Monthly Archives: April 2010

Tides Lose to Charlotte 6-3 as Hudson Dominates

Virginia Beach Native Dan Hudson fanned 9 Tides enroute to his first win of the season

Dan Hudson the Virginia Beach native who starred at Princess and High School and Old Dominion University came back home with authority on Monday night leading the Knights to a 6-3 victory over the Tides.  2913 fans were in attendance including Hudson’s personal fan gallery in section 205 with temperatures that dropped into the mid-50s. Hudson’s supporters hung “Ks” off the Right Field Party Deck as the hard throwing right hander stuck out nine Tides giving up only 2 hits and a run in 5.2 innings work.  Apart from a lead off solo home run by Tides Center Fielder Jeff Salazar, Hudson had the Tides number at one point retiring 14 Tides in a row before Rhyne Hughes singled with 2 outs in the 5th inning.

Brandon Erbe gave up 4 runs in his Norfolk Debut

Tides starter Brandon Erbe making his AAA debut did not fare as well.  The Orioles prospect surrendered 2 runs in the top of the first as he gave up consecutive weak singles to Alejandro De Aza and Jordan Danks and a base on balls to Stefan Gartrell.  De Aza was driven in on a ground out by Josh Kroeger and Danks on a ground out to short by Tyler Flowers before Erbe stuck out Dayan Viciedo to end the inning.

With the Tides’ bats silent and Hudson cruising the Knights went back to work in the 4th when Brett Lillibridge was safe on a infield single to Tides Third Baseman Josh Bell.  With one out  C. J. Retherford lined a double into right field which scored Lillibridge making the score 3-1.  The Knights would add another run in the 5th off of Erbe when Stefan Gartrell singled to left off of Erbe who was pulled for reliever Jim Miller. Miller who struggled in his first outing initially seemed unsure of himself. Gartrell stole second beating the throw by Steve Lerud and scored when Tyler Flowers doubled off the right field wall near the foul pole. Miller recovered his poise to strike out Viciedo and get Lillibridge out on a fly to center.

Tides reliever Jim Miller seemed to regain his form of a year ago

In the bottom of the 5th the Tides got a two out rally when Rhyne Hughes singled off of Hudson to end the Tides hitting drought. Steve Lerud walked but the inning ended on a Jonathan Tucker ground ball which led to a force out of Lerud at Second.

Jonathan Tucker crashing the foul pole padding attempting to snare Tyler Flowers’ double in the 5th inning

In the 6th inning Miller gave up a single to Javier Castillo to lead off the 9th but stuck out the side sending Retherford, De Aza and Danks down on strikes looking like he did in the first half of 2008 when as a closer he saved 13 games and was selected for the International League All-Star Team. In the bottom half of the 6th Robert Andino doubled off of Hudson with one out and after Hudson got Lou Montanez to ground out to third leaving Andino frozen at second Hudson left the game to the wild cheers of his personal cheering section.  Erick Threets then got Scott Moore to ground out leaving yet another Tides base runner in scoring position.

Steve Lerud trying to gun down a Knights runner

Miller set down the Knights in order in the 7th striking out another and the Threets returned the favor in the bottom of the 7th sending Snyder, Bell and Hughes down in order allowing Miller to leave the game in much better shape than his opening night performance.  It seemed as if the old Jim Miller was back.

Kam Mikolio came in for the Tides in the top of the 8th and the big right hander struggled.  After striking out Viciedo Mickolio gave up a single to Lillibridge who then stole second and was driven home on a double to right by Javier Castillo.  Mikolio then waled De Aza and struck out Danks before being relieved by Alberto Castillo.  The Tides closer got Stefan Gartrell to ground out on a dribbler to him in front of home plate to end the inning.  Former Tide Greg Acquino came in for Charlotte and retired the first two batters before giving up a single to Jeff Salazar. The Tides were unable to take advantage as Robert Andino struck out to end the inning.

Charlotte would add another in the 9th off of Castillo when Josh Kroeger singled to left and advanced to second when Tyler Flowers was hit by a pitch. Dayan Viciedo then popped out to Brandon Snyder in foul territory.  Brent Lillibridge at bat Kroeger stole 3rd base.  Lillibridge sacrificed Kroeger in for the 6th Knights run before Javier Castillo flied out to right to end the inning.  In the bottom of the 9th Lou Montanez flied out to center and Scott Moore went down on strikes before Brandon Snyder singled to center and advanced on a wild pitch by Acquino.  Josh Bell doubled to Right scoring Snyder and scored himself when Rhyne Hughes singled to Center.  Steve Lerud walked but the rally died when Jonathan Tucker flied out to Right Fielder Stefan Gartrell to end the game.

Tonight Chris Tillman (0-1 4.50) will work against Charlotte’s Lucas Harrell (0-0 9.53).  The there are rain showers in the forecast with temperatures in the 50s so bundle up and meet me there.

Peace

Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

Why Baseball Matters….There’s nothing bad that accrues from baseball

“Baseball is a habit. The slowly rising crescendo of each game, the rhythm of the long season–these are the essentials and they are remarkably unchanged over nearly a century and a half. Of how many American institutions can that be said?” George Will

“I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.” Bill “Spaceman” Lee

Bill Lee had it right.  In a world filled with the prognostications of politicians, preachers and pundits all with their agendas to “fix” what ails society baseball is the one constant in American life that somehow calls us back to a better time and allows us to realize that bad times don’t last, unless perhaps you are a Cubs fan.  Baseball when you come down to it has no agenda it is not just a game but it is life, American life the way it is supposed to be. Baseball has endured despite strikes and scandals because of what it is and what it embodies and baseball matters to America more than political social or religious ideology.  Baseball is more than a game, it is America.

You see baseball at all levels matters from the Little Leagues to the Major Leagues is a game where talent and hard work teach life lessons.  It is a game but unlike other games it is a game where the past, present and future all matter and as such baseball helps connect us to the reality of life.  It stands apart from the overwhelming cultural impulses of most other sports, the media and the entertainment industries. Winning matters but the integrity of the game matters more which is why when there is a scandal in baseball that the politicians, pundits and preachers all suddenly become experts even if they have never played an organized game of baseball in their life and couldn’t tell a infield single from a fielder’s choice.

So why does baseball matter? Well let’s start with all those politicians, pundits and preachers that promise to “fix” the country on a daily basis.

In the United States of this new millennium we live in a pressure cooker that is being turned up to higher and more uncomfortable levels every day and I think this is in large part due to politicians, pundits and preachers who intentionally play on people’s worst fears and suspicions. For many people there is no relief and no place to go for succor.  The political climate is toxic and destructive, politicians and pundits of all stripes beat the airwaves senseless with their non-stop propaganda and twisting of the truth and it seems that many of the politicians simply desire power for power’s sake rather than being interested in the good of the country.

Pundits make their money by stirring up controversy just as the pundits of the “yellow journalism” era did over a century ago.  Of course some preachers who desire earthy power, popularity and political influence doing the same stirring up the emotions and playing on the fears of their flocks as this keeps the money flowing.  I think that these relationships are incestuous and do more harm to the people of this country than good.  Thus I figure that very few of these people have any interest in bringing peace to the country. Whether it is the Left calling the Right Nazis and Fascists or the Right calling the Left Communists and Socialists, all of which have meaning loaded with fear and emotion the effect is the same on those who cannot escape the ceaseless bombardment of bad news.

Even the most popular sport in the country, Football is a game of the modern industrial age. It is a game of power and open violence fought like a war on a gridiron and bounded by the clock which constrains the game force the players, coaches and fans into a mentality of artificial urgency which often carries over into the way that people do life in general.

Baseball on the other hand is different.  It calls us back to our roots and reminds us that the poisonous ideologies of the politicians, pundits and preachers will not last and as James Earl Jones playing the character of Terrance Mann in Field of Dreams so stirringly put it “The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again.” Baseball even in its controversies and scandals still hearkens back to times just as trying and poisonous as the present and reminds us that those things which serve to divide us and may for a time hold sway over individuals and society will pass away and that our country still has a future and hope.

Baseball does not rush us along. It teaches us to savor detail and get caught up in the nuances of the game and of life. It is not governed by artificial deadline and if needed takes us into extra innings. No game is ever out of reach and baseball shows us that no matter how far we may be behind that we can come back and there is a fairness in that people can’t just run out the clock on you but have to give you a chance at the plate.

Baseball teaches us perspective and humility for even Hall of Fame members are not perfect. It is the one sport that teaches us a key fact about life; that we will fail often more times than we will succeed…. unless of course you are Mariano Rivera.  It teaches us another fact of life that we need to plan for the long term as the baseball season like life is a long event with many peaks and valleys.  As Andy Van Slyke once said “Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon.” It teaches us that we don’t know everything about life or even what we do well in our chosen vocation as Mickey Mantle said “It’s unbelievable how much you don’t know about the game you’ve been playing all your life.” Likewise it teaches us to put things in perspective by reminding us that we don’t know everything. Earl Weaver once said “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” Such an attitude keeps us humble and reminds us that there is always more to learn.  Baseball also teaches us that you can’t live your life in the hopes of making everybody happy by worrying about what people think of how you do what you are called to do.  Tommy Lasorda noted “if you start worrying about the people in the stands, before too long you’re up in the stands with them.”

Baseball calls us to be better by teaching us that teamwork and individualism can work together for the good.  It helps teach us that individually we can be better no matter where we begin our life journey from. Satchel Paige said. “Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.” Likewise it calls us to community as Harmon Killebrew noted that “Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own.” It also call us to be better human beings in matters of civil rights and the public good, as the late Commissioner of Baseball A. Bartlett Giamatti said “On matters of race, on matters of decency, baseball should lead the way” something that it began in 1948 with Jackie Robinson well before the rest of America figured this out.

Baseball is about striving to do better and be involved in life as Jackie Robinson said “Life is not a spectator sport. If you’re going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion you’re wasting your life.”

Baseball is about community with the fans, players, owners, management and media all having an interest in the game. It is funny when there is a scandal in baseball it is often viewed more seriously by the public than almost anything else. There are no congressional hearings about pro-football, basketball or hockey because they exist in a different world than baseball. Baseball despite football’s immense popularity as a sport still represents what is traditionally American.  It is a sport where someone can work their way up from nothing and be an All-Star and a sport that takes better care of its players unlike football which has left former players and stars crippled with terrible injuries for life with little assistance from the league and game that they sacrificed their bodies for. Football may titillate our baser gladiatorial instincts but baseball helps define us as people and as a nation more than any institution or sport in the land.

Yes baseball has problems, it is not a game of perfection except for brief moments where a pitcher will throw a perfect game and there have only been 18 of those in the history of Major League Baseball.  That is why it still speaks to many people who can relate to a game that deals with the ups and downs of life better than any other sport. Nothing is guaranteed in life and life can change for the better or the worse in an instant. Lou Gehrig’s farewell speech after he had been diagnosed with ALS is a case in point:

“Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about a bad break I got. Yet today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and I have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. Look at these grand men. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his career just to associate with them for even one day? Sure I’m lucky. Who wouldn’t have considered it an honor to have known Jacob Ruppert? Also, the builder of baseball’s greatest empire, Ed Barrows? To have spent six years with that wonderful little fellow, Miller Huggins? Then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader, that smart student of psychology, the best manager in baseball today, Joe McCarthy? Sure, I’m lucky. When the New York Giants, a team you would give your right arm to beat and vice versa, sends you a gift, that’s something. When everybody down to the groundskeeper and those boys in white coats remember you with trophies, that’s something. When you have a father and mother work all their lives so that you can have an education and build your body, it’s a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed, that’s the finest I know. I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. And I might have been given a bad break, but I’ve got an awful lot to live for.”

Those are just some of the reasons that baseball matters.  This is why George Will can say that “Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” Walt Whitman once said “I see great things in baseball. It’s our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.”

I know of no other sport that can help bring healing to our land which like in times past needs something to cheer about and remind us what is really important in life. You can disagree with me all you want but if tell me if any of this is bad for us after all anyone can argue a call.

Peace

Padre Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball, philosophy, Political Commentary, Religion

Tides Fall to Durham 3-2 Split Series with Bulls

Troy Patton pitched well but not well enough getting the loss

The Norfolk Tides nearly pulled off a comeback but fell short on Sunday afternoon in front of a crowd of 4320 on a beautiful April day at Harbor Park. With the sun shining and a light breeze the conditions were ideal for a ball game.  Troy Patton faced Durham’s Virgil Vasquez in a pitching duel.  Patton pitched well giving up only 2 hits but gave up 3 walks which ultimately were decisive in the Bull’s win.

A beautiful day for a ball game

After a scoreless first inning Patton gave up a walk to Ryan Shealy to lead off the inning which was followed by what appeared to be a routine fly ball to right off the bat of Joe Dillon was dropped by right fielder Rhyne Hughes which advanced Shealy to third and allowed Dillon aboard.  Shealy scored on a sacrifice fly to right by Angel Chavez before Patton retired the side.  The Tides went down in order in the bottom half of the second and Patton returned the favor against the Bulls in the third.

The Tides had their first scoring opportunity in the bottom of the third when Rhyne Hughes doubled to left with one out. Adam Donachie walked and the Tides had two on with only one out.  Joey Gathright grounded into a force out with Hughes being out at third. The inning ended on a force out on a ground ball by Robert Andino.

Scott Moore got his first and the Tides first home run of the season

In the fourth inning Patton shut down the Bulls despite allowing a double to Joe Dillon.  Scott Moore hammered a deep home run to right in the bottom of the fourth off Vasquez to tie the game.  Moor who was injured early in 2009 after a strong start appears to have  returned with a vengeance in 2010.

The fifth inning was Durham’s chance to give up what appeared to be an excellent scoring opportunity when Angel Chavez tripled to center when Joey Gathright attempted a diving catch on a dying line drive. The ball got by Gathright and rolled to deep center where Hughes recovered it and delivered it back to the infield.  Patton then bore down on the bulls, striking out Alvin Colina, got Elliott Johnson to fly out softly to shallow right and then to get Fernando Perez to ground out to third on a nice diving stop and throw by Josh Bell.  The Tides then squandered an opportunity in the bottom of the fifth when Michael Aubrey slammed a leadoff double off Vasquez but Hughes flied out while Donachie and Gathright both popped out to end the inning.

Frustration a swing and a miss by Robert Andino

Patton came back out in the top of the sixth but appeared to be tiring. After striking out Rashad Eldridge Patton walked Justin Ruggiano and Ryan Shealy.  Ross Wolf came in to relieve Patton and gave up a double to Joe Dillon which scored Ruggiano. With runners on second and third Chris Richard who had homered Saturday night off of Chris George was given an intentional pass to load the bases to set up the potential double play.  Angel Chavez then sacrificed to right scoring Shealy.  Wolf retired Alvin Colina on a fly to centerfielder Joey Gathright. In the bottom of the inning Scott Moore doubled with 2 outs which resulted in Vasquez being pulled for veteran reliever and former Texas Ranger Joaquin Benoit. Benoit who missed the entire 2009 season after having surgery on a torn rotator cuff was picked up by Tampa Bay in the off season.  Benoit struck out Tides clean up man Brandon Snyder to end the inning.

Wolf held the line in the top of the seventh allowing a two out single to Rashad Eldridge but no runs and Benoit shut down the Tides in order in the bottom half of the inning. Wolf sent the Bulls down in order in the eighth and Winston Abreu came into the game to send the Tides down in order in the bottom half of the inning.

Frank Mata who got the Tides first win of the season Friday came on for the Tides in the 9th getting Angel Chavez, Alvin Colina and Elliott Johnson all to ground out to shortstop Robert Andino.  The Tides finally got something going in the bottom of the ninth.  Lou Montanez and Scott Moore began the inning with consecutive singles.  Brandon Snyder grounded into a force out where Montanez was out at third. Still with runners on first and second the Tides still appeared to be rallying but Josh Bell also hit into a force and Snyder was out at second.  With runners on first and third Michael Aubrey collected his second hit of the day a single to center which scored Moore.  Rhyne Hughes walked and with the ides left 7 runners on base but had 10 in scoring position and only drove one in.  It was a bad day for Tides hitting in that they could not put hits together in key situations with runners in scoring position although they outhit the Bulls 7-4.  It was the walks as well as the error by Hughes that gave the Bulls the winning margin.

One Monday the Charlotte Knights, the AAA affiliate of the Chicago White Sox come into town for a three game series at Harbor Park.  Brandon Erbe will make his AAA debut for the Tides and Dan Hudson a Virginia Beach native who attended Princess Anne High School and Old Dominion University comes home to make his first appearance at Harbor Park.  The game begins at 7:15 the weather is expected to be clear but cool with temperatures in the high 60s at game time and falling off during the evening. See you there.

Peace

Padre Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Loose thoughts and musings

Tides Crush Bulls 12-3 with a 14 Hit Barrage

Alfredo Simon gets his first Norfolk Start of 2010

On a great night for baseball the Norfolk Tides lit up the night against their nemesis the 2009 Governor’s Cup champion Durham Bulls.  After splitting the first two games in this opening series between the teams the Tides combined outstanding pitching with an offensive display not seen since June of 2009.

Steven Lerud gets out of the way of a David Bennett pitch before walking in the 3rd inning

The Tides attack was led by First Baseman Brandon Snyder who went 2 for 5 and had 3 RBIs two of which came on a 7th inning double and Shortstop Robert Andino who cleared waivers from Baltimore and went 2 for 5 with 3 RBIs.  Left Fielder Lou Montanez drove in 2 as did Right Fielder and former Bull Rhyne Hughes.  Center Fielder Joey Gathright got his first two hits of the season a single and a double and scored two runs.

Chris George got his first win of the 2010 Season

Tides’ pitching was led by newly acquired Alfredo Simon who pitched three innings allowing 3 hits and no runs and was pulled when he reached his pitch count striking out three. Chris George came into the game in relief of Simon in the 4th inning. George gave up 3 runs in 3.2 innings giving up a home run to Chris Richard in the 4th.  He would be relieved by Kam Mickolio in the bottom of the 7th. Mickolio pitched one and an third giving up a hit and two walks.  Dennis Sarfate took down the Bulls in order during the 9th.

The Bulls did not fare so well. Starting pitcher David Bennett went six innings giving up 6 runs on 8 hits. He would be relieved in the 7th by Richard De Los Santos who was hammered for 6 runs on 6 hits and 2 walks.

The Tides began their barrage scoring 5 runs in the bottom of the third after Bennett had gotten the first two Tides out. It began with a four pitch walk to catcher Steven Lerud and followed by a “merry-go-round” on the base paths with Joey Gathright, Robert Andino, Lou Montanez, Scott Moore, Brandon Snyder and Josh Bell all getting base hits before Michael Aubrey grounded out to end the inning.

Brandon Snyder doubles in the 7th

Durham would pick up one on Richard’s home run in the 4th, another in the 5th and a final run in the 7th off of George. Not to be outdone the Tides scored one in the bottom of the sixth when Rhyne Hughes grounded into a fielder’s choice to drive in Brandon Snyder off of Bennett.  In the 7th Norfolk picked up two more runs when Joey Gathright doubled off of De Los Santos, Scott Moore was intentionally walked and Brandon Snyder doubled deep to right field driving in both Gathright and Moore before being gunned down at third by Bulls Second Baseman Elliott Johnson on the relay from right.

Kam Mickolio gets Alvin Colina swinging in the 7th

After shutting down Durham in the top of the 8th the Tides run machine began again when Josh Bell led off with a double to right and driven in by a Rhyne Hughes single.  With Hughes on and one out Steven Lerud picked up his second walk and following a strike out to Joey Gathright Robert Andino doubled to score both Hughes and Lerud. De Los Santos threw a wild pitch which advanced Andino to third and then gave up a single to Montanez to drive home Andino while Scott Moore struck out to end the inning.

Dennis Sarfate gets Rashad Eldridge swinging to end the game

Dennis Sarfate came on in the ninth to close the game out in a non-save situation. He got Elliott Johnson to ground out and then struck out both Fernando Perez and Rashad Eldridge.  Sarfate showed no sign of the injury which plagued him in 2008 and 2009 throwing hard with 9 strikes on 13 pitches. Most of his pitches were above 94 miles an hour with one registering 98 on the scoreboard radar. His only off speed pitch was the final pitch of the game where he pulled up with an 82 mile an hour change up which Eldridge missed badly.

Chris George picked up the win and Bennett the loss.  The teams will complete this series on 1:15 PM Sunday at Harbor Park with Brandon Erbe making his Tides debut against Durham’s Virgil Vasquez. The weather is expected to be great with a temperature of 71 at game time and clear skies. See you there.

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

Tides Win 6-4 in Friday Night Battle with the Bulls, Arrieta, Montanez and Castillo Shine

Jake Arrieta pitched 5 scoreless innings

After losing their opener 5-3 on Thursday night the Tides came back to defeat the Bulls at Harbor Park on a cool and crisp early April evening by a score of 6-4.

Tides starter Jake Arrieta pitched 5 scoreless innings giving up only 2 hits and striking out 2 to set the pace for the Tides who jumped out to a 3-0 lead on Bull’s starter Heath Phillips who had to be one of the most frustrated players at the park last night. In the bottom of the fourth Phillips gave up a single to Lou Montanez who took second on a balk to Brandon Snyder.  Montanez then took third on a wild pitch and scored when Snyder grounded out to short.  In the 5th Phillips ran into trouble. With one out Tides catcher Adam Donachie doubled and advanced to third when Jonathan Tucker grounded out to second. With two out Phillips walked Joey Gathright and Justin Turner to load the bases.  Phillips then walked Lou Montanez to score Donachie.  Phillips was pulled for Heath Rollins who gave up a walk to Brandon Snyder to score Gathright before getting Josh Bell to ground out to end the inning.

Lou Montanez after beating the run down

In the top of the 6th Jim Miller came into the game for the Tides. Miller who has spent most of his career as a closer is now working middle relief for the Tides a role that he began last year.  After striking out Bull’s Matt Joyce and Justin Ruggiano who then was ejected by umpire Fran Burke for saying something inappropriate on his way back to the dugout, I imagine that he was questioning Burke’s parentage, sexual preference or some other behavior and not the call and when tossed came back and gave Burke a piece of his mind.

Justin Ruggiano loses his arguement with umpire Fran Burke

Miller then faced Dan Johnson and with 2 strikes on Johnson gave up a monster home run that hit the back of the right field party deck awning before quite possibly heading into the Elizabeth River.  That shook Miller who seemed to lose confidence and control walking Joe Dillon before giving up a double to deep left center to Ryan Shealy which scored Dillon from first. Miller then got Angel Chavez to ground out to end the inning. The Tides went down in order in the bottom of the 6th.

In the 7th Miller came back out gave up a walk but then got Elliott Johnson to line out into a double play when Alvin Colina got caught too far off of first.  Miller then gave up a base hit to Rashad Eldridge and was replaced by Frank Mata.  Eldridge stole second and was driven in on a single to center by Matt Joyce.  Joyce then stole second off of Mata who then walked Chris Richard and gave up a single to Dan Johnson to score Joyce before retiring the side.

Jim Miller gets Ruggiano on a called third strike

The Tides did not wait long to come back.  The hitting which had not gone well in the first part of the game took off with two outs the bottom of the 7th.  Justin Turner singled and Lou Montanez tripled deep to center field driving in Turner. As Montanez came into third the throw got away and Montanez started down the third base line after hesitating for a moment.  He was then caught in a run down and avoided a tag by catcher Alvin Colina and scored easily when as no one covered the plate for the Bulls.  In the top of the 8th Mata took the Bulls down in order. In the bottom of the 8th Adam Donachie singled to drive in Scott more for an insurance run.

Castillo ties up and strikes out Chris Richard

Alberto Castillo came in to close the game for the Tides.  He gave up a leadoff double to Elliott Johnson but then struck out the side on a combination of 94 mile an hour fastballs and some good off speed pitching leaving Johnson to die at second.  In the win Lou Montanez led the offense going 3 for 3 and a walk scoring twice and driving in two.  Arrieta and Castillo showed excellent stuff and Mata got the win after having a rough outing in the top of the 7th. The win evened the series 1-1 and the teams play Saturday night with Alfredo Simon making his Norfolk 2010 debut against the Bull’s David Bennett.

Castillo on his way to striking out the side for his first save of 2010

At the Major League level the Orioles new closer Mike Gonzales lost his second time in 3 outings lowing a 9th in inning lead for the second time and the Orioles lost to the Jays 7-6.  Out on the West Coast the Giants downed the Braves 5-4 in 13 innings and the A’s clipped the Angels 10-4 in Anaheim.

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

How Baseball Helps Padre Steve Make Sense of the World

Opening Night 2010 at Harbor Park

“This is my most special place in all the world, Ray. Once a place touches you like this, the wind never blows so cold again. You feel for it, like it was your child.” Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham in Field of Dreams

“I love baseball. You know it doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just beautiful to watch.” Woody Allen in Selig (1983)

Last night was Opening Night at Harbor Park and I the visit took me back to memories of how important baseball is to me.  The Church of Baseball at Harbor Park and in particular my little corner of the world in Section 102, Row “B” Seats 1 and 2 are one of my places of sanctuary in a world that seems to have gone mad.  Baseball has always meant a lot to me but even more so after returning from Iraq in 2008.  Until recently Harbor Park was one of the few places that I felt safe, I have added to the “safe” zones since last season with Saint James Episcopal Church in Portsmouth Virginia and the Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant in Virginia Beach where Judy and I are members of the “Stein Club.” Slowly normalcy is returning to other parts of my life but during baseball season Harbor Park is about the center of my world.

Lefty Phillips and Me

In the fall after last season ended I would go to Harbor Park just to talk with staff and sit in the concourse.  There is something about baseball people and my seats down in section 102 that help me even when there is no game being played.  There is a peace that I have when I walk around the diamond and I feel close to God when I am around a ballpark, even without the game being played there is something almost mystical about it.  To me there is nowhere more peaceful than a ballpark and every time I watch a game on TV my mind goes back to how much baseball has been part of my life, and how in a very real way that God speaks to me through this special game.

“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” George Will

Me Rich Reese and my brother Jeff

Baseball became part of my life as a child when my dad introduced me to it in our back yard in Oak Harbor Washington.  Even before I played an organized game dad played catch with me, showed me how to grip a ball and told me about the great ballplayers.  He made me learn the fundamentals of the game and whether we were attending a game in person, watching one on television or playing catch, pepper or practicing infield or pitching dad was all about the game.  Of course he was the same way with football, hockey and basketball, but the sport that he seemed most passionate about was baseball.  As a kid he was a Cincinnati Reds fan.  His mother, my grandmother who hailed from the hollers of Putnam County West Virginia was a diehard Dodgers fan, though I am sure that God forgives her for that.  She was an independent woman of conviction and determination that has to in some way influenced her love for the game, even as a little boy if there was a game on television she would have it on and could talk intelligently about it.  I still wonder about to this day how she became a Dodger’s fan but it probably had something to do with her independent streak.  “Granny” as she chose to be called was a woman who as a widow in the late 1930s went to work, raised her two boys and bought her own house.  Unlike most of the people in West Virginia she was also a Republican, a rare breed especially in that era. Likewise she left the Baptist church of her family and became a Methodist. As independent in her choice of baseball teams as she was in her politics Granny was a Dodgers fan in a land of Reds, Indians and Pirates fans, so even with Granny we were immersed in baseball.

Jeff, Me and Rocky Bridges

Dad always made sure that we got to see baseball wherever we lived. In 1967 he took us to see the Seattle Pilots which the next year went to Milwaukee and became the Brewers. The Pilots were an expansion team in a town with a long history of minor league ball. They played at an old park named Sick Stadium, which if you ask me is a really bad marketing plan.  The game that we went to was the “Bat Day” giveaway.  Then they gave out regulation size Louisville Slugger bats.  Mine had the name of the Pilots First Baseman Mike Hegan on the barrel.  That was my first trip to a Major League stadium and I still can remember it as if it was yesterday.  Somewhere in my junk I have a button with the Pilots logo on it.  I’ll have to fish it out again sometime.  The next year I played my first organized baseball with the Oak Harbor Little League “Cheyenne’s.” My coach was a kind of gruff old guy who stuck me out in right field when as any little kid would I was pretty much a spectator as almost nothing came my way.  I don’t know why but our team uniforms did not match, half of us had white and the other half gray. Unfortunately due to military moves I didn’t get to play organized ball again until 1972.

Oak Park Little Little League A.L Rams 1972 and yes A G Spanos of the Chargers was our sponsor

In the elementary schools of those days our teachers would put the playoff and World’s Series games on television in our classrooms as then many of the games were played during daylight hours.  I remember watching Bob Gibson pitch when the Cardinals played against the Red Sox in the 1967 series.  It was awesome to see that man pitch.   I remember the Amazin’ Mets upsetting the Orioles in 1969 and seeing the Orioles take down the Reds in 1970.  I never will forget the 1970 All Star Game where Pete Rose ran over Ray Fosse at home plate for the winning run.  I watched in awe as the great dynasty teams of the 1970s, the Reds and the Athletics who dominated much of that decade and the resurgence of the Yankees in the summer of 1978 when the Bronx burned.  Back then every Saturday there was the NBC Game of the Week hosted by Curt Gowdy, Tony Kubek and Joe Garragiola.  It was a sad day when that broadcast went off the air.

When we were stationed in Long Beach California from 1970-1971 my dad had us at Anaheim stadium watching the California Angels all the time.  I imagine that we attended at least 30 to 40 games there and a couple at Dodger stadium that first year and a good number more before we moved to Stockton California in the middle of the 1971 season.  The move north was disappointing, it took forever to get adjusted to Stockton and I think that part of it was not seeing the Angels every week at the Big “A.” At those games I met a lot of the players and coaches and even some opposing players.  The Von’s grocery store chain and the Angels radio network had a “My Favorite Angel” contest when I was in 5th Grade.  I submitted an entry about Angels First Baseman Jim Spencer and was named as a runner up.  This netted me two seats behind the plate and legendary sportscaster Dick Enberg announced my name on the radio.  Spencer was a Gold Glove First Baseman who later played for the Yankees on their 1978 World Series team.  My first hat from a Major League team was the old blue hat with a red bill, the letters CA on the front and a halo stitched on top. I still have a hat from the 1971 team with the lower case “a” with a halo hanging off of it.  It has numerous autographs on the inside of the bill including Sandy Alomar, Jim Spencer, and Jim Fregosi, Chico Ruiz and Billy Cowan and sits in a display case on my kitchen wall.

Harbor Park in the Fall

While we didn’t live as close to a major league team baseball did not cease to be a part of my life.  While we were not at the ballpark as much it got more interesting in some aspects as for the first time I attended playoff games and saw a no-hitter. We saw the A’s dynasty teams including games one and two of the 1972 American League Championship Series between the A’s and the Tigers.  Across the Bay a few years later I got to see Ed Halicki of the Giants no-hit the Mets a Candlestick on August 24th 1975.  In those days I got to see some of the greats of the era play, Catfish Hunter, Reggie Jackson, Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Steve Garvey, Vida Blue, Harmon Killebrew, Rollie Fingers, and so many others at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum and Candlestick Park.

While in Stockton I became acquainted with Minor League Baseball through the Stockton Ports, who then were the Class “A” California League farm team for the Orioles.  I remember a few years back talking to the Orioles great Paul Blair who played for the Ports in the early 1960s about Billy Hebert Field and how the sun would go down in the outfield blinding hitters and spectators in its glare.  I would ride my bike over in the evening to try to get foul balls that came over the grand stand when I didn’t have the money to get a ticket.

When I was a kid I had a large baseball card collection which I kept in a square cardboard roller-skate box.  I must have had hundreds of cards including cards that if I had them now would be worth a small fortune. Unfortunately when I went away to college I left them in the garage and during a purge of my junk they were tossed out.  Last year I started collecting cards again, mostly signed cards that I obtained at the Church of Baseball at Harbor Park.  In a sense they kind of serve a purpose like Holy Cards due in the Catholic Church for me.  They are a touch point with the game and the players who signed them.

Billy Hebert Field

As I have grown older my appreciation for the game, despite strikes and steroids still grows.  I am in awe of the diamond.  I have played catch on the field of dreams, seen a game in the Yankee Stadium Right Field bleachers seen games in many other venues at the Major League and Minor League levels and thrown out the first pitch in a couple of Kinston Indians games.  I am enchanted with the game. The foul lines theoretically go on to infinity, only broken by the placement of the outfield wall.  Unlike almost all other sports there is no time limit, meaning that baseball can be an eschatological game going on into eternity. The Hall of Fame is like the Calendar of Saints in the Catholic, Orthodox and Anglican Churches.  There are rituals in baseball such as the exchange of batting orders and explanation of the ground rules and the ceremonial first pitch.  Likewise there are customs that border on superstition such as players not stepping on the foul line when entering and leaving the field of play, no talking about it when a pitcher is throwing a no-hitter and the home run trot. Even the care of the playing field is practiced with almost liturgical purity. The care of a field by an expert ground crew is a thing to behold, especially when they still use the wooden box frames to lay down the chalk on the baselines and the batter’s box.

Grand Slam Home Run by Robby Hammock 2009

We have travelled to many minor league parks often in tiny out of the way locations and even to the Field of Dreams in Dyersville Iowa where once again Judy indulged me and let me play catch. Likewise my long suffering wife has allowed our kitchen and much of my dining room is as close to a baseball shrine as Judy will let me make them; thankfully she is most tolerant and indulges this passion of mine.

Since I returned from Iraq the baseball diamond has been one of my few places of solace.  For the first time last season I bought a season ticket to the Tides and in section 102, row B seats 2 and 3 was able to watch the game from the same place every day.  It became a place of refuge during some of my bad PTSD times, and I got to know and love the people around me; Elliot the Usher, Chip the Usher, Ray and Bill the Vietnam Veteran Beer guys behind home plate, Kenny “Crabmeat” the Pretzel Guy and Barry the Scorekeeper.  This year Ray is not at the park nor is Charlie one of the other Vietnam Vets and the Veterans beer stand is now down the first base concourse where they have been relegated to the boring beers. I now have seats 1 and 2 in the same section and row as last year and it was good to see so many of the old crowd last night.

Chris Tillman

Even still there is some sadness in baseball this year as there was last year.  My dad is slowly dying of Alzheimer’s disease and a shell of his former self but the last time I saw him he did not know me and could not talk about baseball even for a minute.  Maybe if I go back we’ll get a few minutes of lucidity and a bit of time together again but I know that that will not happen because there is little left of him, I wish he was able to get up and play catch, but that will have to wait for eternity on the lush baseball field that only heaven can offer.

Dad Jeff and I around 1973

The season is just beginning and God is not done speaking to me through baseball as I close my eyes and recollect the words of Terrance Mann (James Earl Jones) in Field of Dreams: “The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again.”

In a sense this says it all to me in an age of war, economic crisis and bitter partisan political division.  In a sense it is a prayer, a prayer for a return to something that was good and what could be good again.

Peace and blessings,

Padre Steve+

2 Comments

Filed under Baseball, faith

Norfolk Drops Home Opener 5-3 to Bulls

Opening Day 2010 at Harbor Park

The Church of Baseball Harbor Park parish came together this evening for opening day in what should be an exciting season one that I predict that they will do well.  Over 10,000 fans showed up the largest opening day attendance since 1995.  Although the wind was brutal the temperatures were not bad and the expected rain showers held off providing an excellent night for baseball, especially given the fact that this is Hampton Roads where weather in early April can sometimes be a bit sporty.

Chris Tillman took the loss

Chris Tillman got the loss giving up two runs in four innings work but not looking bad. Ross Wolf gave up three in the 5th but settled down and relievers Kam Mikolio and Denis Sarfate shut down the Bulls in the late innings with Sarfate striking out the side with some major league heat in the top of the 8th.  Rhyne Hughes picked up from the Rays in August 2009 scored two runs and Joey Gathright drove in two and stole a base.

Kam Mikolio bearing down on a Bulls batter

Durham pitching held the Tides to 6 hits and the Tides had the bases loaded with no outs in the bottom of the 9th but could only get one run as their rally attempt fell flat. Despite this the team has everything that it needs to have a great season and I think that this talented young team will do great things in 2010. The Tides and Bulls match up tomorrow night at Harbor Park with Tides pitcher Jake Arrieta going up against Bulls pitcher Heath Phillips.

Meanwhile down in Tampa the Orioles picked up their first win of the season edging the Rays 5-4 with Brian Matusz making a strong showing in his first start of 2010.

Until tomorrow,

Padre Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

She knew that it was Time….Padre Steve’s Reflections on Pastoral Care Residency

Sometimes death comes unannounced but other times it sounds a warning.  Most of the time we think of such warnings as what our body is saying to us, maybe someone is having chest pains or that we know of a terminal condition which is getting worse and the doctors say that there is nothing else that they can do.  Other times it appears that some people almost have a sixth sense about their impending death and leave notes or say “goodbye” to loved ones in a different way than they would normally do.

When I see or hear about the sixth sense kind of incident I find that I am intrigued.  As a student of history I have read accounts where soldiers know that they will not survive a particular battle and leave things for their friends to give to loved ones.  There have been times when I have had a sixth sense about what was going to happen to someone and the feeling is like you are watching something unfold in slow motion but can do nothing to stop it.  A strange feeling that I’m sure some of my reads have experienced.

This story is a bit different and took place during an overnight as the “on call” chaplain at Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas during my Clinical Pastoral Education Residency. Parkland is a rather large, at the time of my residency a 940 bed county hospital and Level One Trauma center.  The “on call” chaplain after normal hours was the only chaplain in the hospital to cover all emergencies in the house.  Usually I stationed myself in the ER area as that was the “hottest” place for ministry at any given time.  I would always take a spin around our 9 ICUs but unless something was going bad on one of them would always end up back in the ER.

One night I had just finished with a situation involving a death in the ER when about 9 PM I got a page from “9 South” our General Medicine Step-Down ward.  The nurse that I talked to when I returned the page said that I needed to come up because she had a patient who was convinced that they were going to die that night.  I said that I would be right up and made my way up to the ward.

I got to the ward about 9:15 PM and met the nurse who further explained the situation to me while I reviewed the chart.  The lady was in her mid-30s and was HIV positive. She was Baptist and her husband who was also HIV positive and in a more advanced stage of the disease had just been discharged from the hospital the day before. The lady had come in for a few day stay as she had been spiking a fever but that was under control and was scheduled to be discharged in the morning.  She was not at the point of having any of the major opportunistic infections or diseases associated with full blown AIDS and her T-Cell count was good.  Clinically she was stable and expected to do well for a number of years to come.

The problem was that just after shift change the patient had told the nurse that “the Lord was going to take her home tonight.”  The nurse said that she had called the Medicine resident to come and speak with the lady but that the resident could not convince here that she was going to be okay and that she told both of them that she was going to die that evening and “go home and be with Jesus.”

Now for those who have never lived in the south “going home” is not like leaving the office at the end of the day.  Elvis “went home” wherever that was (see “Men in Black”) and if you are talking with someone raised in the south starts talking about “going home” you better stop and clarify to make sure that they are going home to watch the Braves on television and drink a beer or if they are planning on dying.  I had a grandmother who from the time that I was 5 years old kept telling that she was either “going home” or “wasn’t going to be around much longer,” of course she almost lived to be 90 and “went home” when I was 40.  But I digress.

Now patently I am generally of the mind that if the numbers say that you will live I believe the numbers.  I’m a baseball guy, God speaks to me through baseball and I play the percentages, it is the rational thing to do, which means that while I believe that God can intervene in situations I don’t bet on that happening. I read the chart, talk to the nurse, talk with the resident and I am convinced that this lady will walk out of the hospital in the morning.

Then I met the lady. She was sitting up in bed with her Bible open beside her on the mattress and she appeared to be very calm and there was a peaceful sense about her.  She was from Jamaica and very polite and when I introduced myself to her she greeted me warmly with the accent characteristic of that island nation.

“So you are the pastor?” she asked.

I replied that I was the Chaplain and a minister and that the nurse and doctor had asked me to spend some time with her.

She then said “Ah yes, they do not believe me.”  So I asked her what was going on.

She then described to me what had occurred that evening.

“You see pastor, the doctors say that I will go to my house tomorrow but I will not.” She paused and I nodded for her to go on and said “really? Tell me more.”

She continued “Pastor you see this evening Jesus came to me, he visit me and tell me that I will go and be with him tonight.”

Now I have to admit that I was skeptical but she was not acting emotional or even bothered by what she just said.  I was fascinated and asked her to tell me more.

She then went on a recitation of her faith journey from the time that she was a young girl and how she frequently would sense God’s presence and hear his voice at different points in her life, how she had gotten HIV from her husband and how much it meant for her to be right with others and God.  So I asked about the specifics of “why tonight?”

Calmly she explained. “The doctors tell me that I will be well and go home tomorrow. They tell me that I am in good condition, but that does not matter to me because Jesus told me today that he will take me home to be with him….tonight.”  Her tone was as if this was a regular every day occurrence and her face was radiant.  She continued “I love Jesus and know that he will not lie to me so I know that I will be with him tonight.” Her faith was touching and powerful in its simplicity and the amount of trust that she showed even to a message that she believed to be from Jesus that was completely different than the news of the doctors.

After our conversation which lasted about 30 minutes with me probing her faith, asking what she understood about her condition, talking about family which seemed to me for her was a conversation where she was tying up the loose ends of her life and that I was the person that she was taking the time to share them with.   As we closed she asked me if I would pray with her and give her a blessing which I did.  She thanked me, reached out and asked for a hug and she embraced me weakly let go, and thanked me again.  I was moved by this, still not convinced that Jesus would take her home, but not disbelieving her either.  When I was done I charted my visit, wrapped things up with the resident and the nurse and went back down to ER where more carnage was waiting.

About 2:30 AM my pager went off and it was 9 South calling.  I returned the call and the nurse that I had talked with earlier was on the line.

“Chaplain, please come quick, I went in to check her vitals and she is dead!”  I put on my best calm voice and said “Who is dead?”  The nurse nearly in a panic said “the lady that said that God was going to take her home, she died.”  I said okay I’ll be right up and went up as quickly as I could and got to the ward to find the nurse pacing anxiously outside the door of the patient’s room.  I asked if the nurse if she was okay, meaning her and not the now deceased patient and the nurse replied that she was upset by the death because the lady should not be dead and that she didn’t understand how the patient could calmly know that she was going to die.  Now the nurse was not a southerner unless it was the south part of the Indian Subcontinent.  Relatively new to Texas and the south she was not as attuned to some of the religious and cultural aspects of either the south or south Jamaica.  After helping the nurse calm down I met the resident who was in the room looking perplexed and as I walked in he said she shouldn’t be dead.  I just said to him “that sometimes it’s just someone’s time even if the numbers don’t say so.”  He said “Yeh, I know, but this was really freaky she told me that she was going to die tonight and she did.” I did concur that it was a bit on the unusual side but that we couldn’t discount what she believed especially since she had been correct.

As the resident went to finish up paperwork I looked at the woman. It looked like she had simply fallen asleep her Bible was on her lap and opened to Revelation around the 21st chapter and although I cannot be sure exactly what she was reading can only imagine that it was this verse “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:3b-5 NRSV) This dear woman had passed away, gone home looking forward to a place where whatever tears or sorrows she had would be wiped away.

I closed her Bible, placed her hands together over it and prayed a prayer of commendation before pulling the bed sheet over her face and body. On leaving the room I spent a bit more time with the nurse who was beginning to gather herself after this unusual death.  A couple of hours later I would escort the body of this woman to our morgue accompanied by the nurse and a LVN.  As we rode the elevator down we talked a bit more and as we made the walk down the long and empty basement corridor to the morgue we did so in silence.  Once I had admitted the body and locked the door the two nurses left to head back to the 9th floor and I took the chart and other paperwork up to our office where our decedent affairs clerk would complete the death certificate.  I thought how unusual this case was as I sat for a while in the office.  I had heard of similar things but had never seen something like this before where the person in question made such a claim and was right defying the numbers that said she would walk out of the hospital.

With that I wish you a good night.

Peace,

Padre Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under christian life, faith, healthcare, Pastoral Care, Religion

Opening Day at the Church of Baseball at Harbor Park

Another season begins at Harbor Park in Norfolk Virginia tomorrow evening.  The weather looks decent but in the evening there is a 30% chance of scattered storms with the chances going up after 10 PM.  Last year we were rained out and hopefully this will not be the case this year.  Both the Tides and their parent club the Orioles are much improved in terms of depth compared to last year.  The Orioles have solidified their offense with a number of solid veterans as well as had a number of last year’s crop of rookies to include Matt Wieters and Nolan Reimold as well as the youthful All-Star Adam Jones and their pitching staff is deep with many young arms.  The Baltimore outfield in particular has depth and could in the long run produce a number of All-Stars with Reimold, Jones and Nick Markakis.  The infield with veterans Brian Roberts, Garrett Atkins and Miguel Tejada and Caesar Izturis The pitching staff is still young but should they mature this year could be a formidable staff.  Added to the mix this year is Brian Matuz who went from AA Bowie directly to the Orioles at the end of last season and veteran Kevin Millwood. Waiting in the wings is another bumper crop of young pitchers who in not too much time could easily be starters or relievers on the O’s or used to help the team acquire other personnel through trades.

The Tides roster is deep.  Last year the Tides were amazing until an injury riddled Orioles team with little depth was forced to call up many of the Tides by the end of May.  Prior to the massive number of call ups the Tides were playing well over .700 baseball and routinely crushing their opposition. The pitching staff suffered similarly to the hitters and after the call ups the power evaporated and even with decent hitting the tables were turned. This year the Tides are deep, many young prospects as well as some seasoned young players who have some major league experience.  I have had the pleasure of meeting many of the young Tides pitchers last year and most are returning this year.  The Tides are stocked with young players with some Major League experience thanks to last year’s call ups. They are deep in pitching and have many excellent position players.  Since the Orioles have some depth at the Major League level the Tides, baring an epidemic of injuries at Baltimore should keep a solid team together for much of the year and with that win the International League South and possibly compete for the Governor’s Cup Championship.  That is great for the fans but even more important is the chance to groom the members of this team for service on the Orioles without having to rush them into service as was the case in 2009.  The Orioles are also deep to the AA level with a number of players at Bowie who will certainly fleet up to the Tides and perhaps like Matuz head up to the Orioles if needed.

Baltimore will probably do much better than last year and while they may not be ready to challenge the Yankees or Red Sox this year could well by 2011.  If the Orioles were not in the same division as New York and Boston they might even this year compete for a playoff spot if they were in the AL Central or the AL West.

Tomorrow I will go and take my seat in Section 102 Row B seat one as the Tides pitch Chris Tillman against Durham.  It should be good as I meet up with the faithful including Elliott and Chip the Ushers, Ray, John and the Vietnam Veterans of America chapter who man the beer stand behind home plate, Marty the Card Dealer, Kenny “Crabman” the Pretzel Guy as well as General Manager Dave Rosenfield and the rest of the staff. I think that it will be a great year for the Tides a good year for the Orioles.

Peace

Padre Steve+

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

Struggling with Faith and God at Easter

“God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with him.” 
Jürgen Moltmann

Easter Sunday is past and we are now in the Easter Season I was thinking today on encounters that I have had with Christians of various denominations who have suffered a crisis in faith or loss of faith due to some kind of trauma in their lives which gets worse at Easter.  For these people the time in which their churches celebrate Christ’s resurrection becomes their own little acre of Hell on earth.  Having known plenty of these people I can say that this phenomena is one of the more tragic aspects of the season when people who at one time felt the presence of God in their life only sense emptiness and aloneness which sometimes becomes a feeling of hopelessness where even death appears more comforting than life in the present.  I write this because I really believe that these often very sensitive and wonderful people are either ignored or not even seen by most of their fellow church members and that many if not most pastors and priests are either unaware of them, uncomfortable around them or irritated by them because they don’t respond like “normal” people do to the message of Easter.  I have found from my own experience returning from Iraq that Easter despite the message of resurrection and hope often triggers a despair of life itself when one no longer senses the presence of God and feels alone against the world, especially in church.

Many times the crisis of faith is caused by prolonged depression, PTSD or other trauma often involving family members, clergy or other trusted authority figures in their lives.  Sometimes the trauma is due to a physical injury, perhaps a near death experience due to an illness, combat or accident and can be neurological as in the case of Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI not something that routine counseling either psychological or pastoral or an anti-depressant medication will correct.  In my case it was PTSD and chronic pain and insomnia which overwhelmed me and along with a crisis of faith triggered such hopelessness that I barely held on for almost two years.

I remember when I first started dealing with this in others while in seminary that I was of the mind that if someone was in the midst of a crisis in faith if they read the Bible more, prayed more and made sure that they were in church that things would work out.  I believed then that somehow with counseling, the right concept of God and involvement in church activities that God would “heal” them.  Call me a heretic but that line of thinking is nice for people experiencing a minor bump in their life but absolutely stupid advice for people who are severely traumatized or clinically depressed and suicidal who no longer percieve the presence of God in their lives.

I cannot condemn those who have lost their faith or are wavering in their faith due to trauma, abuse or other psychological reason. So many people like this have been victimized by family, teachers, clergy other authority figures or physical trauma related to accidents, near death experiences or combat that it is mind numbing.  The fact that I went through a period for the nearly two years where I was pretty much an agnostic praying to believe again because of my PTSD injury incurred in Iraq that felt hopelessly isolated for the first year after my return until I finally reconnected with others and began to feel safe again gives me just a bit of an idea at what these people are going through.  My isolation from Christian community and sense of despair during that time showed me that such a loss of faith is not to be trifled with or papered over with the pretty wallpaper or neat sets of “principles” drawn up in the ivory theological towers by theologians and “pastors” who refuse to deal with the reality of the consequences of a fallen world and their impact on real people.

Sometimes the damage wrought on people makes it nearly impossible to comprehend a God who both cares about them and who is safe to approach.  My experience came from Iraq and the trauma of my return and were absolutely frightening so much so that I left a Christmas Eve Mass in 2008 and walked through the dark wondering if God even existed.  Now with help and the deliberate action of my boss and co-workers to protect me as I recovered, received therapy and recover were key factors to being able to step back from the abyss. For those abused by parents or clergy this is I think an even deeper wound one in which the very concept and understanding of God becomes skewed in the minds and hearts of the victims.

The feeling that people who go through this crisis or loss of faith almost always mention to me is that God no longer speaks to them.  The feel cut off and even abandoned by God and it is not simply depression that they are dealing with but despair of life itself when death or just going to sleep is preferable to living.  This overwhelming despair impacts their relationships especially with their family and frequently will destroy families as the spouse grows weary and loses hope seeing their loved one get better.  It is if they never are able to leave the “God forsakenness” of Good Friday and cannot climb out of the tomb.   For some the pain is so much the last and previously unthinkable alternative of suicide becomes the only course of action that they think will help.  Such thoughts are not simply narcissism as some would believe but from the “logical” belief that their family, friends and loved ones would be better off without them.  I have seen this too many times to count. 

It is hard to reach out to people in this situation.  I have to admit in my case that it was only people who chose to remain with me and walk with me through the ordeal in spite of my frequent crashes, depression, anger and even rage that helped get me through the worst of this.  However I’m sure that my condition burned some people out.  There are some that would not walk with me as I first began to go down and the sad thing is that many were ministers and fellow chaplains.  In some ways I don’t blame them at the same time the first person that asked me how my spiritual life “or how I was with the Big Guy” was my therapist.  When I reported to my current duty station I was shocked to find Chaplains who were willing to come alongside of me, even when they didn’t have the answers and remain with me. 

The topic of a loss of faith or the reality of feeling God forsaken is had to deal with.  It is seldom dealt with in many seminaries or Bible schools because it is not comfortable or something that you can “grow your church” with.  But the reality is there are more people going to church praying for an answer who no one reaches out to, in fact they are often invisible amid the busyness of program oriented ministry. 

It is my prayer that this post will help people be able to reach out to those crushed under burdens that they can no longer bear.  It is not enough simply to tell them that “God won’t give you more than you can bear” when they have been beyond the “red line” longer than one can imagine.  They want to believe that scriptural principle but no longer believe because God is no longer real to them. 

Yet scripture plain teaches that we are to “bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said      “We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”  It is our willingness to be with people in their suffering that is one of the true marks of the Christian.  Being with someone in triumph is far easier than with those who suffer the absence of God.  It is presence and love not sermons that people who have lost their faith need as Bonhoeffer so eloquently said “Where God tears great gaps we should not try to fill them with human words.”

I do pray that as we celebrate the joy of the Resurrection that we will not forget those who despair of live and feel as if they are “God-forsaken.”  It is not easy as those who walked with me can testify but in doing so there is the chance that such action will prevent tragedy.

Peace

Padre Steve+

So anyway, my best to everyone and please be safe….

Padre Steve+

7 Comments

Filed under christian life, faith, Pastoral Care, philosophy