Category Archives: PTSD

June 30, 2009 · 21:17

The Gifts of PTSD: Insomnia is a Terrible Thing to Waste and the Hidden Value of Hyper-vigilance

On Board a 53 out near Syria

I’ve been asked by a number of people at work just how I manage to find the time to write the way that I do. The answer, which I have said to all of them is simple…insomnia, which it turns out is not necessarily a curse, but for me in some ways is a gift. I find that insomnia really is a terrible thing to waste. Until I went to Iraq I went to bed at a decent hour every night and seldom did I have problems sleeping. At the same time my life while busy pursuing work, military and professional education as well as academic degrees was full but not completely fulfilling. I had always wanted to write on a variety of subjects to include military history, theology, ethics and baseball. In fact someday I hope to get published. However back then I was always too distracted to write what I wanted to write. I could t stay on task for anything other than things that would seemingly directly affect my military career, even my marriage.

Convoy On Route Michigan

Iraq changed that more than I thought it could. I got back, fell apart about 90 days after returning home and despite pushing myself harder at work, ministry and academically I was not making it. Nightmares, dreams, chronic pain and anxiety, stress reactions even in church about crippled me. About the only place I felt some peace was at the ball park. Somehow the sight of that great field and the infield diamond settles me. Sleep deprivation became a very real and persistent part of my life. I guess it was the fact in Iraq that we did most of our travel at night by helicopter, usually CH-46, CH-47 or CH-53’s and had very irregular schedules. Likewise when we came back to base there was another little issue. The pad for the Army Medivac Choppers, or “Dustoff” was about 200 yards from my quarters so all night long I was subjected to the constant noise from these aircraft. If I hear a UH-60 Blackhawk or SH-60 Seahawk at night I still get a startle reaction. Outgoing artillery fire and occasional fire, explosions and sirens in the adjacent town of Habbinyah were staples of life. When bored I would stand outside and watch illumination rounds going off the highway just outside our entry control point or wander over near the Shock Surgery Trauma Platoon facility where “Dustoff” was waiting on the pad. I’m sure that working a number of mass casualty events and seeing our wounded Marines and Soldiers being treated as well as Iraqi civilians including kids had to affect me. These Americans and Iraqis were out driving the same roads that we would drive on a regular basis and the sight of their shattered bodies went through my mind every time we went on a mission.

As I got deeper into my tour I found that no matter how tired that I was I had great difficulty getting to sleep. I’m sure this was due to our operational tempo, odd hours, demanding travel, sleeping conditions which varied at every location and occasionally getting shot at. The most cool of those were when our Army CH-47D talking off from Ramadi , took fire from the ground and proceeded to pop flares, take evasive action while the tail gunner opened fire with his M240 series machine gun. Since I was sitting two seats from the tail gunner and saw, heard and smelled the gun as it fired I’m pretty sure that it happened. However, when I called the Army squadron to see what happened they denied that the event happened. I hear that was not an uncommon occurrence. So anyway by the mid-point of my tour I was no longer sleeping so I would sit up and play games on my computer, such as chess and Ma-jong. It is amazing how good you can get at stuff like that through sheer repetition. It was playing these games that I would wear myself our enough to sleep since I usually did an hour or two of PT during the day or late evening when not on the road. It is comforting when you are running near the perimeter on a cool Saturday morning and hear explosions and exchanges of automatic weapons fire going off about 2 km to your right.

So now despite my cool concoction of meds I still have difficulty getting to sleep. In order to sleep I have to wear myself out and when I am done I take my meds and crash. If I take them before I am exhausted I see little effect and I am not about to start mixing them with the good beer that I enjoy so much. I do not drink crappy beer thank you. Maybe it will be time to go back to the doctor when my provider’s relief arrives in August or September. I probably need to talk to my buddy Elmer the shrink again soon. Elmer is great but my schedule has not lined up well to see him the past couple of weeks between leave, call schedule and the emergency root canal. I probably have to go back in on that sooner than my appointment as I still am having some pain and wonder if there is an infection there.

Since I don’t believe in wasting time I have decided to be productive when I can’t sleep. I started writing as I finished my class requirements for my latest Masters Degree. I still need to do the comprehensive exams but will wait until September so as not to mess with any home games the Tides have left. I began writing as a means of both helping me and disciplining myself to write regularly. I have several book ideas but have never been able to get any off the ground because I could not stay focused. This website helps me do that and has got me thinking creatively again. So my answer to how I can find the time to write is simple, if I have 20 or so extra hours in the week late at night that are going to be there no matter what I do, then I shouldn’t waste them. So my point is that insomnia is a terrible thing to waste. It could be worse. I know of other vets who can’t sleep either due to war experiences and some have fallen off the deep end with self destructive behaviors at least I am not doing online gambling, porn or other distractions that have helped continue to ravage some of my brothers and sisters who have served in Iraq, Afghanistan and Vietnam. I have found in a strange way that the chronic insomnia has been a gift which has enabled me to gain insights on life and experience that I had never been able to put down before. It has forced me to take advantage of time that I would otherwise waste web or channel surfing until I fell asleep. It is interesting to see what comes out of your computer when you are trying to write while falling asleep.

Here is an example that I found and saved a few weeks ago: “Manages not only check their the firduk about what they fell than…”

I have no earthly idea what it means or what a “firduk” is or what “manages would “not only check their the firduk” means and I don’t want to find out. God only knows what it means but it reminds me where a half-asleep Jerry Seinfeld wrote down something that he saw on TV that he thought was funny. He spent the show trying to see what he wrote and then finally saw what he actually heard. He discovered that it was not nearly as funny as he thought.

Another gift I have been given with my PTSD is that of hyper-vigilance. I am much more alert and observant than I ever was. This is on the road, in crowds or even as I do my job in the hospital. I have begun to notice the little odd things that are clues to other possibly more significant issues. This probably has saved my life on the road on several occasions since I returned as I have a much great “feel” for what is going on around me than I have ever had while driving. There have been at least three times where I “felt” the danger of another vehicle and took evasive action to avoid a collision before I heard or saw it. Of course the colorful euphemisms which poured out of me on these occasions were quite memorable, I think the best being “You Oedipal Mother F—-r!” when some asshole almost plowed over me in a grocery store parking lot not far from home.

So, despite the inherent problems that PTSD, insomnia and the other maladies I have incurred have caused me, the Deity Herself has also given them to me as a gift. For which I am strangely grateful. Even a few months back I saw them as a curse, but now they have become a source of blessing. Like Commander Spock might say to Captain Kirk after observing a human idiosyncrasy “fascinating Captain, fascinating.”

It’s a Gift…Enjoy

I’m back on duty tomorrow for another overnight. This will be a long week, 3 duty nights out of 5 work days. Thankfully I will not have duty again for two weeks after Friday.

Peace, Steve+

6 Comments

Filed under Baseball, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, PTSD, star trek

Tagged as afghanistan, ch-46, ch-47, commander spock, dustoff, habbinyah, hummv, hyper-vigilance, insomina, iraq, mass casualty events, medivac, mh-53, PTSD, ramadi, route michigan, seinfeld, sh-60 seahawk, shock surgery trauma platoon, star trek, uh-60 blackhawk, vietnam, writing

June 26, 2009 · 16:54

Where were You When…? The Death of an Icon and Its Impact in Our Lives

Note: This post is one where I invite readers to share any memories they have of Michael Jackson’s death or other events that involved the deaths of cultural icons as well as significant events that either affected you or made a deep impact on your life or that of people that you know. I will approve all comments except those identified as spam by WordPress.

The death of Michael Jackson yesterday was one of those events in life that when they occur leave a lasting impression on people. Even people who were not fans of Michael will remember because Michael Jackson was a cultural icon. When icons die, or tragedies occur they tend to leave a lasting mark. You can be talking to anyone and if they were alive when one of these events happened and quite a few or most people will be able to tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing at the time of the event.

I am 49 years old, though patently I don’t really look my age, nor do I act it. Being that I am nearly half a century old it means that I have seen a fair amount of life. Since I am passionate about life and a keen observer of life, society and culture being a historian as well as member of the Church of Baseball, Harbor Park parish I remember a lot. I’m told by some that I have one of those phonographic memories. You know the kind where you get a thought in your head and it keeps going and going round and round at 33 1/3 RPMs. I will remember this because we had just arrived at the Capital Hilton and were preparing to go out for dinner with Judy’s cousin Becki at Murphy’s of DC to celebrate our anniversary. I had just checked the news when I heard that Michael had been found down and was in cardiac arrest. Since I have seen a lot of these cases roll into ERs that I have worked in I knew that Jackson had very little chance of coming out of this alive. Most news sites were reported that he was getting CPR and had been taken to UCLA Medical Center. Then I checked the website of Matt Drudge, the Drudge Report following a look at CNN. I opened the page and Drudge’s trademark old fashioned police siren light was flashing and below it in red was “WEBSITE: JACKSON DEAD!” and had a link to the celebrity gossip site TMZ. TMZ actually reported the death over an hour prior to most of the networks. It also turned out that TMZ’s report was pretty accurate. Later other sites began to announce the news pretty much confirming TMZ’s initial report. I saw the report on CNN as we walked to get a cab to the restaurant with Becki. It was kind of surreal as Michael Jackson, despite his eccentric actions and nearly continuous controversy surrounding his life, was a larger than life figure.

So events like this get etched on people’s memories like images of the Virgin Mary on grilled cheese sandwiches or pizzas. These have been reported by the faithful and offered for sale on E-bay so they must be authentic right? They are something that you reallymust remember. Talking with Judy and Becki at dinner we began to recount where we were at different moments events over the past 30 years or so. For me the events are often linked to other seemingly inconsequential events going on in my own life. As I have said before we have lived a life much like the characters in the show Seinfeld so some of these things may not be as funny to you as they are for me.

Some of the things that I remember which stand out include the following events. If you remember where you were at these events please feel free to comment or add your own in the comments section. This is one of those rare times when almost everyone has a memory that surfaces because a current event triggers the memory of that particular event.

For me I’m going to first each back to is the assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King on April 4^th 1968. That was strange because we lived in the little town of Oak Harbor Washington where my dad was stationed. The town was small and isolated by being on an island. We saw the news reports that night this time I believe we were watching NBC’s Huntley and Brinkley give the news. This was way before Cable news and so it took a while to get the story out. As a little kid I was astounded that anyone could kill a minister and I knew that Dr. King was a leader in trying get blacks the same rights that whites enjoyed. The next day our teacher at Oak Harbor Elementary School, Mrs. Jackson talked about it with us. This was follow just two months later by the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy following his California Primary election victory. I remember the news reports the next day and how upset that my parents were about his death.

The next event was Apollo 11 Moon landing, the “One small step for man, one giant step for mankind” moment on July 20^th 1969 where Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed the Lunar Module on the “Sea of Tranquility.” I was a kid and on summer vacation still living in Oak Harbor. We were at home watching Walter Cronkite report the event live when it happened. That was an amazing event.

The next really big thing for me was the Marshall University Football team plane crash in Huntington West Virginia where at 7:35 Pm EST a Southern Airways DC-9 crashed into a hillside just short of the runway killing the team as well as numerous boosters, alumni and Huntington notables. This was kind of person for us. I had seen that team practice at the old Fairfield Stadium across the street from my grandparent’s house the previous spring before we returned to California to rejoin my dad after he had found us decent housing. We were watching the evening news in Long Beach California when the local announcer interrupted the story he was working on and announced the crash. My mom knew a number of people on the aircraft and was devastated.

I’m going to jump forward a bit, to the fall of Saigon on April 30^th 1975. This was a bitter day for me. My dad had fought in Vietnam and I knew kids who had lost their fathers in the war. I had experienced a Sunday School teach telling me that my dad was a “baby killer” for being in Vietnam in 1972 and I felt that we had let the South Vietnamese down and that it was the fault of those in the media, on the street and in Congress that had ensured that our men died in vain. I think that was the point that I decided that I was going to enter the military. I still cannot look at Jane Fonda and some of her fellow travelers without feeling a sense of anger.

Jumping again a few years I remember the fall of the Shah of Iran and the takeover of the US Embassy in Tehran by so called “students” on November 4^th 1979. The takeover which lasted 444 days began in my sophomore year of college. The humiliation of the country and the poor response of President Jimmy Carter confirmed that I would enter the military after college. I won’t forget the nightly updates on ABC hosted by Ted Koppel which became the long running show Nightline. I would stay up every night to get the updates. When the hostages were released this was cause for celebration, but the damage was done. Of course we saw the pro and anti-Ayatollah protesters on our university, Northride a big business school responded to a pro-Ayatollah by driving the protestors off campus. So much for riled up MBA students and Science geeks huh?

When Elvis died on August 16^th 1977 I was a getting ready to enter my senior year of high school. In fact only a week before I had won a copy of a blue vinyl copy of his last album Moody Blue in a local pop radio station give away. I was on a church high school trip when the news came over the radio. The man driving the car a real estate agent who was a deacon in the church started to cry, I mean like really cry almost like Middle Eastern mourning kind of crying. As someone who is less expressive of such emotions being a Romulan at heart I was mildly taken aback, after all it wasn’t like they had dated or anything. I had seldom seen men cry before and this was some pretty emotional stuff. My mom had the same kind of reaction I discovered on my way home. I guess it was the generation thing. He was the icon of his generation and changed both the style and the performance of music. It was Elvis that I immediately thought of when I first saw the news of Michael Jackson’s death. I guess the fact that both were known as the “king”, that both died young and unexpectedly and that Michael was briefly married to Lisa Marie Presley makes their connection a bit stronger than otherwise expected. I wonder if there will be stories that Michael is really dead or if it was staged to get him some privacy. I’m sure that conspiracy theorists will be looking into this as both a death and a disappearance. On a side note I visited Graceland in 1983 on my way to Fort Knox Kentucky and sat in the “pink Jeep.” Judy had a Tonka pink Jeep when she was a kid.

The attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan on March 20^th 1981 stands out. I was a junior at cal State Northridge and was taking my lunch on the lawn outside of the office where I worked as a peer counselor. I was getting ready to go to class as I watched to really good looking girls go walking by me talking. I didn’t notice anything unusual until the past me and continuing to watch I noticed that each had their hand down the back side of the pants of the other one. I had never seen this before. Of course having grown up in California I knew homosexual men and I had heard of lesbians but this was the first time that I ever noticed women of that persuasion like doing some affection or foreplay in public. Since then of course I have had many friendships with both male homosexuals and lesbians but this was one of those moments that sticks out in my mind. Anyway, as I walked back into the office to grab my books for class the office TV was on announcing the attempted assassination and what I will never forget is watching retired General Alexander Haig as Secretary of State have a news conference where he stated “I’m in control.” Of course he wasn’t the next in line and though he thought that he was he was not in control, even of himself that that point. I don’t think that then Vice President George H.W. Bush was very impressed nor were the actuals in the line of succession. So the shooting of President Reagan is intermixed with my first view of lesbian touching and seeing a General go out of control to be in control. As Mr. Spock might say to Captain Kirk, “Captain I find this fascinating.”

In January 1985 I was a young company commander in Wiesbaden Germany. The Space Shuttle Challenger with 7 Astronauts aboard blew up shortly after launch. It was already the close of the business day in Germany when this happened. I had the First Sergeant release the soldiers a bit early and set the duty, the Charge of Quarters, the Assistant and the Duty Driver. I was staying late as always to take care of maintenance management and personnel reports when Specialist Lisa Dailey rushed into my office. Lisa was the Charge of Quarters or CQ that day. She knocked on my door and said “Sir the space shuttle just blew up.” She had been watching it live on the new AFN broadcast of live stateside TV news broadcasts. If I recall this was the time slot of the Today Show, and yes it was when there was only one AFN broadcast channel. I looked up from my mountain of reports and said to her, “Specialist Dailey, space shuttles don’t blow up.” And she said, no sir it just did, I was watching it and it is on TV right now.” So I got up from my desk and walked at a brisk pace down the hall with my spun up specialist and looked on in horror as I saw a replay of the launch. I was stunned as like I had told Lisa “space shuttles don’t blow up.” However this one did and it was sobering. I should have believed Lisa, she was a great soldier and the last time that I heard from her is doing well working as an RN in Southern California. I had an eerie reprise of this when the Space Shuttle Columbia blew up on re-entry. At the time I was waiting for the arrival of General Peter Pace who was to be our guest speaker at the Battle of Hue City Memorial Weekend in Jacksonville FL. He was delayed a couple of hours by an emergency meeting of the Joint Chiefs.

Fast forward a few years to the bombing by Libyan agents of Pam Am flight 103, the Clipper Maid of the Seas over Lockerbie Scotland, on December 21^st 1988. I had left active duty for seminary a couple of months previously and was engaged in a nearly futile job search in oil and real estate busted Texas. I had completed the share of my morning futility mailing our more resumes, making more calls and picking up more job applications. As always I would take a football out and punt it as far as I could to relieve the stress. I had already found out that breaking things that you actually need when being accosted by bill collectors is not good a good way to deal with stress. In today’s current economy I suggest anyone is such straits pick up a football and punt the crap out of it rather than taking anything out on home appliances, electronics or loved ones. Eventually things will work out as sucky as they may seem now; the Deity Herself has assured me of this. Anyway, back to the plane crash. This really was weird for us because barely two years prior we had flown the same aircraft back from Germany when we were reassigned to the states. We remembered this because then they showed the photo of the nose and cockpit area we saw the name of the aircraft. I looked at Judy and said, does the name of that airplane look familiar? If I recall correctly she said something like “Oh my God” and I said: “Remember back in Frankfurt when I saw the name of the aircraft prior to boarding?” and how “l liked the way Pan Am gave pretty names to its aircraft.” It was funny because we both vividly recalled waiting for our flight and what we said about the aircraft. That was totally weird and surreal almost like an X-Files thing as I thought back to details inside of the aircraft and the trip home from Germany.

We were in Fort Worth for the first bombing of the World Trade Center and the destruction of the Branch Davidian Compound outside Waco. Both times I was at work and watched the events unfold on the televisions of our ministry’s television production department. The Branch Davidian stand-off and attempted seizure of by Federal Agents used M-751 Combat Engineer Vehicles from my National Guard unit. The vehicles were not manned by Guardsmen but Federal agents. Later that summer I saw a couple of the vehicles which still had white paint scratches on them from the Branch Davidian building. In 1995 I was home getting ready to go to work in Huntington West Virginia when the Murrow Federal Building was destroyed by Timothy McVeigh.

There are quite a few others that I could mention but will finish with the destruction of the World Trade Center twin towers on September 11^th 2001. I had finished a couple of counseling cases and put out some other brush fires as the Chaplain for Headquarters Battalion 2^nd Marine Division. Leaving my office for a belated PT session at the French Creek gym I was closing out my internet explorer. On the Yahoo home page there was a small news line that said “Aircraft crashes into World Trade Center.” I shrugged and figured that some idiot private pilot had flown his aircraft into is by mistake and when out to my car. I got in my 2001 Honda CR-V and some guy on the radio was blathering about it being an airliner and then I heard a chilling line that I will never forget. “Oh my God another aircraft has hit the second building.” I went over to the gym and stood staring in disbelief at one of the TVs with a bunch of Marines and Sailors. I shook my head, ran back to the office and changed over to my cammies and when to the Battalion Headquarters where we were informed of what the command knew and then set to work taking anti-terror precautions as no one knew what might happen next. Camp LeJeune became a fortress. There were checkpoints at key locations throughout the base. Patrols were set up and we remained in lock-down for almost 4 days. That is a day that I can never forget, over 3000 Americans and others killed by Islamic extremist terrorists out to ignite a world war.

So those are some of mine. What about yours? Feel free to add your posts here and get a discussion of these and other notable events including the death of Michael Jackson going. It will be interesting to see and I will approve all posts to this article, excepting of course spam posts.

Peace, Steve+

3 Comments

Filed under Baseball, beer, celebrities, dachshunds, ER's and Trauma, Foreign Policy, golf, healthcare, History, iraq,afghanistan, Lies of World Net Daily, Loose thoughts and musings, marriage and relationships, Military, Navy Ships, philosophy, Political Commentary, pro-life anti-abortion, PTSD, Religion, star trek, state government agencies, things I don't get, travel, Uncategorized, vietnam, world war two in europe

Tagged as 2nd marine divsion, 9-11 2001, afn, alexander haig, apollo 11 moon landing, battle of hue city memorial weekend, branch davidians, buzz aldrin, cal state northridge, camp lejuene nc, captain kirk, clipper maid of the seas, cnn, drudge report, e-bay, elvis pink jeep, elvis presley, fall of saigon 1975, farrah fawcett, first world trade center bombing, frankurt international airport, general peter pace, huntington wv, huntley and brinkley, iranian embassy takeover 1979, jane fonda, lesbians, lisa marie presley, lockerbie scotland, m-751 combat engineer vehcile, marshall universit football plane crash, marshall university, martin luther king assassination, michael jackson, moody blue, mr spock, murphy's of dc, murrow federal building bombing, neil armstrong, nightline, pan am 103 bombing, robert kennedy assassination, ronald reagan, seinfeld, shah of iran, space shuttle challenger, space shuttle columbia, strange virgin mary sightings, ted koppel, the today show, timothy mcveigh, tmz, today show, ucla medical center, unemployment, virgin mary on grilled cheese sandwich, volvo 240 gl, waco seige, walter cronkite, world trade center 2001 attack

June 24, 2009 · 23:40

The Eve of 26 Years of Marriage

Judy Wedding Judy on our Wedding Day

“Baseball and marriage have much in common. Both are a team effort. You can’t play baseball by yourself. You need others and have to get along with them. Marriage needs a partner. If marriage reaches a point where getting along is not possible, the marriage is over.” Peter Griffiths in the Daily Herald 1982

Today is our wedding anniversary eve, in fact our 26^th anniversary. It was cool that we got to spend it together; this has not always been the case. Tonight the Deity Herself smiled upon us as on a beautiful night we watched our Norfolk Tides defeat the Pawtucket Red Socks 4-2. Tomorrow we start a 4 day road trip to Washington DC to celebrate our anniversary which will be topped off by a behind the scenes tour of the White House on Saturday Night arranged by a friend who I baptized on the way to Iraq, who is now on the National Security Council. His staff has bent over backward to make this happen and we are blessed. We will also see my old Commanding Officer from Marine Security Force Battalion, or now as it is called the Security force Regiment and his wife who are coming down from Annapolis to meet us Friday night.

So 26 years, as Jerry Garcia would say it has been a long strange trip. We met almost five years before we were married at San Joaquin Delta College. We got to know each other by hanging out between classes with mutual friends. In fact the things we did were almost like Seinfeld before Seinfeld came on. It was a relationship initially based on nothing, except that I had a Dorothy Hamill fetish and Judy had short brown hair. We started dating about 7 months after we met. We were co-conspirators at the Delta College German club where our German candy and bake sales were legendary, racking up huge profits for the club which enabled us to fund our own field trips to San Francisco and Monterrey. Our political prowess was also unmatched, as a small club we had few votes in student government which at the time was dominated by a rather large and active ethnic club. This club was a bit pushy the way it handled itself, so we cobbled together a coalition of the language, science and other kind of “nerdy” clubs, funded our candidate with our sales receipts, even passing our free candy on his campaign materials. He had an ethnic name and we used it to our advantage, we convinced a lot of people that our friend Tory was one of the other ethnic club’s candidates. We used his first name “Salvatore” in our advertising. This caused a split in the voting allowing our stealth candidate from an Asian club to become student body President. I guess had we had the wherewithal to pursue politics as a couple we might have been quite good, as both of us have pretty good instincts and I happen to be rather analytical and calculating at times. As it were this was the high point of our political career but our relationship was solidified as we shared in taking German club from a poor club of nerds to a campus economic and political powerhouse of nerds.

Me and Judy Dorm Us in 1980 at Cal State Northridge

We grew together over the years of our courtship playing off of our mutual twisted sense of humor and our faith. I followed Judy down to Cal State Northridge and a week after I was commissioned we got married at our home Church, East Side Presbyterian Church in Stockton. The eve of the wedding my ROTC friends took me out and tried to get me drunk, but I survived. The wedding itself was on a shoestring as Judy’s dad was out of work and her mom not working and playing well with others. Everything came together and our wedding looked like it cost a lot more than it did. We spent the next two weeks together before I went on active duty and Judy finished her last semester of college. We finally settled in Eckelhausen Germany, a tiny little town in the Saarland in April 1984 and lived in Germany for most of the first three years of our marriage.

Now as to anniversaries that we have spent together and apart; this is what makes 26 pretty special.

Wedding 1 Wedding Day 25 June 1983 East Side Presbyterian Church

In 1984 I was in Landstuhl Army Medical Center dehydrated from a 2 week bout of gastroenteritis where I was so sick I was vomiting my anti-nausea medicine. I had lost almost 20 pounds and my company commander wouldn’t believe that I was sick until I threw up on his desk. It was his fault, I told him I was going to throw up and he told me that I had to stay. Oh well, that got me a ride in a Mercedes-Benz Ambulance to Landstuhl. In 1985 and 1986 I was in the field with my company. We were together in 1987 and 1988 in San Antonio, but from 1989-1997 we did not spend a single anniversary together due to military duties. We spent 1998 together but missed 1999 and 2000 after I came in the Navy. We got 2001 one together, but just barely as I returned from deployment a week before it. We missed 2002 as I was deployed to the Middle East and finally got 2003 together when we renewed our vows in Jacksonville Florida. 2004-2007 we celebrated on the road doing trips to minor league baseball games out of our area in either Pennsylvania or North Carolina. Last year we were together but I was not doing well having hit bottom with my PTSD about 100 or so days after returning from Iraq. So with this history in mind you can understand why this is special. We are 10 for 26 counting tomorrow. If we were a baseball team our record would be somewhere between the Indians and Nationals on a winning percentage at .386. However, if we were a hitter we would have a 386 batting average and that is not too shabby.

We have survived poverty and war, separation and tremendously difficult circumstances and we are still hanging on, and doing pretty good as a couple. We were never able to have children but we have had three really fun dogs, the latest of which, Molly, is looking over my shoulder as I write this now. We are different in the way that we are wired differently and have some different interests. We are both introverts with often strong opinions. But we love each other. I only came close to having her divorce me once, though murder may have played into her mind a time or two.

So here we are…26 years with a 10 and 16, .386 record. Even so Judy is the love of my life and we are together.

Take care and blessings,

Peace, Steve+

3 Comments

Filed under Baseball, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, PTSD

Tagged as Army, california state university northridge, deployment, east side presbyterian church, gastroenteritis, german club, germany, landstuhl army medical center, marine security forces, minor league baseball, national security council, PTSD, san antonio, san joaquin delta college, washington dc, wedding anniversaries, weddings, white house

June 19, 2009 · 23:47

A Healing Community Grieves-Portsmouth Naval Medical Center Experiences Yet another Tragic Death

This week has culminated two months of tragedy at our medical center. This was another death, and this one was totally senseless. It followed the unexpected death of Senior Chief Pam Branum while she was deployed on the USNS Comfort doing a humanitarian mission in the Caribbean Sea. The Comfort was in Panama when she died. Her death shook our community. She was loved and respected and her death was unsettling. Back in April we had lost Ensign Chris Gallagher in a motorcycle crash in Oceanview. Chris was a fourth year medical student and would have graduated about three weeks after he died. He was a incredibly sharp and dedicated medical student and would have made a fine physician. As with Senior Chief he was well liked and respected. I knew both of them. I had seen Chris the day before his death in ICU rounds.

This week we lost Hospitalman Third Class Christopher Bailey. Today in a chapel crowed well beyond it’s maximum capacity we remembered Chris. It was a moving and emotional service in which his shipmates, friends and even his mother spoke, I was especially touched by her words about Chris and our healing community. Chris was a passionate young sailor and dedicated Christian. He and a friend were looking at his car and discussing their faith when three men came to rob them. As the men left following the robbery one fired a shot into Chris’s car. He was hit in the back of the head and died yesterday at Norfolk General. He donated his organs and seven were used in transplants. In death he gave live to seven people. Chris was a Psychiatric Technician. He worked on our inpatient Psychiatry wards and occasionally in the clinic. He was loved by those who worked with him. I work on our SPRINT team which is an interdisciplinary team which goes out to assist in traumatic situations. As part of that team I work with a lot of really great Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Psychiatric Nurses and Technicians, military and civilian. Unlike Chris Gallagher and Pam Branum I had only met Chris in passing on duty one evening. So I didn’t know him like the other two, thus this was different than the others for me.

The death of Pan Branum and Chris Gallagher saddened me because I knew them and liked them. Chris Bailey’s death angered me because it was so senseless. Chris was killed for 5 dollars and truthfully, and this may seem un-Christian and anti-life I hope the bloody sonofabitch who did this is hunted down and killed. That asshole snuffed out the life of a good kid and it really pisses me off. I’m sure this reaction goes back to my youth because back in 1979 I was held up a gunpoint by two men with Judy, who was and her parents in the parking lot of Arroyo’s Café in Stockton California, the original home of the drive-by-shooting. This was back in the days that Arroyo’s was on South center Street. Having a gun to your head when you have no place to run sitting in the back seat of a car puts your life in perspective real quick. When I heard about Chris and what happened to him I imagined what would have happened to me had the robber pulled the trigger on me. Anyway I am upset about this because I am sick and tired of seeing young people die senseless and needless deaths. Additionally it angers me because it has hurt my friends on my team. They are hurting; they are grieving and still trying to care for a nearly full inpatient psychiatric unit. I hate to see my friends hurting. I try to be there for them but that will not take away the hurt, pain and loss that they have experienced. They walk tonight in the valley of the shadow of death.

Theologically and personally I wrestle with this. I have a hard time finding any redeeming purpose or meaning in such a death. Chris was killed by a criminal gang of thugs for no reason. I have a hard time saying “well it’s God’s will” or “God works everything for the good.” God may have a plan and somehow some way there may be something good that comes from this, but I cannot see it right now. I’m sure that I am not alone in the way that I feel. I can only imagine the sense of loss, grief and anger of the people that I work with who knew and loved Chris. My stuff I can put a finger on, being held up at gunpoint thirty years ago, dealing with huge amounts traumatic death in ERs and ICUs as a chaplain and most of all the PTSD that I came home with as a gift from Iraq.

I stayed in the background of this event helping a bit with seating people, hanging out in back to make sure people were okay and after the service looking after my friends Andy and Casey from the SPRINT team. Casey and I had done a mission at Camp LeJeune a few months back during a particularly gruesome suicide which came into the hospital ER. Casey transfers soon but in the mean time we have to get together for a beer some evening or take in a ball game.

The only thing that I can say that may be halfway pastoral at this point is to echo German theologian and martyr Dietrich Bonheoffer who said:

“Nothing can make up for the absence of someone we love. And it would be wrong to try to find a substitute. We must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time, it is a great consolation, for the gap — as long as it remains unfilled — preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap: God does not fill it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty, and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.”

I know that all of Chris’s friends, as well as those of Chris Gallagher and Pan Branum will understand this. There is nothing that can replace them and it is foolish to try to substitute another person, relationship or activity for them. There is a hole in our hearts and in the collective soul of Portsmouth Naval Medical Center. This place of healing is hurting and I pray that somehow these things will stop happening.

May God give rest to the soul of Christopher Bailey and all those who sleep in Christ; may his soul, the souls of Chris Gallagher and Pam Branum and all the departed rest in peace and all who grieve for them know the peace of God.

Pray for me a sinner, Steve+

8 Comments

Filed under healthcare, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, PTSD, Religion, things I don't get

Tagged as arroyo's cafe, Chief Petty Officer Pam Branum, crime, dietrich bonhoffer, ensign chris galagher, HM3 chistopher Bailey, murder, portsmouth naval medical center, PTSD, sprint team

June 7, 2009 · 22:48

Everybody has a Pitch Count…Good Managers Know When You’ve Reached It

Everybody has a pitch count, be they a baseball pitcher or a military, police or critical care health provider. At some point one can push themselves so hard that they can injure themselves or if not that start making mental mistakes that cost games for a pitcher or lives to people in military, public safety or critical care medicine. In baseball managers have to make sure that their pitchers don’t wear themselves down. It is very easy for a pitcher, especially a hard thrower to wear out early from overuse causing injury. At times hard throwers, or for that matter any pitcher can over pitch. They can try to do too much. At first this may not be noticeable, maybe they lose a little bit off of their fastball or their curve ball may not be as sharp. The pitcher may shake it off and tell his coaches and trainers that nothing is wrong. They do this for a couple of reasons. First, they are competitors; they want to do the job that they have to do. Second, they don’t want to admit that something is wrong with them be it a possible physical injury or maybe even a mental issue which is keeping them from getting good control of their pitches. Of course the physical wear and tear on pitcher is brutal. The physical punishment of throwing a baseball 80-100 mph on the arm, especially the elbow and shoulder is brutal. The amount of torque applied to these joints is severe. If a pitcher is using incorrect technique or has thrown too many pitches the effects can be devastating to his career.

While I am not a pitcher, when I played I was a utility infielder and catcher, I do think that everyone has something to learn about life and work from managers, pitchers and knowing when a pitcher is suffering from overuse injuries or has lost his physical or mental edge. The manager has to know when the pitcher has reached his pitch count and when it is time to pull him even if the pitcher wants to stay in the game. The same is true with anyone who serves in military, police or intensive medical professions such as EMS, Emergency Rooms and Intensive Care units. This became apparent to me over the past year and a quarter since I returned from Iraq. I am now 49 years old. I stay in pretty good shape and physically can still outperform many younger people in such things as push-ups, sit-ups and running. I pretty much know my physical limitations especially coming back from Iraq with some physical and emotional scars. I work in ICUs and if my life as a chaplain was limited to simply doing that work on the floor I could do it forever. I thrive in the environment and actually am more at ease on an ICU or in an ER than I am on general patient floors or doing administrative tasks. However, those are also part of my life. So I have to achieve a balance. I am usually pretty good at knowing when it is time to tell my manager, in this case our director of pastoral care that I am not doing well. Yet, sometimes even when I know I’m not doing well I won’t stop. I will push myself to the point of physical and emotional collapse. I hit this point last week following a month of family illness, end of life planning for my dad, a medical emergency with Judy and several very demanding weeks at work where I put in a huge amount of hours because the job had to get done. I hate to leave something undone or have to leave something for someone else to do. I don’t like to be taken out of a game. My first Navy tour after 17 ½ years in the Army I was my Division Chaplain’s relief pitcher. I ended up taking several battalions because their chaplains either got in trouble or were pulled for another assignment. Likewise I was given the task of working with young guys who had run into some kind of trouble to see if they could be salvaged.

A good manager has to recognize when his pitcher is having problems before he gets in trouble. Until the advent of relief pitchers that were primarily relief pitchers and not washed up former starters, they generally pitched deep into a game. As such many racked up huge numbers of wins, strike outs and complete games. In fact most of the top ten are guys that pitched when it was almost unheard of to bring in a reliever. Thus there are men like Cy Young who won 511 games, Walter Johnson with 473 wins and Grover Cleveland Alexander and Christy Matthewson who won 373 each. Young played 22 years and had a record of 511 wins and 316 losses. He pitched 7356 innings. He played in 906 games, started 815 games and had 749 complete games. No wonder the award for best pitcher is named after him. Cardinals Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Gibson started 482 games and completed 255 of them. In 1969 he won 20 games, 13 of which were shut outs. Gibson once reportedly said: “I used to get tired in the seventh inning too. And the manager would come to the mound and ask me if I wanted to come out. Then I would look over at the bullpen and see who was warming up. Then I would say, ‘No, I’m going to stay in.”

As baseball moved forward teams began to have more depth on their pitching staffs. Rotations were developed where pitchers pitched every 4^th game, and frequently in our era every 5^th game. Additionally since the 1970s the specialist relief pitcher has become a key part of the game. While there were relievers prior to that, the relief pitcher as a specialist did not really get off the ground until Rollie Fingers of the Oakland A’s won salary arbitration against A’s owner Charlie Finely. At that point pitchers who could come into a game on no notice in certain situations became more and more a trend. Now it is standard for a team to have long, middle and short relief specialist as well as “Closers.”

In a sense while some people may not like it, it is not a bad thing for the game. One only has to look at how many pitchers had abbreviated careers o of overuse injuries including Sandy Koufax and Dizzy Dean who are both in the Hall of Fame. If you look you can find others. This was especially true before the advent of “Tommy John surgery” when pitchers with a torn rotator cuff faced the end of their careers. As such teams became much more aware of how many pitches a starting pitcher and even relievers should throw in a game. The pitch count was developed. For a healthy starting pitcher in the middle of a season this is usually around 100 pitches. Relief pitcher counts will vary. While pitch counts are not necessarily the Gospel, there is a point in every pitcher’s career where he hits his own pitch count limit, be it in a game or a career. As Whitey Ford said: “Sooner or later the arm goes bad. It has to…Sooner or later you have to start pitching in pain.”

So you may be asking what does something arcane like the mechanics, kinetics and injuries have to do with life. As you know the Deity Herself speaks to me through baseball. This has application to those in high stress jobs where they are called on to put their lives on the line for others or deal with danger, death or tragedy in an environment where just one mistake can be fatal or where a word, gesture or throw away comment can harm someone else. The managers, supervisors or commanders of people who do such work have to be cognizant of the effects of this on their people.

I am luck, the Deity Herself has surrounded me with a number of people who can look at me and tell me to sit down even when I want to continue to keep pushing. Last Friday was one of those days. It was the culminating point of a nearly a month of personal and professional stress, lack of sleep and the lingering effects of my PTSD and chronic pain which flare up when I have exceeded my personal pitch count. My boss was away last week. However we remained in communication. I was scheduled for weekend duty, which for me I remain in house because I am not able for the most part to meet the response time for a emergency call. When my boss came back he must have checked in with several folks who k now me to see how they thought I was doing. Friday afternoon after I got home I got a call from the acting department head who told me to stay at home that my boss was going to pull my duty for me. I really needed this. However, I told him that I still could come in if needed and was told to stay home and take care of myself.

With a manager like that I will be able to keep playing my game longer. I may have occasional rough outings but I will do fine. The lesson is that everybody has their own personal “pitch count” even if they do not throw a baseball. Like my favorite theologian Harry Callahan says: “A man’s got to know his limitations.”

D-Day- Courage, Sacrifice and Luck, the Costs of War and Reconciliation

d-day-opener Omaha Beach from a Landing Craft

“Long after our time on this Earth has passed, one word will still bring forth the pride and awe of men and women who will never meet the heroes who sit before us: D-Day.” President Barack Obama at Normandy 2009

“Friends and veterans, what we cannot forget — what we must not forget — is that D-Day was a time and a place where the bravery and selflessness of a few was able to change the course of an entire century,” President Barack Obama at Normandy 2009

“The men of Normandy had faith that what they were doing was right, faith that they fought for all humanity, faith that a just God would grant them mercy on this beachhead, or on the next. It was the deep knowledge — and pray God we have not lost it — that there is a profound moral difference between the use of force for liberation and the use of force for conquest.” President Ronald Reagan at Normandy 1982

Here, in this place where the West held together, let us make a vow to our dead. Let us show them by our actions that we understand what they died for. Let our actions say to them the words for which Matthew Ridgway listened: “I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.” President Ronald Reagan at Normandy 1982

Sixty-five years ago today the liberation of France began on the beaches of Normandy. Soldiers from 6 Allied Infantry and 3 Airborne Divisions supported by an Armada of over 5000 ships and landing craft and several thousand aircraft braved weather, heavy seas and in places fierce German resistance to gain the foothold on beaches named Omaha, Utah, Gold, Sword and Juno. Over the next seven weeks the Allied soldiers advanced yard by yard through the hedgerows and villages of Normandy against ferocious German resistance before they were able to break out of the lodgment area and begin the drive across France. The fighting was bloody, most American, British and Canadian infantry battalions and regiments suffered nearly 100% casualty rates in Normandy. Replacements were fed in at a cyclic rate to make up the losses even as fresh divisions flowed ashore, but the losses were terrible. By the time the landings took place, the British having been at war for nearly five years were bled out. They had little left to replace their losses. From Normandy on the British were losing combat power at a rate that they could not make up. For the Americans there was another problem. The US High command decided to limit the Army to 90 Divisions. Many of these were committed to the Pacific and Mediterranean theaters. Likewise, American Infantry units were generally made up of the lowest caliber of recruits, led often by the poorest officers. Now this is not to criticize veterans, but it is a factor in the campaign. US Infantry Divisions with the exceptions of those previously blooded in North Africa and Sicily often performed badly in action. Some, after being manhandled by the Germans had leadership replaced and became excellent combat units. However, every new division that arrived in France after D-Day always got the worst of their initial engagement against German forces. While performance suffered there was another problem for the Americans. With the limitation in number of divisions, they stopped building infantry divisions, upon whom the bulk of the campaign depended and had little in the way of trained infantry replacements to make up heavy losses in Normandy. By late 1944 during the Battle of the Bulge the American infantry crisis was so bad that 30,000 Air Corps candidates were trained as infantry and soldiers support units such as Ant-Aircraft battalions were used to bolster infantry units. Had the Germans been able to hold out it is conceivable that the British and Americans would have ground to a halt for lank of infantry in 1945. In spite of this there was no lack of individual courage among the troops engaged; the courage and sacrifice of all who fought there should not be forgotten.

dday37 Soldiers Moving off of Utah

The human toll among the combatants both Allied and German, as well as the local populace was especially traumatic. While the American, Canadian and British people are keen to remember the sacrifices made by our soldiers we often forget the toll among the French civilian population of Normandy as well as the German soldiers, mostly conscripts, sacrificed by the Nazi regime. Normandy suffered more than any part of France during the liberation. In the months leading up to D-Day Allied Air Forces unleashed hell on Normandy to attempt to lessen potential German resistance. The Allied Naval bombardment added to the carnage ashore and once the campaign began the combined fires of both Allied and German forces devastated the region. Whole cites such as Caen were destroyed by Allied Air forces and an estimated 30,000 French civilians were killed, 3000 on D-Day alone. I think it can be said that the blood of the civilians of Normandy was shed for the freedom of all of France.

caen_ruins The Ruins of Caen-July 1944

The campaign in Normandy was one of the most viciously contested in western military history. German forces, especially Paratroops of the 2^nd, 3^rd, 5^th and 6^th Fallschirmjager Divisions, German Army Panzer Divisions such as the 2^nd, 21^st, 116^th and Panzer Lehr and those of the Waffen-SS, especially the 1^st, 2^nd and 12^th SS Panzer Divisions held the line against ever increasing Allied forces. As they sacrificed themselves Hitler refused to commit more forces to Normandy and insisted that his Army contest every meter of ground. He forbade his commanders to withdraw to more defensible positions along the Seine. His decisions actually shortened the campaign. Whatever the crimes of the Hitler Regime and Nazism, which were among the most heinous in history, one can never question the valor, courage and sacrifice of ordinary German soldiers. For those Americans who lump all Germans who fought in World War II with the evil of the Nazi regime, please do not forget this on fact. There are those today, even in this country that makes the same charge against Americans who have fought in Iraq and those at home and abroad who have labeled the US as an aggressor nation. When you judge others, know that the same standard will be applied to you someday.

tiger2falaise16hh German Tiger Tank at Falaise

Normandy was a near run thing for the Allies. First the weather almost delayed it by 2 to 4 weeks. Had that happened the Germans might have been even better prepared to meet the invasion. Likewise, the Red Army’s devastating offensive which annihilated Army Group Center in June kept the Germans from transferring additional forces from the Russian Front to Normandy. On D-Day itself there were a number of times where Lady Luck, or maybe the Deity Herself, saved the Allies from disaster. Any person who has seen Saving Private Ryan, The Longest Day or Band of Brothers knows a little bit about how close Overlord came to failure. Allied Airborne units were dispersed throughout the region after they drooped. Many units were not fully operational for more than a day as they sought to organize themselves and gather their troops. At Omaha Beach the Americans had not counted on the presence of the first rate German 352^nd Infantry Division. This division, despite being pounded by naval and air forces almost cause General Bradley to withdraw from Omaha. At Utah the soldiers of the 4^th Infantry division escaped a similar mauling by landing on the wrong beach. Had they landed at the planned beaches they would have ran into the same kind of resistance from well dug in German forces. At Gold Juno and Sword British forces benefitted from confusion in the German command which kept the 21^st Panzer Division from descending on the British forces and quite possibly splitting the British zones. The Allies benefitted from the absence of Field Marshall Erwin Rommel, Commander of Army Group B who because of the ad weather assumed no invasion was possible and travelled to German to celebrate his wife’s birthday. Finally, and perhaps most important they benefitted by Hitler’s refusal to immediately commit forces, including his Panzer reserve to defeat the invasion at the beach head.

Bild 101I-587-2253-15 German Paratroops or Falsschirmjaeger in Normandy

For those who fought in Normandy and those civilians who lived through it the memories are still vivid. Many suffer the effects of PTSD, grief and other wounds, physical, emotional and spiritual. When one is exposed to the danger and destruction of war, the smell of death, the sight of burned out cities, vehicles and the suffering of the wounded and dying, it makes for a lifetime of often painful memories.

For some of the German, British and American veterans, the struggle in Normandy has given way to long lasting friendships. Those who fought against each other were soon allies as part of NATO and soldiers of nations which were once bitter enemies serve together in harm’s way in Afghanistan. The generation that fought at Normandy is rapidly passing away, their numbers ever dwindling they remain a witness to courage, sacrifice and reconciliation.

In the end it is reconciliation and healing that matters. Some scars of war never pass away; some memories are far too painful to release. Yet we strive to reconcile. In 2002 while deployed at sea for Operation Enduring Freedom I was an advisor to a boarding team from my ship. It was our job to make sure that impounded ships which were breaking the UN embargo on Iraq were not in danger of sinking, and that their crews had food, water and medical care. Since many of these ships remained at anchor for 2- weeks in the heat of the Arabian Gulf, this was important. The delays imposed by UN rules sometimes meant that the sailors of these ships grew resentful. It was my job to spend time with the Master’s of these ships to keep things calm and work out any issues that arose. On one of these ships I met an Iraqi merchant skipper. The man was well travelled, educated in the U.K. in the 1960s and in his career a frequent visitor to the US. In 1990 he was the senior captain of the Kuwaiti shipping line. Then Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. As a result of this when Kuwait was liberated he lost his job. His nation was an international pariah. Since his life was the sea he took up the only job possible to support his family, what he knew best, captaining ships. He was most apologetic for the trouble that he and others like him caused us. We shared much during those visits. One of his daughters was in medical school and other children in university. He longed for the day when Iraq would be free. On our last talk before his ship was released he remarked to me “I hope one day we will meet again. Maybe someday like the American, British and German soldiers after the war, we can meet in a pub, share a drink and be friends.” I too pray for that. Maybe someday we will. I only hope that he and his family have survived the war and are doing well.

Dinner w BG Sabah Beginnings of Reconciliation: Old Enemies, New Friends General Sabah and Me, Ramadi 2007

God bless all those who fought at Normandy and give your peace to all who have served since then. Be with our troops as they serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. Heal the wounds of war and bring your peace to the nations. Amen

Peace, Steve+

3 Comments

Filed under Foreign Policy, History, iraq,afghanistan, Military, PTSD, world war two in europe

Tagged as 352nd infantry division, adolf hitler, afghanistan, band of brothers, caen, civilan casualties at normandy, D-Day, eisenhower, erwin rommel, falaise pocket, falschirmjaeger, gold beach, iraq, iraq oil embargo, juno beach, nato, normandy, oil smugglers, Omaha beach, operation enduring freedom, operation overlord, panzer troops, president obama, president reagan d-day speech, PTSD, reconciliation, saddam hussein, saving private ryan, sword beach, the battle of the bulge, the longest day, uss hue city, utah beach, world war two

June 5, 2009 · 19:32

D-1 Bobbing About, We Made Too Many Wrong Mistakes and Thank God for Good Managers

June 5^th 1944 should have been D-Day. Instead because of a ferocious storm that descended across the English Channel it was a day from hell on the seas for the assault troops embarked aboard troop transports, landing ships and landing craft. Now those who have never ridden out a storm at sea on anything smaller than an Aircraft Carrier or modern Cruise Ship cannot understand what the thousands and thousands of land-lubber soldiers on those ships and craft went through. In fact they cannot understand what the sailors on the very largest of the Operation Overlord armada the battleships USS Nevada, Texas, and Arkansas while the British battleships Rodney, Warspite and Ramillies also were on hand. Most of the ships in the invasion were far smaller, cruisers averaged 9000-10,000 tons, destroyers about 1,500 tons. I have served on a 9,600 ton Ticonderoga Class Aegis Guided Missile Cruiser, the USS HUE City. I have also been embarked on the USS Agerholm DD-826, a WWII era Gearing Class destroyer, and a number of other ships including landing ships such as the USS Frederick, LST-1184 and USS Mount Vernon, LSD-39. I have ridden all of these in somewhat sporty conditions. I have never been seasick. However, even seasoned sailors can be sick as a dog and hurl chunks in heavy seas. I have also been a member of a boarding party and had seas come up on us while we were away from our ship. In heavy seas things can get sporty. When I was on Hue City we hit such heavy seas that we experienced a hull fracture that required emergency repairs and a short port call. My Skipper had me go down and bless the repairs with Holy Water. We also made a transit down the Arabian Peninsula with a Cyclone on our beam. We took 15-18 foot seas on the beam for three days. Believe me Aegis cruisers are top-heavy and do not ride well in high seas. We had an epidemic of chunks during that period. Likewise even a few injuries from crew members that were thrown around. Likewise, the soldiers had to make transfers down nets and Jacob’s ladders in heavy seas. This also can be a bit sporty. It is just a tad bit exciting to jump from the deck of a ship onto a boat which is going up and down about 6-10 feet at a time. Since I have jumped from a ship that was moving to a wildly bouncing boat; my hat goes off to the land lubber soldiers who jumped from ships to landing craft in heavy seas at D-Day.

Hue City’s Sister Ship the USS Vicksburg plowing through heavy seas. We were doing the same thing

Since the ships at D-Day were far less advanced, and the largest battleship, the Rodney was only 35,000 tons, or about half the displacement of the average modern cruise ship and one third that of a US CVN. Now imagine soldiers who have never been to sea except for the trip across the Atlantic to get to England, who were riding ships and landing craft of minuscule displacement. These guys suffered, in fact many prayed to land because fighting the Germans on the beaches would be easier than what they experienced at sea.

777px-Unidentified_Allen_M_Sumner_class_destroyer_in_heavy_seas_during_Typhoon_Cobra Unidentified WWII Sumner Class Destroyer Taking Heavy Seas

So when you remember the epic events of D-Day remember that the American, British, Canadian and French Soldiers who landed on those hallowed beaches named Utah, Omaha, Juno, Gold and Sword had eaten little, hurled more and endured a hellish ride just to get shot at when they landed on the beaches. Having been shot at in Iraq I can say that it is not something that I want to do after being sick and puking my guts out. However, that might be better than puking. I have never enjoyed that…what a bulimic sees in this I do not know.

Yogi Berra once said: “We made too many wrong mistakes.” I absolutely hate making mistakes, I like to be right and I want my work to reflect excellence. The past couple of days the Deity Herself has reminded me that even I am human. The past two weeks I have worked about 132 hours, like who is counting, hours at our medical center. Part of this was due to being on duty and the other because I had to remain because of mission requirements. I had done pretty well until yesterday when at the end of the day I locked my keys in the office. I never do this, how the hell I did it I will never know, except that I had a brain fart because I was tired and pushing myself to handle a multiplicity of administrative and clinical duties over the week. Well, that was not all, my wrong mistakes continued. This morning I woke up, however since I didn’t sleep well this was not a great thing, except for the fact that I did not read my name in the obituaries of either the Virginia Pilot or the Stockton Record. I use my cell phone as my alarm clock. I have a ritual to go to work. I set what I am going to wear in one spot, pockets loaded, beat in the loops. I set my cell as my alarm and as soon as I wake up I put the stupid phone in my pocket so I will not forget it. Somehow today I didn’t do this last little bit. My phone was at home. I was so busy and tired that I didn’t notice this little omission. As I drove out of the parking garage I searched for my phone. What the hell it wasn’t there where I was sure that I had placed it. I turned my silver 2001 Honda CR-V around and drove back into the parking garage. I retraced my steps. Going to my office I called my phone. No answer. Crap. My next stop was Dr Maggard’s office. Interrupting him while he was on the phone I found the phone was not there. Damned again, double crap. Next stop was the head where I had deposited my recently rented coffee. One can never buy coffee only take a short term rental. Of course it was not there and I was damned yet again, in my exhaustion I was thinking crazy thoughts. So I went to the little Navy exchange where I had picked up a Diet Dr. Pepper for the trip home. Maude the cashier said I didn’t leave it there either. Damned, Damned, double damned and even triple damned I was pissed. I went up to the Critical Care Department Head’s office, damned even more, no phone. Crap, I was really getting upset, someone probably had it and was using. So I went to Pediatric ICU to see if by some chance I had left it there. I asked my buddy Cinda and others if they had seen it. The answer was no and I was yet again damned. So I called the phone one more time and Judy picked it up. I said “have you seen my phone?” She then said “I’m talking to you on it.” Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn and crap. I could have had a freaking V-8. I knew at this point that I was toast.

Not a Happy Camper: Too Many Wrong Mistakes

Between this comedy of errors I was working on Chief Branum’s memorial service bulletin with Commander Judy, one of our senior Nurse Corps Officers. We had it set; all I had to do was finish the bio. This I did as Commander Judy went up to work with Chief’s best friend. One problem. I was tired and had multi-tasked my ass off. Trying to answer two different phone calls, and two separate e-mails I started trying to close out the 95 different windows that I had open on my computer. I was damned yet again, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap and crap. In the process of closing all the windows I had not saved my document. All the work was gone. My brain was fried and I was pissed at myself for making so many far too many wrong mistakes. Thankfully, Commander Judy had remembered what was on the program and with the template that I provided was able to put it back together. She helped save my ass. I finally got home and was absolutely bushed.

The Deity Herself has made sure that I am taken care of even in times like this. I was scheduled for duty this weakened. For me, since I live at the cusp of the 30 minute response time I remain on campus. However, I got a call from our deputy command chaplain who told me that our Department Head, who had just returned from leave had told me to stay home that he would take my duty. Thank God for managers who who know when a pitcher has reached his limit. My boss is like this. He knows when to pull me out of the game before things get out of hand. I was making far too many wrong mistakes of exceptionally simple nature. I am really grateful for him. Once again the Deity herself looked out for this miscreant but very tired Priest.

Peace and blessings, Steve+

2 Comments

Filed under Baseball, History, Loose thoughts and musings, Military, Navy Ships, PTSD

Tagged as aegis cruiser, arabian peninsula, beach, cyclone, D-Day, HMS Ramillies, HMS Rodney, HMS Warspite, juno beach, landing craft, lost cell phones, Omaha beach, senior chief pamela branum, sword beach, ticonderoga class, USS Arkansas, uss frederick, uss hue city, uss mount vernon, USS Nevada, USS Texas, utah, we made too many wrong mistakes, yogi berra

June 3, 2009 · 17:14

Mid-Week Review-The Loss of a Shipmate, Hospital Duty is Not Easy and No Rational Thought Goes Unpunished

Today has been tough, actually it began yesterday. We lost a dear shipmate this week. Hospital Corpsman Chief Pam Branum passed away while deployed on the USNS Comfort while on a humanitarian deployment. She was the Leading Chief Petty Officer for our Critical Care Department, a great leader, genuinely nice person, and dear friend to many in our department. She was passionate about her work and her people. She set high standards for herself and worked hard to make sure that her Corpsmen were trained and became good not only what they do, but to help develop them as leaders with character. She supported the nursing staff that she worked with as a friend and mentor. She was like a mom to a lot of our staff. Her loss at the age of 41 was shocking. This has been a tough year for us in the Medical Center, back in April we lost a 4^th Year Medical Student who just in a few weeks would have become a physician and started his internship and residency here. We have lost a number of other staff members, active duty and civilian since December. When we lose them we lose part of our family. Those who have never served in the military cannot fully fathom how losses like this affect the rest of us. I will be working with our staff and helping to plan Chief’s memorial service and maybe depending on the location the funeral. Chief Branum will be sorely missed, I am still somewhat in shock. Please keep her family, friends and co-workers in your prayers. A link to the Blog of the Executive Officer of the USNS Comfort is here: http://comfort-xo.blogspot.com/2009/06/thank-you-chief-may-you-rest-in-peace.html?showComment=1244112525886#c1602797664780974312

Another aspect of this difficult year is the number of our military staff being deployed. Our “deployers” support current operations in Iraq, the Gulf, Horn of Africa and the Afghanistan surge. Many have already been deployed, are getting ready to do so or are waiting for word. Many have made other combat deployments in Iraq either with the Marines, Expeditionary Medical Facilities and Shock and Trauma units. Sometimes they are sent on joint assignments helping train Afghan and Iraqi medical personnel. Additionally they do humanitarian work in the combat zones in cooperation with Army and Air Force medical personnel. Some of these Sailors have lost their lives after leaving home and the supposed security of a hospital assignment. It is sometimes frustrating to listen to those who do not work in a place like this refer to hospital duty as easy. Our clinicians deal with life and death every day here and are called upon to deploy at a moment’s notice. They fight for life every day and sometimes when things go badly are as traumatized by the events as people in combat. It’s hard to watch someone die or suffer and realize that sometimes you can’t win. There are deaths, especially of children that I cannot get out of my head and I know from my relationships with physicians and nursing staff that they also have similar experiences. Programs are being developed to help people before they become victims of operational stress, but these are just getting off the ground. Please keep these heroes in your prayers.

I think today I was also a victim of my logical and reasonable brain. I am now a declared enemy of at least one person in the anti-abortion movement. I invested myself heavily the past three days in discussing the events of this weekend in Kansas. I will not regurgitate this here, read those posts. However there is something interesting. I basically had someone comment that “they knew whose side I was on” and pretty much labeled me as someone who is not pro-life. If they knew me they would know otherwise, but some people cannot take even constructive criticism of tactics and strategy. Sorry but the confrontational strategy has not worked over a 30 year period and the escalation of rhetoric and violence will get the whole pro-life movement labeled as a domestic terrorist organization. Hell, even David Kupelian of the ultra conservative news site World Net Daily and I agree on this.

The guy who posted to my blog even used a line that was eerily reminiscent of Colonel Jessup in A Few Good Men. “What happened to the “doctor” was wrong, it probably saved hundreds of lives.” (Comment on yesterday’s post) The person who wrote this has adopted an end’s versus means situational ethic to make the leap that the murder while wrong is okay because it stopped one person from doing abortions. Unfortunately that strategy will not stop others from doing abortions and may very well in fact lead to the dismemberment of the legislative gains of the mainstream pro-life movement which guess what will happen? It will lead to more abortions. If you make your living by fighting abortion like Randall Terry does this is a good thing. You won’t lack for work or money unless however you are doing time in a Federal penitentiary as a domestic terrorist. That aside it means as long as abortion is legal you can keep drawing a paycheck to fight it. That is the kind of thing that makes me suspicious of Mr. Terry’s motives. You use the same tactics for 30 years without any real change to the situation and then say we have to keep doing this. I have to wonder when I see this. Is Mr. Terry truly committed to life or is this a means to stay in the spotlight? I’m not accusing, just wondering. I have met Randall on a number of occasions, never by the way at any rally or event, and he can be charming. Personally he seems like a good guy to go out and get a beer with and maybe even engage in spirited discussions. However, his actions have planted a seed of doubt in my mind about his motives. If he is really committed to the pro-life cause of saving babies why does he stick with tactics that only drive potential supporters away from him? He seems to me like Generals in wars who decide to take some enemy strongpoint. They make an attack and it fails and they continue to do so until they bleed themselves dry and eventually lose the battle. The real progress in the right to life movement has not been through protest. Instead it has been through prayer, practical help to women in need and legislative efforts of pro-life men and women committed to working through legal means. These people do not vilify thier opposite numbers but seek engagement and redemption and reconcilliation. I made sure that I allowed the comment so others can see just how this mindset plays out when guys like this judge people on the pro-life who advocate less incendiary tactics.

Well I chased that rabbit for what it was worth. Anyway, things with my family in California still are difficult. My dad continues to worsen, the insurance company has been a pain in the ass causing my mom and brother much grief. I covet your prayers for them. The hospital is very busy and I have a number of very sick patients that I am caring for their families, both adults and children. Likewise, I will be trying to make sure that I care for my ICU staff and help them get through this period of shock, grief and loss. There may be a possibility of activating our SPRINT team to assist sailors in the medical center or on the Comfort and this could make things even more interesting.

In the midst of this I still deal with my own stuff. In times like this I get the “electrical current” sensation running through my body. I become more edgy, hyper vigilant and at times anxious. Sleep is still difficult. However, this too I will get through. I have completed day three in a 12 day “home-stand” at the hospital. I’ll have duty this weekend. At least the Tides are in town. I’m taking Judy to the game against Buffalo tonight. While there I will be keeping an eye on the scoreboard to see if Randy Johnson will get his 300^th career win pitching for the Giants aganst the Nationals. Only 24 major league pitchers have reached this mark and only one is active, that being Tom Glavine. I’ll post a game synopsis later.

Pray for me a sinner.

Peace, Steve+

Post Script: In spite of the threat of thunderstorm we got through the game with barely a sprinkle. The Tides beat the Bisons 5-3. Kam Mickolio got the win in relief and Jim Miler got his 13th Save. Bobby Livingston pitched 7 shutout innings but went away with a no-decision. Jolbert Cabrerra of the Tides hit a 2 run double in the bottom of the 8th to give the Tides the win. The Tides improve to 35 and 17 and lead the Durham Bulls by a game and a half in the International League South, Despite the loss of several pitchers as well as Outfielder Nolan Reimold and Catcher Matt Wieters to the Orioles the Tides with a bunch of AA promotions from the Bowie Baysox continue to win. It is fun to see a team that plays in an organization that has a solid farm system.

Speaking of teams that don’t the Bison’s are now the AAA affiliate for the NY Mets. They have the worst record in the International League. The Mets as they did in Norfolk have no hot prospects and many of their players are former major leaguers The sad thing is that Buffalo under the Indians had a consistently good team. The city is not happy with the Mets. Join the club Bison fans. It sucks to be the Mets AAA affiliate.

Second Post Script: The “Big Unit” Randy Johnson and the Giants had their game with the Nationals postponed by rain. The game will be made up Thursday as a part of a double-header. Johnson will get his chance for 300 tomorrow. Meanwhile the Braves released Tom Glavine. This could be the end of the line for the future Hall of Fame Pitcher.

Third Post Script: The rain which held off throughout the game decided to hit after we got home. This happend to coincide with our little dog Molly’s trip to hunt for squirrels and do her evening business. She hates rain and started barking to be let back in. The wet little dog got the payment of her cookie, gave us a good laugh and started playing with aplush toy fox that looks somewhat like her. She is funny.

3 Comments

Filed under alzheimer's disease, Baseball, ER's and Trauma, healthcare, iraq,afghanistan, Military, philosophy, Political Commentary, pro-life anti-abortion, PTSD, Religion

Tagged as a few good men, abortion, afghanistan, Air Force, anti-abortion, Army, bobby livingston, buffalo bisons, Chief Petty Officer Pam Branum, colonel nathan r jessup, david kupelian, death and loss, expeditionary medical facilities, george tiller, harbor park, horn of africa, hospital corpsmen, iraq, jim miller, jolbert Cabrera, kam Mickolio, kansas abortion protests, marines, matt wieters, nolan Reimold, norfolk tides, operation rescue, operational stress, pro-life movement, PTSD, randall terry, randy johnson, shock and trauma units, sprint team, traumatic injuries, US Navy, USNS Comfort, World Net Daily

May 28, 2009 · 21:27

Going Nuclear….Kim Jung Il, Carlos Zambrano and Padre Steve get Sporty

This week we witnessed a couple of big explosions, that of a nuclear test conducted by North Korea and one at Wrigley Field conducted by Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano. Both were pretty sporty. However, there the difference is more than one being the test of a weapon of mass destruction and the other an emotional response after a close play at home. One was a deliberate premeditated act and the other in some sense a “crime of passion.” They are very different types of acts.

North Korea under the despotic Kim Jung Il decided to give the big fat flying middle finger to the United States, South Korea, Japan, China and Russia. It is interesting that even the Russians and Chinese seem kind of pissed about what the boy named Kim did. Kim now known as the “Great Leader” having been promoted from simply the “Dear Leader” is kind of wacky but in a dangerous sort of way. The surly North Koreans then decided that they no longer considered the 1954 armistice valid. This of course raised the pucker factor on the Korean peninsula and Japan. Nukes are serious stuff, ask the Japanese. I remember back in 2002 when my ship, the USS Hue City was deployed supporting Operation Enduring Freedom the Indians and Pakistanis came perilously close to a nuclear confrontation. We were in between the Indian and Pakistani fleets and their patrol aircraft buzzed us frequently. It was as my Captain said “A bit sporty.” Back in my days as a Company XO and Company Commander in Cold War Germany we waited for the day that the Russian would come across the Fulda Gap. While there I was trained as a Nuclear, Biological and Chemical (NBC) Defense Officer. The training was kind of cool. We got to learn how much radiation, measured in “Rads” that we could take and live. We learned about blast effects, fallout patterns and decoding EAM’s. The really cool yet scary thing was that the 1:50,000 maps we used to plot the fallout patterns showed our housing areas. It really brought home that this was not a game. When the nuclear plant at Chernobyl had its little meltdown the radiation cloud actually went over where we lived. I think this is why some people refer to me having a “glowing” personality. So what the nutty North Koreans have done is kind of serious. Of course they do crazy stuff all the time, but this appears to be their first successful nuke test and significantly raises the stakes. Of course I want this to pass as it is baseball season and for the first time I have season tickets. I don’t want a huge war to screw this up. Of course I want it to not happen at all, but if it does I would prefer it to wait until after the baseball season is over.

Speaking of baseball, Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano was suspended for six games following this meltdown.

http://cubs.fandome.com/video/112492/Carlos-Zambrano-Tantrum-May-27-2009/

Now I will not cast stones at Zambrano. He plays with passionate fire and really strives for excellence. I have seen him pitch and he is amazing. I love to watch him and only wished that he pitched for the Giants. I have a passion for what I do and want to be the best at that I can. Like Zambrano I have had similar meltdowns when I have felt like I was getting screwed, be it by an umpire or someone else. I have been tossed from church softball games, pulled aside by coaches and when I watch Zambrano doing his thing I want to hide because I have done this before…well I didn’t take a bat to a Gatorade cooler, but had we had one I might have. I have thrown things, kicked dirt on umpires and got in people’s faces. As noted in a previous post when I was in the Army I got thrown out of the officer advanced course and did not help myself by having a Zambrano like meltdown in the process. I was so lucky to have Chaplain Rich Whaley save me on several occasions both when I got thrown out and when I was the assistance course leader of my Chaplain Officer Basic Course. With my PTSD I had a number of meltdowns at the tail end of my Iraq tour, before I knew I was whacked out, and have had my moments since I came home.

Now to be fair to me, I am not proud of those kind of outbursts. I usually feel worse afterward because I don’t like being out of control. I like to control my emotions and stay calm. I am like a Romulan in that aspect. I try to keep myself in perfect control but can blow it big, unlike my Vulcan cousins. I have been fortunate. First I had people who helped ensure that I did not destroy my Army career. Likewise, I have had a number of people in my life since I have come back from Iraq help me learn to manage this. In fact I was able to step back from the brink at one Chaplain Conference where I thought the main presenter had ambushed me and violated essential facets of how cases are presented. I discussed the matter with my colleagues and run a plan by my Department Head on how to publicly address the situation, get my point across and not look like an ass in doing so. It was like doing a “brush back” pitch rather than a “bean ball.” I was controlled and afterward got out before I could do anything stupid while department head smoothed ruffled feathers. The audience was pretty much in a state of shock when I did this, many in sat in silence as I finished and a number of my colleagues who felt the same way as I applauded when I finished. I left the room and a colleague came out with me and walked with me for a while to make sure that I was okay. I avoided going nuclear. I didn’t get tossed this time. It was a victory. At the same time I know that when I start playing softball or old man baseball again I will get fired up, and probably like Zambrano tossed out. If I go into coaching I will probably have arguments with the umpires and hopefully they will not be like this classic Minor League blow up…talk about nukes. This one is for the ages:

http://www.fandome.com/video/102293/Mississippi-Braves-Manager-Goes-Crazy/

Anyway, I do thank the Deity Herself from keeping me safe from my own tirades and am glad for all those who help me stay in the game and keep my head now. Because of them and others who have both helped and protected me in the past I hope to be able to mentor and teach others.

Peace, Steve+

Memorial Day 2009- Thoughts and Musings

I am again at the Medical Center on duty, but this not a bad thing. Before I begin my post I want to direct you to the post of the Abbess of the Abbey Normal and her thoughts on this Memorial Day. Her post is linked here: http://abbeynormalabbess.wordpress.com/2009/05/25/memorial-day-musings/

I Have also posted several links in this article. Peace, Steve+

Conaway Cemetery Portsmouth Naval Medical Center

I have been thinking a lot about the significance of Memorial Day the past week. I think about it more now than I used to. Now I have always thought a lot of it and observed it the best that I could. Yet having now been “boots on the ground” in Iraq travelling about the battlefield to take care of the spiritual needs of American Marines and Soldiers serving as advisers with the Iraqi Army, Police and Border forces it has more meaning. I am now a combat veteran. Last year I joined the VFW. I came back from the war different, PTSD kind of goons you up sometimes. I spent most of the past 15 months dealing with this, not sleeping and being in chronic pain. I’m now doing much better. In part this is due to the support I have at home and a work and the fact that I am no longer isolated. Being on staff at our Naval Medical Center has been good for me and I do not resent being the Duty Chaplain on this Memorial Day. I have far too many wonderful people I work with here to think anything like that. It is an honor to serve here with such fine people, Physicians, Nurses, Chaplains and other medical and support staff.

Another View Conaway Cemetery

Today has been really good no matter how the night goes. I participated in the annual Memorial Day observance at the historic Naval Cemetery on our grounds. It is but a mere two acres of land and dates to 1838 when it was established to allow the remains of those who died far from their homes repose. It has Navy Sailors, Marines and their families. It also holds the remains of Sailors from Great Britain, Russia, Germany, Japan and Brazil who died in the Norfolk area. Additionally the remains of Sailors of the Confederate States Navy are buried here. The service was organized by the Local Chapters of the Fleet Reserve Association, supported by the local Boy Scout troops and attended by veterans, active duty members and dignitaries from the City of Portsmouth City Council and a State Senator. It was a simple yet moving ceremony which involved a wreath-laying as well as Amazing Grace played on the Bagpipes and Taps. Our Color Guard presented the colors and our Commanding Officer, Rear Admiral Kiser was the guest speaker. Local news services were on hand to televise it, just as they televised others services throughout the region. One of these was on the Battleship USS Wisconsin which is the centerpiece of the local maritime museum at Norfolk’s Nauticus venue.

Our hospital is interesting. It dates to 1826 and is the first Naval and for that matter military hospital in our country. The motto here is First and Finest. Building One is the original hospital. It has a glass dome which at one time lighted the operating theater. It now is our command building with other administrative offices. The hospital has served in peace and war and was instrumental in the 1850s in caring for the victims of the Yellow Fever epidemic. It is now a teaching hospital and multi-faceted medical center with a national reputation.

The time at the service was neat as I mixed with our veterans of World War Two, Korea, Vietnam, Desert Storm and the current wars. Many proudly displayed their medals, ribbons and badges. When the National Anthem was played these men and women saluted as smartly as when they were on active duty. Many are involved with local veterans groups and some are volunteers at our hospital taking time to care for the needs of our patients and families. Among the dignitaries was Councilman Charles Whitehurst who is a member of the small historically black Episcopal Church where I worship. Mr. Whitehurst enlisted in the Marines in 1955 and rose through the enlisted ranks to Sergeant, was appointed as a Warrant Officer and the Commissioned as an Officer. He retired as a Major after Vietnam. Afterward Admiral Kiser was the Grand Marshal of the Portsmouth Memorial Day Parade, which is the oldest and longest running in the nation. A link to a local station’s coverage of this event is here: http://www.wvec.com/video/index.html?nvid=364992&shu=1

I was able to catch a glimpse of President Obama’s wreath laying at Arlington National Cemetery where in in short and solemn remarks he noted: “Why in an age when so many have acted only in pursuit of narrowest self-interest have the soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines of this generation volunteered all that they have on behalf of others,” he said. “Why have they been willing to bear the heaviest burden?”

“Whatever it is, they felt some tug. They answered a call. They said ‘I’ll go.’ That is why they are the best of America,” Obama said. “That is what separates them from those who have not served in uniform, their extraordinary willingness to risk their lives for people they never met.”

I think that his remarks were perfect and honored those who serve now and those have gone before us.

The last service of this type that I attended was at the US Cemetery at Belleau Wood, France. It is the site of the battle in which the Marines in their first battle of World War One turned back the assault of the German Army which was advancing on Paris and launched a counter-attack. I was with Marines of the Marine Security Forces who were conducting a joint memorial service with French Marines. The next day I visited Normandy with the Marines and taught classes to them on the battle, looking at it from the German perspective. The day prior to the service I taught parts of the “staff-ride” of the battlefield discussing various aspects of World War one tactics, weaponry and equipment.

With Marines at Normandy

This is also most likely the last Memorial Day that my father will be alive. He served as a Navy Chief Petty Officer and retired in 1974. In 1972 he served “boots on the ground” at the city of An Loc which was surrounded for 80 days by the North Vietnamese Army. He was my inspiration to serve in the military. There are many veterans of World War Two, Korea and Vietnam who like him are in the twilight of their lives. I do pray that all will be remembered this Memorial Day. I was able to be with him the week before last. I expect it will be the last time that I see him.

Ted Williams as USMC Aviator

One interesting thing that I want to mention before I close was the effort that many professional ball players made back in World Wars One, Two and Korea. Some of the top players of all time gave up some of their prime playing years to serve. Christy Matthewson served in the Army in France during World War One. He was gassed and developed Tuberculosis and died at the age of 45 in 1925 never playing again. Yogi Berra served as a Navy Gunners Mate at D-Day. Ted Williams served in both WWII and Korea as a Marine Corps fighter pilot. He lost nearly 5 seasons to his service. One who studies statistics in baseball might want to extrapolate the numbers that Williams might have had if he had played on instead of serving. Hank Greenberg the first Jewish Major League superstar was drafted in 1940 and released just before Pearl Harbor when Congress voted to send men over 28 home. He then re-enlisted, was commissioned and served in the China-Burma-India Theater. Joe Dimaggio enlisted in the Army Air Force and served 2 ½ years from 1943-1945. Bob Feller volunteered for the Navy on December 8^th 1941 and spent 4 seasons on the USS Alabama as a gun captain. Pee Wee Reese served in the Navy in the Pacific while Jackie Robinson served as an Army Officer and Larry Doby served in the Navy before breaking the color barrier to play Major League baseball. Whitey Ford, Willie Mays, Eddie Matthews and Ernie Banks were all called up for Korea along with Williams. Roy Gleason of the Dodgers was the last player to earn the Purple Heart as an Army Sergeant in Vietnam. Of course the world has changed. We have an all volunteer military no current Major League players, or for that matter NBA, NFL or NHL players serve in the military but many donate time and money to support military members and their families including Giant’s pitcher Barry Zito and Orioles pitcher Jamie Walker. Working with USAA these men have founded a non-profit group called “Strikeouts for Troops. A link to that organization is here: http://video.yahoo.com/watch/3462236/9644105

Pat Tillman a defensive back for the Arizona Cardinals enlisted after 9-11 and was killed during a “friendly fire” incident while serving as an Army Ranger in Afghanistan. He has been the only NFL, MLB, NHL or NBA player to volunteer for active duty in the current war.

Here are a few links to some baseball and veteran stories:

Link to video of Baseball Hall of Fame Player Monte Irvin talking about his service in World War Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKERxyAbg1w and link to Indians and A’s player Lou Brissie’s WWII experience: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFwAXNR9q-k Jerry Coleman on his Marine Corps time as a dive bomber pilot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUlBgBxaWoY

Bob Feller’s, Buck O’Neal and Phil Rizzuto’s WWII memories: http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=bob+feller+american+veterans+&n=21&ei=utf-8&js=1&fr=yfp-t-105&tnr=20&vid=0001463818096 and here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRyILkx_c2U

Link to Rick Monday’s saving the flag at Dodger Stadium in April 1976: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrV8QPQAhxo&feature=related

Let us remember our veterans, especially those who gave the last full measure to serve our country. Support the Honor and Remember flag campaign as well as the “Blue Star” and “Gold Star” families whose loved ones currently serve or have died on active duty in this time of war.

Peace, Steve+

1 Comment

Filed under Baseball, History, iraq,afghanistan, Military, PTSD, vietnam

Tagged as afghanistan, an loc, arlington national cemetary, barak obama, barry zito, belleau wood, bob feller, buck o'neil, christy matthewson, conaway cemetery portsmouth, eddie matthews, ernie banks, fleet reserve association, gold star flag, hank greenberg, honor and remember flag, iraq, jackie robinson, jamie walker, jerry coleman, joe dimaggio, korean war, larry doby, lou bissie, marine security forces, memorial day, monte irvin, normandy, operation desert storm, pat tillman, pee wee reese, portsmouth city councilman charles whitehurst, portsmouth memorial day parade, portsmouth naval medical center, PTSD, rear admiral bob kiser, rick monday, roy gleason, strikeouts for troops, ted williams, usaa, vfw, vietnam war, whitey ford, world war i, world war ii, yellow fever, yogi berra

Category Archives: PTSD

The Gifts of PTSD: Insomnia is a Terrible Thing to Waste and the Hidden Value of Hyper-vigilance

Where were You When…? The Death of an Icon and Its Impact in Our Lives

The Eve of 26 Years of Marriage

A Healing Community Grieves-Portsmouth Naval Medical Center Experiences Yet another Tragic Death

Everybody has a Pitch Count…Good Managers Know When You’ve Reached It

D-Day- Courage, Sacrifice and Luck, the Costs of War and Reconciliation

D-1 Bobbing About, We Made Too Many Wrong Mistakes and Thank God for Good Managers

Mid-Week Review-The Loss of a Shipmate, Hospital Duty is Not Easy and No Rational Thought Goes Unpunished

Going Nuclear….Kim Jung Il, Carlos Zambrano and Padre Steve get Sporty

Memorial Day 2009- Thoughts and Musings

Welcome!

Subscribe to Padre Steve's World

Comment Policy

Padre Steve’s World on Facebook

What’s Hot

Padre Steve's Inglorius Statistics

Recent Articles

The Vault: Padre Steve’s Archives

Categories

Blogs I Follow

Category Archives: PTSD

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Welcome!

Subscribe to Padre Steve's World

Comment Policy

What’s Hot

Padre Steve's Inglorius Statistics

Recent Articles

The Vault: Padre Steve’s Archives

Categories

Blogs I Follow