Category Archives: Loose thoughts and musings

March 31, 2009 · 21:14

Finishing Well-For the Love of the Game (The Perfect Game)

One of my favorite movies is the baseball story For the Love of the Game which starred Kevin Costner.  This is the film rendition of Michael Shaara’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel The Perfect Game. Both the book and the movie tell the story of “Billy Chapel” a pitcher who played 19 seasons with the same team, in the movie the Detroit Tigers.  The story focuses on the last game of the season in which Chapel is to start.  The game for his team is meaningless, they will not be going to the playoffs.  In fact the long time owner who signed Chapel out of high school is about to sell the team.

The book and the movie present a tapestry of the pitcher’s life in between pitches.  Unlike most baseball films this focus’s not on a season, but a game, a single game.  Woven in this rich tapestry of this game are the lives of several people.  A manager who has a wife with cancer, a catcher who is linked to Chapel as “his” catcher.  A former love who has drifted back into his life, a former team mate now playing for the other team and the son of a former team mate.

The story is built around the last game that Billy Chapel will pitch.  He’s old.  He has had a mediocore or for him a bad season.  His all star days are past.  His dad who taught him the game and witnessed his greatest moments is dead.  It is a story that could end like so many stories in sadness or despair.  Instead it is the story of triumph.  It is the story of how in spite of a whirl of emotions and a lot of pain from past injuries he triumphs.  He does so against an opponent that is going to the playoffs, the always dangerous Yankees in the venerable Yankee Stadium.  Chapel pitches a perfect game against the odds.  Supporting players who had failed during the season make stellar plays.  The team which had nothing to look forward to celebrates one of the rarest of human events, a Major League perfect game. Not just a “no-hitter” which I have been specially graced by the Deity Herself to see in person, but a perfect game of which only 17 have been thrown.  Perfect games are unforgettable and this story gets it right.  The game itself is a story of redemption, in life, love and the pusuit of excellence.

The story of Billy Chapel is one of finishing well.  So many people start their lives full of promise and somewhere along the way give up. For whatever reason they stop living, stop striving for excellence and forget about love, life and friendship. They forget what loyalty means.  They have lost their love and passion and simply go through the motions of existance.  In the military we have a slang term called the “ROAD program.”  It means “retired on active duty.  These are the guys who have stopped trying, they know that short of committing a criminal act  they can retire.  They go through the motions.  There are these kind of folks everywhere, not just the military.  Somewhere, somehow they have given up. I don’t want to do that.  I want my last game to be my best.

Billy Chapel is the epitome of a man who gives his all in what he knows will be his final game, a game that for everyone else but him is meaningless.  However in that game everyone finds meaning.  As he pitches and the tension builds, those who had just been along for the ride get caught up in the magic.  His manager, his journeyman catcher “Gus,”  his team mates, and even the opposing players and the hostile Yankee fans.  People who had given up find inspiration and hope. Billy Chapel creates magic on the mound which in that moment of time makes life right.  Sure it is just a novel, it is just a film, but it is life.

I find the story of Billy Chapel in The Perfect Game to be compelling.  I love baseball and for me the story of someone at the tail end of their career achieving the next to impossible is inspiring.  I find inspiration in other old ball players who keep doing well.  Jamie Moyer of the Phillies is one of those guys who inspire me.  I could well be finishing my career in the next few years.  I want my time in the Navy to matter in my last few years. If I get promoted and remain a few more, that is okay, but even then I want to finish well.  When I’m done with that I hope that God Herself will give me the grace to continue to strive for excellence in serving Her people as a priest.  I never want to be on the ROAD program even if I live to be 90. I want my last years, be they a military career, or my life to be my best.  I want to finish well. Peace, Steve+

Note: As I wrote this and thought of the book and movie I was having waves of emotion which occasionally brought tears to my eyes.  There is something that hooks me in this and I know it.  Part is the magic of baseball. Part is the story itself.  In a few days baseball begins again.  I’ll watch the Orioles and Nationals play an exhibition at Harbor Park. Today I got my season tickets for  the Norfolk Tides.  In every game I’ll see something new, I’ll find something to ponder and I’ll find inspiration.

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball, Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

Tagged as , , , ,

March 31, 2009 · 19:30

666 Who is the Beast?

I can’t believe it.  Today I looked at my numbers on my blog dashboard and much to my surprise I noticed that the number of hits as of 8PM EST tonight I have 666 visitors to my site.  I am wondering  just who is the beast? Who has the “666”  and dropped it on me this evening.  Why didn’t 677 show up today, or why didn’t it just stop at 665?  This is distressing, it is like the Dodgers sweeping the Giants in AT&T Park to take the NL West the last home-stand of the season.  Thankfully, this at least on this blog is the only time that heinous number will show up.  So whoever grew the horns for the evening that I do appreciate your visit to the site just click on it again to move me off of that foul number.  Blessings! Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

Tagged as , ,

March 30, 2009 · 20:01

The NWU- Now we all have different camouflage

Back in the early 1980s the Army adopted the BDU, or the Battle Dress uniform.  I was issued my first sets back in late 1981 along with the old green permanent press fatigues. The old fatigues were phased out in 1985 and I wore mine up to the last day.  The were comfortable, you could starch the hell out of them to the point that you would “break starch” to get into them in the morning.  The BDUs initially were pretty sorry looking.  You were not even allowed to iron them and the material never came out of the wash unwrinkled. Eventually ironing but no starch was allowed. Rebellion broke out in the ranks. A general showed up in a badly wrinkled uniform for a speech and angered a lot of soldiers. He looked terrible. People who couldn’t stand to look like dirt bags started with sizing and then graduated to starch.  Eventually realizing that no one was obeying the order anyway the Army modified the design and allowed soldiers to starch the uniform.  The other services adopted this uniform in the 1980s and 1990s along with its desert counterpart, the DCU. Pressed and starched with spit shined boots the BDU finally looked pretty good.

These were the standard uniforms until about 2000 when the Marines decided that they were tired of being mistaken for soldiers due to the BDU.  It was in 2000 that the Marine Pattern (MARPAT) Digital Camouflage uniform test and evaluation designs were introduced.  I was with 3rd Battalion 8th Marines in Okinawa when they were field tested.  Several variations were tried and eventually the current Desert and Woodland uniforms were introduced.  To keep the Army from simply appropriating the design the Marines put little Eagle Globe and Anchor insignia in the digital pattern.  The uniform is well designed and functional and the suede boots made life easy.  The Marines also kept their tradition of pin on rank insignia that could be taken off in field environments if needed.  It became the envy of the rest of the US services and the military services of other nations soon went to variations of digital camouflage. As a Navy Chaplain assigned with the Fleet Marine Forces I found it to be a great improvement over the old BDUs.

The Army was the next service to make the change.  Thus was born the ACU, or Army Combat Uniform, not that anyone else would have it, but the Army made it their own.  The ACU is kind of an off green or light green and nearly puke colored uniform that was designed to be worn in either the desert or the woodlands.  In the desert it stands out, it is simply too dark and the wrong color.  Likewise I don’t think that it blends in that well in the woods havinf seen soldiers walking through the woods in them.   The  Army did a couple of things that broke tradition big time on this uniform.  First they changed the location of the insignia from the collar to a tab on the chest.  The placement of it on the chest and the subdued color make them hard to see. Soldeirs have to gaze at the chest of the other soldier to see if they need to salute.  I’m sure many male soldiers have used this excuse to scope out female officers.  “Sorry ma’am, couldn’t see your rank.”  They changed the manner in which insignia were applied from sewing to Velcro.  There is Velcro all over this uniform. Children have been known to have their hair get stuck in the Velcro and pulled down hallways and driveways. Soldiers have bumped into each other and become stuck like Siamese twins while marching. Pranksters find the placement of “hit me” or “kick me” stickers much easier.  The front pockets are angled so oddly that it looks unnatural.  The collar is not symmetrical, supposedly so it more easily can be buttoned around the neck. I wonder when the Army will modify this uniform to make it look better  I admit that  looks aren’t everything, but the Army at one time had some pretty great looking uniforms.  Frankly we have to do better.  I saw my first pair in about 2004 when visiting a Marine in an Army Medical Center. Seeing me in my Marine uniform an officer remarked about his ACUs: “Yes they do look as bad in person as they do on TV.”

So the Air Force came next and fielded their Airman Battle Uniform or ABU.  It was the product of several failed attempts to get an acceptable design.  It has a “tiger stripe” pattern similar to a pattern worn in Vietnam It is is a combination of light green, tan, gray and Air Force Blue.  In my humble opinion it is better looking than the Army uniform.  The Air Force at least did keep to their tradition in placement of insignia and name tapes for both officer and enlisted personnel.

The Navy was the last to join the parade.  It began testing the Navy Working Uniform (NWU) a few years back. Two patterns were tested a Blue,, gray, gray green and black; and a gray and black pattern. Sailors allowed to vote for their favorite.  The gray and black uniform was in my opinion a better color scheme.  That design could be worn on ships and shore stations and if need be could have been used in the field.  We would have looked like the Wehrmacht but who worries about that.  The Blue pattern was voted in by the sailors and it  is now in the process of being fielded throughout the fleet.  It is not a field uniform.  It is a work uniform and will replace a number of other work uniforms found throughout the Navy.  The Navy will field woodland and desert versions as well for units like the Expeditionary Forces, Riverine, EOD, SEABEES and SEALS.  The camouflage includes a Navy Eagle and USN in the digital pattern similar to the Marine design.  It is a similar fabric to Marine woodlands, permanent press and wash and wear.  It has smooth leather boots for sea platforms and optional suede boots for shore commands. I got the suede because I got spoiled by the Marines.  The Navy has kept tradition in some parts of this uniform. The lettering for the name tapes is silver for enlisted and gold for officers and Chief Petty Officers.  Officer and enlisted qualification devices are the appropriate color.  We have kept the traditional 8 point cover (hat to non-sailors). It is actually a nice looking uniform, a little strange at first but decent looking.  I sometimes joke and call the NWU the New Weird Uniform, but after my first day I confess that I like it.  However, if you fall overboard in this uniform you will blend in to the vast expanse of the ocean and never be seen again. The blue camouflage may not be that great on land, but hopefully sharks will have a harder time picking you out while you wait to be rescued.

So we now all have our own pattern, at least no one will confuse us for the Army.  In good fun,

Peace, Steve+

6 Comments

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Military

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

March 27, 2009 · 23:07

Friends and the Low Holy Day

Today was my 49th birthday.  Hard to believe that I am that old.  Time flies when you are either having fun or going through hell.   Today I must say was rather cool.  Judy planned a party, a “low holy day” celebration for this most auspicious of days.  We figure that you can’t get much lower than my birthday so what better way to mark the day. The days is also the feast day of Saint Rupert of Salzburg, lousy name great city…the hills really are alive there.  It is also the feast of even lesser known saints, and one theologian who was condemned at one ecumenical council and restored at the next, Saint John Damascene.  He was condemned for his defense of Icons, sometimes known as the Iconoclast controversy.  Obviously this was done by folks who were not cool with art.  However, he was restored by those with more artistic sensitivity at the next council, but I digress, but without me how many of you would have linked my birthday with the Iconoclast controversy?

I have now had a good number of birthdays.  A decent number I have spent away from home, often overseas.  Places like Jordan, Germany, Korea and at sea in the Pacific Ocean or the Gulf of Aden.  I’ve had some  birthdays where we barely had anything and others where Judy and I just did something together or with another couple.  This I think was the first that was an actual party.

Anyway….tonight was a good night.  My ever gracious department head let me out a bit early to help Judy around the house.  We had friends from work and church, unfortunately the weather was lousy and the normally bad Friday evening traffic was compounded by the rain causing nasty conditions.  Thus some others were unable to attend.  Nonetheless we had about twenty friends over.  It was really cool to see how lives of all the people that came intersected, hometowns, churches, work, other friends.  It was a wonderful evening. I think the highly for me was being back together with my assistant and body guard in Iraq, Nelson Lebron.  Nelson is great, he took care of me, we went through a lot together and it is my opinion that he is the finest at what he does in the Navy.  In addition to this he is a Golden Gloves boxer, kick boxer and MMA fighter. He does more martial arts than I can count.  He has fought with Team USA and has a humongous number of title belts.  He has more personality in his little finger than most anyone that I have ever met.  It is so good to see him again after his second trip to Iraq in under a year.

dynamic-duo

Me with my Friend and Body Guard RP2 Nelson Lebron on our way out of Iraq, February 2008

In addition to Nelson we had a variety of other friends and colleagues over.  What I thought was cool was the way that this diverse group of folks had a great time together, for me it was kind of cool.  It’s the way that I think things ought to be.  The food and beer were great, it was cool to see the reaction of people to the half gallon of Gordon Biersch Marzen Beer, which is my favorite beer.  Our little dog Molly was enjoying all the attention ebing a complete suck up.

So this is what it is like to be 49. With friends like these I think that I can handle it.  Peace, Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings

Tagged as , ,

March 26, 2009 · 21:05

The Wacky World of Televangelists Part One: The Networks

Author’s Note: This post is in jest…I’m tired and feeling somewhat silly after a pretty tiring week. The views here are not meant to offend anyone, although I know that they will, maybe someone will honor me with a virtual effigy.  At least I will not be nasty, just sort-of witty.  I worked for a TV ministry in seminary, and as far as these types of ministries go I think that the man does some good.  The job exposed me to a lot of good people.  The evangelist had an outreach to many pastors who had been destroyed by their churches and I ended caring for these folks for about two and a half years. The ministry helped my seminary tuition and proved badly needed medical insurance.  I did not get rich by any means, the pay was not great, but the hours and their flexibility to meet my full time school needs were incredibly gracious.  I also saw how some people suck up to people in powerful ministries, learned a bit about the policies of a couple of major Christian TV networks as well as how some of the  most popular TV preachers treat common people, not well.  The guy I worked for was decent to regular folks, he went to the church that I went to and didn’t force himself there.  However I wonder about the wisdom of proliferating TV ministries which use up vast sums of money in an incredibly expensive medium. My little hair brained view is that this money might be used by real in the flesh type missionaries, churches trying to build to meet their congregation and community ministry needs and for social ministries of all forms that care for the least, the lost and the lonely. Please know that I do not oppose TV ministries on principle, for some people, especially those too isolated or physically inable to attend their churches these are a good thing and some good programing that on occasion is actually theologically okay.  So in good fun I present “The Wacky World of Televangelists Part One: The Networks.”

This for me is my version of Mr.Blackwell’s list.  TV ministers are a fascinating breed.  Hair styles, clothes, manner of speech, facial expressions and elaborate sets make them fun to watch.  On the rare occasion I cannot find a ball game, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, MASH, House, Monk, Family Guy or a good WBC-MMA match they can be an interesting diversion from the bad news pumped out by CNN, MSNBC and FOX News.  I guess that doesn’t leave much time to watch them. However, on those rare occasions that I do watch I can be strangely transfixed by what I see. This of course is an experience made more enjoyable after a few beers.  It’s like getting caught in Dracula’s gaze, once there it can be hard to escape, thank God I keep a ready supply of Holy Water nearby.

Today I deal with the big networks.  First is the Trinity Broadcasting Network, TBN, or as I affectionately refer to it as the Terrible Blond Network.  This is the largest and most powerful of the networks.  Spanning the globe TBN promotes a ministry heavily weighted to ministers of Charismatic and Pentecostal backgrounds.  However it also airs programs of mainline Evangelicals, popular African American ministers, Messianic groups and odds and ends of others including Billy Graham classics.  Sometimes they show some really old classic religious movies.  The most remarkable thing about TBN is the set decoration, which for the flagship program can best be described as an Ecclesiastical Bordello look. It is kind of a blend of overdone Louis the XIV palace and whorehouse.  Ornate gold furnishings, elaborate decor and a host wearing what appears to be a velor smoking jacket, sometimes a purple one. emblazoned with the ministry crest, which looks like European Royalty. The Dallas network branch was built to look like the White House. When I commuted to Dallas for my residency I would drive by it every day.  It is not far from Texas Stadium where Cowboys fans believe that God herself resides. Those were the days of President Bill Clinton and I was tempted to get one of the Clinton cardboard life size cut out and have my my picture taken outside of it.  Maybe now I should have Judy photo shop a picture of me and President Obama in front of it.  Getting back to style, the hair of women guests is big and often blond, when not blond, big   Make up and mascara mix with tears a la Tammy Faye as praise reports and Financial gifts are announced.   The founder, Paul Crouch and his wife Jan have been on the air about 85 years I think, they were pioneers in this medium. This is an eclectic network where a diversity of different points of view co-exist, even when they are diametrically opposed to one another. Score one for tolerance.   However, the appeals for monetary donations are pretty heavy especially every few months when they run the Praise-a-Thon for about two weeks.  This is an over-the-top fund raising show, kind of like the NPR fund raising on major league steroids.  Gifts for donations can be really fun, like a picture of Jesus returning that looked like it was out of a Sci-Fi magazine, fire coming from his eyes like something in a horror movie.  It could have been a little to literal for me, if I had my choice I would be like Ricky Bobby and deal with Baby Jesus. Back in my day in the TV ministry our programs had to be edited during the Praise-a-Thon for TBN so our appeals would not detract from their efforts.

Other major networks include the Christian Broadcasting Network, CBN founded by Pat Robertson, Baptist minister with Charismatic leanings and former Presidential candidate.  Pat’s sets are very tasteful in comparison to those of TBN. They are like a living room and a lot less pretentious.  It seems that he and his co-hosts on the 700 Club try to appeal to people like regular people.  The network is associated with Regent University which though very conservative are a pretty well ranked and regionally accredited school.  It has an undergrad school as well as Schools of Theology, Law and Communications.  CBN is connected with our sponsors conservative political, social and humanitarian outreaches such as Operation Blessing which provides humarian aid around the world.  It’s monetary appeals tend to be more suave than TBN. The most remarkable thing about the program are Pat’s facial expression when he prays and his yearly predictions from God.  This year’s prediction warmed the hearts of Democrats and chaffed Republicans, he said that God said that President Obama’s policies would help a turn economy around in the second half of the year.  Unlike other guys Pat wasn’t prophesying the end of the world as we know it or that the Cubs would win the Worlds Series. As all baseball fans know this would bring about Jesus’ return.  This of course is Padre Steve’s eschatology and patently breathed by the lips of the Deity Herself.

Another network which is both more Charismatic and Pentecostal is the Inspiration Network or INSP. It was  founded by Pentecostal evangelist Morris Cerello and continued by his son.  This network in style tends to be a bit less high-falutin than TBN and often includes visits to local church venues.  The preaching and music on this network seek to overcome obstacle of quality with noise and light.  I wish sometimes that there was no verse about making a joyful noise in the Bible.  These people take that command far to literally.   The appeal for money is always there and pretty in your face.  The Cerello’s are like from New York or Jersey or something and they kind of look like Bible Thumping Mafia hit men, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In my effort to be inclusive and ecumenical I do have to mention the Roman Catholic entry to the field, the Eternal Word Television Network, or EWTN. I haven’t came up for a cute name for this network yet but give me time.  The network was founded by Mother Angelica, a nun and based out of Alabama. I understand that her ministry complex in some respects resembles Vatican City with BBQ and Wings on the side. I hear that it is a pilgrimage site for Traditionalists. Although they are in Alabama there are no NASCAR ads on EWTN, too bad, they really should combine the two.  I think it would be way cool to have the Nuns sponsor a NASCAR race car maybe in conjunction with Hooters, you can’t get any more traditional than that.  This network is a lot more subdued than its Charismatic and Evangelical kin.  This is so because the theological leanings are to the right of Pope Pius X, the Patron of the Society of Saint Pius X, an ultra conservative group that broke from Rome and whoese excommunicated Bishops were rehabilitated by Pope Benedict XVI this year.  They are traditionalist to the hilt.  They are exceptionally evangelical in regard to their programing. There are programs on Catholic theology, spirituality and apologetics.  Guests are often conservative Catholic academics, so you can actually learn something from these guys. EWTN hosts the Coming Home Network which is designed to convince Protestants to come to Rome.  While I am a proponent of the Catholic Faith, this is in some respects akin to sheep-stealing, especially in their appeal to search Protestant, especially Evangelical Protestant pastors. These men are often enticed with the possibility of becoming Roman Catholic Priests; a lofty goal that few ever attain.  Most leave their Protestant ministries and never it make it through the Catholic formation process.  They end up as laymen, sometimes doing work in the church, but often left with nothing in comparison to the ordained ministries that they left.  The few that do make it are not permitted to be parish pastors by Canon Law and remain in education or some other supporting ministry, sometimes as an associate pastor.  There is one who became a Priest and serves as an Army Chaplain.  He is an outstanding priest and excellent chaplain and a poster boy for this group.  However he is the exception.  Back to the Network.  The decor is a throwback to more traditional times, Mother Angelica and her nuns wear an old fashioned full habit and daily Mass is shown.  The appeals for money are similar to other networks but obviously must be vetted through the local diocesan bishop.

That’s it for the Networks.  Part Two will include some funy observations, mostly of style and presentation of various popular TV evangelists.

In all good humor, Peace Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

Tagged as , , , ,

March 17, 2009 · 23:39

The Brotherhood of War

Back in the mid 80s shortly after I was commissioned as an Army Officer there was a series of historical novels by W.E.B. Griffin called the Brotherhood of War. The series traced the paths of several Army officers as well as family and friends beginning in World War II. I am not much of a reader of fiction, but this series, as well as Anton Meyer’s Once an Eagle well captured the unique culture of the career professional soldier through both war and peace.  They treated their subject respectfully while also dealing with the effect of this lifestyle on families as well as the soldiers.

I’ve been a military officer in both the Army and Navy now for almost 26 years with nearly 28 years total service. I grew up in a Navy family.  The last 10 have been in the Navy.  In 1999 in order to return to active duty I resigned my Army Reserve commission as a Major and entered the Navy Chaplain Corps as a Lieutenant with no time in grade.  Outside of marrying my wife Judy, who somehow did not kill me when I did this, going in the Navy was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Part of my time in the Army and Navy has been my time in the Chaplain Corps of each service.  I have been a chaplain for almost 17 years.  My best friends are other chaplains, some from my own church and some from other communions.  The ones that I have the most connectedness to are those who have served in combat, especially those who served in Iraq, or ships in the war zone conducting various combat and maritime operations even when we were in different places.

Tonight I was with a number of chaplains from my church gathered for our annual conference.  Some of these men I have now known for at least 10 years, some more.  I’ve seen the young guys start to age and others retired from the service.  What has made this conference different from past gatherings is that all of us have had one or more combat deployment or are getting ready to go back.  Last year was difficult for me because of how my PTSD was manifesting.

We have shared our stories but now they are the stories of men who have all seen war.  In our careers we have have all experienced success, as well as heartache.  Due to our duty we have been often isolated from the church and each other.  I don’t think that most of us returned from the war unchanged.  There is a lot less bravado than years past, more reflection, less intense discussion of the theological issues that have divided the Christian Church for centuries.  I know that at least two of us have PTSD, one case of TBI, another with an Iraq acquired constrictive bronchiolitis, or bronchiolitis obliterans which has no cure. This young man has won two Bronze Stars and now has the lung capacity of a 70 year old man.  We have others who have won awards for their service in combat. Some have experienced the indifference of the medical and administrative parts of our service.  When I returned I found my personal and professional belongings crammed into a trailer with those of my assistant.  There are things which I considered important that are still missing and likely never to be found.  Others have had experiences where they felt the cold indifference of bureaucratic systems often staffed by civilian contractors who act if the returning or injured vet is there so they can have a job. Of course not all are that way, but these kind of people seem to show up frequently.

We have by and large matured, seeing death and destruction and being exposed to danger from enemies that could strike in the most unexpected moments in the most unexpected ways.  We have experienced sometimes difficult adjustments to life back home, a knowledge that we are different and that we are even more cognizant of our own obligation to care for God’s people.  Our brotherhood has deepened as a result of war, of that I am sure. Peace, Steve+

2 Comments

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Military, PTSD

March 17, 2009 · 00:41

The Land of Unhappy Travelers

The 80’s group Blondie had a hit called “Island of Lost Souls.”  I love that song, it is kind of quirky and fun.  However, there is a time when you run into a place where the song seems more true than not. Today was one of those days.

I had to travel to Florida this morning for a Chaplain conference.  Since I came back from Iraq I do travel a lot less well than I used to and to make matters worse conferences of almost any kind at best come close to pushing me to the edge.  Sleep was difficult as usual the night before I travel, trying to anticipate every contingency, going through my packing list and ensuring everything I needed was there, getting up an hour later to make sure and setting multiple alarm clocks just to make sure I don’t miss my flight.  I know why I do this. Before Iraq I traveled a lot and got good at it.  In Iraq a did a lot more of this and got into a routine of checking, double checking and even triple checking to make sure that I had everything that I needed knowing that it would not be available the places that I was going or places that I might get marooned.  I have carried that back with me.  I actually have the same pack that I carried on every mission over there.  It is an excellent piece of gear, made by Blackhawk.

Anyway, today was a hellish travel day. The weather across the east coast was crappy.  My first flight was delayed an hour, my second flight as well. If that was not bad enough the Delta airlines failed to have people at gates and jet ways when gate changes happened, leaving people to miss flights and nearly miss vacation cruises.  On our connecting flight at Atlanta’s Harts-Jackson Field was delayed, in my case a good thing as had it been on time I would have missed it or had my luggage delayed.  While in line waiting for the flight announcements were periodically made, each one either delivering a later flight time or excuse for the delay.  The excuses often were inconsistent.  I’m not saying that an airline would lie, but it seemed to my little pea brain that the excuses conflicted.  Let’s face it, if you are going to lie be consistent and always remember that it is not a lie if you believe it.  Unfortunately the people lying to us were not very believable.

As I waited I surveyed my fellow disgruntled travelers.  Now by this time I had both extra meds as well as my 8 AM  and 1230 PM doses of Samuel Adams Boston Lager.  Normally I’ll wait until dinner for a beer, but I knew that I needed a bit more today.  The last conference that I flew to was in Orlando last year and that about put me over the edge. If you have PTSD a few months after coming out of combat zone going through the Orlando in the middle of the Summer pilgrimage of millions of the faithful  to Wally World to see Randy Rodent and Doofey is not a fun experience.  Thanks be to God for her good care.  She ensured that my doctor had given good drugs and the airport pubs provided good beer not to mention a Chili Dog with mustard, thus by the middle of the afternoon I was doing far better than most of my fellow travelers.  It was then that the Blondie song came into my mind.  This was not the Island of Lost Souls but the Land of Unhappy Travelers.  I listened to some people’s stories and they were like “Lemony Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events.” Atlanta had become a vortex of very disgruntled travellers who had missed flights, been bumped from flights or delayed endlessly.  If you don’t believe in the Catholic doctrine of Purgatory just try Atlanta on a day like today.  I looked around, and though barely holding on myself I was able to find some gallows humor in the midst of this angony.  I looked around the people around me and said “Ladies and gentlemen it is my distinct displeasure to welcome you to the land of unhappy travelers.”  I actually got a few laughs.  I then made a comment about the airline, which I had not flown in a couple of years, saying “I’m glad to see that some things stay the same, our airline still has same crappy service that they had a few years ago.  As we started boarding we boarded by zones as some airlines are want to do.  I personally prefer the first come or first signed in first seated way that Southwest does things, unfortunately the government contract was no longer with Southwest. As they announced “boarding zones one through five,” I commented, “yep, you guys in zone 92 still have a while to wait.  On each flight we had bad weather, turbulence and on one flight the air condition did not start kicking in until we were getting ready to land.

When I got to my destination I heard stories even worse than mine, all focused around the vortex of doom that swirled around Atlanta.  The only place that I thought it could have gone worse was Washington Dulles, where my experiences have been nearly all bad.I survived but by the time I got to my hotel my ass was kicked.

At the end of the day I had survived.  A few beers and a bit of wine with good fellowship with friends made things better.

So to all those who have suffered today, the inhabitants of the Land of Unhappy Travelers, I bid you a good night and safe travel, whenever you get out of Atlanta.

Peace, Steve+

.

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, PTSD, travel

Tagged as ,

March 13, 2009 · 20:33

The Fellowship of the Pub

pub11It seems that Judy and I have discovered a form of fellowship that was foreign to us in our Evangelical days. Back then fellowship was something that happened pretty much with other Christians at a church sponsored event, usually church socials or home groups.  Since these were by and large church activities the fellowship consisted primarily of chatting about what the Lord was doing in our lives, church programs or what was wrong with the “world.” Alcohol in any form was not consumed. There was a joke in seminary about what two Baptist preachers said when they met each other in the liquor store: “Absolutely nothing.”

Noe there is nothing wrong with sharing what the Lord is doing in each others lives, it is indeed a remarkable form of community in the Christian world.  At the same time the way many American Christians have ghettoized themselves to be separate from the world this has almost become a way to avoid dealing with people who are not like us.  This takes on different forms in different churches but the effect is the same…an isolation of Christians from the world in which they live. A whole Evangelical subculture has emerged.  It began with mainstream “Contemporary Christian Music” which had developed out of the “Jesus Music” of the early Christian rockers such as Larry Norman, Love Song and “Maranatha Music” of the late 1960s and early 1970s.  It continued with “Christian” TV networks, entertainment, movies and counseling and even dating services.  Entire networks of  “Christian” services formed in opposition to “worldly” services.  One of the stupidest ideas that I have ever seen was “Christian Yellow Pages.” Each of these “Christian” organizations or businesses generally tried to what their “secular” counterparts did, only with a lot less quality, even if there was no sex or cussing.

This aside, I think that the ghettoization of Christianity into a narrow Evangelical subculture has hurt the witness of the church in the world.  It has separated itself so much that it has lost contact and understanding of what others who are not like them really are like.

Judy and I love to go out and eat.  We don’t have any children.  Cooking for two is difficult on a busy and often irregular schedule, so going out makes a lot of sense. Since I returned from Iraq we like to do this in a couple of restaurants, with a couple of others as back ups.  Our primary places of fellowship are the bars at the Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant and Smokey Bones Bar-b-Que in the Town Center area of Virginia Beach.  We also like a couple of Irish pubs.  In fact when I travel the Irish pubs are my favorite places to go. We especially like going to the bars of these establishments for a number of reasons.  One is because of Judy’s hearing.  We can sit next to each other with me by her good ear without looking stupid sitting next to each other in a booth.  Anyone who has seen the Seinfeld episode with this phenomena (the “Schmoopy schmo0py episode) can certainly understand what I am saying here.

The second and far more important part of this is that we have gotten to know people outside the walls of a church building.  I’ve noted that big crowds a church other meetings really get my PTSD response going, but somehow bars are comforting. We have gotten to meet a lot of really interesting people going to bars.  We have also have gotten to know the bar tenders and other wait staff.  We are comfortable with them and they are getting to know us.  They know what we like to eat and know which beers we like with having to tell them.  Bartenders are far better listeners than most Christians.  There is a reason why people go to bars, bartenders will listen to you and talk with you without telling you what you need to be doing.  As they have gotten to know us their personal and sometimes spiritual questions come up.  I don’t hide the fact that I am a Priest and Chaplain.  Maybe this is foreign to many at the east end of the Bible Belt, but it is nice to be there for them too.  Questions of faith, baptism, confirmation, difficulties with church teaching and prayer needs are often expressed as we get to know these young men and women.

Knowing that a priest and his wife accept them as they are sometimes results in interesting findings.  So many people are disenfranchised from the Church.  We have met more lapsed Catholics, Baptists and others who long for genuineness.   Most have been hurt by legalism and rejection by people in their church or other religious folk.  Denominational affiliation is irrelevant.   They have tired of being ostracized but still long for God without Her being shoved down their throat by some well meaning but often single minded and blunt edged “witness.”   Some of these bartenders and wait staff  have deep faith.  They may not be “in your face” about it but they care for people and many will tell you how God is working in their life and that of their family simply because you are there.  For us this is part of “Incarnation Christianity.” Jesus made a bit of wine himself, from what I read it was pretty good. He also hung out with the bartenders of his time as well as others deemed less than socially acceptable by the highly religious culture of the time.  Sounds familiar even today.  Some things never change.

So we don’t worry about what anyone else thinks about us doing this anymore.  We have a great time and get to know a lot of neat folks which sometimes leads to interesting spiritual situations.  Relationships are being developed, friendships formed and the love of Jesus being shown.  Now I know that some will object, but I have come not really to care and I couldn’t give a rip if someone doesn’t like that fact that I drink good beer. Those who proof text attempt to isogete scripture  to say that we are somehow “causing the weaker brothers to sin” really have no idea about scripture or the incarnation.  I figure that the Diety Herself would be please.  If not she’ll let me know.

As Martin Luther said: “I know the devil is active, but I also know God is sovereign, so I will sit here and drink my beer.”  Peace to all God’s people. Padresteve out.

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

March 10, 2009 · 21:15

That they may be one…

The prayer of Jesus, that his people might be one and he and the Father are one is a prayer that becomes closer to my heart every day.  My experience of the Church is profoundly influenced by my life in the nether world of the military culture.  My world view is shaped by a blending of various Christian traditions,  mutual support and collaboration among believers of often radically different points of view. Because of the love, care and mentoring of people from a blend of different traditions I came to k now God and survived a tumultuous childhood with many moves.

As a historian I have been blessed to to study church history from the early Church Fathers to the present.  As I look to church history I find inspiration in many Christian traditions.  In fact rather being threatened by them I have become appreciative of their distinctiveness.  I think that there is a beauty in liturgy and stability in the councils and creeds of the Church.  At the same time the prophetic voice of evangelical preaching shapes me, not merely the salvation message, but the message of freedom embodied in the lives and sacrifice of men like William Wilberforce, Martin Luther King. and Desmond Tutu.  Likewise the prophetic message of the faith is demonstrated in the  ministry, writing and martyrdom of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and his contemporaries Martin Niemoller and Jesuit Father Rupert Meyer of Munich.  All who resisted and preached against the evils of Nazism.  Women like Teresa of Avila and St Catherine show me that women have a legitimate place of ministry and leadership in the Church.  The joy of music in many forms, from ancient hymns and psalter to modern works from around the world enliven the church.I have been shaped by the writings of  Hans Kung, Yves Congar, Jurgen Moltmann and Henry Nouwen.  I’ve been challenged by St Francis of Assissi, John Wesley and Martin Luther.  I am especially inspired by Pope John XXIII who’s vision brought about the Second Vatican Council.

My prayer  is that Christians can live in peace with one another and that we find ways to overcome the often very legitimate hurts, grievances and divisions of our 2000 year history.  Niether triumphalism nor authoritarianism  has a place in my understanding of Church. As a person who grew up in a very open and ecumenical environment I have lost any denominational parochialism that I might have had if I had become a pastor of a civilian parish instead of a chaplain.  I do see the providence of God in this, even the bishop who ordained me recognized that calling within the priesthood and never pushed me into parish ministry. Maybe he was afraid that I would be dangerous, God only knows. I believe that my environment has been a stronger influence in the way I think about ecumenical relations and ministry than my actual theology or ecclesiolgy.  Likewise I have grown weary of refighting theological debates that have divided the church for a thousand years.   I think I embody what the early Anglicans referred to as the via media, as somehow my lifeand ministry has been about building bridges at the intersections of faith with a wide diversity of people.  When I have tried to embrace traditionalism or choose to fight theological battles I have ended up tired, bitter and at enmity with other Christians. In a sense when I tried those paths I found that they didn’t work for me. I discovered that I was not being true to who God had created and guided my life, education and expereince.  My favorite theological debates have been with other chaplains over pints of good beer in German Gasthausen or Irish pubs.  Those were good times, we argued but we also laughed and always left as friends and brothers.  As I noted in my post Journeys I figure that the the first seven ecumenical councils work just fine and I really like Vatican II.  I believe since we are human that none of us will ever fully comprehend all of God or her truth.  I believe that the Holy Spirit, God’s gracious gift to her people will guide us into all Truth. For me my faith has become more about relationships and reconcilliation than in being right.

May God guide us into all truth and bring us all into communion.

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

Tagged as

March 9, 2009 · 22:52

Journey’s

Jerry Garcia once made the comment that “it’s been a long strange trip.”  For me the rocker’s words go through me like a good classic rock guitar riff, kind of like those in the Eagle’s “Hotel California.”  My faith and life has been a strange trip.  Had anyone told me back when I graduated from college that I would be serving on active duty after 27 years and a Priest to boot, I would have asked them what they were smoking.  I think that God has a sense of humor. I would have never picked me for the job, if Paul was the least of the Apostle’s then I have to be one of the least of the Priests. Cool, that last one rhymed, you got to love that huh?

Anyway, I was talking to my shrink today about how my experience in Iraq has changed me and maybe how God herself has used it to get me where she wants me to be.  I have spent the last 27 years of “aiming high” to “be all that I can be” in something that is “not just a job but an adventure.”  God has allowed me to experience  cool stuff, see a lot of things, go to more cool places than other people ever get to go and meet really cool people around the world.

I have talked about PTSD in my blog.  I have it, but in some ways it is not a curse, despite its stigma.  My time in Iraq and what happened there as well as my return has been as much an occasion of grace, despite the many difficulties.

Before Iraq I spent endless hours in theological as well as political debates.  Since returning I find those things not quite as important as they once were.  When I tried to rejoin them I discovered that I couldn’t and that the endless barrage of hatred and negativity was causing me a lot of problems, both emotionally and spiritually.  As I backed off a bit see people, even those I have disagreement with to be people that God loves, except maybe when they cut me off in traffic or play for the Dodgers.  Even so I’m sure that God herself even loves bad drivers and Dodgers fans, because she is much more loving and gracious that I can ever be.

I have discovered an experience of God’s love in communitywith people who have the same passions that I have.  I am much less doctrinaire than I used to be.  My early writings in the 1990s had a hard edge that came across as I tried to outdo others in doctrinal correctness.  Since Iraq I’ve lost that edge.  Actually I have been slowly losing it for years after a couple of my articles drew fire from some former bishops in my church. I was banned me from publishing, a ban since lifted and forbidden to have contact with civilian priests in the diocese which I resided.  I remained faithful to my vows, endured both the bans silently while seeing those same men devastate the church and abandon it.  I now really understand Hans Kung, whose books led me to the Catholic faith proclaimed at the Second Vatican Council.

Since Iraq I have been taking personal and spiritual inventory in between periods of depression, anxiety, insomnia, chronic pain, rages and occasional paranoia.   Doing this I found that my relationship with  and love for Judy had deepened significantly.  I also discovered that the people I was closest to were those who had shared experiences of being in danger, under enemy fire and who like me had come back changed.

I discovered that sitting silently is often more valuable than having answers or trying to make up something to look like I know what I’m doing.  I’ve discovered the grace of God in the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation and the value of kind words.  I’ve also discovered that I have limitations in what I can do and how far I can tpush myself.  Those limitations are not bad, they too are God’s gift to me.  What bothers me most now is religious or political thinking which presumes to be infallible or to know what God is saying in the absence of any clear word from God.   I am now comfortable in gray areas rather than a world of absolute black and white dualism.  Honestly for many years I needed that “black and white” world, so I have no condemnation for those who believe that way.  I have left that world, for better or worse, in both politics and religion. In doing so I am confident of the grace and love of God.  The prayer said by the Priest in the Roman Eucharistic rite at the end of the Lord’s Prayer has become a prayer of mine: “Deliver us Lord from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ.” A priest friend of mine actually adds “from every needless anxiety” to the prayer.

Yeah, I have my ups and downs. This last weekend after coming back from DC was pretty rough, but God promises to be with us with us and never leave us or forsake us.  So I guess that includes me too.

1 Comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings, PTSD, Religion

Tagged as