I was visiting the Super Holy International Temple a few weeks back when I had a revelation…well maybe not exactly a revelation but a somewhat differently inspired inspirational moment of unquestionable inspiration. Or maybe it was just my mind was a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives through my insomniac PTSD’d brain after one too many beers at Gordon Biersch. Whatever it was, I can assure you that it was something that was important enough to write about. As the beneficiary of a relatively limited amount of wisdom and wanting to ensure that I am not becoming a Harry Tick I decided to check this out with the Deity Herself.
So I did so and indeed the Deity has allowed me to pass this wisdom on to my readers. Most of it deals with me but the application might be applicable to anyone who feels that is applicable to them, otherwise if not applicable readers should not make any application whatsoever to the way that they live their lives.
With that in mind this was what I received in that moment of differently inspired inspirational moment of unquestionable inspiration, what I will call the Ten Pretty Good Suggestions:
1. Dude, you don’t know nothing about a lot of things so don’t go making it up as you go along hoping that I will agree with it just because you found a Bible verse to back it up.
2. Likewise since you don’t know nothing don’t you go piddling about telling people that something was my will. While it may have been, it just may as well not have been. That is for me to know and you keep your mouth shut about, especially if it was one of those really sucky times where something bad happened to someone who obviously did nothing to deserve it…like little kids dying of cancer, women losing babies when they really want them, young people getting killed in war, people who are good people who love God and demonstrate love to others getting terrible diseases or watch family members and friends suffer while really sucky bad people seem to prosper and stuff like that.
3. Bad things happen to good people and bad people alike, just as good things happen to good people and bad people alike. The rain falls on the just and the unjust and this is why the Dodgers have won a number of World Series since coming west and the Giants haven’t.
4. Shit happens to both good and bad people not because the Deity wills it or the Devil is causing it but simply because pain, death and suffering are common to all due to the fall. Hey, that one rhymed so quit calling bad things “acts of God” or God’s will” since you don’t know nothing anyway.
5. The Deity does not take religious instruction from you Padre otherwise the creation would be far more fouled up than it has become, it doesn’t need your help. So please remember to thank me for Global Warming otherwise you’d be freezing you ass off down there.
6. Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that the Devil is out trying to get you. Just because he is a “roaring Lion seeking out someone to devour doesn’t mean that you are worth a whole lot of his time. Since he has made enemies with the Deity and had his head whacked at the Cross, he is probably not screwing with you at this moment. If you believe this Padre you are way too full of yourself and need to do some serious confession. Make no doubt there Padre, the Devil is out there and the proof is in artificial turf on baseball fields and aluminum or composite bats, those are unnatural and definitely the work of the devil.
7. Padre, just because you believe something really hard does not mean that I believe it or will just try to make you happy by allowing it to happen. Just ask Cubs fans last year when they thought they were going to the World Series…it didn’t happen.
8. You may not like it but you game is going to get rained out once in a while so move under the awning sit back and watch the grounds crew do their thing.
9.Don’t you go thinking that just because you did something that you think is special there Padre that I have to do something in return for you, like I love you and all that but dude I don’t owe you squat. My love, giving up my Son to die on the cross for you and the salvation of the world, including your sorry ass isn’t enough?
10. Since you don’t know nothing instead of telling people going through hard times that it is “God’s will” or “from the Devil,” simply admit that you don’t know and walk with them through the valley loving them and caring for them on the way, knowing that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me” and “I will be with you to the end of the age.” Like duh? I think that those are even in the Bible there Padre. Just like “in this world things will often be really sucky and stuff will go against you but be happy dude because I have overcome the world.”
So anyway after receiving that I had to stop and think, you know like dude, those are pretty profound. So since they are applicable to me don’t assume that they are applicable to you unless however they are applicable in which case you should make application and apply them. Somehow I think that there are a lot of folks who like me are tired of having people try to tell them how to live their lives or how God somehow figures into something bad happening to them when in fact it may not be God, or for that matter even the Devil either. Maybe shit just happens. I know that I got tired of people feeding me full of how they knew what God was doing in my life when bad stuff happened. all the way back in seminary when things went to Super Holy International Temple on me. Why should I inflict the Super Holy International Temple on others?