Tag Archives: father’s day

June 18, 2017 · 06:30

Remembering My Dad on Father’s Day

                                                          My Dad, Aviation Storekeeper Chief Carl Dundas in 1967 

Friends of Padre Steve’s World,

Just a very short post today. I have felt a bit melancholy this Father’s Day weekend. I lost my dad to Alzheimer’s disease seven years ago this week, though the infernal disease had taken him from us pretty much a couple of years before. I miss him and I owe more than I can imagine to him. I owe my love of the Navy and baseball to him, as well as my sense of right and wrong and my willingness to fight for what is right, even if it pisses some people off. 

My dad spent 20 years in the Navy. He retired in 1974 from the aircraft carrier USS Hancock, CVA-19. He served ashore in Vietnam at a city called An Loc in 1972, enduring the siege of the city which lasted 80 days. 

I miss him. I know that he would be proud of me and I’m sure that he would not always agree with me. I wish he was still around so I could watch ball games with him and have a beer together once in a while. My fondest moments with dad were playing catch in my back yard, and him trying to teach me how to pitch, catch, and hit a baseball, as well as the countless baseball games that he took me to. Before his Alzheimer’s disease got so bad that we couldn’t take him anywhere I made a visit home and took him to a Stockton Ports game with my brother and his boys. I guess that had to be just before I went to Iraq because after I came home his deterioration was rather shocking and I realized then that we would never play catch again. 

There’s an Irish proverb that says “We never get over our fathers, and we’re not required to.”  I won’t get over mine. He wasn’t perfect and I know that I often frustrated him, but he loved me and he let me know it. I may end up watching the movie Field of Dreams tonight because of how it speaks to me about my dad. There is a scene at the end of the film where Ray Kinsella played by Kevin Costner talks with a younger version of his dad on that magical field. 

Ray asks his dad “Is there a heaven?” His dad, who had passed away years before replied, “Oh yeh, it’s the place where dreams come true.” Seeing his daughter playing on the porch Ray replied “Maybe this is heaven.” 

I don’t have kids, we were never able to have any. But as I write this I see my wife Judy sleeping and have my Papillons Izzy and Pierre passed out on the bed, Pierre in a little ball and Izzy stretched out with her legs and feet in the air, with Minnie under the bed, I realize that this too might be heaven. 

So in honor of my dad, Carl Dundas, and all the dads who helped make their sons dreams come true. 

Until Monday,

Peace

Padre Steve+ 

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June 18, 2011 · 14:05

The Banal Immorality of Targeted Advertising on Father’s Day

I am approaching the first anniversary of my Dad’s death and missing him.  Dad was really good to me and gave me a lot of what I needed to succeed in life. He died of complications of Alzheimer’s disease on June 22nd of 2010.

The past couple of weeks I have been getting a bombardment of e-mail offers from various merchants asking me to think of them when purchasing a gift for dad this year.  In the past they were just junk mail as I knew what I would get dad, usually a polo shirt or baseball hat, both of which I knew that he would wear around town or when he was still capable of doing so when he went golfing. This year they serve to remind me that dad is dead.  It makes me see just how crass that mass marketing of retailers has become and the banal immorality and lack of respect that they have for people as they seek to sell their wares.  I know that these businesses don’t know that my dad is dead but when I get offers from every type of retailer known to humanity to shop with them for him it just bothers me.  It just seems that they are using my dad to try to get my money and that bothers me and maybe it should bother all of us. Just think retailers of all types prey upon us using the lives or the memories of our loved ones without any real personal connection to us. We are simply a target audience for them to sell their wares, it is called targeted advertising and while it is common now throughout the world it just seems to me that it is a type of not so subtle psychological manipulation, but I digress…

This year Father’s Day will be celebrated in June 19th which holds a special meaning to me. It was on that day that I was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army and my dad and soon to be wife Judy pinned on my “gold bars” after I had sworn the oath to “Support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic.” They had driven 350 miles that morning to be there since I was in transition and didn’t have a place of my own.

My dad was proud of me but wondered why the Army. He was a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer and Navy through and through. He had hoped though that I would take a path to civilian life and my mom hoped that I would come back home to teach history in a local high school. However that would not be the case because I had longed to serve in the military since I was a young boy knowing that I didn’t have the talent to be a professional baseball player.  I loved the travel, adventure and military lifestyle and hated having to settle down after dad retired. This was not a problem for my mom and brother but I have always had the military wanderlust deep in my soul.

When I transferred to the Navy in 1999 it was one of the happiest moments of my dad’s life. When I was promoted to Lieutenant Commander in 2006 he was elated although his struggle with Alzheimer’s was becoming apparent to all of us.  He died the day after my selection for promotion to Commander was announced without knowing about it.  We buried him a few days later with full military honors.

He was sweet to Judy, especially as he became worse off because she took the time to include him in what she was doing, showing him things on the computer and talking with him. He would always tell her that he loved her and if talking to me, even late in life before his ability to communicate was completely gone would tell me to tell Judy that “I love her.”

Dad gave me many gifts especially the love of baseball, interest in world affairs and love of the military, though I don’t think that the last was his intention, though he accepted it at first and then embraced it as time went on. He and my brother became very close as Jeff stayed in our home town becoming a teacher and later school administrator. He doted on his grandchildren and I think that they helped keep him engaged during his battle with Alzheimer’s.

This is a rather melancholy weekend for me as I remember and reflect on my dad. I miss him but know that he is in a better place.

To those that have recently dealt with the loss of your dad I hope that your remembrance of Father’s Day is special. I know that not all dads are good dads and that some inflict terrible things on their children that scar them for life.  For the victims of such abuse Father’s Day is painful and brings back memories that they don’t want to relive and I imagine that the barrage of advertisements must bring back terrible memories to the victims of abuse.  The advertisements just serve to remind me that the dad who loved and raised me is dead, but for the victims of abuse they must only add to their pain. Maybe that is the banal immorality that I see in targeted marketing.

Anyway, I do pray that we all somehow have a happy Father’s Day.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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June 20, 2010 · 17:27

Father’s Day 2010: An Awkward Holiday

Jeff Dad and Me at the California State Capital about 1972

Father’s Day is one of those days that cause me to reflect on life. The Abbess and I were never able to have kids of our own but love our nephews and nieces as well as some very special children of various friends.  Of course we have our little Papillion-Dachshund mix Molly who I guess I am the Doggy Daddy to; she is a sweetheart and a huge amount of fun. Lately she has intensified her training of us giving voice to what she wants on a more frequent basis. Yesterday she jumped up on the Ottoman that I had my feet propped up on looked me in the eye and barked to be let up on my lap.  I guess she didn’t think I was fulfilling my Molly-Attention Quota or MAQ.

So we went to church at St James and Father John gave a Father’s Day message which was appropriate to the day, but I always feel a bit awkward when people wish me a “happy Father’s Day” since I have sired no children of my own. I’m okay with that but it is just an awkward time.

May 2009 the last time that we had actual conversation before Alzheimer’s took him away from us

The sermon took me back to better times with my dad who still is confined to a nursing home unable to do anything for himself.  I have not been able to bring myself to go back to see him since November when I saw him last, that was a difficult visit and unless it appears that his death is imminent or something happens to my mother I don’t have the emotional reserve to make the trip. As my favorite theologian Harry Callahan once said “a man’s got to know his limitations.”

Thinking back to better times I have been thinking a lot about the early years where he did so much with me especially with baseball God how I wish that he was well and we could go out in my folks back yard or Oak Grove Regional Park which is directly behind their home and “have a catch” as Kevin Costner as Ray Kinsella said to the ghost of his dad in Field of Dreams.” I remember when he joined Judy at my commissioning as an Army Second Lieutenant 27 years ago yesterday.  He wasn’t happy that it was in the Army since was a retired Navy Chief, but as my career progressed he let me know how proud that he was of me. When I became a Navy Chaplain he was overjoyed and was elated when I made Lieutenant Commander.

When I was a kid dad inspired me to want to be in the Navy although that was not his goal but he taught me to work hard, take responsibility for my actions and try to treat people right. He and mom always made sure that I was in church so in a sense they helped me on my way to becoming a Priest and Chaplain.

My dad was a good dad, I guess since he is still alive still is a good dad. He wasn’t a perfect dad and God knows that I wasn’t a perfect son.  I remember fondly the good times, regret the years that we drifted apart but rejoice that in the mid-1990s that we reconnected in a good way and that in the years leading to his complete disability from Alzheimer’s disease were able to do a few things and to hear him say “I love you son.”

God bless my dad Carl and all fathers this Father’s Day, those still alive and those that have passed away.  Most of all I wish a happy Father’s Day to my little brother Jeff who is a great dad to his children Darren, Nate and Julia.

Peace,

Padre Steve+

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June 21, 2009 · 23:43

Duty, Death, Dads, Day Games and Details

I seem to be getting ever more creative in my tiredness.  Today has been and still continues to be pretty busy.  I swapped duty with another Chaplain and have spent the day here at the Medical Center.  It has been busy and at times sporty.  It has also been a day where I have had my own struggles.  This is the first Father’s Day that I have not been able to talk to my dad whose condition  continues to slowly worsen from end stage Alzheimer’s disease at a nursing facility. I have been going strong most of the day with a lull during the afternoon which I was able to take advantage of for some self care.  Tonight between rounds as well as patient and staff care I have not stopped.  It is getting close to midnight, I know we have another coming to the ICU, so I decided to sit down, and write.

I took the duty and no sooner had the chaplain that I relieved left my office the pager went off.  It was a call to go to our Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit or NICU.  There was a 6 day old baby dying.  I had met mom and grandmother the day after the child was delivered.  She was a beautiful child but had genetic abnormalities that most expected that she would die from shortly after birth.  She was a tough little kid, but finally gave up the ghost today.  I was there and mom asked if I would baptize her, which I did and then commended her to the Lord as she passed away in her mother’s arms. While there I was told about another very sick baby who might not live long.

Sunday duty also entails doing the Protestant worship service if you are not a Roman Catholic Chaplain.   Chaplains do the service from their faith tradition.  Since my church is more on the catholic side of Anglican I use the rite out of the 1979 Book of Common Prayer as we have these on hand at our chaplain and the rite is our provisional liturgy.  I have come to like it over the years.  Our congregation is primarily military retirees and sailors or civilian workers who are on Sunday duty as well as patients who come down.  The service is broadcasted on the closed circuit television system to patient rooms.  Today we had a decent crowd and it was a good service, expect for the time my pager went off in the middle of my homily and I had to dig it out from underneath my Alb, Stole and Chasuble.  My organist took it to the duty RP (Religious Programs Specialist) who contacted the caller while I finished the homily and the Eucharist.

The caller happened to be our Labor and Delivery Unit who needed me to come up and pray with a young mother to be and her parents as she got ready for a C-section.  This went well and I found out later as I rounded this evening that everything went very smooth and that mother and baby are doing fine.  After checking around the hospital I was able to go over to Harbor Park as it is within the 30 minute response time required of our chaplain duty on weekends.  Weekdays we spend the night, weekends staying in house is optional if you live under 30 minutes away.  I live on the cusp of this and on the wrong side of a bridge tunnel so I remain in house during the weekend.

Since I ave my season ticket I went to the ballpark in my cargo shorts and replica Tides orange jersey and black cap which sport’s the Tides away logo.  The Tides as I noted yesterday have been in the “June Swoon.”  Thankfully their closest competitor, the Durham Bulls have been doing even worse.  Today against the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, the AAA affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies.  Lehigh Valley had taken the first two games of the series.  Today though was different, the Tides got a lead and held it.  The players seemed both more relaxed and focused than they have been lately.  Troy Patton, Chris Ray, Bob McCrory and Jim Miller combined for the victory, Patton getting the win and Miller getting the save.  Jeff Fiorentino hit his 5th home run as well as a ground rule double and a single scoring all four Tides runs.  Most of the game I spend talking life and baseball with Elliott the usher.

As soon as the game was over I raced back to the hospital changed back into uniform and began rounds.  These were long and extended as there were still a number of staff who needed to discuss the events that have shaken us here the past couple of weeks as well as a number of calls to either take care of staff members or patients.  Most of these have not been simple “will you pray for me” kind of stuff but major life and death, emotional or spiritual crisis involving staff, family and patients.  Thus I am pretty tired but please that I can be around.  We’ll see how the rest of the night goes.  I do hope to catch a bit of sleep.

This was also Father’s Day.  As I said it is the first that I have not been able to talk with my dad since 2002 when deployed to the Persian Gulf and off Pakistan.  I have mentioned my Dad’s Alzheimer’s disease before and he does continue to worsen, but keep hanging in there.  Dealing with the family of a retired Navy Chief in the ICU brought back memories of dad tonight.

And now to details.  I was told that the Navy Times scandal sheet had published an article on Admiral Baker not getting his second star, something that I wrote about in the last section of last night’s post.  The article gives details from the Inspector General report.  The link to the article is here:

http://www.navytimes.com/news/2009/06/navy_chaplain_061909w/

This is a sad time for the Navy Chaplain Corps and for Admiral Baker and his family.  His long and distinguished career has been tainted by what was discovered in the report. Please pray for him and the Chaplain Corps as we navigate these difficult times.

Peace, Steve+

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