I’m going to bed. I’m tired, but for the first time in recent memory I have has two weeks without an emotionally crash. Since it was two years ago this week that I returned from Iraq this was sort of a surprise. It was even more of a surprise due to having oral surgery to put in an implant and a heated discussion with my mom which normally of itself would have sent me on a emotional trip down the sewage pipe of life. Even that did not end up a disaster and even to some degree allowed us to be honest and get past the emotion of the moment and actually listen to each other. Another miracle?
It began shortly before Christmas when I was expecting to have a miserable Christmas full of full dreams. nightmares, insomnia, anxiety attack, rages and dare I say….oh dare…depression. Instead I experienced Christmas Miracle. We;; the Octave of Christmas is over and not only did I experience the miracle of a noce Christmas, it continued, despite having oral surgery just days later.
Now I did have some anxiety about the implant surgery. Being that I am just a tad knowledgeable about risks and potential complications it is a miracle that I didn’t obsess and make myself crazy. In fact I was talking with one of my favoroite intensive care doctors in the ICU about it and and he asked me if I thought about the potential risks and complications as we discussed the infection that I experienced subsequent to the surgery. When he found out that I did think about these things he said it was amazing what being on the “other side” was like. I had a number of other physicians and nurses comment on my experience of being a patient and what I remembered and did not remember while sedated. So I am glad that I wrote them down and published them.
As far as the surgery, I ended up getting an infection at the site and my oral surgeon made a quick intervention with a large does on IV antibiotics on Tuesday morning. Today he was please to tell me that it looked that the infection was gone and that I was getting better. Since the pain has lessened and I am not having any more major malfunctions I think that I believe him.
The past two weeks has been exhausting, but for the first time since I returned from Iraq it was not due to emotional or spiritual crisis, but just simply the physical recovery from surgery and physical exhaustion. Even yesterday where I had a very busy on call which involved dealing with two deaths and 3 other patients who have a very good chance of dying today or in the next few days, one of whom I administered Last Rites to did not sent me down an emotional abyss. Instead I can say that though very tired I felt the grace of God and despite being on the run much of the night and well into the morning was back in my element. For the first time that I can remember this kind of night did not pull the emotional stuffing out of me.
So maybe I am getting better and for that I am grateful. Tonight I’m heading to bed way early for me. That is alright. I need the sleep and actually think that I will sleep. Next week will be challenging. For part of at least two days I will be the acting department head in addition to my usual duties. I am actually looking forward to the opportunity and planning the week in my mind even now so that I am able to do all that I need to do. I don’t think that was possible just a few weeks back. I looking forward to and not dreading next week despite the fact that it will be busy and challenging. Maybe two years after the fact I am indeed getting better.
Peace and blessings