26 Years Together: At Murphy’s of DC
The 1980s super-group Journey had a song called Faithfully. It is to this day one of my favorite songs for though it is about the life a travelling musician the lyrics are quite fitting for a military family.
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You’re on my mind
Sleep alone tonight
Sendin’ all my love
Along the wire
They say that the road
Ain’t no place to start a family
Right down the line
Its been you and me
And lovin’ a music man
Ain’t always what it’s supposed to be
Oh girl you stand by me
I’m forever yours…faithfully
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you
And being apart ain’t easy
On this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
Im forever yours…faithfully
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Faithfully, Im still yours
Im forever yours
If your read yesterday’s post you know that we have only spent 10 of 26 anniversaries together. In those years we have often been apart. In fact a mere 3 ½ weeks after we started dating I left on a 3 month tour with a Christian singing group called the Continental Singers and Orchestra. Fort those that have heard me sing there is nothing to fear as I was the spotlight tech. In this position I got to sing along without anyone having to hear me as I trained my Strong Trouperette III spotlight on the various soloists and while in Europe on the whole group. This continued on multiple occasions after we were married during my military career, periods of 6-9 months were common, once a 15 month separation with a three week period together. From May of 1996 until August 2003 we spent 43 out of 63 months apart. This did not include the period of my hospital residency and civilian hospital chaplain jobs working many second shifts and overnights in addition to National Guard and Army Reserve exercises, training, official travel or schools. Of course this put strain on both of us yet somehow we survived.
It is in the times like these that you find out what you as a couple are made of. Both of us are somewhat independent spirits and though both natural introverts have strong personalities. At the same time we both see the world through a somewhat warped prism and both have strong senses of irony which is strange because I take my clothes that need pressing to the cleaners. I think a lot of what besides the grace of God, which the Deity Herself has seemed to has given both of us a lot of, many times in spite of me.
In the course of our marriage we have lived quite a few places and of course I have been to even more. We were married in Stockton California, aka “Mudville” of Casey at the Bat fame or more recently the birthplace of the drive by shooting and 2500 square foot two story suburban marijuana farms and the highest home foreclosure rate in the country. Stockton is a great place to be from and a nice place to visit family. If the economy wasn’t so sucky and the crime rate so high it would be a really awesome place to live only a couple of hours from the San Francisco and the Northern California coast, the Sierra Nevada Mountains and Lake Tahoe, the California Wine country, Redwood Groves, Yosemite and many historic or natural venues.
That rabbit chase we first set up house in a little town called Eckelhausen Germany in the Saarland when my first unit the 557th Medical Company (Ambulance) was based at a little Kaserne called Neubrücke. Eckelhausen and Neubrücke were ideal small bases in West Germany during the Cold War. We lived off base in a small town overlooking a resort lake called the Böstalsee. The town was so small that it only had a small Postamt (Post office) and one Gästhaus. The people spoke a strong dialect of German that approximated Appalachian English. Not long after settling there the unit was moved to Wiesbaden, the state capital of Hessen. We got our first dog in Wiesbaden, the little Wire Haired Dachshund named Frieda, or sometimes “Dammitt Frieda” or simply “little shit.” In Wiesbaden The Deity presumed to started meddling in my life and renewing a call to ministry that I knew that I had back before I went on tour with Continentals. I successfully parried the Deity’s call until we moved to San Antonio Texas when I was the Adjutant of the Academy Brigade of the Academy of Health Sciences. This was where the Deity really began to rain on my parade and Judy of course was affected as well. She was supportive of the call to ministry and what we hoped would be the Army Chaplaincy, but really had not signed up for this. She had in fact signed up to be the wife of a regular active duty officer who would spend 20 or so years in and retire at a comfortable pay grade. Nope, the Deity had other plans.
Seminary as I hinted in other posts was hell for us. We lost pretty much everything and it was only the grace of God and the people of God who saw some glimmer of hope in me that we made it through. Now true, I worked my ass off in school and always at least one job plus the National Guard, often more than one job. We saw what only can be described as miracles as we fought our way through seminary. Those are enough themselves for another post. We did seminary in Fort Worth Texas and lived there and in the Mid-Cities of Hurst-Euless-Bedford. The entirety of seminary and my hospital residency was spent at the poverty line and we often didn’t know where the next meal, tank of gas or tuition payment would come from. We then moved to Huntington West Virginia where I was a full time contract hospital Emergency Department Chaplain following my residency. We thought that Huntington would be the final stop as it was the city and area that my family came from, I being the first born on the West Coast. That changed in June 1996 when I was mobilized the support the Bosnia Operation. When that happened my contract was terminated and another minister of the Pastoral Care Department’s Chief was hired. After the 9 month deployment I went on very little notice for 6 months at Fort Indiantown Gap PA. This morphed into a civilian position during the transition of the base from the Active Army to the Pennsylvania Army National Guard. This position was a yearlong and I was able to move Judy up with me. Following this it was back to unemployment and poverty in Huntington.
That changed in December 1998 when I was offered the chance to become a Navy Chaplain. Now mind you back in our courtship Judy said that she would not marry me if I joined the Navy, so I did it without consulting her. Now men this is not a smart move, if I had asked her nicely and explained things she probably would have signed off on it. However, like an idiot I nearly blew the marriage apart by doing it my way. I wanted to go back on active duty and the Army told me that I was too senior to go back on active duty. It was like I declared free agency and was picked up by another team, like going from the American League to the National League. It was nearly 8 months later that Judy finally relented and moved to Swansboro North Carolina with me. I really don’t blame her, she had a life and friends in Huntington, in fact far more than me and to move was painful and what I did by not being gentlemanly and asking her was both unfair and stupid. It is my biggest regret in our marriage. At the same time Judy rapidly adapted to the life of a Navy Chaplain on a Marine Corps base and even at a Chaplain wives meeting helped break into the chapel so that it could be set up for the meeting when a Religious Program Specialist did not show to open it up. Never underestimate a Navy wife and her best friend and evil twin, though they might contest which one is actually the “evil” twin.
From Swansboro and Camp LeJeune we went to Mayport/Jacksonville Florida where I was chaplain of a guided missile cruiser. I arrived just prior to deployment and Judy remained in North Carolina until I returned. This was kind of funny because I was calling the US looking for an apartment from a port call in Croatia. Making a call I found out that the place I wanted had already been rented. I can’t remember my exact words when I got this news but be assured that they were a colorful metaphor. I called Judy totally disappointed on to find it was she who had scored the apartment. Our stay in Jacksonville was only about 13 months after the deployment ended when we moved to the Hampton Roads area. It finally looks like we are in the place we will stay after the Navy.
Judy has been with me across country, and a lot of places in Europe to include Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg, France, Spain and the UK. She made it to East Berlin as well as Guantanamo Bay Cuba. We have met many people and seen many interesting things. Likewise we have experienced the reality of God’s grace in our lives.
Ours has been strange journey to say the least, but every day I know that it is worth it. Today we had or 26th wedding anniversary. We drove to DC. One of the cool things was that Judy is trying out a pair of new hearing aids, which she hopes that Tricare will purchase when the time comes due. The hearing aids are remarkable. For the first time in her life she can hear words in songs played on a radio or stereo. She can hear conversations going on behind her without having to look and she has heard for the first tie sounds like the letter “S” a pen scratching on paper, rain dripping down a drain spout and the richness of her guitar. It has been quite an emotional day for her. She is continuing to notice the nuances of sound and every so often she is overcome with all that she has missed over the years. One of the things that she is discovering as she hears the lyrics to songs for the first time without having to read them is that I am a hopeless romantic. A lot of my CDs are compilations of my favorite songs, many of which were picked with Judy in mind. It was quite an emotional ride for both of us as she really experienced what is that hearing people hear on a daily basis.
She is beginning to write about in on her blog, the Abbey Normal Abbess which is on my links menu. We would both appreciate your prayers as Tricare eventually makes the decision as to whether she will get them. Tonight we had dinner with Judy’s cousin Becky who works for the US Department of Fish and Game Law Enforcement at Murphy’s of DC. While on the way there we heard that Michael Jackson had died quite unexpectedly not long after Farrah Fawcett had passed away from Cancer earlier in the day. I guess that we will remember this anniversary.
Anyway, it has been a long day. Judy has passed out a while ago and it is time for me to get some sleep.
Peace and blessings,