Daily Archives: November 17, 2014

November 17, 2014 · 23:25

Things that Go Bump in the Night Terrors of PTSD

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Bram Stoker wrote in Hamlet these immortal words in his novel Dracula:

“How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads; to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams.” 

I am getting ready to go to bed, hopefully a bit early tonight and hopefully without the terror of so many nights, but I dread to sleep. I can understand why the savior of Little Round Top, General Gouverneur Warren wrote his wife after the Civil War:

“I wish I did not dream that much. They make me sometimes dread to go to sleep. Scenes from the war, are so constantly recalled, with bitter feelings I wish to never experience again. Lies, vanity, treachery, and carnage.” 

Last night was difficult, the nightmares and night terrors were quite terrifying. Thus I almost dread bedtime tonight. Since the summer my dreams and nightmares have become much more vivid and often so terrifying that I either wake up or am woken up by Judy when she sees me becoming too physically active in them. I have when up several times either screaming or hitting the floor when I fall out of bed trying to attack something in my dream which is threatening me or Judy, or when I am fleeing a threat, usually as I hit the floor or the bookcase that doubled as my nightstand. Judy has woken me up a number of times, once when it appeared that I was shooting at someone. It must be thrilling for her. Of course Minnie our youngest Papillon decided that hanging on to mommy during such times is a good idea, while my unflappable Molly, my Papillon-Dachshund mix who helped get me through many nights after coming home from Iraq now simply looks up and goes back to sleep. Evidently she is used to me now, it is good that someone in our little household is able to not be too bothered by nightmares.

Last night I in a place where Judy and I had been trapped by enemy soldiers of some kind. I was unarmed and to allow Judy to escape up a hill I shut a gate to keep the enemy soldiers from pursuing us. As I struggled to lock the gate, I turned and saw that Judy had reached safety. I turned to join her but found that I could not get up the hill, I struggled and as I did the soldiers broke through the gate and began to shoot at me, I dove to avoid their bullets and was rudely awakened by my chin hitting the edge of the previously mentioned bookcase.

I slammed into it hard, so hard that my teeth cut my upper lip, and that my chin and jaw were swollen and in pain. I got up, walked into our master bathroom where my mouth was full of blood and my chin already swollen from the impact. Because of the hour I did not want to have Judy take me to the emergency room so I rinsed out my mouth, packed it with tissue to soak up the blood and lay back down until my normal time to wake up.

When boring came I got up, unpacked the very bloody tissue from my mouth and lips, showered and got ready for work. As I did so I noticed the damage to the bookcase, my jaw had shattered the pressed wood. I was shocked, evidently I have as hard of head as my dad accused me of as a child. I was surpassed, took a picture of he damage and went to work, where I reported what happened to my dean and went to our branch medical clinic. I spent most of the morning getting my head examined.

Though I hurt from the neck up, and was in a lot of pain nothing was broken so the doctor sent me home. The doctor said that though nothing was broken that I would be in pain for some time, and I am. He compared the impact to being in an auto accident. My neck is sore, the chin, jaw and mouth sore and I do have a pretty good headache.

When I see my new primary care doctor I will get scheduled for a sleep study.

Judy mentioned something that I didn’t think about either last night when this happened or while I was at the doctor. The fact is that had I not crushed the bookcase with my jaw I could have suffered a very severe injury, perhaps even a fractured skull.

I think that most of my current nightmares are triggered by reading about or seeing news reports about what is currently happening in Iraq where I left so much of my heart. But my dreams and nightmares are such surreal mixtures of fact, history, reality and imagination that it is sometime hard to tell where the dream ends and reality begins, or for that matter if there is much difference between the dream and reality, as Edward Allan Poe wrote:

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?”

I make no pretense of saying that I can understand or interpret them. Last night may have been triggered by the F-18s from the USS George H.W. Bush flying in to the Naval Air Station following their return from deployment not far from where I work during the day. The noise of their jet engines took me back to Iraq.  When I was in Iraq, any time that I was going west or east and waiting on flights at Al Asad Air Base in Al Anbar, the Marine and Navy F-18s based there would keep me up all hours of the day and night as I tried to sleep in the tents that transients like me stayed. Of course those tents were only a couple hundred yards from the flight line, so sleep was rare and the noise got into my head.

I honestly do hope that my new therapist and medication manager can find the right combination of therapy and medications to manage this. It would be nice to be able to sleep without waking up in terror with dreams of war and of enemies, both real and imagined trying to kill me.

I have posted the photo of the broken bookcase here just to give you an idea of how hard I hit it with my chin. It shocked the hell out of me when I saw it. Yes that is the damaged that I caused, it is about three inches in size.

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So anyway, I am going to try to get some sleep. But as Guy Sajer, the author of the classic account of brutal combat wrote: “Only happy people have nightmares, from overeating. For those who live a nightmare reality, sleep is a black hole, lost in time, like death.” Since returning from Iraq, my nights have been nightmarish. I wish that I never had to sleep, for sleep is far worse than being awake, even awake in a combat zone. Like Gouverneur Warren, my dreams sometimes, in  fact most of the time cause me to dread going to sleep.

All that being said I do not want to lose my dreams, the good, the bad or even the terrifying. The somehow are a part of me, though I certainly would wish that they would not be so vivid that I end up physically bruised and sitting in an acute care clinic. That being said, I have to agree with Joseph Heller who wrote: “I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.”

With that, I wish all of us peace and pleasant dreams, even in the midst of real life nightmares.

Padre Steve+

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November 17, 2014 · 00:17

If they Destroy Our History…Why Defeating ISIL Matters

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The Islamic State Destroys the Tomb of the Patriarch Jonah, holy to Moslems, Christians and Jews earlier this year

My friends, I know that I said that I was tired and was just going to re-post an old article about the moral and ethical issues of fighting the Islamic State.I did that, but tonight as I watched my Blu-ray disc of the movie The Monuments Men I was struck by something that was very profound, the necessity of preserving our culture and history, and not just American, European or Christian history, culture, art and literature.

Robert Edsel, the man that wrote the story of the men who worked under enemy fire to save the works of the great artists who so  represent who we are as a civilized people wrote:

“To save the culture of your allies is a small thing. To cherish the culture of your enemy, to risk your life and the life of other men to save it, to give it all back to them as soon as the battle was won… it was unheard of, but that is exactly what Walker Hancock and the other Monuments Men intended to do.”

Wherever ISIL has taken power they have made public displays of destroying the monuments, works of art and religious shrines of those that they oppose. The leaders and spokesmen of the Islamic State have made it clear that theirs is not only a religious war, but a cultural war. A war that they claim to be backed by their religion even as they defy the very basic tenants of it.

For ISIL it does not matter if the works that they destroy are Islamic, Christian, Jewish works, or works that came before any of our current major religions, or even of the people that they murder are fellow Moslems, the fact is that they believe that all that do not believe as them must submit or be destroyed.

For a log time I have wondered just why this was the case. But in the film Monuments Men there was a quote which I think speaks volumes about the real intent of the Islamic State. George Clooney, who plays the American professor Frank Stokes remark to his team members:

“You can wipe out an entire generation, you can burn their homes to the ground and somehow they’ll still find their way back. But if you destroy their history, you destroy their achievements and it’s as if they never existed. That’s what Hitler wants and that’s exactly what we are fighting for…”

The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, as well as the Taliban in Afghanistan are attempting not just to kill and destroy a generation, but to wipe out any sense of their history, culture and tradition. They do not care if what they destroy predates their own religion, because for them all culture, except  what they can use to propagate their faith is profane, heretical or worthy of destruction.

In Afghanistan the Taliban destroyed irreplaceable works, including an irreplaceable,  massive and ancient Buddhist shrine. In Iraq and Syria the Islamic State have destroyed and are destroying the works that people of faith, be they Moslems, Jews or Christians cherish. Tombs of the ancient patriarchs and prophets of our shared faiths, shrines, Mosques, Churches, or Synagogues are not sacred to such people.

The leaders of the Islamic State are perhaps even worse than the Nazis. Many Nazi leaders sought to preserve great works of art, even if it was only for their benefit or profit. However, the leaders of the Islamic State have an allegedly “higher motive” than the Nazis, their motive is to destroy anything that offends their image of God.

If we believe that there is any sense of historical, cultural or religious meaning and value. If we believe that there is any sense of the holy. If we believe that there is any sense that we must preserve the works that countless generations of Christians, Jews and Moslems have sought to preserve for our shared culture, then we must resolve to see that the Islamic State is destroyed.

There are things that are worth fighting and dying for if we are not to lose who were are as people, who we are as humanitarians, who we are as people of faith, just who as people respect and care for the people, cultures, faith and thought of those who came before us and who have contributed to who we are.

Some might say that works of art, history and culture are not wore fighting and dying for, but they are wrong. For if we have any sense of who we are as Christians, Moslems, Jews or any other people of faith or culture, including nonbelievers who see value in such works; we cannot allow the Islamic State to win. There are some things, in our common humanity that must be fought for if we are to survive as human beings who seek to preserve our history, faiths and culture.

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The fight against the Islamic State is not just about religion. It is not just about oil,  It is in fact a fight to preserve who we are as human beings and our shared cultural heritage against people who have no regard for culture, religion, faith or humanity.

Sadly, unlike the small team of art experts who worked to save the works of art and culture that the Hitler was bent on destroying at the end of the World War Two, there are no teams working to save the great works of antiquity that the Islamic State is intent on destroying. It is just too dangerous.  The tomb of Jonah who is important to Jews, Moslems and Christians was destroyed earlier this year, as well as  many churches, mosques and synagogues, burial grounds, shrines, icons and works of art which the leaders of the Islamic State have determined to be degenerate, heretical or disrespectful to the Prophet, works that generations of Moslem, Christian and Jewish scholars, leaders and common people in the Middle East fought to preserve for posteretity. Works that even if they differed in their religious beliefs, that all believed were worth preserving.

But to paraphrase the words of what the character that George Clooney played in The Monuments Men in said about the Nazis to the Islamic State:

“They can wipe out an entire generation, they can burn their homes to the ground, somehow people will still find their way back. But if they destroy our collective history, if they destroy our collective achievements, it will be as if we never existed. That’s what the Islamic State wants and that’s exactly what we are fighting against…”

Peace

Padre Steve+

 

 

 

 

 

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