m thinking about you only

Part of this I think is that many churches have places more value on “Church growth” and programs than they have on people. There has been a shift, especially in larger churches to proliferate programs which take up a lot of time, but don’t foster relationships. Often the senior pastor is unreachable and untouchable in large churches. Someone may get contact with a staff pastor, but often this is even driven down to minimally trained small group or home group leaders. The churches themselves are so large it takes a long time for a new person to get to know anyone. Now large church can do a lot of good, but I do think what they lack is intimacy. Some home groups have this but others are train wrecks full of pretty bad juju. So I wonder if this is a part of the isolation and disconnection of people. Just a thought….

It has take me about five years to get connected in this area. The cool thing now is that there are a number of places where I can go where just about everybody knows my name. Slowly but surely I’m getting better as I get more connected. I now have the beginnings of a community which is rich and diverse, military and civilian and have the blessing of friendship with so many people that that make up the communities of which I have become part. The Deity has a wry sense of humor to take this introverted rugged individualist to put me into community with such a great bunch of people. She had to about throw me under the bus to do it, but I am glad that she did.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under philosophy, PTSD, Religion

Tagged as Baseball, black episcopalians, bosnia operation, cheers, civil war, community, gordon biersch, hampton roads, harbor park, icu, iraq, norfolk tides, picu, PTSD, slavery, st james episcpal church, where everybody knows your name

July 7, 2009 · 16:24

Implants? On my 13th Anniversary of Being a Priest…What’s up with that?

cantaloupes

I found out today that I’m going to get an implant….and I can’t believe it. And I find out about this on the 13^th anniversary of being ordained as a Priest and I was not a happy camper. The dentist looked at me and told me that the root canal which I had come in to complete would not be possible. This kind of pissed me off, not at him but for the fact that I knew that this was going to happen. Going in to today I knew from the first dentist who examined me two weeks ago that there was only a fifty-fifty chance of saving the tooth, but only a ten percent chance of that. So when the dentist showed me the live camera images of the abyss that used to be the inside of my tooth and the fractures on both sides of the abyss I was not surprised. Not happy, but not surprised. Of course I was hoping and praying that the root canal would be done with and that I would not see dental again until my next exam.

As his team dug around in my mouth the dentist told me that they were going to have to set me up with Oral Surgery to extract the tooth and put an implant in its place. Since my mouth was still full of crap I had difficult time trying to reply. The crap included a rubber dam and its suspension system. I was informed that this was to keep crap out of the abyss and keep it from getting infected. The dentist didn’t say crap, but that is what I inferred. I also had a butt-load of anesthetic aboard. When he asked me the question: “Are you familiar with what an implant is?” I mumbled an unintelligible answer that went something like “yam eh ike marl hmmmn wah” And I kind of motioned over my chest with my hands to try to give as visual but my attempt at communication failed. He said, I’ll wait until we’re done for you to answer and I said “thang u er.” Since my woeful attempt at communication was not understood so I relaxed as best I could for the remainder of the procedure.

steve at dentist

When they were finished the resident had sealed the abyss, removed the dam and washed out my mouth. My mouth, which still hurt some from the work two weeks ago, and the tooth which still had some throbbing as a bit of nerve had survived the first go round caused me some persistent pain even through this morning. This particular tooth had been repaired twice as a child, the first by Doctor Mengele and once as an adult before it erupted two weeks ago. Now after being excavated for the second time in two weeks my mouth felt like a battle zone even with the full effect of the anesthetic.

The dentist then asked about if I understood what an implant was and in my smart assed way said, “Yes, it’s like those things that they put in Mariel Hemingway back in the 1980s right?” The dentist looked at me funny and then, maybe being just a bit older than me then shook his head and started laughing and said “No not that kind of implant.” The resident and the technician being a bit younger than us took a bit longer to get it, and the dentist said, “I saw you motioning with your hands but just didn’t understand the connection.

So I will be getting an artificial root for the old tooth which will be surgically removed possibly under a general anesthetic. I wonder which is worse, enduring a great deal of pain or going under as I am a fan of neither. They say it will take 6-9 months to have the artificial root to be fused into the jaw bone, after which a new crown will be constructed over it. I’m told that the entire process will take about a year to complete. I get my consultation with the Oral Surgeons the middle of August so this story will probably go on in future blog posts in the coming months.

Today is also the 13^th anniversary of me being ordained as a Priest at what used to be the Cathedral of the Resurrection, Life in Jesus Community when it was part of my Church. I am ever grateful to the bishop who ordained me back then, in those days he was a teacher and father. We parted ways when he led his community out of the Church after having his Archdeacon tell me that he was not leaving as the Church experienced a major crisis. While his leaving bothered me it was the deception that I found most difficult and combined with actions of two other former bishops in the church which impacted me in a very personal and hurtful manner which ended our relationship. Since he left I understand that he was removed from the leadership of his community and that the community was not doing well. That saddened me as back in the mid and late 1990s it was a wonderful place where the ancient and modern converged, where hospitality and kindness was shown and people were blessed. I do not know what happened over the years, but it is sad as I cannot go back to the place where I was ordained and have it be the same. When the bishop’s council on ordination recommended that I be ordained I was told by one of the priests said “Steve, you’re home.” Unfortunately only one of that council remains in the church, and that community is no longer home.

891 Christmas Eve in Iraq

Since then I have been blessed. I was ordained on the evening of July 7^th the eve of the Feast of Saint Killian and his companions, an Irish missionary to what is now the German area of Franconia where at Würzburg he was martyred in 689 AD. It was just a few weeks later as a mobilized Army Reserve Chaplain I reported to Würzburg to support the Bosnia operation in my first assignment as a Priest. I lived in town as there was “no room at the inn” on base and since I spoke German I would head downtown in the evenings for Mass at the Killian Dom (Killian Cathedral) as well as visits to many of the other churches. I found it interesting that the occasion of my ordination was the eve of feast of the man responsible for planting the Christian faith in the first place I would serve as a Priest. I feel quite a connection to St Killian as a result of this and whenever I go to Germany I attempt to attend a Mass at the Killian Dom as well as a few steins of Würzburger Hofbrau Pilsner.

Killian Dom Wurzburg Germany

Since then I have celebrated the Eucharist and served God’s people around the world in places that I would have never dreamed. My first Eucharist at sea was on the USS Frederick LST-1184 on Easter 2001, the same ship that in high school Navy Junior ROTC I first felt the call to be a chaplain in March of 1978. I’ve celebrated near the fence line at Guantanamo Bay, all over Al Anbar Province, been a base chaplain and served in units and at sea all over the world. I celebrated my 7^th anniversary celebrating at the ruins of the Martyr Church of Saint Phillip the Apostle in Pamukale Turkey, the site of Ancient Hierapolis.

Today for the first time I spent it in a dentist’s chair. So my mouth feels like a bombed out combat zone, I have the shattered shell of a tooth being held together by a temporary patch and praying that it won’t come apart before it is extricated and I have to wait over a month to just begin talking about the details of how process will unfold with the Oral Surgeon who will perform it. Tonight I will try to eat something soft so as not to tempt fate, drink a good beer or two or three and get ready for work tomorrow.

Pray for me a sinner.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under beer, healthcare, Loose thoughts and musings, Military, Navy Ships, philosophy, Religion

Tagged as al anbar province, bosnia operation, dentists, franconia, guantanamo bay, hierapolis, implants, killian dom, life in jesus community, mariel hemingway, martyr church of st phillip the apostle ruins, oral surgery, ordination, pamukale turkey, priesthood, root canal, saint killian, uss frederick, wurzburg, wurzburger hofbrau pilsner

July 6, 2009 · 21:47

Discerning the Second Coming: The Cubs are the Key

This is a modified re-post of something that I did when I first started posting to this site. At the time I had very few readers and this post was buried so far back that it was pretty much forgotten, except by me. Since the Deity Herself speaks to me through baseball it follows that my eschatology, or theology of the end times has a baseball connection.Since the Cubs are currently in third pace in the NL Central with a record of 41 wins and 39 losses a week before the All Star break having just beat the Braves 4-2 I feel that is appropriate to re-address the topic.

The Creed says of Jesus that “He will come again to judge the living and the dead.” The Creed however does not say how or when. Since many guys with a lot less theological training than me are making mega-bucks writing books about the Second Coming of Christ simply by watching CNN, Fox News and a host of websites and newspapers. I watch these guys vainly trying to match headlines to Bible verses to show why they are right, or at least how to make changes in order to publish another book, I figured why not do this from Baseball.

While Hal Lindsey, Grant Jeffery, John Hagee, Jack Van Impe and groups like the Prophecy Club make definitive statements based on “years of study” of the Scriptures, history and current events only to have to revise those predictions when people and nations refuse to do not as they predict; I prefer not to live my life waiting for Fox News to tell me that Jesus is on the horizon. I remember back in the 1970s when I read Hal Lindsey’s The Late Great Planet Earth and had the shit scared out of me. What was way cool over the years was to see the revisions to the book as the world situation changed. Likewise the new books published by others during the Gulf War and every stinking conflict in the Middle East which basically repackaged the same tripe with slight modifications due to world situation, political change or technological advances. Even worse are the Left Buttocks series by Tim LaHaye whose books and movies sold more copies than People Magazine’s coverage of the death of Michael Jackson

My hair brained theory says that it all comes down to baseball, just as everything else in life. My belief is that when the Chicago Cubs win the World’s Series that we’d better start looking to the East, and pronto.

I’m actually somewhat serious. I have no emotional investment in the Cubs, I’m a San Francisco Giants fan who has a fondness for the Oakland A’s. I enjoyed the hell out of the 1989 NLCS when the Giants won the NL pennant against against the Cubs. I love the Giants, Willie Mays was and always will be the best baseball player who ever lived to me and though far away, and I can name player after player for the team over the years that I admire and I am really pissed at the way Barry Bonds has been singled out while guys like A-Rod and Manny get their wrists slapped and continue to play. Since I am such a partisan Giants fan with no emotional or spiritual attachment to the Cubs, I think that I can honestly say that I am impartial observer of this prophetic event. At least as far as the Cubs are concerned. I hold no personal animus against the long suffering Cubs, they are not the Evil Dodgers nor related to the anti-Christ, unless you are a Cardinals or Brewers fan.

Last year I was actually somewhat concerned that the Cubs were going to see Jesus back into town. The Cubs were a favorite to reach the World Series and maybe win it. They appeared to have the best team in baseball and it was 100 years exactly since the last series that they won. I was worried because as much as I believe that Jesus will come again, I have to confess that I’d prefer he wait until some following generation to do it. The Cubs finished the regular season with a 97-64 record, the best in the National League. The Evil Dodgers swept them in the NLDS ensuring that the Cubs would not make the series and calming my fears that Jesus might come before I could see the Giants win a World Series.

One has to look at history and see all the disappointment that Cubs fans have suffered over the years. Think of the times that the experts said it was the Cubs time. In 1984 they blew a 2 game to none lead in the NLDS and lost to the Padres. In 1989 the Giants took them in 5 games. In 1998 swept by the Braves, Remember the 2003 NLCS against the Marlins? Up in the top of the 8th in game six and then everything fell apart shortly after the errant Cubs fan reached out and caught a foul ball that was almost in the glove of the Cub defender? Swept by the Diamondbacks in 2007 and again swept by the Evil Dodgers in 2008. There has to be something to this. It is too eerily similar to guys like Hal Lindsey and others who keep reading the headlines and predicting Jesus’ return, and when he doesn’t they have to look at the headlines again, wait for another crisis and write another book. Those who follow the Cubs are like followers of the Christian prophecy movement are always disappointed when their playoff prophets are proved wrong again and again.

Thus, all this considered I must be right, there is a correlation between the Cubs and and eschatology. I could be full of crap, but I think I have something here, the Deity Herself I think assures me of this considering her love of Baseball. In the W.P. Kinsella novel The Iowa Baseball Confederacy a young man ventures to the end of a rail spur and ends up transported back in time to 1908 to a place in Iowa where the Cubs were playing an exhibition against a team of local all stars. The game took on mythic proportions, and not to spoil the book, which I highly recommend, it tells of cataclysmic and cosmological significance of the 1908 Cubs.

I guess that to paraphrase Colonel Nathan R Jessup in A Few Good Men “The Cubs playoff defeats while tragic, probably saved lives.” I’ll end here, but to those who expect the Cubs to win the World’s Series you’d better be careful what you ask for…when you are rejoicing that the Cubs finally have won, Jesus may come and spoil your parade.

Filed under: Baseball, Religion | Tagged: Baseball, Religion

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Filed under Baseball, philosophy, Religion

Tagged as a few good men, alex rodriguez, anti-christ, barry bonds, chicago cubs, colonel nathan r jessup, dodgers, eschatology, florida marlins, grant jeffery, hal lindsey, jack van impe, john hagee, left behind movies, left behind novels, manny ramirez, michael jackson, milwaukee brewers, nlcs, nlds, oakland athletics, people magazine, san fransisco giants, st louis cardinals, the iowa baseball confederacy, the late great planet earth, the prophecy club, tim lahaye, w p kinsella, world series

Category Archives: philosophy

Breaking Slumps and Losing Streaks

Going to War: Ministry amid Training

Offensively Offending the Chronically Offended

Loose Thoughts: Can Somebody Tell Me What Sleep is and Why the Old Crap? Why not New Crap?

Roster Moves: No Game, Series or Season in Baseball or Life Goes Without Them

Crossing the Mendoza Line: It’s not All about the Lifetime Batting Average

Visiting the Super Holy International Temple: The Ten Pretty Good Suggestions

Sometimes You Wanna go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Implants? On my 13th Anniversary of Being a Priest…What’s up with that?

Discerning the Second Coming: The Cubs are the Key

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