I have always believed that faith and life are connected. When I returned from Iraq and suffered a major spiritual crisis that left me for all intents and purpose an agnostic it was frightening. In the nearly three years since I returned I have experienced the depths of spiritual despair as well as a slow recovery of faith. The faith that I have now is similar in the essentials to what I have believed but I have become more tuned to the suffering of others as well as some of the injustices committed by fellow believers in the name of their faith. Since my return I have been appalled at the level of hatred shown by people that claim the name of God towards those that they find repugnant. While all of us saw how Muslim Extremists killed in the name of God and attempt to subject those not like them to their laws there are such people in every religion, even some of my brother and sister Christians. That was one of the more disconcerting things that I experienced and was a factor in my psychological and spiritual crash.
As a result of this I have attempted to integrate the practice of faith with life in more than simply religious ways. It has been difficult and I have to say that I still have a lot of rough edges and room for growth. These essays deal with my spiritual journey and I hope that they are helpful to those that suffer from a loss of faith, a faith crisis or suffered spiritual, emotional and even physical abuse by religious authority figures or religious organizations. I know that they are many because I meet them every day and because I have been through what I have been through I have a hard time criticizing or finding fault because I know the pain that goes with this loss.
In addition to the personal journey there are the theological, philosophical and social justice issues that became real for me after my return from Iraq. As I became more reflective as I looked at faith and how I saw the Church and individual Christians say and do some pretty un-Christian thins I began to write about those issues. Some of these articles are very serious and others thank God are full of my irreverent humor as could not ignore the irony or dark humor of the events or behaviors that I chronicled. As I re-read some of these posts I notice that even in the darkest times that humor was a saving grace especially back in early 2009.
I have organized these essays into a number of broad categories but there may be some overlap. I Looking back at these articles I found that I had written a lot more about faith and life than I remembered. I do hope that the God will use these writings in the lives of others.
May the Most Holy Trinity be your defense in darkness, the love of the Father enfold you, the love of the Son save you and the love of the Spirit fill you with every grace. Peace my friends,
Padre Steve+
My Journey
God in the Empty Places…Padre Steve Remembers the Beginnings of Padre Steve’s World
Faith Journey’s: Why I am Still a Christian
Star Trek, God and Me 1966 to 2009
Advent 2010: Looking Back, Looking Forward
Raw Edges: Are there other Chaplains out there Like Me?
Thoughts on the Occasion of getting ready to Transfer
A Tangled Mass of Emotions: Dad, the Boss, an ICU Death and the All-Star Game
How Baseball Helps Padre Steve Make Sense of the World
She knew that it was Time….Padre Steve’s Reflections on Pastoral Care Residency
A Sea of Contradictions: My Life and Faith since returning from Iraq
Jousting at Windmills: The Quixotesque Life of Padre Steve
Blowouts…The Days (or years) you want to forget…But Need to Learn From
Sometimes You Wanna go Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Baseball Beyond Life and Death in the ICU
Yes Friends, God Really Does Speak to Me Through Baseball
Doubt and Faith: My Crisis in Faith and Why I am Still a Christian an Advent Meditation
Back in Commission: Padre Steve’s Long Journey Back
Dad’s Gift of Baseball to Me…a New Season Begins
Bull Durham- Crash Davis and Journeymen Like Me
A Melancholy Christmas Eve 2010
Thoughts on the Church and Contemporary Controversies
Christian Grinch’s: How the Puritans nearly stole Christmas
Reforming the Church Today Part One: By their Budgets Ye Shall know Them
So God gets the Blame for Dropped Passes….the Prosperity Gospel strikes again
Padre Steve’s Flashback to Early Contemporary Christian Music
Flickering Flames: Clergy Burnout in America in 2010
High Crimes and “Miss” Demeanors: The Catholic Church Equates Women’s Ordination with Pedophilia
Religious Freedom…Do We Really Want or Believe in It?
Thoughts on the National Day of Prayer Controversy
Glenn Beck Attacks the Churches and Threatens Religious Liberty
Gordon Klingenschmitt Calls Admiral Mullen a “Liar”
Vindictive Angry Christians: When Faith is subordinated to a Political Agenda Redemption Dies
The Heretic: Padre Steve Critiques the Christian Sub-Culture
Pat Robertson the Devil and Haiti
Halloween Book Burning Update: Bring the Marshmallows Please!
I Won’t Eat Tripe…Especially the Religious Kind: An Encounter on a Social Networking site
This is Nuts…The “Conservative Bible Project”
Oh Lord Stuck in Lodi Again….Gordon Klingenschmitt does Lodi
I Think I Feel a Sermon coming on…How Some Churches Stopped Caring and the Neglect of Pastoral Care
Revisting the Political Captivity of the Church
You Arrogant Ass, You have Killed Us! Randall Terry and the Destruction of the Pro-Life Movement
Randall Terry and the Death of the Pro-Life Movement
Oral Passes, Tiger Crashes, Baseball Dances and Odd Thoughts
The Manhattan Transfer: Why I Cannot Sign the Manhattan Declaration
A Christian Defense of the Rights of Moslems and Others in a Democracy (or Constitutional Republic)
Crossing the Rubicon- The Killing of Dr Tiller and the End of the Pro-Life Movement
How Pro-Life People Make Themselves Look Like Idiots
Winning Well and a Good Christian Death
The Wacky World of Televangelists Part One: The Networks
Christians are not above the Law: Dangers of Civil Disobedience
The Meeting Jesus and the Team Series
Meeting Jesus and the Team at 7-11
A Death, a Rain Delay and a Visit from Saint Pete
Thoughts on the Liturgical Year
Advent 2010: Looking Back, Looking Forward
Struggling with Faith and God at Easter
Musings on Lent and Holy Week…The Recovery of Joy in Doing Theology and Living
Holy Saturday….Living in the Uncomfortable Middle
Good Friday…Ecce Homo! Behold the Man
Palm or Passion Sunday…the Paradox of the Triumphant Entry and the Cross
Lenten Journal: Passion Sunday
Survivng Lent: Take advantage of the Feast Days
Holy or Maundy Thursday….Pausing to Reflect on Communion
Difficult Days: A Lenten Meditation
Giving Up Ideology for the Cross…Entering Into Lent
Faith, Hope and Identity a Mid-Lent Meditation
Ash Wednesday…Padre Steve’s Lenten Survival Tips to Make this a Happy Lent
The Last Week of Lent: Mediation on Life, Love and Public Witness
Lenten Math: Lent is not as long as you think
One Week Warning: Lent Begins Next Wednesday
The Feast of Stephen the Second Day of Christmas and the Octave of Christmas et al
Alleluia! Memories of Easter…Past and Present
Odd thoughts on Faith
Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Heck and Helven…Choices for Eternity
Visiting the Super Holy International Temple: The Ten Pretty Good Suggestions
Discerning the Second Coming: The Cubs are the Key
Comebacks in Baseball and Life: 27 Outs- the Baltimore Orioles teach us a Lesson in Life
I like Jesus very much, but He no help with Curveball
Padre Steve’s World Series Prediction and Book and Bible Burning Update
So this is it what it feels like to be the Anti-Christ…Cool
Saturday Morning Distractions-Jehovah’s Witnesses at the Door
The Inglorius Padre Steve's World 
I see alot of WAH, WAH, WAH and very little of Jesus Christ or God on this site.
Such a wonderful Christian you are. No wonder people are fleeing to church. You are welcome to come back but i will not tolerate abuse of any kind. You want a dialogue i’m okay with that. You want to spead your hate for others that fon’t agree with you, write your own blog and kerp your poisonous hateful and disrespectful words and attitude away from here.
Completely agree with you Steve. What a useless comment. Let’s hope that Sam never becomes a counselor, much less a crisis/EMT sort. Geezzz, the ‘death rates’ would sky rocket, huh? 😬😉
I have followed David Wilkerson some 30 years. I was shocked to read your presumed opinion regarding his death. To even put that out there for others to believe was even possible, that David Wilkerson would intentionally take his life and quite possibly his wife’s life, is unspeakable!
I do believe David Wilkerson was under much attack by satan and the higher authority at Times Square Church in judgement of pretty much rejected the walk David Wilkerson walked in his own life as Matthew 7:13 speaks of. This path leads to much sorrow and suffering in a believers life. The “Mega” churches do not preach this message, the people who sit in the pews for the “Prosperity” teaching don’t want to walk this path to Christ.
David and Carter Conlon have both taught this truth and there are many people who just don’t care to hear what they may have to give up to enter into an obedient walk with God. The devil is out to sift like wheat those that have the courage to speak out about the narrow path to Jesus Christ.
There are not many courageous Pastors like David Wilkerson and Carter Conlon whom are teaching this message. The majority in the mega churches love the entertainment and pleasures of the world more than Jesus Christ. They pick and choose what is pleasing to the ears of many that follow them.
I do not know you and am very sorry I came upon your article and read of your opinion gathered from whatever you picked and chose in your research and appears mostly from your own thoughts and reasonings.
Did you think for a moment that David Wilkerson would leave such a legacy behind! Why he would bring such pain and doubt to his family and others. Shame on you for adding to their grief! I pray one day you think before you write whom your powerful words and opinions cause others to doubt and go astray because you put those doubts of God being in control of a surrendered life such as David Wilkerson’s.
I allow your comments but won’t answer your you. I saw the policy reports, the autopsy reports, and the photos from the scene. I still have them. I have also been part of a good number of accident investigations. His son contacted me privately to thank me for what I wrote. I admired him, but I didn’t idolize him. He’s been with the Lord almost a decade. Let it be. My final word.
Cussing in church?
A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, “I would
like to join this damn church. “The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir.
I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?” “Listen up, damn it. I said
I want to join this damn church!” ” I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language
is not tolerated in this church. “The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the
pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary
does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office
and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks
in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of
this damn money.” “I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”
End Of The American Dream
Life As You Have Known It Will Never Be The Same Again…
Is The Drama Unfolding In New York Setting The Stage For David Wilkerson’s “Thousand Fires” Prophecy To Be Fulfilled? November 1, 2021 by Michael Snyder
Michael,
In the 1980’s I was a close neighbor and member of David Wilkerson’s home church in Lindale, Texas. David witnessed the death of his close friend, Keith Green, in a horrific airplane crash just a mile away from his home. A few years earlier the daughter of his friend, Oral Roberts, was killed in an airplane crash. An unhealthy fear overcame David as he imagined himself likewise perishing in an airplane crash. Therefore, avoiding unsafe air travel, David purchased a chauffeured driven $700,000 luxury motor coach which towed his trailered Rolls Royce. David felt safe within the enhanced security of his impressive vehicles.
I privately shared the following admonishments of God’s Word with David Wilkerson:
Proverbs 10:24 What the wicked man dreads will overtake him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted. When the whirlwind passes, the wicked are no more, but the righteous are secure forever.
Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is set securely on high.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. The one who fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us.
Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and others in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They collapse and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.
Psalm 33:17 A horse is a vain hope for salvation; even its great strength cannot save you.
Proverbs 1:25 Because you neglected all my counsel, and wanted none of my correction, in turn I will mock your calamity; I will sneer when terror strikes you, when your dread (i.e. fear of a fatal crash) comes like a storm, and your destruction like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish overwhelm you.
During David Wilkerson’s next Sunday morning home church gathering, he publicly mocked me by saying that I imagined myself to be a prophet. He jestingly said that he is glad he is not a prophet, like he assumed I to be, because of the horrific sufferings and deaths they frequently endure. Wilkerson declared that I was of a different spirit than they were, and therefore cast me out of his Lindale, Texas home church fellowship. As I departed, I warned David Wilkerson that his ungodly fear of being killed in a violent crash would surely be rewarded to him. For he idolatrously trusted his life’s safety would be secured within the extravagant vehicles he had purchased. David Wilkerson’s carnal-minded ‘Xian’ faith could not comprehend the eternal-security that is only found in the omnipotent hands of the Lord’s saving grace.