Tag Archives: Military

Lies and Damned Lies of World Net Daily

I am starting a new category today.  This is the “Lies and Damned Lies of World Net Daily.”  I am only going to focus on comments by that website regarding military matters.  I have noticed over the years that they tend to sensationalize and distort military reporting in regard to their particular political bent.  They and other allegedly “conservative” websites like to bash the “left-wing bias” of the traditional or “mainstream” media but are not unbiased in their own reporting.

The editor of the site, Joseph Farah and one of his chief correspondents Bob Unruh are particularly good at this.  I first noticed their extreme bias when covering the case of a former Navy Chaplain a few years back.  Knowing the case I was appalled at their coverage and actually contacted the reporter concerning the case.  They were both unapologetic and unresponsive.  When I realized that they were not interested in the truth and only in using this unfortunate man’s case to showcase themselves I knew that the supposed “new conservative” media was even more corrupt than the mainline press.   The mainstream press has been no paragon of virtue in reporting about the military based upon my point of view as a career military man and military dependant, but this reprehensible.  This realization about the new media and “conservative media” came hard for me because up until that point I had classified myself as a conservative.  These people have hijacked conservatism and hijacked Evangelical Christianity.

What got me today was a article by the aforementioned Bob Unruh entitled “Military Demands Details on Private Guns: Fort Campbell Command reversed under pressure.”  To read the headline one would think that the Commanding General of the base had implemented a policy.  Playing upon the unfamiliarity of the majority of its readership with the actual organization of the military as well as military policy or military law this writer publishes articles designed to incite and deliberately misinform readers in order to promote their political and social goals.  The actual article was about a single company commander, probably a 25 or 26 year old Army Captain in charge of a 120 soldier infantry company who got in way above his head and demanded information from his soldiers that was not in compliance with DOD or Department of the Army regulations.  The story was not even newsworthy as this young man was likely slammed hard for this dumb decision.  I have been a company commander and at the age of 24 or 25 you can make some dumb decisions.  They however do not become Army policy and yes my dear reader they will destroy the young company commander.  I had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion by my Group CO or XO for getting in above my pay grade.   Mr Unruh has taken this non-story and blown it incredibly out of proportion attempting to link it with legislation in the Washington State Legislature on gun control and President Obama’s inauguration in their words “the most anti-firearm President in history.”  Such is not the case, it is bad reporting and worse ethics to try to link the stupid decision of an Army Captain, or maybe even First Lieutenant with actions of a state legislature or possible yet un-enacted policies of the President.  World Net Daily has no shame in its reporting and unfortunately many of its conservative sister sites are no better.   From now on if I see examples of this crap I will report it here. People who are not interested in the truth need to be exposed especially when they present themselves as champions of truth and integrity.

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The Brotherhood of War Part Three: Beer, Donuts and Cigars

My conference is over and I fly home tomorrow.  I have found what happens in the informal sessions,  actually the unsanctioned and unsupervised sessions is actually of more benefit to us old combat vets than any formal program or presentation.  Maybe it’s the manner in which we do so. Most of my friends smoke cigars, I don’t, but I love a good beer. We have happened upon a great combination for late night discussions.  Beer, Krispy Kreme donuts, cigars and for the classy folks a good Port wine.  There is something about discussing experiences and really important stuff in a relaxed atmosphere as friends who each bring strengths to the table.   Some of what we discuss is related to practical matters in military ministry as well as sucecess and survival in the institution.  Likewise we discuss practical things which impact our lives in dealing with the institution of the Church.

The best of these times are wehn four to six of us can sit around and talk.  We spend time discussing our lives, ministry, tell war stories and and simply be there to help each other out, sometimes to provide a safe place to vent.  Tonight was good for me.  I was still pretty ragged from the past day and pretty much opted out of our morning session and lunch.  I needed this time in order to regroup.  One of the things that I have learned the hard way is to know my limitations.  As one of my favorite theologians, Harry Callahan says: “A man’s got to know his limitations.”  There is a lot of good theology in Dirty Harry.  I’ve learned that when my mind and body say I’m done, I am, unless of course it is a combat situation or I am in some other mortal danger.  Knowing this I knew that I could not last another day of regular sessions, even taking account of the good will and intentions of those around me.

It has been a rough week but I am glad that I came.  The bonds formed through years of friendship and shared experiences both in war and peace make this a unique fellowship.  This is our brotherhood, this is our fellowship.  We depart tomorrow and many of us will not see each other again for at least a year, maybe more. Some are already preparing for deployments to Iraq of Afghanistan and others could be called their or elsewhere at a moments notice.  This is the life that we have chosen, we and many who serve with us and those who have gone before us. There was a time a number of years ago when many civilian clergy in our church quoted the speech in Henry V quite often.  As a career military officer at the time I had problems with many who had never seen combat or lived the life of a soldier quoting that speech.  I think it is really something for us who have served, especially those who have done so in combat.  For us this has real meaning.

“This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember’d.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember’d;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day”

This is for all my friends, and all who serve and have served.  We few we happy few, we band of brothers.

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Right Wing Intolerance

Disclaimer: Just because I am talking about Right Wing intolerance does not mean that I think the politcial left is immune from such behavior, nor do I believe that all liberals are tolerant. I recognize that there are Left Wing groups and individuals as intolerant as those on the right.  I am after all fair and balanced.

Today something totally weird happened to me on Facebook,  I made a throw away question and response on a friend’s likewise throw away comment.  Some guy who was a friend of a friend of my friend on my friend’s Facebook  friends list jumped my ass.  He was brutal, called me stupid, a douche bag, idiot and several other things after I said that I was a “liberal.”  He made derogatory comments concerning my intelligence and listening skills and when I made the comment that he had set off a severe PTSD reaction (I was trembling so badly that I had to take an anti-anxiety medicine to calm down) he made repeated derogatory comments about my condition and medication even saying that “too bad there is no medication for stupidity.” This young man did not know me from Adam yet he ripped into me assaulting my character, intelligence, and mental stability. This kid was ruthless, but he had learned well. He sounded just like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage.  The young man blamed the whole incident on me and commented “that people like me start wars.” I have no thirst for war after Iraq, but evidently this young man thinks that I am a war monger. Of course I didn’t make anything better when in the midst of my PTSD defense reaction I called him an asshole, but he was an arrogant young ass.  My friend, who has known me for years dropped this young man from his friends list. Afterward this young man sent me a personal message blaming me for getting dropped from my friend’s friend list.  I had apologized to my friend for breaking the decorum of his post by calling the young man an asshole, but I never suggested removing him as I did not know his relationship to my friend.

This young man unfortunately represents many who spend three to six hours a day or more listening to conservative talk radio.  I used to do so myself, but had to give it up after my time in Iraq when I realized that many of these commentators had no earthly clue about what was going on over there.  I also realized that in order for them to keep up ratings and make money and stay on the air that they have to keep people continuously spun up and agitated.  If someone listens to that kind of message, regardless of the ideology espoused by the commentator, one will be spun up and agitated, ready to go to war with anyone who does not think that way.

When someone on Facebook sends you a message you can view their page.  This young man claimed to be a Christian with his political views listed as “Anti-Democrat.”  However, the Christian faith is about reconciliation. This young man has obviously been listening to more conservative talk radio than wrestling with Scripture or Christian belief. I hate to say it but the philosophic and scientific foundation of Capitalism is that of Charles Darwin and the survival of the fittest. It is pure and simple social Darwinism. Sorry that is not Christian, but my brothers on the political right often see at as something intrinsic to the Christian faith, when in fact it has been condemned by Popes.

I had another young man a few months ago who is an active duty officer in the military drop me from his friends list after I suggested he be careful in being too vocal about his political views.  Active duty officers may vote, we may support political candidates, but we always, even when the President is different from our Party treat him with the respect and deference that the office and our oath demands.  When I see right wing news sites like World Net Daily encourage military men to disobey lawful orders I am troubled.  Those who encourage young men and women to disobey orders in a combat zone will abandon them once they have done so and been punished under the UCMJ.  Then they will move on to another topic leaving the men who risked all for what these people encouraged them to do sit in jail, or are discharged;  be it a Other Than Honorable, Bad Conduct or Dishonorable discharge. The right wing groups will raise money keep people spun up, but leave these men and women hung out to dry when they are finished with them.  Such action by supposed “Christian” conservatives is unconscionable, immoral and in fact unchristian.

I can definitely say that I used to be a conservative, back in the days that it wasn’t popular after Nixon left office. Bill Buckley, George Will and Ronald Reagan were my political mentors.  They were men of principle, gentlemen and though they disagreed with their opponents on the political left never made ad homonym personal attacks.  They remained friends with their opponents on the other side of the aisle.  I do still have some conservative leanings, I am pro-life but think based on what I see in medicine that there are some definite “gray” areas.  I was appalled at the Vatican’s decision to excommunicate the mother and doctors of a 9 year old girl who had become pregnant with twins by her stepfather.  The girl was discovered to be pregnant when she got sick and was about to die at about the 4th month of the pregnancy.  The mother and doctors rightfully decided to save the child’s life which had been endangered by the criminal actions of the step father, who by the way was NOT excommunicated, the Brazilian government is prosecuting that horrible excuse of a man.  When I see this action on the part of a church, any church I am appalled.  I cannot see Jesus doing this to anyone, especially the people who elected to save the life of a child.  Those who know anything about medicine know that at 16 weeks with a mother in extremis that any babies born will not be viable and will die anyway while at the same time likely killing the nine year old.  Does this make me pro-abortion?  I don’t think so, but evidently the Vatican does.

I left the Republican Party last year.  It was hard.  I had been a Republican since I was 16 years old.  I worked for Gerald Ford’s campaign before I could vote.  I cheered for Ronald Reagan, voted for George Bush. Had many issueswith Bill Clinton, but was troubled by actions of people rising to power in the Republican Party. I voted reluctantly for George W. Bush and wish that the Democrats had run someone other than John Kerry in 2004.  I became critical of the Bush administration for many things which I will not go into here, but they are subjects often targeted by Libertarians and by those that some in the Republican Party refer to as “Paleoconservatives .”  One of my chief complaints about the “Christian” right is that it looks to me that its leadership is simply an appendage of the Republican Party.  I wonder if back in the 1976-1980 time frame had Christian leaders across the board ensured that they were represented inboth political parties if the Democrat Party would have gone as far left as it did.  I also wonder if this would have kept both parties honest in dealing with social issues, including, but not limited to abortion.  I have seen some “Christians” impose ideologies such as free market capitalism and war against Islamic nations and support of the former President and Republican Party agenda as tests of ones Christian faith and practice.  I wonder about that because I think it has gutted the witness of the church in the world. I guess tis makes me a liberal now.  Oh well…if I am I’m a liberal for Jesus.

So that is my story after being once again beaten up by some mindless drone who claims to be both a Christian and conservative.  I’m definitely a Christian, but cannot claim to be a conservative in the current topography of the political landscape.  As was the case in a Bloom County Comic strip back in the 1980s, Opus the Penguin was labled as a liberal, and the lable stuck. I guess I am a liberal now. Oh well…

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The Stigma of PTSD

I have PTSD.  I came back with it from my tour in Iraq.  I’ve mentioned this indirectly in previous posts.

Honestly, when I went to Iraq I knew about PTSD, however before I went there I really didn’t understand it, despite having been a trauma department chaplain in an urban trauma center. I knew people who suffered from PTSD but presumed that it is not as bad or prevalent at it really is among our veterans.

It actually took me a while to figure out what was going on with me.  My assistant and I traveled about all of Iraq’s Al Anbar province working with small groups of Americans working with the Iraqi Army, Border Forces and various police and other security forces.  I worked out of a base where when I first arrived a Army helicopter went down and I was greeted with a memorial ceremony for the 5 soldiers killed.  This was followed in rapid succession by a number of mass causality events where I was busy praying for and anointing Marines and Soldiers wounded by insurgent attacks along the very roads that I would be traveling on.  In my tour I experienced a lot, while we never were in a convoy that got hit, we did take small arms fire, had rockets fly over us and had aircraft come under attack by ground fire and shoot back. We also traveled in convoys of no more than three American HUMMVs and maybe a couple of Iraqi vehicles occasionally having to examine suspected IEDs and go through areas that were rife with insurgents.  Additionally we were in meetings where corrupt Iraqi officers were relieved by their Iraqi commanders with the US advisers present.   All participants in these meetings were armed except me.  Since I came back I have seen several reports of advisers being killed or wounded by renegade Iraqi troops while engaged in humanitarian missions.   All of this took a toll, the wear and tear of constant travel in dangerous areas with minimal protection worm me down without me even realizing it.  About  two thirds of the way through the tour we came back from a mission and some idiotic bureaucratic thing was brought up at our base of operations.  I lost it.  I was kicking HESCO barriers (big wire and canvas containers that held sand and dirt to protect soft buildings from rockets and mortar fire and cussing when my assistant, RP2 Nelson Lebron puled me aside and said “Sir, you need to get some rest, it’s not worth being upset, they’re idiots.”   He was right, but it took me a while to realize what was going on with me.  I couldn’t sleep at night and when I came home was in a constant state of anxiety, sleeplessness and was terrified by noise, light and crowds.  Situations in traffic sent me into rages.  Hyper vigilant I could not relax. The noise of helicopters and sight of certain types of helicopters sent me into flashbacks.  Nightmares were common while living with a constant state of anxiety, depression and  even paranoia became normal. Even church was painful to visit. A church convocation where I had to fly through Orlando International Airport so traumatized me that I was a wreck for weeks to come.  When I came back to my unit from Iraq I found that my personal gear had been moved out of my office and placed in a trailer as the unit was going through a major reorganization.  It was not personal on their part, but I felt cast aside by the Navy when I returned.   While it was not personal I felt rejected and without a home.   Due to the effects of PTSD on my Sailors who had been to Iraq and Afghanistan multiple times I was asked to start working on ways to help those traumatized by combat and the loss of friends.

In spite of this I pushed myself hard.  I couldn’t believe that there was anything wrong with me.  Then the fires in the Great Dismal Swamp began shrouding our area in a pall of smoke the color of which looked like a sandstorm and the smell like burn pits or the acrid smell of burning debris in Iraqi towns was overwhelming. Driving by a cow pasture or sewage treatment plant sent me back to Iraq.  During a presentation by a national expert which I had arranged for my unit on the effects of trauma and combat I struggled to keep myself together. My unit doctor looked at me a the end of the day and said. “Chaplain you don’t look good.”  I told him “I’m not, I need help.” Thankfully he listened, as did my command. My CO was shocked, I was experienced and well trained, and I was falling apart.  My doctor helped me to get the help I needed. My command was brought into the situation and both my old CO and new CO expressed thier support to me. The new CO asked me where a chaplain went for help.  I met Dr Elmer Maggard at Portsmouth Naval Medical Center and started to get help.  When I transferred to be a staff chaplain at Portsmouth my department head, Chaplain Jesse Tate pulled me aside and told me that he knew my work and would support me in my recovery.  He has been good on his word.  Other chaplains at Portsmouth have been supportive even on my bad days.  My work there on the ICUs with our staff has been healing as I meet others who have experienced PTSD or combat stress reactions.  The sharing of experiences and stories of Iraq among people who have been there is healing.  Sharing time with Vietnam vets has become important for me too.  There is a brotherhood that those of us who have seen danger in a combat zone share which is deep and timeless.

I’m getting better. Chronic pain, fatigue and anxiety are moderating somewhat.  Thanks to a fair amount of medications I can sleep much of the time.

Is there a stigma to PTSD?  I do think so, thankfully at least the Navy is starting to get things right in dealing with it. I hope that the other services are doing better as well, but I am not sure.  Army statistics seem to indicate a major rise in the suicide rate for soldiers.  My guess is that  I do think that among many there is a stigma.  Getting psychiatric or psychological help is still seen by a lot of people as a sign of weakness…some things never change.

Part of my healing process is to let others know about this.  I cannot sit back while those that I served with suffer at the hands of cold bureaucracy and discrimation by others who only believe that visible physical injuries matter.  George Patton be damned but people traumatized by combat are not weak, and those who espouse Patton’s philosophy in dealing with men and women injured in this manner can go to the infernal regions.

Does this mean that I would not go back to Iraq or to Afghanistan or some other combat zone?  No, I would go and even volunteer if my particular skill sets were needed.  I would do it for myself and my fellow Sailors, Marines, Soldiers and Airmen who serve, not because I am enamoured with war,  but because they are my brothers and sisters, fellow warriors who selflessly serve.  I can honestly say that I hate war.  I have seen what it does to people and nations, I’ve seen suffering and death both of Americans and Iraqis.   Unfortunately this war will not be over anytime soon.

Today I saw an article on CNN’s web page about two Army Generals who have decided to share their experience of PTSD.  God bless them.  The link is here:  http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/06/generals.ptsd/index.html

I’m lucky.  While things have not been easy I’ve gotten help and support.  I know others who have not. God bless these and others who have come out about their experiences.  Keep them and all of the rest of us in your prayers.

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God in the Empty Places

This was written last year when I was doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting after Iraq. It was originally ran in my church’s online news service.  I post it here as i walk through this season of Lent in this time of worldwide turmoil. Please don’t forget those who serve in Iraq and Afghanistan, nor those who have served in prior wars. Especially those who who have reurned injured in mind, body or spirit and those who made the supreme sacrifice.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on ministry and history over the past few months. While both have been part of my life for many years, they have taken on a new dimension after serving in Iraq. I can’t really explain it; I guess I am trying to integrate my theological and academic disciplines with my military, life and faith experience since my return.

The Chaplain ministry is unlike civilian ministry in many ways. As Chaplains we never lose the calling of being priests, and as priests in uniform, we are also professional officers and go where our nations send us to serve our Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen. There is always a tension, especially when the wars that we are sent to are unpopular at home and seem to drag on without the benefit of a nice clear victory such as VE or VJ Day in World War II or the homecoming after Desert Shield and Desert Storm.

It is my belief that when things go well and we have easy victories that it is easy for us to give the credit to the Lord and equally easy for others to give the credit to superior strategy, weaponry or tactics to the point of denying the possibility that God might have been involved. Such is the case in almost every war and Americans since World War Two have loved the technology of war seeing it as a way to easy and “bloodless” victory. In such an environment ministry can take on an almost “cheer-leading” dimension. It is hard to get around it, because it is a heady experience to be on a winning Army in a popular cause. The challenge here is to keep our ministry of reconciliation in focus, by caring for the least, the lost and the lonely, and in our case, to never forget the victims of war, especially the innocent among the vanquished, as well as our own wounded, killed and their families.

But there are other wars, many like the current conflict less popular and not easily finished. The task of chaplains in the current war, and similar wars fought by other nations is different. In these wars, sometimes called counter-insurgency operations, guerilla wars or peace keeping operations, there is no easily discernable victory. These types of wars can drag on and on, sometimes with no end in sight. Since they are fought by volunteers and professionals, much of the population acts as if there is no war since it does often not affect them, while others oppose the war.

Likewise, there are supporters of war who seem more interested in political points of victory for their particular political party than for the welfare of those that are sent to fight the wars. This has been the case in about every war fought by the US since World War II. It is not a new phenomenon. Only the cast members have changed.

This is not only the case with the United States. I think that we can find parallels in other militaries. I think particularly of the French professional soldiers, the paratroops and Foreign Legion who bore the brunt of the fighting in Indo-China, placed in a difficult situation by their government and alienated from their own people. In particular I think of the Chaplains, all Catholic priests save one Protestant, at the Battle of Dien Bien Phu, the epic defeat of the French forces that sealed the end of their rule in Vietnam. The Chaplains there went in with the Legion and Paras. They endured all that their soldiers went through while ministering the Sacraments and helping to alleviate the suffering of the wounded and dying. Their service is mentioned in nearly every account of the battle. During the campaign which lasted 6 months from November 1953 to May 1954 these men observed most of the major feasts from Advent through the first few weeks of Easter with their soldiers in what one author called “Hell in a Very Small Place.”

Another author describes Easter 1954: “In all Christendom, in Hanoi Cathedral as in the churches of Europe the first hallelujahs were being sung. At Dienbeinphu, where the men went to confession and communion in little groups, Chaplain Trinquant, who was celebrating Mass in a shelter near the hospital, uttered that cry of liturgical joy with a heart steeped in sadness; it was not victory that was approaching but death.” A battalion commander went to another priest and told him “we are heading toward disaster.” (The Battle of Dienbeinphu, Jules Roy, Carroll and Graf Publishers, New York, 1984 p.239)

Of course one can find examples in American military history such as Bataan, Corregidor, and certain battles of the Korean War to understand that our ministry can bear fruit even in tragic defeat. At Khe Sahn in our Vietnam War we almost experienced a defeat on the order of Dien Bien Phu. It was the tenacity of the Marines and tremendous air-support that kept our forces from being overrun.

You probably wonder where I am going with this. I wonder a little bit too. But here is where I think I am going. It is the most difficult of times; especially when units we are with take casualties and our troops’ sacrifice is not fully appreciated by a nation absorbed with its own issues.

For the French the events and sacrifices of their soldiers during Easter 1954 was page five news in a nation that was more focused on the coming summer. This is very similar to our circumstances today because it often seems that own people are more concerned about economic considerations and the latest in entertainment news than what is going on in Iraq or Afghanistan. The French soldiers in Indo-china were professionals and volunteers, much like our own troops today. Their institutional culture and experience of war was not truly appreciated by their own people, or by their government which sent them into a war against an opponent that would sacrifice anything and take as many years as needed to secure their aim, while their own countrymen were unwilling to make the sacrifice and in fact had already given up their cause as lost. Their sacrifice would be lost on their own people and their experience ignored by the United States when we sent major combat formations to Vietnam in the 1960s. In a way the French professional soldiers of that era have as well as British colonial troops before them have more in common with our force than the citizen soldier heroes of the “Greatest Generation.” Most of them were citizen soldiers who did their service in an epic war and then went home to build a better country as civilians. We are now a professional military and that makes our service a bit different than those who went before us.

Yet it is in this very world that we minister, a world of volunteers who serve with the highest ideals. We go where we are sent, even when it is unpopular. It is here that we make our mark; it is here that we serve our Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen. Our duty is to bring God’s grace, mercy and reconciliation to men and women, and their families who may not see it anywhere else. Likewise we are always to be a prophetic voice within the ranks.

When my dad was serving in Vietnam in 1972 I had a Sunday school teacher tell me that he was a “Baby Killer.” It was a Catholic Priest and Navy Chaplain who showed me and my family the love of God when others didn’t. In the current election year anticipate that people from all parts of the political spectrum will offer criticism or support to our troops. Our duty is to be there as priests, not be discouraged in caring for our men and women and their families because most churches, even those supportive of our people really don’t understand the nature of our service or the culture that we represent. We live in a culture where the military professional is in a distinct minority group upholding values of honor, courage, sacrifice and duty which are foreign to most Americans. We are called to that ministry in victory and if it happens someday, defeat. In such circumstances we must always remain faithful.

For those interested in the French campaign in Indo-China it has much to teach us. Good books on the subject include The Last Valley by Martin Windrow, Hell in a Very Small Place by Bernard Fall; The Battle of Dienbeinphu by Jules Roy; and The Battle of Dien Bien Phu- The Battle America Forgot by Howard Simpson. For a history of the whole campaign, read Street Without Joy by Bernard Fall. I always find Fall’s work poignant, he served as a member of the French Resistance in the Second World War and soldier later and then became a journalist covering the Nurnberg Trials and both the French and American wars in Vietnam and was killed by what was then known as a “booby-trap” while covering a platoon of U.S. Marines.

There is a picture that has become quite meaningful to me called the Madonna of Stalingrad. It was drawn by a German chaplain-physician named Kurt Reuber at Stalingrad at Christmas 1942 during that siege. He drew it for the wounded in his field aid station, for most of whom it would be their last Christmas. The priest would die in Soviet captivity and the picture was given to one of the last officers to be evacuated from the doomed garrison. It was drawn on the back of a Soviet map and now hangs in the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church in Berlin where it is displayed with the Cross of Nails from Coventry Cathedral as a symbol of reconciliation. I have had it with me since before I went to Iraq. The words around it say: “Christmas in the Cauldron 1942, Fortress Stalingrad, Light, Life, Love.” I am always touched by it, and it is symbolic of God’s care even in the midst of the worst of war’s suffering and tragedy.

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Living and dying

I had an epiphany last year in the midst of the onset of my post Iraq PTSD crash….”Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.”

The value of living life to the fullest really came to  me then.  I’ve seen a lot of death and destruction in my life: I’ve experienced trauma, had people shoot at me, been robbed at gunpoint, been on aircraft with mechanical problems, narrowly missed terrorist bombs and a lot of other rather “sporty” events.  Likewise I have seen death and trauma up close and personal.  Babies born too early to live, elderly people passing away after long lives, young men killed and maimed by war, children and the elderly maimed, cities and villages devastated.  I’ve seen people of all ages whose lives have ended suddenly either to disease or trauma and seen people suffer excruciating deaths.  In all of this though I have also found life in people who no matter what their circumstance choose to live and often seen the grace of God in the midst of great suffering.   It is as Alister McGrath says: “Life under the Cross.” I had one of those experiences with a Navy widow last week, who in her dying moments continued to look after those around her, thanking people, blessing people, laughing, joking, crying and praying.  I had the privilege of conducting her funeral yesterday, she was a saint.

I know that death is a reality, those who seek to deny it only deceive themselves. Even Jesus died, there is no resurrection without death first.  There is almost a death denying cult in the western world.  Many doctors cannot look someone in the eye who has a terminal illness and tell them that the illness or something related to it will kill them.  We often rely on machines to extend life well after they serve any purpose in bringing healing to the patient forgetting that the patient is a person with hopes, dreams and wishes.  Everybody dies…but how do we live?

I also know that there is injustice and poverty in the world, even in our country. I know that innocents suffer because of the choices of powerful nations and individuals, politicians, businessmen, dictators and even religious leaders.  There are times when we have to stand up to injustice, but when we do we must be in the business of reconciliation and not revenge while we advocate for the least, the lost and the lonely, those who have no one to speak for them.

I know people who for whatever reason cannot seem to enjoy life or find happiness. I know people who cannot enjoy friendship with people who are not like them and I am sad for them.  There are people of faith, who dehumanize others who don’t believe like them or live by the tenants of their particular faith. Some of these will actually kill in the name of their God and I am not simply talking about radical Islamic terrorists.  There are plenty of others from every faith tradition who do the same thing.  The Westboro Baptist “God hates Fags” crowd who disrupt funerals of fallen US Servicemen and women saying that their death is God’s judgment on them for serving the United States. They despise the nation and the sacrifices of those that they mock while enjoying the freedom that both give them.  There are people in every religion who do this sort of thing, they dehumanize the people that God has created in his image.  I have seen others who have no faith who mock those with faith and seek to deny them their rights as well.  Both radical secularists and religious radicals are willing to use the power of government to silence  or even persecute those that they disagree with.  Somehow I don’t think that this kind of life is what God intended.

My CPE supervisor during my CPE residency said something to me that resonated then, and still does today. He told me that I had to stop living my life expecting failure and heartache. He said that I could actually write much of my own future by how I look at life and chose to live in faith, hope and dreams, to believe in a good future while remaining grounded in reality.  He opened the future to me, a future full of possibility,exploration and adventure.  A future of hope, friendship and faith.

I’ve learned, and it has been an often painful learning curve, to live and appreciate life and the great gifts that God has given me.  I’ve learned to laugh and live with people and to have friendships beyond what would have been my comfort zone even a few years back.  I’ve also learned that even if I believe something with all my heart it doesn’t necessarily mean that God agrees with me. I had to learn to turn off the incessant voices in the media that seek to divide and destroy their opponents, who in the name of “debate” belittle, silence, attack, dehumanize and sometimes demonize those who disagree with them.  This doesn’t mean that legitimate differences should be pushed aside, but it is a call to civility especially for people that are entrusted with reconciling the world to God.

At dinner with General Sabah in Ramadi

At dinner with General Sabah in Ramadi

For me life has come to mean community and friendship, finding commonality while recognizing differences.   I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but that’s okay, it is a free country.  I’ll agree to disagree but remain respectful and not become enemies just because of a difference of views. I have chosen to live in this reality.

Peace,

Steve+

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Navy “Brats”

I grew up in a Navy family. I was born in a Navy hospital, and my brother was baptized in a Navy Chapel. I went to 6 elementary schools in three states in 6 years. As a result I learned to adapt to change, make friends and at an early age, move on when we moved to our next duty station.

We grew up in the anti-military maelstrom of the 1960s and 1970s. A Sunday School teacher told me that my dad was a baby killer when he was in Vietnam,. It was a Roman Catholic Navy Chaplain that helped me keep some faith in God, and it is to him I owe my vocation as a priest and chaplain.

When Dad retired from the Navy I was not happy because I wasn’t ready for the adventure to end. I liked the new places, people and travel. Dad was really good about making sure that we got to experience something unique everywhere we went, from Corregidor in the Philippines, the outdoor life of the Puget Sound, Major League Baseball in California, and Hockey. Disneyland and Knott’s Berry Farm were regular attractions in Southern California. From Dad, presents from the Far East including a 10 speed bike and a pachinko machine for me.

They were good times. We took trips across country by train to visit family in the days before Amtrak, riding every major route from the West Coast to Chicago, the Great Northern-Burlington Northern “Empire Builder,” the Western Pacific “Zephyr” Southern Pacific “Daylight”, Santa Fe “Super Chief” and “El Capitan.” As we were coming home from the Philippines on a Military Transport ship, the USS John C Breckenridge, we were allowed to explore the ship and for the first time I got a sense of the sea.  Something about that voyage caused me to love the sea and ships. Growing up we were allowed to take risks, we had the chance to succeed, but also to learn about life by occasionally failing.  When dad was deployed mom took on the burden of caring for us.  That was difficult for her, but she did well.  The Navy wife and mother actually has a harder job than the deployed sailor.

There is something about being a Navy “brat.” I have been blessed to see our best friends’ boys, Jack and Alex grow up. We’ve known them since they were 4 and 8, respectively and now they are 17 and 13, or something like that. They have great senses of humor and are great to be around. Like me, the life of being a Navy brat is all they know. My first memories of being a Navy brat begin with living in the Philippines. Their dad’s first Navy assignment was in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Jack may remember life before the Navy, but Alex is too young to remember anything but the Navy.

My life has remained closely tied to the military. After dad retired I did three years of Navy Junior ROTC in High School getting to travel up and down the West Coast and to Hawaii aboard 6 different ships for about 70 days at sea. My parents hoped beyond hope that I would settle down, but I was not deterred. I joined the Army National Guard just prior to entering the UCLA Army ROTC program. I didn’t do the Navy because my fiancé, now my wife Judy, said that she would not marry me if I joined the Navy. Her oldest sister’s husband was on a ship during Viet Nam and was never home. Judy witnessed the pain and hardship her sister went through, and then a couple of decades later, her other sister married navy men while she herself was in the Navy.

So I spent 17 and a half years in the active Army, National Guard and Reserves before finally getting the chance to come in the Navy in February 1999, as I turned in my gold Army Major’s oak leaf for the twin bars of a Navy Lieutenant. Judy wasn’t happy at first, because she had been looking forward to me retiring from the Army Reserve so we would no longer have so many separations. Judy was also less than thrilled because remembering her words about the Navy when we were dating, I didn’t consult her. I just signed on the dotted line. It took her a while to come to terms with this decision. I’ve also learned not to make major decisions without consulting her Oh well…It has all been good.

I now serve at Portsmouth Naval Medical Center. Often in the ICU I have patients who are about my parents’ age facing major health crisis’s and sometimes end of life issues. Their kids are often my contemporaries. We have shared a similar life and cultural experience as Navy “Brats” of our era. There is a kinship that I have with these families that transcends the here and now, something that binds Navy families together. I have no idea when this grand adventure will end, but one thing is for sure, and for this I will always be grateful, to be a Navy Brat.

my-tom-clancy-look5

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