“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are the dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.” T. E. Lawrence
I am an introvert, an academic and a circuitous thinker versus a linear thinker. I am also a dreamer, thinking about possibilities, alternate realities and going beyond the possible. I often discover answers to situations that I face in unrelated subjects. Usually something else that I have read, studied, watched or heard often from history, literature, film, music and sports, especially baseball. I tend to be an outside of the box thinker and I am sure that some that know me consider me quirky or sometimes even off the reservation. I like to ask, ponder and muse about hard questions, sometimes playing Devil’s Advocate.
Frankly I am okay with that.
I love writing and writing has become an extension of me as much as it has been part of my recovery, spirituality and psychological health. In a sense writing has been part of my post Iraq redemption.
I like dealing with people individually and find that I can be as at ease with the a person of most humble means with no power or influence as I can with those of great power, means and influence.
I feel most comfortable teaching and prefer, even as a Naval officer to avoid the limelight. When I was younger that was not the case. I sought promotion and remember hoping to be a Army Colonel or maybe even a General. When I gave up my rank as a Major in the Army Reserve to enter active duty in the Navy in 1999 it was as if that burden was removed. While I have done well in the Navy and have been promoted to the rank of Commander in the Chaplain Corps, I do not seek higher rank. If in a few years I get promoted that is okay, but I almost wonder due to the nature of the jobs at that level if I was promoted if I would be really happy.
I am a Priest and cannot see myself as a Bishop. I am a historian, a teacher, a bit of a counselor, I do ethics well and function very well serving as a chaplain in hospital Intensive Care Units and Trauma departments. While I have served as a company commander in the Army and had other positions where I supervised good numbers of people with a fair amount of responsibility I have found that I prefer to be in less visible positions where my influence is used helping others achieve success.
Thus I really am looking forward to my next assignment at the Joint Forces Staff College where I will be teaching ethics and probably some military history to men and women going to positions of great authority, some of whom will become Generals or Admirals. If I do my job right these men and women may learn something from me that helps them do good things for our nation, their soldiers and even the populations of countries that they be serving in, or occupying.
I think in some ways I am becoming a spiritual director and guide to some people as a Priest and Chaplain. The latter is something that was not sought, nor something that I could ever imagine. Despite my dual callings as both a Priest and military officer, great experience, education and training I have found that I frequently have felt totally inadequate when people ask me difficult questions.
I am fortunate that I can admit to people that I have questions, doubts and that much of my success is due to other people who took the time to mentor me, teach me and care for me throughout my life and career. Some were teachers, some coaches, some military officers, Navy Chiefs, or NCOs from the Army or Marine Corps, and a few clergymen.
I also have some people that I consider kindred spirits. I think that we all need to have people like that, those that we know personally and those that we know from history, literature, sports, films or whatever. I think that since everyone is different and that we learn in different ways, understand God in different ways that somehow God is not bound to any particular means of speaking to us and reveals himself to us in various ways and that one of those ways is through people that are kindred spirits.
In my case I find such men and women are those that like me march to a different drummer, those that think outside the box and those not threatened by ideas, discoveries or philosophies different than their own. Those who can see the humanity and value in people who are not necessarily like them. Those who in their lives often failed before they succeeded and whose journeys were not easy and those who did not seek the highest office or aspire to be a celebrity even when they had the chance.
I think that the one man who I can call a kindred spirit is T. E. Lawrence, known as history as Lawrence of Arabia. As I read his autobiography I found a complicated and often contradictory man who after achieving fame laid it down even though he could have held any of a number of great positions of power. He really was an amazing person. Lawrence wrote:
“The rare man who attains wisdom is, by the very clearness of his sight, a better guide in solving practical problems than those, more commonly the leaders of men, whose eyes are misted and minds warped by ambition for success….”
That is what I have been learning since Iraq.
Peace
Padre Steve+
The Inglorius Padre Steve's World 