Category Archives: healthcare

May 28, 2012 · 00:05

Memorial Day 2012: The Perpetual Cost in Human Lives, PTSD, Suicide and Other Issues

Al Waleed Border Crossing 2007

On Memorial Day there will be many official observances at various Military and Veterans cemeteries to honor the members of the United States Military that have died in the service of our country throughout our history. Many died directly in battle while many more died to combat related injuries, illness, suicide as well as substance abuse and addiction.

In addition to the more than 6000 US Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen killed in battle there have been tens of thousands more who have died of causes related to their service in combat.  That is nothing new, the same was true in Vietnam, Korea, the World Wars and before.  War changes people and the wounds incurred, physical, psychological, spiritual and moral impact those that served as well as their loved ones for years, sometimes for the rest of their life. The problem is exacerbated when the society in which the soldiers return is itself not invested in the war being fought.

The fact is that no matter how well individual soldiers train and prepare for combat and combat conditions there is nothing that truly prepares that one can never fully expect what will happen to them in theater or after they return.  I can speak personally to this as well as testify about the things that I learn from others that have served. Likewise I know what others have written or shared.

Audie Murphy 

One of the most prominent soldiers ever to share his experiences of what was then called “battle-fatigue” was America’s most decorated soldier, Audie Murphy. Murphy served in North Africa and Europe in the Second World War and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, Two Silver Stars and Two Bronze Stars in addition to 28 other US and foreign awards for service and for valor. When he returned from the war he suffered from depression, chronic insomnia slept with a loaded pistol under his pillow and became addicted to prescription sleeping pills. In the immediate aftermath of the war following his discharge from active duty he struggled to find employment and slept in a gym before finally finding work as an actor. He starred in 44 films including the biographical film about his life To Hell and Back. He spoke up for Vietnam vets returning from war with similar problems before he was killed in a plane crash on May 28th 1971.

I have also found that Chaplains and others that provide care to those in combat become particularly isolated when they return with PTSD or other combat stress related issues. One of the biggest reasons for this is that in many churches and religious bodies a chaplain that suffers from these issues has nowhere to turn and is isolated in his or her denomination. In the past few years a number of chaplains, Army and Navy have committed suicide following tours in Iraq. I knew a couple of them, one who had also served as an Marine infantryman in Vietnam. I have know others including medical personnel that have suffered from PTSD, depression, substance abuse and known a couple that have attempted suicide following their return from combat. I know others that have lost their faith or suffered a spiritual crisis brought about by their time in combat. I read today about Army Chaplain Darren Turner who left the Army following his time in Iraq suffering from combat stress issues, faith and readjustment to life back at home and for a time was separated from his wife. He has since returned to the Army but his path was not easy and I am sure based on my knowledge of others that more are out there afraid to tell their story.  (See the article on CNN http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/26/battlefield-chaplains-war-unfolded-on-many-fronts/?hpt=hp_c2

Former Army Vice Chief Of Staff General Peter Chiarelli has fought the American Psychological Association to have the diagnostic term PTSD changed to PTSI, Post Traumatic Stress Injury to reduce the stigma that often prevents servicemen and women from seeking help. His request was recently rejected but it has merit. Other countries such as Canada treat it as such for their veterans.

I wrote about my experience of this on a number of occasions one of which I wrote in 2010 I asked if there were other chaplains like me. That article Raw Edges: Are there other Chaplains out there Like Me? attracted the interested of the local newspaper in Jacksonville North Carolina which did an article on me. (See http://www.jdnews.com/articles/cmdr-89433-stephen-military.html ) That article in turn led to my involvement with the DOD Real Warriors Campaign http://www.realwarriors.net/  They did a video on my story and interviewed me last week as part of a DOD Military Bloggers live forum.

I don’t feel alone anymore. I still have my struggles and I have talked about them a lot in other articles and plan to continue to do my best to help others who are struggling with the effects of war and return from it, especially chaplains, medical personnel and those that now struggle with faith and belief after their time at war. My encouragement is to just say that in spite of everything you are not alone.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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May 18, 2012 · 17:59

In Praise of Nurses

Last week, May 5th-12th was National Nurses Week as well as the 104th Anniversary of the Navy Nurse Corps. Nurses are the lynchpin of medicine. Physicians are incredibly important and as a society we usually ascribe more value to them. However in many case, if not most it is a nurse who is the person that does the heavy lifting in the care of the sick. Before the modern era of nursing was often done by Nuns or by women that volunteered to assist military physicians.

It was in the quagmire of the Crimean War that Florence Nightingale brought about the modern era of nursing, even though physicians and hospitals often saw the women who served as nurses as inexpensive help to care for the sick. Despite this nursing became more and more professional and technical over the years without ever losing that particular calling of ministering to the afflicted that is the essence of their history. In the later 1800s the first nursing schools were established and in 1901 New Zealand was the first country to have Registered Nurses. In 1903 North Carolina became the first US State to require the licensure of nurses.  The US Navy Nurse Corps was established n 1908 with nurses being commissioned as officers and assigned to Naval Hospitals.

However it was the needs of war that brought nursing into the modern age where it is formally recognized as a key component of Health Care. In the World Wars nursing came into its own as a profession. Nurses were among the US personnel that endured the initial onslaught of the war in the Pacific. The Army and Navy Nurses that served and cared for the wounded, starving and emaciated Soldiers, Martines and Sailors on Bataan and Corregidor were heroes in their own right.

The profession of nursing continues to grow and the women and men who serve as nurses at various levels, from the most highly trained Clinical Nurse Specialists and Nurse Practitioners, or other highly specialized Register Nurses many of whom have advanced degrees including doctorates down to the most humble Licensed Vocational (or Practical) Nurse and even Certified Nursing Aides. These women and men are the backbone of medicine and despite the long hours, the years of training and certification required of them, many people don’t fully appreciate them until they become sick and are cared for by these wonderful people.

I have been blessed to have known and worked with many amazing nurses in the course of my career as a Medical Service Corps Officer in the Army and as a Chaplain in the military and civilian settings. As I wrote yesterday I lost a dear friend and co-worker, Commander Marsha Hanly a Navy Nurse who died unexpectedly yesterday. Marsha exemplified the best of nursing and thank God there are so many more like her who serve so well, and care so well for those committed to their. Likewise many a physician and chaplain for that matter owe a great deal to nurses.

God Bless all Nurses tonight.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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May 15, 2012 · 22:17

Juiced and Loving It

Former Major League Baseball slugger Jose Canseco wrote a book in which he described his use of performance enhancing drugs, or steroids. The book not only detailed his use but made accusations that many players were using such substances helped to reveal a culture in MLB that saw many players using while owners and management turned a blind eye. My version of being “juiced” to borrow Canseco’s book title is far different. I prefer citrus and other fruits run trough a blender to anything that I might have to inject with a needle. I don’t like needles or shots. 10 years of allergy shots  given 1-2 times a week as a kid cured me of that.

For 30 years in the military I have struggled with being in my weight standards. My problem is that I am undertall. just a bit about 5 and a half feet tall with a barrel chest and thick body build.  But in the military which is ruled by tall skinny people with the exception of Army Chief of Staff Ray Odinero defines undertall as overweight, even if you are in otherwise excellent physical condition and can kick ass on the Physical Fitness Test. The older you are the harder it gets, especially when the services are downsizing, no pun intended.

Since I entered the Army in 1981 until now the standards for physical readiness have increased. In fact to score an equivalent score to what I needed to get a maximum score in the Army in the 1980s I have to do as much or more. My weight limit is basically what I had to meet when I was in my 20s. Now I don’t know about you but not many people in their 50s are anywhere close to their physical condition when they were in their 20s and most civilian employers don’t care so long as you can do the job.  As a 52 year old in the Navy I have to meet weight, body fat and physical standards that are little different from when I first entered the Army over 30 years ago. I am not complaining but that is the way life is, as some say in the Navy “choose your rate choose your fate.” I chose to continue to serve as an old person in an organization which is designed for young people. The men and women that I entered the military back in 1981 are almost all retired or have otherwise left the military. I am now a dinosaur. When I entered the Army if you were over 50 you were exempt from the standards. the same in the Navy. It is not that way now. Fat people are easy targets when ranks need to be thinned, no pun intended.

My body type is a prime target. I am for all practical matters a fireplug. Depending on my height on a given day I can be 66” or 67” tall, which in the Navy is a difference f 5 pounds. Thus if I go beyond the maximum weight on the weigh for my height in I am subjected to a Body Fat Composition determined by a highly subjective measurement of my abdomen and neck.  In the year following my tour in Iraq when I was physically, emotionally and spiritually a wreck I tipped the scales a bit too heavy and was taped. I passed the physical fitness test with aplomb both times but because I was over my body fat I failed both times. In the Navy if you fail 3 times (weight/body fat/PT test) in 4 years you are out.

Thus I ended up on what I call the “BCA (Body Composition Analysis) Death Watch. This means that if I fail the weight standards again before 2014 I am out. As I mentioned I am have a fireplug body build. Even way under my official weight limit I am not skinny and since my neck is not thick if I fail the weight limit I am probably going to be near, at or over my body fat limit no matter how hard I try. Thus I need to be under the weight limit.

I didn’t have a real problem with this until I came back from Iraq in 2008  Then everything went to hell. I gained a lot of weight, suffered from PTSD, severe depression, loss of faith and had a number of nagging physical injuries that I kept re-injuring. I self medicated with beer and donuts. Tasted great, made me feel better but made me fat. Nothing like 4-6 hot and fresh Krispy Kreme Glazed donuts with a couple of good amber lagers to wash them down just before bed. However as good tasting and satisfying as the combination is it is not healthy and I don’t recommend it, unless done in severe moderation which was not my habit back then.

Now it has been a couple of years since I failed a BCA. I have worked hard, but not without struggle. I gained more weight than I wanted to after I broke my leg last summer and was really afraid to do much on it. However as it healed I began to test my physical endurance and helped by a switch of running shoes, enabled me to really get back in shape. For the first time since before I deployed to Iraq in 2007 I ran over 7 miles last weekend. I have developed a really good conditioning regimen that exercises all of my body and supplement it with running on the beach near my apartment. But exercise is only part of the equation. The other part is diet.

Since I gained more weight than I wanted over the winter I had to find a way to shred it without resorting to starvation type diets. What I found was my blender. Yes most parts are edible. Actually no, it was what I put in the blender and what I am now loving. My mix which produces about a liter of juice follows:

2 medium Ruby Red Grapefruit, 1 Banana, 1 Medium Navel Orange, 2 cups Strawberries (Halved)  8 ounces water

I lover this. I drink this during the day rather than eating donuts and high fat/sodium junk foods and then follow up with a healthy dinner, low in fat but rich and balanced with appropriate amounts of proteins, carbohydrates etc…. Once in a while I will splurge and have a big burger or pizza and an occasional dessert but generally I have switched over to healthy items taken in moderation. I also did not have to stop drinking beer which I have with dinner every night. The result was that I lost weight and feel better. In fact after I passed my weigh in today I had more of my juice before going out for a big burger reward.  When I came home from dinner I made another batch of juice. I like it and plan to continue it because like I said I like it. I figure now why not? If I keep up my physical conditioning while watching my diet I will be better off and in the fall during the next Physical Readiness cycle I will not have to change habits.

For physical conditioning I alternate running on the beach with doing a type of circuit training that I designed to fit me. I have a course that is about 4/10th of a mile. I run it and at a predetermined point stop and do 25 sit-ups, 15-20 oblique sit-ups on each side, 70-100 flutter kicks and 15-25 push ups. I then stand up, start running and repeat. I try to do this for at least an hour pausing only to tie my shoes if they come undone. In an hour this means I run about 4 miles, do 150-250 push ups, 250 regular sit ups, 300-400 oblique sit-ups and 700-1000 flutter kicks during the work out. As I get in better  shape each week my number of repetitions has increased on each exercise and my running distance has increased. It is a good thing. I have to think my old assistant who was my body guard in Iraq, RP1 Nelson Lebron for helping me figure out something that would work for me. Nelson is a beast and has been on Team USA and the All Navy Team in Mixed Martial Arts and was a Gold Gloves Boxer.

My blood pressure and cholesterol always surprise my doctors because they are better than most people younger than me. Part of this has to be genetics but part is conditioning, diet and hard work.

As far as overall physical condition I am happy and pleasantly amused that at age 52 I can outdo many younger people who should by all accounts leave me in the dirt.

Reward (But in Moderation): The American Burger at Rucker John’s Emerald Isle

I am blessed that I have recovered from injury and am back in shape. It has taken a lot of work but it is worth it. I feel better and it is a good thing. Tonight I celebrated with a big burger and a couple of beers at a local restaurant. Tomorrow I will do my juice, get in a strong workout and eat a healthy dinner. However I may continue my celebration with a dinner at the local Mexican restaurant before going back to salads, soups or small pasta dishes with an occasional steak or burger.

Here’s to health.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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February 10, 2012 · 00:56

Religious Freedom and Religious Hypocrisy the New Improved 2012 Model

In the last few days there has been a uproar regarding the Department of Health and Human Services decision to require employers, including church related service institutions including schools, universities and hospitals to provide FDA approved contraception in their health insurance benefits.  Such benefits are already law in over half of the States of the United States. While many provide some exemptions for churches in eight States churches and related religious institutions receive no exemption in the State laws from contraception mandates.

The Roman Catholic Church as well as some Evangelicals such as Richard Land the President of the Southern Baptist Church have called this an assault on religious liberty.  They have been joined by numerous politicians who with the exception of Rick Santorum seem more intent on using it as a rallying cry against President Obama because for years under Republican administrations they did not complain a bit about about this. It just seems disingenuous and I just have to wonder why now and not then?

However my purpose today is not to argue the particular merits of this case. I really don’t see it as a case of religious liberty but rather employment rights under the law which apply to all employers which religious institutions receive numerous exemptions that no secular employers receive in kind. Religious institutions receive tremendous amounts of tax exemptions, exemptions regarding employment rights and other benefits  that secular institutions or employers do not. That is a product of our continued religious liberty and the place of privilege of religious institutions, particularly Christian ones in this country.

We Christians can cry out that we are being persecuted but we do so from a position of privilege that Christians in other countries where persecution is real and often involves prison and death. I find it hard to take seriously the cries of persecution on this issue by Bishops who preside over diocese which have universities and hospitals that already provide the contraceptive coverage to employees that is being mandated now. Likewise I have a hard time reconciling a claim of persecution by many who have been complicit in the cover up of massive numbers of sexual abuse crimes by clergy and religious and who have used the courts to try to deny the redress if these issues by the victims of these crimes.

The point I want to make is that it seems to me that Christians in the United States generally only rally to the cause of religious freedom when it benefits them economically, socially and legally. I seldom see conservative Christians be they Catholic or Protestant come to the defense of religious rights of minority religions.  In fact more often than not it seems that they are all in favor of restricting the practices of those that don’t agree with them.

I respect the right of the Roman Catholic Church to its beliefs and practice. However it is hypocritical for it or other churches accept and lobby for special exemptions and privileges that no one else receives from the government and then cry that it is being persecuted when required to provide benefits that all other employers are required to provide. It is simply a matter of fairness.

Thomas Jefferson wrote to Horatio Spafford in March 1814 that “In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own.” It seems to me that this is the case now.

I do think that the choice of Catholic bishops as well as the denominational leaders of churches which have no opposition to contraception to make this a major fight is a mistake. I believe that will harm the witness of the church and further increase the perception that American Christians care more about themselves and their rights than they do about those of others. Truthfully this kind of action is the opposite of the early church which in spite of real persecution never stopped loving or caring about those that persecuted them. But then those Christians didn’t have to worry about running the church like a business, political party or government.  I guess that must make a difference.

I do expect some hate mail on this post but oh well, such it life.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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December 3, 2011 · 23:56

Loose Thoughts on a December Saturday: I’m not a Nurse, the Great Cain Wreck, the End at Camp Victory, LSU went to Georgia and Padre Steve Discovers Twitter….

Sitting on Saddam Hussein’s throne at Al Faw Palace Camp Victory Iraq 2007

Well it has been a week hasn’t it?  I mean really so much has happened and things just keep happening whether we want them to happen or not as the old adage goes “shit happens….”

For me it has been a hard week although in terms of hardness it has been Judy that has to endure more than me. Judy had surgery this week to remove a bone spur that had grown into her Achilles tendon. Remove of said bone spur a partial resection of the Achilles and she has not had a fun week. Especially with the nursing care available to her…me.

I admire and respect nurses beyond belief and now more than ever.  I don’t have a nursing temperament. When the TV show House MD began I was watching it with Judy and remarked that House was “me without Jesus” to which she responded “honey House is you with Jesus.”  I am a Myers-Briggs INTJ  which basically means that I am not the most warm and cuddly person in the world and I lack the qualities that make for a good and compassionate nurse.

Now I am very competent at doing things to help people including medical things, but that does not mean that I am good at the hands on work that nurses do with great skill and care. Unfortunately for Judy I am her nurse.  A few years back she had a surgical procedure and I did so bad that she said that I had went to the “Leave Them on the Ice Flow to Die School of Nursing.”  Now because of Global Warming there are no ice flows in our area so I have worked hard to help Judy. Having endured a broken leg last summer I have more patience and even empathy than I would have before.  However it has been hard on her and trying on me.  This week has made me more appreciative of nurses than I was before because I would last about a half a shift if I was a real nurse. Personally I am much more like House in that I like to be alone, come up with answers save the day and not get too attached to anything.  How Judy has dealt with me for all of these years is beyond me God bless her and for her sake I hope that her recovery goes really well.

But even as I have done my pitiful best to help and comfort Judy other things are going on in the world without considering that I have been too busy to write about them.  It is not right, the world should stop letting important things happen when I don’t have the time or am too tired to write about them.

I guess the biggest domestic news was that the “Herman Cain Train” became the new Great Cain Wreck as in yet another surreal news conference Cain suspended his campaign.  I don’t know if any of what Cain’s accusers stories have any validity.   However Cain’s responses to each accusation caused me to question his credibility.  I think that having a criminal lawyer introduce him at a press conference after the first accuser went public was part of this but not all. It took more than that. Likewise Cain’s plethora of inept interviews and answers to questions that serious Presidential candidates need to have answers have made me doubt his credibility as a candidate. This was echoed in the polls in which Cain had taken the lead and then saw it melt away as Newt, the new “Bob Dole” Gingrich has vaulted over his competition in many key states, no doubt helped by the Great Cain Wreck. I have no idea who will win the GOP nomination but if they want to defeat the most vulnerable Presidential incumbent that I have ever seen they need to do better.  My scientific polling at the Gordon Biersch bar is that most people are not thrilled with another four years of President Obama, and that many really don’t like him, but almost all view the current GOP field as “unexciting” “uninspiring” and “unprepared” and “un-presidential” bunch that they have ever seen. Jimmy Carter would have been so lucky to have had this bunch to run against rather than Ronald Reagan.  One of them may beat this very beatable President but none of them are Ronald Reagan, heck they make Bob Dole look inspired by comparison.

Across the ocean in the Land of Ur the U.S. Military handed over the massive base complex at Cap Victory over the the Iraqi government.  Camp Victory and the U.S. Air Base connected to it at the Baghdad International Airport was the great gateway in and out of Iraq for many US and coalition soldiers.  It was at one time a complex of palaces built by Saddam and from it U.S. commanders prosecuted the war in Iraq.  I went through it on the way in and out of Iraq. At the time it was a virtual city.  You went to bed with the sounds of combat and rockets and mortar rounds would land in the base even as U.S. and Iraqi forces battled insurgents not far from the perimeter of the base.  Despite this the base had the largest PX facility in country as well as many amenities that seemed like a different world when I went out to Al Anbar province and travelled among our advisors with Iraqi forces.  It had a myriad of fast food outlets, coffee houses and things that you might find on a base in the United States.  While there I did get the obligatory tour of the Al Faw Palace which served as the main headquarters building for Multi-National Corps Iraq and and sat in the throne presented to Saddam by Yasser Afafat.  At the end of my tour I travelled back through and was amazed at the amenities on the base.  Since it was only a stop over I never had any attachment positive or negative to it but just the same it is strange to imagine that this base which some imagined would be the hub of U.S. operations in the Middle East for decades is back in Iraqi hands. I sincerely hope and pray for the best for Iraq and all of its people.

Finally today back in Georgia where Herman Cain surprised no one by suspending his campaign the LSU Tigers surprised no one by whipping up on the Georgia Bulldogs in the Georgia Bowl.  The Tigers fell behind 10-0 in the first quarter but scored 42 unanswered points to remain undefeated and to play for the BCS National Championship.  As Bobby “Waterboy” Boucher would say the Tigers “put a can of whip-ass” on the Bulldogs.

Finally I have discovered the joy of Twitter.  Yes though I haven’t had time to put long coherent thoughts together this week I have discovered that I can put rich and pithy comments into 144 character tweets.  I said that I would never do this and I won’t demean anyone that subscribes to my Twitter account @padresteve by calling them “peeps” as I believe that no one besides little marshmallow chicks that proliferate at Easter should be called.

So with all of that said and more serious things to write about I bid you goodnight.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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August 10, 2011 · 23:59

Break a Leg….Oh I Did….

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” Henny Youngman

People in theater wish each other good luck by saying “break a leg” before a performance.  The phrase and variants of it have been used in numerous cultures and even transcended theater.  An example is what German pilots in the First World War would tell each other “Hals- und Beinbruch” or “neck and leg break.”  The term is basically superstition because if you wish someone “good luck” that is actually bad luck.

Two weeks ago tonight while taking pictures on the National Mall in Washington DC I took a fall near the Washington Monument.  I have always wanted good pictures of DC monuments at night and I finally have a camera that takes good pictures at night.  So after dinner with a cousin I had her drop me off at the White House where I started my journey.  I trekked from the White House to the Washington Monument where I took pictures of it and a long distance shot of the Capitol Dome.  I decided to hike toward the World War Two and Lincoln Memorials walking down the gentle incline from the Washington Monument all the while stopping periodically to frame the picture.  I had stopped and lined up a really nice shot of the Lincoln Memorial with the World War II Memorial in the foreground.  I took the picture and turned to my left to take another look at the Washington Monument and as I did so I went crashing down about 2 ½ to 3 feet off of an un-illuminated ledge onto a concrete walkway which rings the monument.  While it is lit near the sides it is not in the center of the Mall.  Since it was pitch black out with no moon I had no warning and could not brace for the fall.

I landed hard on the side of my right leg and felt immediate sharp pain.  I got up brushed myself off, made sure that my camera was okay, priorities you see and gingerly put weight on my leg.  I found that I could put some weight on it and decided to continue my march toward the World War Two and Lincoln Memorials. Since I had to get back to the Georgetown  University campus I figured that it was just as close to head that direction as it was to haul my ass back to Pennsylvania Avenue.  Besides I had to get my pictures and figured that if I couldn’t go any farther I could flag now a cab.  I managed to complete my mission and got back to my room and figured at worst I had bruised a bone or pulled a muscle.

The next morning I got up and I was in pain and amid all of my drug collection I had forgotten the ubiquitous 800 mg. Motrin that military docs and corpsman give out for almost any malady.  I have several bottles and had left all at home or work. Not smart. I was in pain and spent the rest of my conference with my leg up and made sure that I had purchased some Advil doubling up on the dosage to kill the pain. That evening I met a friend for dinner walking as little as possible and finding that beer worked as well as Advil to kill the pain.  Thankfully my friend Pat a Marine Lieutenant Colonel that I had attended Command and Staff College with and spent some time with in Iraq as I was coming into country bought dinner and several pints of Irish Kilkenny ale.  I did feel better.  Beer has wonderful medicinal qualities when used correctly. The next morning I drove back to Virginia and stopped by a local Navy Health Branch Clinic where I was x-rayed, given Vicodin and the aforementioned Motrin and a pair of crutches. Since the base deals with a lot of athletic injuries due to the large number of SEALS, EOD and Riverine forces stationed there the doctor was pretty sure that I had a break of my Fibula but could not confirm it without further tests.  She told me to stay off of it as much as possible, manage the pain and see mi primary care provider in Camp LeJeune.

I did that and after more inconclusive x-rays was scheduled for a Bone Scan and MRI.  I stayed off of the leg which hurt a lot and spent most of the weekend sitting on my bed with my leg elevated while watching baseball games and DVD movies.  I got my MRI yesterday and the Bone Scan today.  When the tech injected the radioactive tracer agent called Technetium MDP (Methylene Diphosphonate) and within seconds the hurting area lit up like an explosion. You know that you have an injury when the technician looks at the monitor and simply says “that’s impressive.”  When the first scans were done I went back to my office and shortly before going up for the final pictures I got an e-mail from the staff radiologist who told me that it I had a non-displaced fracture of the Fibula head near the Tibia Plateau.  There was no ligament damage.  While I was in the Bone scan he came in and discussed what was going one and noted that my knee was obviously banged up from a lot of sports or military injuries but that nothing appeared to him that would require surgery.  The Bone Scan and MRI confirmed the damage the x-rays could not.

My primary care physician then got me an appointment with Orthopedics this afternoon.  I was showed all the films and told that apart from pain management that there was not much else to do since the Fibula is not a weight bearing bone. The Orthopod told me that since my fracture is non-displaced it did not need casting and that a boot would probably make it hurt worse.  He told me that I could as the pain level permits ride my bike and begin to wean myself off of my now ever present crutches.

Now I have about 6 weeks before I can run again and 30 days of light duty.  It could have been worse and I am glad that there is no ligament damage or anything that requires surgery.

That’s the news for now but as Mickey Mantle said: “I always loved the game, but when my legs weren’t hurting it was a lot easier to love.”

Peace

Padre Steve+

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July 26, 2011 · 01:07

Musings on a DC Monday Night: I’ll have a Beer and watch Baseball thank you

I had a wonderful first day of my conference at the George Washington University Institute for Spirituality and Health.  The conference was thought provoking and made me realize once again that afterIraqI really don’t know a whole lotta anything about anything.  But then as Earl Weaver said “it’s what learn after you know it all than counts.”

Back before Iraq I knew freaking everything. Beliefs, faith, politics you name it I knew it all and it fit in my nice little world.  Iraqwas for me what Karl Barth’s Epistle to the Romans was when it came out in 1915.  It was said that the book “exploded like a bomb on the theological playgrounds ofEurope.” Iraq was like that for me. It left me searching for answers to questions that I not only thought I had answered and that I thought I had refuted all others.

Sometimes humility sucks even if we need it.

I have enjoyed the conference so far. One of our lecturers Dr. John Griffith the interim Dean of the School of Psychiatry at the GWU Medical School threw about 9 existential questions at us and I realized that had I answered them in July of 2007 that I would have shat out the answers like a baboon who had too many beans, jalapeños and prune juice chasers.  Today I knew that despite knowing a lot that I am still a work in progress and even though I really do know this it is humbling to have it thrown in my face.  Thankfully the God that I know is much more understanding, gracious and forgiving than the theologian that I used to be.

After yesterday I needed a new room and if you have read my previous post you will understand why.  Thankfully the people were more than accommodating and the accommodations though Spartan was a lot more comfortable and healthful than the last. Even the AC works very well.  I can deal with Spartan more in a combat zone than I can in my own country.

Speaking of my own country…. I am residing less than a mile from the White House and the Capitol and pass the White House and the Treasury each night too and from the Washington DC Gordon Biersch Brewery.  It’s not Virginia Beachbut I get good service at the Bar, the bartender remembered me from last night and I basically have eaten and drank for very little money by cashing in some of my rewards points.

While walking about today as well as yesterday I noticed that almost no one responds when I wish them a cheery good morning, good afternoon or good evening.  Instead I find that I am nearly run over by people that seem to have no cognition of anything other than them, their smart phone or tablet or MP3 player.  No one looks up, no one talks and if they do happen to notice you they look like you must be some kind of reprobate, madman, criminal or terrorist.  Now I don’t know how anyone can think that I am any of the above but Washington DC is not on the top of my list of “friendly” cities.  I guess that is the fault of the terrible vain, cynical, corrupt and power mad politicians, pundits, preachers, lobbyists, political hacks, partisan journalists and others that prowl about the city seeking the ruin of souls.

In fact of the over 100 non-conference goers that I greeted today I had just 5 return the greeting. Two policemen, one security guard, one homeless man and one cleaning lady.  No one else said a word.  I wonder what the hell is going on, then I look at Congress and I realized that for all too many people no one else matters anymore.  We have lost our soul.

For me to reach out like this is hard. I am an extremely introverted person that pushes to engage people at work and then comes home in a state of exhaustion. My personality type if you use the Myers-Briggs temperament indicator is INTJ.  For those that don’t know the Myers-Briggs this means that I am introverted, intuitive, thinking and judging.  I am not a touchy feely person and am rather detached, analytical and it is hard for me to come out of that mode. My personality type is rare and is seldom found in decent society and is almost never found in ministry.  According to a shrink that I know my type seldom gets married and is generally considered to be a pain in the ass “know it all” to most people. Dr House is a classic INTJ.  In fact a now retired Navy Chaplain that I worked with at Portsmouth Naval Medical Center referred to me as “Dr. House.”  Yet somehow I am married and in ministry.  Don’t ask me how it is certainly a mystery that the Deity Herself keeps and probably laughs about.

The friendliest people that you meet in DC are the bar tenders and people that you might sit next to at a bar.  I had a wonderful time tonight drinking beer, eating steak tacos and talking baseball with a fellow out of towner also named Steve fromSeattleat Gordon Biersch.  I stayed longer and drank more than I normally would but I wasn’t driving and I got home before I turned into a pumpkin.  I like bartenders, they tend to listen better than most people and actually remember what you prefer.  I’m sorry but most people don’t do that anymore, especially pastors, pundits and politicians.  Unfortunately this “unholy trinity” and their business, banking and brokering financial wheeler dealer buddies are the people driving the country off the cliff because they only seek what is best for them and what will get them or those that they support elected next year.  It is no wonder that regular people in this beautiful city don’t talk to each other. What a shame.

So as I close the night and prepare to read and medicate (with legal medicine thank you) myself to sleep I have to add a final thought about the insanity of the Debt Ceiling and the poisonous political atmosphere that enshrouds the country like a cloud of Mustard Gas  burning our eyes and lungs and scaring us for life.   What I believe is that there are people on both sides of the political chasm that would rather be true to their ideology than to the people that they represent and to the country that each of them took an oath to support and defend.  Truthfully I am frightened.

When I was at Gordon Biersch CNN and Fox News were still playing.  At7 PMI asked the bartender if there was a baseball game or anything else less depressive and negative than was on the news channels.  Thank God that baseball was on as it seems to be one of the few institutions in the country that is running halfway right.

I do have a suggestion to end the impasse about the budget and debt ceiling.  I call it the Beer Party Platform.  I suggest that we get all of the members of the legislative, executive and judicial branches of the government flat out drunk and let them fight it out like it was an Old West barroom brawl.  Let them get all the poison out of their system and if it means a few broken bones then so be it.  Then when all the fighting was done and Mongo comes to try to kill the Sheriff of Rock Ridge that everyone puts themselves together and works to restore sanity and civility to our society. Admittedly this is a bit Mel Brooks like but what can I say? Did you see the end of Blazing Saddles? It all ends right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DAziSni2VA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBSjg5bV4cM&feature=related

So God bless America, the God fearing citizens of Rock Ridge, ,baseball and the American people. We certainly deserve better than what we’ve got.

So tomorrow I will have lunch with a wonderful former commanding officer and in the evening head out to National’s Park to see if I can get a military discount in the cheap seats.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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May 26, 2011 · 00:01

Ahhh Choo! Padre Steve Battles a Rare Allergy Attack

I should have seen it coming. The past few days the wind has been up coming out of the south and east with the result that a lot of dust created by the sand of our beaches is now airborne.  I have had trouble sleeping since Sunday barely getting a couple of hours a night.  I had also noticed some congestion and sinus pain early in the week but paid it little heed.  I also produced a few of my “nuclear sneezes” which have been heard by the profoundly deaf. Our roommate Kendra in college has a 110 Db loss across the entire sound spectrum and heard was shocked when she heard me sneeze.

I have had little problem with seasonal allergies this year even when the pollen was coating cars in an opaque yellowish green hue, so I was not expecting any problems this week with pollen counts going down.  But the problem was not the pollen but the dust.  Dust has been one of those persistent allergens for me and whenever I served in the desert my sinuses have always been worse than normal.

Now I used to have terrible seasonal allergies as a kid, so bad that I was taking allergy shots one to two times a week from 1970 to 1980.  When I was tested for allergens I was positive to almost everything that I was tested for and my forearms looked like volcanic mountain ranges as the allergens interacted with me.  I took Actifed, Dimetapp and Drixoral for years.  The came Seldane and I thought I had found the silver bullet but it was taken off the market because of bad side effects like cardiac arrhythmia and death.  In 2000 my Battalion Medical Officer prescribed a combination of Allegra and Flonase and I have not had any real problems since even when I miss my meds. I presume that I have outgrown most of the seasonal allergies which for most of my life affected me year round.  I have gotten spoiled, everyone around me can be dying from allergies and I am not bothered, well I can sympathize with them but allergies seldom affect me.  Now Judy who had few allergy problems has a lot more problems with seasonal allergies than me at this time.

This morning I awoke with a colossal sinus headache and a little bit of vertigo.  I had taken my normal allergy regimen last night, 180 mg Allegra and a dose of Flonase but evidently they were not enough and I was miserable.  Judy has been on me for months to start using something called the Neill Med Sinus Rinse system and like any husband I blew her off because I didn’t thing that I needed it.  I mentioned my malady on Facebook this morning and several friends also suggested this, since I am not married to them I paid attention. I called Judy and told her that she was right all along and that I was going to get the Neill Med bottle and solution.

So I trudged out the door, got in my car and drove up to Morehead City to Wal-Mart where I picked up the Neill Med system. I was amazed at the amount of dust in the air as I drove over the bridge that links us to the mainland.  Before I left the Island Hermitage I looked on the internet to see if the pollen count was high and it was not. So I said to myself “self I think it must be the sand in the air that is causing my problems today.”

When I got home I loaded up the bottle, heated the mixture and followed the directions. I was amazed with the amount of crap that came out. I felt like I was being water boarded but some of the pressure was relieved. I plan on repeating the treatment in a few minutes before I go to bed when I take my Allegra.  Hopefully the combination of the medications and the water boarding will do the trick.

To those that suffer from allergies I understand and was reminded just how much I don’t miss dealing with this all the time.  As it was it kicked my ass and I don’t like having my ass kicked.

On a serious note no matter how bad my allergies are now right now they are minuscule compared to what many Americans are facing right now.  In Joplin Missouri but also throughout the Midwest have been affected by a devastating outbreak of tornadoes.  A lot of people have been killed, thousands injured and much of Joplin has been destroyed.  Other towns and cities have been hit but Joplin is the hardest hit. Likewise there has been significant flooding along the Mississippi River and its tributaries which have also devastated many individuals and communities, and there was the April tornado outbreak. It will take a lot to help our fellow Americans going through this disaster and I know that many people are tapped out financially because of high unemployment and the long term economic downturn.  If you cannot do anything else pray, but if you can please give to relief agencies or if you are in a place where you can donate time please do so.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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May 14, 2011 · 22:00

A New Start…Life off the Fat Boy Program

Back in Standards 

“Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” Bob Feller

One of the biggest effects of my post-Iraq PTSD crash was how I tried to cope with this multi-faceted beast. Of course psychologically and spiritually I was in the toilet so much so that I was in the midst of a spiritual crisis so great that I was for all practical purposes an agnostic.  I struggled to hold myself together during 2008 and early 2009 trying to believe again and keep in shape. To compensate for my lack of belief, depression and the other nasty effects of PTSD such as night terrors, insomnia, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks I threw myself totally into work on the critical care units of the hospital I was serving. I finished my Masters Degree program and worked hard to better our hospital’s Clinical Pastoral Education Program and served on various committees including the Ethics Committee.  It was too much and the collapse deepened so I sought other coping mechanisms. I turned to comfort food and drink as a way to cope, especially food that was bad for me and way too much very good beer.

After my physical fitness test and weigh in during April of 2009 I lost all control of the latter two. While I had been drinking more since my return from Iraq than before the deployment in the spring of 2009 it became a problem.  I would leave work and on days when the Norfolk Tides were in town I would take to my season ticket seat in Section 102 Row B Seat 2 and seek refuge from my problems.  The ballpark and baseball helped bring some peace to my soul, but it would only last for 3 hours.  At the ballpark I would drink two to three beers with a chili dog and fries and maybe a pretzel, peanuts or ice cream.  After the game I would swing by the Krispy Crème Donut shop on the way home and pick up a dozen hot and fresh glazed donuts. I would then get on my computer and write on this site. While writing I would down three to six of the donuts with another two to four beers and repeat the cycle the next day for the rest of the home stand. On other nights I would go over to get donuts and drink more beer with them often after eating a heavy meal with very good beer at the Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant in Town Center.  By November I weighed 194 pounds and though I passed the PT test with a very good score for someone my age I was way over my weight and body fat limits. Thereafter it was a struggle to get below 180 pounds. I failed my next body composition assessment by a percentage point and though scoring well enough to qualify for the DOD waiver which would have taken me off of the program it was not approved.  I weighed in weekly and continued to improve my physical condition to the point that I was within the body fat standard by the time I left that duty assignment I transferred before the next official physical fitness assessment and got to my new assignment after the period was over.  Thus I remained on the program.

To those that have never experienced life in any military branch Fat Boy or Girl program it is humiliating, at least if you are a military professional.  There is a stigma to being fat because the military is run by tall skinny people.  Those of us of the under tall variety understand this stigma very well even when we are within standards.  I know a good number of good Soldiers, Sailors and Marines put out of the military because they did not meet their service body fat and weight standards.  Many like me are those suffering the effects of war and just trying to cope with life.  Others are men and women who are suffering the effects of time with shrinking bodies due to spinal disc compression and other injuries, illnesses and the slowing of metabolism which conspire against them. The military is a young person’s game and 51 year old 30 year veteran relics like me are in the minority.  For me the physical requirements are little different than when I first went on active duty in 1983. Back then I thought that when you got older you would catch a few breaks. Well in the age of budget cutting and a shrinking military force those standards continue to tighten and few breaks are to be found.

Bursting at the seams in my Summer Whites in 2009, this was not a comfortable uniform at the time, now it is very loose

While I had lost weight and body fat I was still over my weight limit.  The body fat measurement in the Navy is the measuring tape around the neck and the fattest part of the belly.  It is a terribly subjective and according to many scientific studies inaccurate test.  Nonetheless if you are over the weight limit you must be taped.  I didn’t want to go through that again so I decided that I was going to start really eating healthy and diversifying my exercise regimen.  When I arrived at my new assignment I weighed 184 pounds and during the winter added a few more pounds. At the beginning of January I bought a digital scale and began to weigh myself several times a week. I stopped the comfort foods except for an occasional hamburger or piece of pizza.  Even if I ate a hamburger I omitted the fries and held the cheese and mayo. I began to look at the nutritional information on everything that I ate even looking up restaurant data to ensure that I had the healthiest food that I also liked, it does no good to eat healthy if you hate what you are eating because you don’t stick with it.  I cut back on my drinking a lot, even going to Yuengling Light Beer at home.  I counted every calorie and measured calories burned. If I went over on one thing I compensated rather than continuing as if I had not.

As winter became spring I noticed a difference, I was weighing less and all of my clothes continued to get loose to the point that things that I could not get into during the fall were baggy and some nearly falling off.  As the date approached my scales had me near the limit for a half inch below my real height just in case I got a bad measurement on my height, five pounds is five pounds.  I felt a lot of stress over the week and could feel every muscle in my back completely tense to the point that I was in pain. I weighed in Friday at 169 pounds and was six pounds below my weight limit and one pound below the lower height limit.  I have lost all 25 pounds that I gained during that horrible period of my life. On Monday I will take the physical fitness test something that I never have a problem doing well on.  When I do that I will be officially off the program.

Last night I was invited to do the invocation at the Navy Nurse Corps Birthday Ball at Camp LeJeune. I eased into my Mess Dress Blue uniform which last May I could barely squeeze my body into and in which I looked terrible.  The uniform was loose and fit very well. I went to the ball and had a wonderful time with my colleagues from the Naval Hospital and their guests.  I made sure that I had a friend take the picture which accompanies this post.

For me this is a comeback. I still have my struggles with PTSD but on the whole on the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of life I am doing much better. Yes I still struggle at times and experience some of the manifestations of PTSD and of my spiritual crisis but I am not collapsing when something shakes me like I was between 2008 and even into 2010.

Had I failed the body composition assessment I could have been separated from the Navy and while I probably would have been able to retire it would have been a most humiliating way to leave the service.  Instead as long as I am alive and haven’t done anything incredibly stupid I will be promoted to Commander on September 1st and continue to be able to serve God’s people in the Navy for years to come. Of course I cannot fail a physical fitness assessment for the next two years but now that I have my diet stabilized and composed of things that I like and live in a place at the Island Hermitage where I love to run, walk and bike I do not expect to ever fail that again. My goal is to get back to the weight that I was when I was commissioned as an Army Officer in 1983, 158 pounds and keep it there. Thus my task is still incomplete.  I have succeeded in my first goal and now it is time to complete the deal and live healthy from here on out.

Today is a new opportunity and I am putting past failures behind.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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May 1, 2011 · 23:17

Clergy Burnout and Suicide: A Growing Problem

Father Mulcahy: What an ordeal. 72 hours straight. I’m prayed out – absolutely prayed out.
Hawkeye: Don’t forget, Father, God was on six days straight.
Father Mulcahy: He was a lot younger then.

It doesn’t matter whether you feel useful or not when you’re moving from one disaster to another. The trick, I guess, is to just keep moving. Father Mulcahy, William Christopher M*A*S*H

Note: This is a modification and update to an article that I wrote last summer based on the death of the Reverend David Wilkerson and his writings of the past few months.

A while back I read an article in the New York Times ( the link is here:http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/02/nyregion/02burnout.html?_r=1&hp&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1280746899-Fj4AG+SysGvlJ/xdTT+ZZg ) about the large number of civilian clergy experiencing burnout, discouragement, disillusionment to the point that they end up developing chronic physical illnesses, psychological or psychiatric conditions, experience marriage or family difficulties or are so beaten down that they leave the ministry entirely.   Many clergy now suffer from high rates of obesity, hypertension and depression more so than most Americans. In the last decade, the use of antidepressants by clergy has risen and their life expectancy has fallen. Job satisfaction is down and many clergy would leave the ministry if they felt that they could. The issue cuts across denominational and even religious lines and is not bound by the depth of faith or the fervency of the minister in his or her pursuit of “doing good ministry” in whatever venue they are in.  It also impacts those of all sides of the theological spectrum from fundamentalists and Pentecostals to progressives or in old time parlance “liberals” and everything in between. The pressure is incredible. I should know I have been in ministry over 20 years mostly as a Priest and Chaplain serving in the military and in hospital critical care environments.

Likewise there have been articles about ministers and pastors that commit suicide one of the more prominent about a North Carolina pastor who committed suicide in 2009 published in the USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-10-28-pastor_suicides_N.htm

Actually I am not surprised by the studies or the conclusions of the article or the situation described in the USA Today article.  This came to mind this week with the death of David Wilkerson which I suggest could have been suicide based on the struggle with faith and perceived failure shown in his recent blog posts, his and his family’s ordeal of cancer and the circumstances of the wreck in which he died. I suggested this as a possibility as well the other possibilities of inattentive driving or sudden medical impairment. https://padresteve.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/the-unexplained-and-tragic-death-of-david-wilkerson/ Of course I have been blasted by a number of people for even daring to suggest such a thing and I really hope that it was not suicide but if it was his death serves as a reminder of loneliness and even frailty of great pastors who go through long periods of darkness.  If his death was other than suicide we still have to look realistically at the incredible spiritual and emotional pain that he was in over the past few months. Of course I meant no offense to those that condemned me for suggesting this but the reactions drew me back to the unrealistic expectations that many people place on those that serve in ministry and I would hate to be their pastor.  The expectation is that we are somehow closer to God and don’t experience doubts, temptations or even depression and despair. The more popular and beloved the minster the taller the pedestal that people place them on in fashioning them as their idol.  Most don’t ask for this and resist it even though some embrace it and become spiritual train wrecks because of their narcissistic behavior.

When I was in seminary back in the late 1980s and early 1990s the school that I attended was filled with pastors either those in ministry or those recovering from nasty church splits, or being fired for often trivial reasons. These were by and large good men, I say men because the Southern Baptist Convention then and now has few women in parish ministry.  Many of the men that I knew were broken; they had come back to school as a way to see if there was some way to find a safe place of ministry.  In the last years of seminary and the year prior to entering my clinical pastoral education residency I worked for a nationwide ministry and was assigned the task of assisting clergy that came to us for help or counsel.  One of the interesting things to note was that during this time the average longevity of a Southern Baptist pastor in his church was a dismal 18 months. Later I had a friend in another Baptist denomination accept a call to a church that had been through 33 pastors in 30 years.  He thought that he would be the exception, less than 8 months later a time that he and his new wife were harassed, abused and hounded by the congregation he quit. He ended up in my denomination as he was moving in a more liturgical and sacramental way of life and is now in the process of becoming a married Roman Catholic priest.

When I left the active duty Army to go to seminary I was under the impression that most clergy were relatively satisfied with life but the men that I met in seminary and those that I dealt with later showed me that all was not well for many good men and women doing their best to serve Christ and the people of God committed to their charge.  I never will forget men saying to me that they struggled with depression, alcoholism, sexual addiction, were being divorced by their wives or considering either leaving the ministry or changing the type of ministry that they served or even their denominational home.  Nearly all reported the stress that they experienced in their ministry, the unmanageable tasks of trying to compete for numbers, and in many churches it is all about numbers, see Chuck Colson’s book “The Body” cater to the nearly insatiable “needs” of parishioners who demanded more time, and investment in programs to keep them in the church, pressures resulting from the financial costs of trying to manage building programs, special ministries and programs and an every growing desire for more excitement and “thrills” in the church program.  Add to this the unrealistic expectation of parishioners, local and denominational leaders and the constant upbraiding to be more like Reverend so and so on television or the guy that wrote the latest book on church growth, spiritual warfare or whatever as the list goes on ad infinitum. Add to this the intrusiveness brought about by cell phones, texting, the internet which place clergy in a place where they have no place to go when they need a rest because there is always one more need to satisfy many of  which cannot be satisfied. One minister of a well-known Mega-Church when confronted by Colson about not preaching on more controversial moral topics told Colson that “they pay me to get them in the door and keep them coming.”

The pastor of our age must become a teacher, preacher, counselor, evangelist, financer, program director, personnel manager, marketing executive and most of all be able to reinvent himself at a whim in order to remain relevant and in tune with the current “move of God.”  Those that don’t keep pace with whatever the latest “move of God” (read marketing ploy) is finds that they are out of a job faster than a Mob hit-man with bad aim. It is a recipe for disaster, not only for clergy and their families but for congregation when their pastors experience burn out, marital problems or divorce or those become compromised sex, alcohol or money problems and then suffer the consequences.  The congregations suffer because many parishioners lose faith in God, the church or ministers because the person that they had made their idol failed.

The pressures are immense and not just for married or single Protestant pastors but for Catholic Priests, Jewish Rabbis and even Moslem Imam’s all under some kind of unreasonable pressure.  It does not matter of it is trying to balance the competing theological factions present in their faith tradition from fundamentalists to progressives and everything in between, trying to meet unattainable goals set by congregational or denominational leaders or just to attempt to be all things to all people just to survive it is amazing that that any survive at all.  This is not the life of clergy even a generation ago, a generation that reported high job satisfaction, good health and congregations that would if possible strive to serve their pastor as much as he served them.

The world has changed and clergy are not doing well.  When a big name pastor, evangelist or leader of a church or denomination screws up perfectly the good men and women serving in ministry that don’t do those things are lumped in with those that commit various crimes or ethically challenged behavior.

In my chosen vocation within the vocation of being a priest and minister, that of a military Chaplain the pressures of service often exceed those that our civilian counterparts face. In a time where we have been at war almost 10 years with many chaplains making multiple deployments to the various combat zones the pressures are immense. The pressures on chaplains, their families as well as the men and women that they serve are unparalleled in civilian ministry, which as I describe above is no picnic, unless perchance you serve the fabulously well to do.

While I do not know statistics on Chaplains and burnout I can assure you that it is a concern of mine based on some of the men and women that I have met who have suffered spiritual crisis, depression, failed marriages, become embroiled in extramarital affairs or engaged in behaviors that were detrimental to their physical, spiritual and psychological health.  I have even known some that committed suicide.

In my service, the Navy we have battled shortages of Chaplains and the increasing demands necessitated by the war.  Likewise Chaplains in the Navy and Air Force face personnel cuts or elimination of billets due to cuts in their services personnel and more cuts are coming, at least to the billets that at one time offered chaplains the chance to recover from deployments and still serve God’s people. Most of the billet cuts are in shore commands, the places that at one time were the places that one could serve and recuperate after having done multiple operational tours.  As the force gets smaller and mission requirements increase these chaplains are deployed more often to combat zones and stress and family separation take their toll of chaplains.  Chaplains serving at bases and hospitals now serve large numbers of men and women traumatized by war and their families but have seen their own numbers shrink.  I work in a major medical center like all of the chaplains that serve in similar billets are caring for our wounded (in body, mind or spirit) warriors, their families those deploying or returning from deployment, are subject to deployment during our shore tours as Individual Augments to the operating forces all while dealing with life and death on a daily basis. In my last posting at a major Naval Medical Center it was not uncommon for me to come home from work at 5:30 PM after going to work at 6 AM the previous day, nearly 36 hours on duty in which time I was often involved in multiple crisis situations, baptizing dying babies, to people being removed from life support and care of patients their families and our staff in every imaginable setting. In my current assignment it is not uncommon to be called in as I was in the middle of the night on Wednesday to ministry to a dying patient and his family.  This is not uncommon for those of us that serve in health care ministry. What I described for me is typical of many Chaplains of all our military services serving in health care institutions.  It requires a tremendous sense of discipline to manage all of these competing demands and maintain ones physical, emotional and spiritual balance.

In fact when I came to my first Naval Medical Center assignment assignment I was suffering from PTSD from my tour in Iraq. I was in an emotional and spiritual nosedive and in trying to meet the demands of the job I did not take care of me and I fell apart physically, spiritually and emotionally.  It took a year and a half to begin to recover and I am now moving forward on all counts but I know others don’t recover. I was fortunate, my boss knew well enough to shield me and let me recover and get the help that I needed to do so. I did not come out of the experienced unscathed as my old denomination asked me to leave because I had become “too liberal.” Nonetheless it was not and is not easy to recover and I still have work that I need to do sleep is problematic and I am still in therapy and on medication and my longsuffering wife has to deal with this.  I was recently interviewed by our local paper in Jacksonville North Carolina about my struggles. http://www.jdnews.com/articles/cmdr-89433-stephen-military.html

Add to this the pressure to perform and get promoted to stay in the military chaplain ministry.  Chaplains like all officers have to get promoted to stay in the military.  The promotion rate from the Captain/Navy Lieutenant rank to Major / Lieutenant Commander has been consistently in the 50-60% range for those being looked at the first time.  This basically means that 40-50% will not be retained on active duty long enough to qualify for retirement unless they had prior active service before becoming a Chaplain. Even if they have this the stigma of not being selected is something that is incredibly hard on chaplains just as it is for other officers.  Non-selection is considered failure even for those that have great ministries and are awesome ministers. Sometimes failure to select has nothing to do with how well you care for God’s people but simply comes down to numbers. When a military service contracts as all of our Armed Services did following Vietnam, the Cold War and today as personnel numbers are cut the respective Chaplain Corps or Services take their share of the cuts and this often means that men and women worthy of promotion are not selected and are eventually let go.  I have been fortunate during the cutbacks following the Cold War I was selected for Major in the Army Reserve and though I reduced in rank in 1999 to enter the Navy was promoted to Lieutenant Commander and recently selected for Commander and I am very grateful for the opportunity of both increased responsibility as well as the chance to care for God’s people in the Navy and Marine Corps.  Not everyone gets that chance.

Being a minister is no easy way of life if you are seeking to love and serve God and God’s people. Burnout, discouragement and depression are not uncommon.  Health problems for many are increasing and at younger ages. Many no longer have safe places that they can go for counsel and care because doing so might hurt their ministry.  I have seen much of this, good men and women doing their best to serve God and God’s people broken, depressed and sometimes addicted to behaviors that ultimately are destructive to their lives, families, congregations and ministries.

It is my opinion that while those that take on military ministry sort of ask for this because we know going in that we may be deployed to combat zones or separated from family for extended periods of time when we sign up. However many on the civilian side have no idea of the pressures that they will face and the tasks that will become theirs when they begin to work at a parish.  It is a tough life and I am not surprised to see so many broken, discouraged and disillusioned ministers just trying to survive instead of thriving in the field that God called them to serve.  I am blessed. Despite the hard work, separations from my wife and family and even the PTSD that I came back from Iraq with I am doing well. I get to serve people in a community that I love and in which I was born into.  I get to do what I believed that I am called to do in a venue that I am very comfortable in serving.  No everyone is so lucky or blessed. As Lou Gehrig said “I am the luckiest man alive.”

Please pray for your ministers and support them. Give them grace to serve knowing that they will not always make the right decisions, preach the best sermons or compete with the minister with the “hot hand” and latest “word from God” down the street or on television.  Ministers are certainly not perfect, some of us are pretty earthy. Don’t impose the culture of corporate America into the local church.  The vast majority of clergy really do care about the people that they serve even when they make mistakes and screw up. Give them the grace that you wish that your boss would give to you.  Of course there are exceptions, men and women with few people skills, with their own agendas and even with their own dark-side which shows up in how they abuse God’s people. However these people are the exception.  Don’t let the foibles or crimes of such people lead you to turn you back on good men and women that make mistakes common with the rest of humanity.

Peace

Padre Steve+

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