Today just a short reflection on friendship following the unexpected death of yet another friend. Today some of us gathered at our favorite watering hole who remember him, and to console each other. There were hugs, tears, and many shared memories, but there was also silence because all too often the words failed us, and all we hand was the silence, and the embrace of friends.
I value true friendship more than most anything and I am loathe to give up friends for any reason. Sadly, all too many people are willing to toss friendship aside for extreme politics or religion. I hate to say it but I have had to separate myself from people that I presumed were friends whose extreme right or left wing ideology, or religious beliefs were so toxic and seemingly uncaring about my friendship to for them that I had to withdraw.
Ulysses S. Grant who is one of my heroes with feet of clay remarked, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Grant’s ever mindful friend and subordinate William Tecumseh Sherman noted, “Grant stood by me when I was crazy, I stood by him when he was drunk. Now we stand together.”
Having endured gloom, having been what some would call crazy, and having been drunk, I understand this. One cannot put a price on true friendship, be it the steadfast friends of many years, or newer friends who maybe do not have the benefit of th years, but certainly have bonded with me and become my brothers or sisters. William Shakespeare wrote that Henry V said “We, we happy few, we band of brothers…” That is friendship. Maybe that is why as a career military man I find that friendship, especially the friendship borne of adversity matters more than anything. I can handle disagreement over politics or religion so long as I believe that the person still values and cares about me as much as I do them, and as long as that is the case I will do everything I can for them, in good times and bad.
Tonight I again watched the movie Gettysburg. In it there is a scenes where the late Richard Jordan, playing Confederate General Lewis Armistead talked of his friendship with other officers just before they went their separate ways prior to the beginning of the Civil War. He recalled a song of friendship, love, and loss called Kathleen Mouvereen. The words to that Irish song are haunting,
Mavoureen, mavoureen, my sad tears are falling, to think that from Erin and thee I must depart. It may be for years, it may be forever, then why art thou silent, thou voice of my heart…
Those words are haunting to anyone who truly loves friends in times of loss and adversity, I know that they are for me. Maybe it is just the Irish in my DNA, maybe it is also being a career military man, for truly I know little different, for being both a military officer, a priest, and a historian is what I was meant to be, honestly I cannot imagine anything else. Thus, my views and values of friendship reflect that reality.
There are many quotes and sayings about friendship and believe me I read a lot of them today, but I always return to Grant, Sherman, and my own band of brothers.
So have a good night.