Category Archives: Loose thoughts and musings

June 22, 2009 · 23:16

Love Poverty and War…Suffering and Death… Christian Theology meets Reality in the Intersections of Life

“An antique saying has it that a man’s life is incomplete unless or until he has tasted love, poverty, and war.” Christopher Hitchens

“You have not done Christian Theology until you have dealt with suffering and death” Yandall Woodfin

I deal with life in the intersection where theology has to deal with uncomfortable and often troubling questions. When I first heard my Philosophy of Religion Professor at Southwestern Baptist make the statement that “you have not done Christian Theology until you have dealt with suffering and death” I was somewhat offended. This was back in 1989 when I was still somewhat idealistic and believed what really popular preachers on radio and mega-churches said. Now I can never say that I was completely in agreement with the “name it claim it, grab it stab it, God owes me and will bless me because I did…” pop-theology of the theological lightweights masquerading as teachers, preachers and prophets. While I did not espouse it the view was prevalent in the churches that I was part of, in fact I choose Southwestern Baptist as a school because it did not tow that party line. I just never expected my professors across the board in the School of Theology to be as nuanced and balanced as Dr. Woodfin and the others who helped give me my theological formation.

In seminary I developed a very good theological understanding and life hermeneutic that was far closer to Anglicanism or the reformers of the Second Vatican Council. In fact it was theologians like Hans Kung, Yves Congar and Alistair McGrath as well as Jurgen Moltmann and Wolfhart Pannenberg who helped me in that. Additionally the writings of Dietrich Bonheoffer, Emil Brunner and Henri Nouwen were influential as I developed my theological and spiritual life. I was also thrust into the world of the Ante-Nicene Fathers of the Church, spending a semester of Systematic Theology studying and writing about Polycarp of Smyrna. It was studying these contemporary theologians as well as the Church Fathers that I discovered Christian Theology at the intersection and it was Dr. Woodfin’s remark that caused me to really question the modern “theologians of glory.” It is plainly obvious that this was in the day before the Baptist Taliban under Mullah Paige Patterson took the place over. That was the time when it was a world class seminary and not just a pretty good Bible school.

It was the fact that even though I was in seminary life was really sucky. Nothing went right. Instead of the obvious “blessing of God” it seemed that we were cursed. We had lost our home, cars, and were destitute. I was working two and three jobs while Judy was sick and unable to work. We lived in a hell hole on the east side of Fort Worth Texas, frequently featured on the TV show COPS. One night in desperation I called the Terrible Blonde Network (TBN) for prayer. For my trouble I was told that it was obvious that God was not calling me to ministry otherwise he would be blessing us. That was a watershed experience and I rejected that idea on the spot. It made me mad as hell that a well meaning but ignorant volunteer prayer partner would judge me in such a way. When I went to work later at a TV ministry doing counseling, especially to broken pastors I never forgot that experience. I realized that what the lady said and what many people that I knew espoused was God-babble bullshit. The pastors that I talked to every week were suffering, often at the hands of the alleged people of God and even other ministers. It was obscene.

So anyway, back to the subject of this article…yes I chased a rabbit there and it was intentional. I had a New Testament Professor whose “rabbits” were often pastoral and theological gems. That may not be a gem but it was a rabbit worth chasing.

Hitchens, a pretty strident atheist has some pretty good observations about how some religious people including modern Christian icons have been pretty poor examples. Now he can be biased but his bias is balanced by the Orthodoxy espoused by his brother Peter. Hitchens’ comment based on the writings of antiquity is quite true. Until a man or for that matter a woman has experience love, poverty and war their life experience is incomplete. As a personal testimony, I can say “AMEN!” I know this to be true. I am married to the love of my life and our marriage has endured suffering, sickness, death, poverty and war. We have in baseball terminology “hit for the cycle.” While I have understood this I had never seen it in writing until I saw Hitchens’ book. The theme of love, poverty and war is rich in ancient writings including the Bible. It is also thematic in many cultural rituals around the world. The warrior who loves his family endures poverty; usually famine or plague induced and then goes out to fight invaders. If they win they come home to their loved ones victors who have protected home and hearth. It is much like the movie Braveheart where William Wallace leads a campaign against the English who have invaded Scotland. If they lose, there is the strong possibility that they will be slaughtered and their families enslaved. The annals of the Punic Wars are rich in this theme as is the life of King David who knows love, poverty based on being a fugitive on more than one occasion and his life as a warrior.

I think this is true in the modern era as well. Western culture based on consumerism and material wealth has been insulated from the depths of abject poverty, one only need place a poverty and famine stricken resident of almost any third world country who is deposited in a poor American city or town and ask him if he sees poverty. If he does it will not be material poverty but one where love and community are missing. If he goes up the street to the well off part of town he may be dazzled by the opulence but appalled by the loneliness of many people. Western nations following the end of the Second World War and the recovery from it have not known the depths of poverty. This may be changing now unless we can pull our economy out of the abyss that it seems perched upon, but even still at least so far the last couple of generations in the west have not known poverty as a whole.

Likewise the question of the experience of war for the modern person is one that is not experiential. War in the west is now fought largely by military professionals while most of the nation’s population lives in the shadow and protection of their military prowess. At one time with the draft war was experienced by all parts of the population in the west. Today it is not and with that lack of experience there is a void, men and women have not discovered either how to live for something or die for something bigger than themselves. One of the things that chafes my hide is when I hear ministers who have never served a day in uniform don a set of BDUs or Dessert Camouflage and preach a sermon on spiritual warfare. Sorry, that is a sham and the big TV guys who have done this should apologize to men and women who have been in combat and in harm’s way. I once had a bishop in my church, who is no longer in his communion do an article about spiritual warfare trying to apply “principles” of Carl Von Clausewitz about war without ever really reading or understanding Clausewitz. The treasure of Clausewitz is in his “principles” but in his understanding of the human condition brought about by his Lutheran faith, the Enlightenment and his experience of Prussia’s defeat and occupation by Napoleon followed by her recovery. I was appalled by what my ex-bishop wrote and embarrassed for the church should any real soldier or military leader pick it up and read it. Things like these show how little many religious leaders, or for that matter political leaders understand the human condition, life, love and war.

Dr. Woodfin was more right right than about anyone I have ever heard when he that we have not done Christian Theology until we have dealt with suffering and death. When you see innocents killed, children suffering from famine, war and disease. When you have seen the bodies of young men and women who have died senseless deaths and when you have looked at a mother who has lost a child you begin to understand. You begin to see the Cross. An innocent man executed, a guilty man go free. When you see friends and companions abandon their teacher and friend, a governor who knows a man is innocent be put to a brutal and agonizing death, and a mother looking up at a cross where her son hangs and cries “My God my God, why have you forsaken me?” When you see these things you have to deal with the reality of where the Christian faith intersects the cold reality of our world. It is as Alistair McGrath calls it, “life under the cross.”

I dare any of our modern digital era “theologians of glory” to enter this world, but most will not. In fact they will continue to sell the sad sack of theological excrement that they call the Gospel to adoring crowds who will eventually discover that they have been sold a lie. Many leave the faith while others take their place looking for “their” promised miracle, “their” blessing and their health, wealth and fortune. Like the Catholic indulgence sellers of Martin Luther’s era, such “ministers” are blight on the Christian faith and for all of their “success” power and popularity have done more harm to the faith than benefit. John Tetzel, Luther’s protagonist would tell people when collecting indulgences “A penny in the coffer rings, a soul from Purgatory springs.” Today’s modern peddlers of pious poop promise “your prosperity grows when into our ministry you sow” or a “vow you make today God is bound to repay.”

Having seen this in real life when people buy the lie and end up devastated when “God” doesn’t come through for them, or when a well meaning but ignorant person tells them some horse shit about how God is not blessing them because….I want to scream. I once had a pastor in a large evangelical and charismatic church which believed in “signs and wonders” tell the congregation about a conversation that he had with a parishioner who had been in the hospital and not been visited by him or the staff. The parishioner, who gave a sizable amount of money to the church asked” “How sick do I have to be to get a hospital visit from you?” The pastor, a nice guy laughed as he recounted his response. “You don’t want to be that sick.” The congregation laughed and I about cried as I was immersed in daily tragedy and trauma and Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas. I knew too many people be abandoned by their pastors in a city consumed with powerful pastors as churches to believe that they were a priority for those suffering.

The truth is that many pastors and for that matter many people want to avoid dealing with suffering and death at any cost. Whole industries are built around the worship of youth and beauty and a culture, including the churches lift their heads to the sky for God’s blessing while avoiding the suffering around them. There are pastors and parishioners who by the boatload have been thrown from the “Barque of the Church” because they either failed or did not have enough “faith”

Such is not the Gospel nor is it Christian in any way shape or form. It is no wonder that so many have abandoned the faith when all they see on TV are the modern digital theologians of glory who bask in fame and fortune while adding to the rejection, alienation and despair of those who believed them to actually be telling the truth.

Love, poverty and war, suffering and death, where the Christian faith meets these in the intersection is where new life can begin for it is only through the agony of the Cross that we know the resurrection.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under alzheimer's disease, History, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, Religion

Tagged as alistair mcgrath, barque of the church, catholic indulgence sellers, christopher hitchens, dietrich bonhoffer, emil brunner, henri nouwen, john tetzel, jurgen moltman, Martin Luther, parkland memorial hospital, peter hitchens, prosperity gospel, TBN, terrible blonde network, theologians of glory, wolfhart pannenburg, yandall woodfin

June 21, 2009 · 23:43

Duty, Death, Dads, Day Games and Details

I seem to be getting ever more creative in my tiredness. Today has been and still continues to be pretty busy. I swapped duty with another Chaplain and have spent the day here at the Medical Center. It has been busy and at times sporty. It has also been a day where I have had my own struggles. This is the first Father’s Day that I have not been able to talk to my dad whose condition continues to slowly worsen from end stage Alzheimer’s disease at a nursing facility. I have been going strong most of the day with a lull during the afternoon which I was able to take advantage of for some self care. Tonight between rounds as well as patient and staff care I have not stopped. It is getting close to midnight, I know we have another coming to the ICU, so I decided to sit down, and write.

I took the duty and no sooner had the chaplain that I relieved left my office the pager went off. It was a call to go to our Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit or NICU. There was a 6 day old baby dying. I had met mom and grandmother the day after the child was delivered. She was a beautiful child but had genetic abnormalities that most expected that she would die from shortly after birth. She was a tough little kid, but finally gave up the ghost today. I was there and mom asked if I would baptize her, which I did and then commended her to the Lord as she passed away in her mother’s arms. While there I was told about another very sick baby who might not live long.

Sunday duty also entails doing the Protestant worship service if you are not a Roman Catholic Chaplain. Chaplains do the service from their faith tradition. Since my church is more on the catholic side of Anglican I use the rite out of the 1979 Book of Common Prayer as we have these on hand at our chaplain and the rite is our provisional liturgy. I have come to like it over the years. Our congregation is primarily military retirees and sailors or civilian workers who are on Sunday duty as well as patients who come down. The service is broadcasted on the closed circuit television system to patient rooms. Today we had a decent crowd and it was a good service, expect for the time my pager went off in the middle of my homily and I had to dig it out from underneath my Alb, Stole and Chasuble. My organist took it to the duty RP (Religious Programs Specialist) who contacted the caller while I finished the homily and the Eucharist.

The caller happened to be our Labor and Delivery Unit who needed me to come up and pray with a young mother to be and her parents as she got ready for a C-section. This went well and I found out later as I rounded this evening that everything went very smooth and that mother and baby are doing fine. After checking around the hospital I was able to go over to Harbor Park as it is within the 30 minute response time required of our chaplain duty on weekends. Weekdays we spend the night, weekends staying in house is optional if you live under 30 minutes away. I live on the cusp of this and on the wrong side of a bridge tunnel so I remain in house during the weekend.

Since I ave my season ticket I went to the ballpark in my cargo shorts and replica Tides orange jersey and black cap which sport’s the Tides away logo. The Tides as I noted yesterday have been in the “June Swoon.” Thankfully their closest competitor, the Durham Bulls have been doing even worse. Today against the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, the AAA affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies. Lehigh Valley had taken the first two games of the series. Today though was different, the Tides got a lead and held it. The players seemed both more relaxed and focused than they have been lately. Troy Patton, Chris Ray, Bob McCrory and Jim Miller combined for the victory, Patton getting the win and Miller getting the save. Jeff Fiorentino hit his 5th home run as well as a ground rule double and a single scoring all four Tides runs. Most of the game I spend talking life and baseball with Elliott the usher.

As soon as the game was over I raced back to the hospital changed back into uniform and began rounds. These were long and extended as there were still a number of staff who needed to discuss the events that have shaken us here the past couple of weeks as well as a number of calls to either take care of staff members or patients. Most of these have not been simple “will you pray for me” kind of stuff but major life and death, emotional or spiritual crisis involving staff, family and patients. Thus I am pretty tired but please that I can be around. We’ll see how the rest of the night goes. I do hope to catch a bit of sleep.

This was also Father’s Day. As I said it is the first that I have not been able to talk with my dad since 2002 when deployed to the Persian Gulf and off Pakistan. I have mentioned my Dad’s Alzheimer’s disease before and he does continue to worsen, but keep hanging in there. Dealing with the family of a retired Navy Chief in the ICU brought back memories of dad tonight.

And now to details. I was told that the Navy Times scandal sheet had published an article on Admiral Baker not getting his second star, something that I wrote about in the last section of last night’s post. The article gives details from the Inspector General report. The link to the article is here:

http://www.navytimes.com/news/2009/06/navy_chaplain_061909w/

This is a sad time for the Navy Chaplain Corps and for Admiral Baker and his family. His long and distinguished career has been tainted by what was discovered in the report. Please pray for him and the Chaplain Corps as we navigate these difficult times.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under alzheimer's disease, Baseball, healthcare, Loose thoughts and musings, Military, philosophy

Tagged as 1979 Book of common prayer, admiral alan blues baker, alzheimer's disease, baptism, bob mccrory, chaplain corps, chris ray, elliott the usher, father's day, harbor park, jeff fiorentino, jim miller, navy chief, navy times, nicu, norfolk tides, portsmouth naval medical center, religious program specialist, roman catholic church, troy patton

June 20, 2009 · 16:11

Kira Gets Married, the June Swoon and the Rise and Fall of Stars

kira 1 Kira Arriving escorted by her Proud Dad Tony

After having to deal with what has seemed like and unending series a series of memorial services, funerals and family medical crisis’ I finally something to celebrate. Judy and I are going to the wedding of Kira. Kira goes to the same church as Judy whose mother sings in the same choir. Kira is a choir child and occasionally will sing with them. We first met Kira when she had just graduated from high school. Even then she was a joy. She was and is one of the sweetest girls we have ever known. Of course Judy knew Kira and her family at church. I was on the road frequently and only occasionally attended the church. I got to know her better over at Gordon Biersch where she worked when Judy and I first started going there. The first time I actually met her Judy told me “THIS IS KIRA AND YOU WILL OVERTIP HER.” I did so but never regetted it, Kira always earned it. If things were not too busy and even if they were busy Kira would pull up a chair by us and just talk. Sometimes it was life, sometimes church, school or relationships but the conversation between us and Kira was something that we looked forward to every time we went to Biersch. Now we know all of the bartenders and quite a few of the servers at the restaurant, and we love them all and we pretty much overtip them as well. Kira however was something special. As she completes college I know that she will do great things. Her soon to be husband is a lucky man and is advised to take good care of Kira.

Kira is also a beautiful girl. She comes from Irish and Italian stock, but you would think that she came direct from directly from Erin. Her personal and physical beauty must have attracted guys like flies. She seems to have stepped out of an Andrew Greely Bishop Blackie mystery as the sweet and beautiful heroine who helps Blackie solve the mystery. If we had a daughter, we would want her to be Kira.

Kira will be married in the yard of her parent’s home. Her and our Priest, Fr Jim will perform the ceremony. The location is because some people attending are decidedly anti-Catholic and will not enter a Catholic church. This means of course that I will be in my clericals tonight and maybe even wear a big pectoral cross or crucifix. I seldom wear these even though my church says priests should wear silver pectoral crosses. I personally find them a bit pretentious, but in this case to help draw fire from Fr Jim and make the anti-Catholics uncomfortable I will wear this and ingratiate myself to them. Now, this will be a sacrifice for me as it will be hot and humid tonight. Today happens to be the hottest day that we have had this year the temperature will be in the mid to high 90s with a heat index of over 100 degrees. I will likely be sweating like a Boiler Technician on a World War Two cruiser in the South Pacific, probably off of Guadalcanal. I hate humidity. However tonight the cause is worthy of suffering for Jesus and I’m sure that the Deity Herself will approve. When Judy and I were married we had temps in the high 90s but we were married in California with NO HUMIDITY thank you God. There is the possibility that we could get storms so I am praying hard that at least for the duration of the ceremony that the heavens do not open as this is an open ceremony. Now I do this kind of thing a lot with the Tides with varying degrees of success. I do pray that the Deity Herself will smile upon Kira’s wedding.

kira 2 Kira and Nate

A practical implication for Kira and her very soon to be husband is that the Roman Catholic Church will not recognize tonight’s ceremony because it is not being done in a church building. The Commonwealth of Virginia will recognize this, but the church will not. So tomorrow they will have the rite done in the small chapel in the church proper. It is kind of a two step way of doing this and thankfully for the bride she has a wonderful priest who will work with her. The inside the building requirement is because of an understanding that since marriage is a Sacrament of the Church that the wedding is to be performed in a religious setting among the faithful. Complicating the situation was that Kira’s family’s home is in the boundary of another far more conservative parish that would have had to okay it, no chance of that. I do understand this requiement under Canon Law and try to follow it myself though I am not Roman; however as a Navy Chaplain sometimes I make exception to this. However I also have theological questions about the necessity of getting married in the church building. If the church is present where the Bishop is and by extension where the Priest is; and the Sacrament is performed in accordance with the Marriage Rite and proper intent of it being a Sacrament conducted by a validly ordained Priest, how can it not be valid? It seems to me that the same Holy Trinity which sanctifies the Rite conducted by the Priest is capable of doing this outside as well as inside of the church building. I’m sure that the early Catholic Church could not do this, neither the Celtic Catholic missionaries who converted much of Western Europe. They simply did not have the facilities. Likewise, the underground churches in China or Islamic nations. The Bishop or Priest was present with the faithful and that ensured the validity of the sacraments, not the location. I’m sure to get a barrage of theological criticism from the Ultra Montanes Canon Law Nazis but what do I care?

kira 3 Presentation of the Newly Married Couple

A SHAMELESSS PLUG AND FREE ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE ABBY NORMAL ABBESS: Judy contributed her part for the wedding doing a beautiful Celtic design for the bulletin covers. I saw her working on these and the detail that she puts into her work and the beauty of the finished product is simply amazing. If you need digital artwork done for almost anything, or for that matter religious statues restored or custom clergy vestments she is incredible. Some of my posts about our Wiener Dogs display her work. These are drawings and not photos if you have any questions. Contact her through the like to the Abby Normal Abbess on the blog role link on right column of this page.

Speaking of the Norfolk Tides, they are emulating the old San Francisco Giants and are experiencing a “June Swoon.” This has not been a good month for the home team. The Orioles gutted our fearsome batting order bringing Nolan Reimold, Matt Wieters and Oscar Salazar to the big team where they are all doing well. Our hitting has died, thankfully the pitching staff is still holding together. Even more importantly our closest competitor the Durham Bulls are doing even worse this month and we remain a game up in the International League South. I must redouble my prayers for the team and perhaps ask Tides General Manager Dave Rosenfeld if I can bless the bats. After all it was Yogi Berra who once said: “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?” Since Master Yogi has made this pronouncement I am sure that something has happened to the bats and that an exorcism might be due.

Finally some stars are rising and falling this week in the Navy. First the rising star: Captain Frank Morneau, my first Commodore at EOD Group Two was selected for the rank of Rear Admiral Lower Half. This is the same rank as a Army, Marine Corps or Air Force Brigadier General. There are not many EOD Officers who have risen to this rank. Captain Morneau is the second. He was great to work for and is a dynamic and energetic officer. I remember him most as being a baseball fan, actually a Yankees fan that carried a game used bat to staff meetings. Since I only carry a baseball in my digital camouflage uniform and get some looks as I toss up and down as I walk our corridors I can imagine the looks that Rear Admiral Select Morneau will get at the Pentagon or Congressional hearings on EOD issues.

The falling star is Rear Admiral Alan Blues Baker, the Deputy Navy Chief of Chaplains and Chaplain of the Marine Corps. Admiral Baker is a graduate of the Naval Academy and former Surface Warfare Officer. He was investigated by the Navy Inspector General (why we don’t have an Inspector Admiral I will never know) for an allegation of retribution and violation of the Military Whistle Blower Protection Act in regard to the FY 2008 Chaplain Captain selection board. I do not know Admiral Baker but as a career officer and chaplain in both the Army and Navy see his forced retirement and failure to become our Chief of Chaplains as yet another stain on our Corps. I wish this had never happened and will keep him and his family in my prayers even as I pray for the future leadership of the Chaplain Corps. Admiral Bob Burt who was scheduled to retire will remain in office for another year and Rear-Admiral Select Mark Tidd will assume the office as the Deputy and Chaplain of the Marine Corps as scheduled.

This issue grieves me. I remember when my Brigade Executive Officer and later acting commander Colonel Jim Wigger tell me that the Chaplain Corps in the Army was far more political and had no Ruths, being so ruthless in comparison with the Army Medical Department. The Army Medical Department was a pretty ruthless organization, so when Colonel Wigger told me that I was somewhat skeptical. He told me that I was jumping from the “frying pan into the fire” and he was right. The thing about chaplains regardless of denominational affiliation, theological background or rank is that we are expected to be above the board and exemplify integrity. If we even give the impression that we are somehow unethical or lacking in integrity then what we say means nothing because people will either not believe us or discount what we say. It creates a problem for those who are doing good things because some people will lump us all in with the wrong doer. When a chaplain falls it can create a crisis of faith in the community. It is the same as when a civilian minister falls from grace. The Catholic pedophile priests, pastors of Evangelical Mega-Churches or large ministries who are accused of financial or sexual misconduct created the same problem for civilian ministers as well as military chaplains. Admiral Baker’s fall comes on the heels of a young Chaplain named Dillman who was convicted of a number of sexual assault and improper conduct charges a couple of weeks ago. This young man once named as a Military Chaplain Association of America “Chaplain of the Year is going to Leavenworth for 10 years. A couple of years ago we had a priest who was convicted of a number of sexual assault charges by having sex with other men and not telling them that he was HIV positive. This chaplain was a “poster boy” for the Chaplain Corps and the Roman Catholic Church Military Archdiocese. Another Chaplain named Klingenschmitt was convicted of disobeying lawful orders after having engaged in a prolonged period of protest against the Navy. Klingenschmitt, who I have written about on this website before made an absolute ass out of himself by protesting the Navy in front of the White House, making spurious allegations against multiple commanding officers and lying through his teeth about “not being allowed to pray in Jesus Name.” When I was at Camp LeJeune I had to relieve two Chaplains who were kicked out of the Navy for sexual misconduct, one Protestant and one Catholic. When I was at Headquarters Battalion 2^nd Marine Division I was given charge over several chaplains who had not acquitted themselves well in order to try to help them become successful. I also saw Army Chaplains conduct themselves in less than exemplary fashion.

Of course chaplains and ministers are human and we all are flawed, as the Apostle Paul wrote “All have fouled up and fallen short of the Glory of God.” This being said chaplains and ministers while being human and free to make mistakes need to be sure that those mistakes are not those which compromise our integrity. When I was a young Army Chaplain we were told that SAM, Sex, Alcohol and Money were the three biggest issues that put chaplains out of the service in jail. Let’s add retribution to that list. It is a sad day for the Chaplain Corps. Please pray for us as individuals as well as a Corps as we walk through this valley and keep Admiral Baker in your prayers.

Peace, Steve+

Post Script: The wedding went off well, the promise of the Deity Herself to hold back the rain materizlized as she had promised. Howver it was hot and humid and though I look good in them was regretting wearing my clericals. The June Swoon con tinues for the Tides and the Bulls but the Gwinnett Braves are sneaking up and are within two games of the Tides and one of the Bulls. We have been getting some runs but need to have things come together and fast. Harbor Park is withing my resposne time to the medical center so if there is nothing critical going on tomorrow afternoon I will head over and watch the game. So for selfish reason if nothing else I pray for the good health of all tomorrow.

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Tagged as 2008 chaplain corps captain selection board, 2nd marine divsion, abby normal abbess, academy of health sciences, admiral alan blues baker, anti-catholic, army medical department, baltimore Orioles, canon law, captain frank morneau, catholic pedophile priests, celtic missionaries to europe, chaplain Dillman, chaplain of the marine corps, chief of chaplains, congressional hearings, dave rosenfeld, eod group two, funerals, gordon biersch, gordon klingenschmitt, heat and humidity, holy trinity, integrity, international league, jesus, jesus' name, marriage rite, matt wieters, memorial services, military chaplain assoication of America, military whistle blower protection act, naval academy, nolan Reimold, norfolk tides, oscar salazar, pastors who fall from grace, pentagon, rain, roman catholic church, sacrament of marriage, san fransisco giants, surface warfare officer, thunder storms, ultra montanes, underground catholic churches, weather, weddings, wiener dogs, yogi berra

June 19, 2009 · 23:47

A Healing Community Grieves-Portsmouth Naval Medical Center Experiences Yet another Tragic Death

This week has culminated two months of tragedy at our medical center. This was another death, and this one was totally senseless. It followed the unexpected death of Senior Chief Pam Branum while she was deployed on the USNS Comfort doing a humanitarian mission in the Caribbean Sea. The Comfort was in Panama when she died. Her death shook our community. She was loved and respected and her death was unsettling. Back in April we had lost Ensign Chris Gallagher in a motorcycle crash in Oceanview. Chris was a fourth year medical student and would have graduated about three weeks after he died. He was a incredibly sharp and dedicated medical student and would have made a fine physician. As with Senior Chief he was well liked and respected. I knew both of them. I had seen Chris the day before his death in ICU rounds.

This week we lost Hospitalman Third Class Christopher Bailey. Today in a chapel crowed well beyond it’s maximum capacity we remembered Chris. It was a moving and emotional service in which his shipmates, friends and even his mother spoke, I was especially touched by her words about Chris and our healing community. Chris was a passionate young sailor and dedicated Christian. He and a friend were looking at his car and discussing their faith when three men came to rob them. As the men left following the robbery one fired a shot into Chris’s car. He was hit in the back of the head and died yesterday at Norfolk General. He donated his organs and seven were used in transplants. In death he gave live to seven people. Chris was a Psychiatric Technician. He worked on our inpatient Psychiatry wards and occasionally in the clinic. He was loved by those who worked with him. I work on our SPRINT team which is an interdisciplinary team which goes out to assist in traumatic situations. As part of that team I work with a lot of really great Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Psychiatric Nurses and Technicians, military and civilian. Unlike Chris Gallagher and Pam Branum I had only met Chris in passing on duty one evening. So I didn’t know him like the other two, thus this was different than the others for me.

The death of Pan Branum and Chris Gallagher saddened me because I knew them and liked them. Chris Bailey’s death angered me because it was so senseless. Chris was killed for 5 dollars and truthfully, and this may seem un-Christian and anti-life I hope the bloody sonofabitch who did this is hunted down and killed. That asshole snuffed out the life of a good kid and it really pisses me off. I’m sure this reaction goes back to my youth because back in 1979 I was held up a gunpoint by two men with Judy, who was and her parents in the parking lot of Arroyo’s Café in Stockton California, the original home of the drive-by-shooting. This was back in the days that Arroyo’s was on South center Street. Having a gun to your head when you have no place to run sitting in the back seat of a car puts your life in perspective real quick. When I heard about Chris and what happened to him I imagined what would have happened to me had the robber pulled the trigger on me. Anyway I am upset about this because I am sick and tired of seeing young people die senseless and needless deaths. Additionally it angers me because it has hurt my friends on my team. They are hurting; they are grieving and still trying to care for a nearly full inpatient psychiatric unit. I hate to see my friends hurting. I try to be there for them but that will not take away the hurt, pain and loss that they have experienced. They walk tonight in the valley of the shadow of death.

Theologically and personally I wrestle with this. I have a hard time finding any redeeming purpose or meaning in such a death. Chris was killed by a criminal gang of thugs for no reason. I have a hard time saying “well it’s God’s will” or “God works everything for the good.” God may have a plan and somehow some way there may be something good that comes from this, but I cannot see it right now. I’m sure that I am not alone in the way that I feel. I can only imagine the sense of loss, grief and anger of the people that I work with who knew and loved Chris. My stuff I can put a finger on, being held up at gunpoint thirty years ago, dealing with huge amounts traumatic death in ERs and ICUs as a chaplain and most of all the PTSD that I came home with as a gift from Iraq.

I stayed in the background of this event helping a bit with seating people, hanging out in back to make sure people were okay and after the service looking after my friends Andy and Casey from the SPRINT team. Casey and I had done a mission at Camp LeJeune a few months back during a particularly gruesome suicide which came into the hospital ER. Casey transfers soon but in the mean time we have to get together for a beer some evening or take in a ball game.

The only thing that I can say that may be halfway pastoral at this point is to echo German theologian and martyr Dietrich Bonheoffer who said:

“Nothing can make up for the absence of someone we love. And it would be wrong to try to find a substitute. We must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time, it is a great consolation, for the gap — as long as it remains unfilled — preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap: God does not fill it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty, and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.”

I know that all of Chris’s friends, as well as those of Chris Gallagher and Pan Branum will understand this. There is nothing that can replace them and it is foolish to try to substitute another person, relationship or activity for them. There is a hole in our hearts and in the collective soul of Portsmouth Naval Medical Center. This place of healing is hurting and I pray that somehow these things will stop happening.

May God give rest to the soul of Christopher Bailey and all those who sleep in Christ; may his soul, the souls of Chris Gallagher and Pam Branum and all the departed rest in peace and all who grieve for them know the peace of God.

Pray for me a sinner, Steve+

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Filed under healthcare, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, PTSD, Religion, things I don't get

Tagged as arroyo's cafe, Chief Petty Officer Pam Branum, crime, dietrich bonhoffer, ensign chris galagher, HM3 chistopher Bailey, murder, portsmouth naval medical center, PTSD, sprint team

June 17, 2009 · 23:16

A Weird Day, a Great Team and Some Fractured History

Today was one of those weird days for me, very busy, pretty good work and good intellectual stimulation n an ethics committee meeting. I’m also still pretty tired from the past few weeks, not feeling bad but I know that I need to pace myself while we are short staffed in our department this summer. It is a good thing that I have the boss that I have as he is making sure that I am okay on a pretty regular basis. He knows that I will push myself hard until I hit the wall, which I did about a week and a half ago. The thing is it is not just me that is feeling the strain. All of us on our staff have been pushed hard caring for folks during the recent deaths of two military staff members, regular work on our wards, administrative tasks as well as the extra load imposed by being short staffed. But this is what we do as chaplains. The good thing is that we are doing our best not just to look after our flock, but to look after each other. We have a great team which I am proud to be a part.

Thus today my mind was a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. In fact it was awash in so much that I should have written them down. The mind is like a sieve sometimes. Since it is late I am going to stick with a few observations from this day in history which seems to still have significance today June 17th.

On this day in 1579 Sir Francis Drake sailed his ship the Golden Hind into San Francisco Bay. Immediately he was picketed by anti-imperialist and environmentalist protesters who had come down from Haight Ashbury in their Birkenstocks. Ignoring them Drake’s crew hit on women and some men in Golden Gate Park, had lunch at Fisherman’s Wharf and took in a Giants game. At least that’s what they wanted to do, but they were 400 years or so too early. Instead they sat around wondering why it was so cold in the middle of summer as they repaired their ships, had the chaplain celebrate Eucharist and then claimed everything in sight for England calling it New Albion. The Spanish realtors in the area took umbrage to this and never recognized the claim.

On this day in 1775 was fought the battle of Bunker Hill or more appropriately Breed’s Hill. The American soldiers defending the hill gave a good account of themselves against the British who were trying to drive them off of the hill. An American commander on the front line uttered the cry which did not become in military history “Don’t fire until you can smell the Redcoat bastards.” The insensitivity of the comment regarding the Colonial’s British Cousins body odor, which wafted over the battlefield, offended some of in the snior commanders who had a hard time smelling the gunpowder over their own body odor. When the Pentagon heard about it the offending officer was sent to Ft Polk Louisiana and the utterance was officially changed to “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.” After the clash the surviving unwounded opponents gathered at Sam Adams pub where they consumed vast amounts of his original Boston Lager beer as they played darts and argued the merits of English versus American Football. Some went to the Yankees Red Sox game at Fenway later in the evening.

On this day in 1815 Commodore Stephen Decatur commanding a Task force from the 6th Feet conquered the Algerian frigate Mashouda in an action that finally helped bring an end to the Barbary Wars and drove the Barbary Pirates from the Mediterranean. Within 48 hours of defeating the Mashouda he was in Algiers harbor exacting peace on the Dey of Algiers. This ended the period of where Barabry Pirates excercised domain over the Mediterranean. Getting with British sailors on liberty in town with which they had recently been at war, the Americans and Brits spent the evenings at Murphy’s Irish pub drinking Guinness and Kilkenney with Irish and other expats while watching Arsenal play Bayern München on pay per view.

On this day in 1856 Republican Party opened its 1st national convention in Philadelphia. Immediately Randall Terry demanded equal time to speakers demanding the end of slavery while Ron Paul was ignored. Others lobbied for the Flat Tax until they discovered that there was not yet an income tax. Up and coming Illinois legislator Abraham Lincoln gave the keynote address recommending a bigger Federal role in solving disputes between states while Newt Gingrich presented a “Contract with the Union” to deal with the various tensions. Fox News covered the event

On this day in 1916 US troops under General John Pershing marched into Mexico to bring Pancho Villa and others into custody. The expedition was not successful as many troops were inflicted with Montazuma’s revenge while KBR failed to get the porta-poties in place in a timely manner. The Easern European sub-contractor walked out and KBR replaced them with men from the Indian Subcontinent area who had each paid $4000 to an agent for the job and recived $300 a month working 16 hour days 6 days a week. However the campaign did give US troops experience operating in harsh climates which would serve them well when stationed in Texas over the next century. General Phil Sheridan had once said of Texas that “If I owned Hell and Texas I would live in Hell and rent out Texas.”

On this day in 1938 after conducting military operations against the Chinese for over 5 years the Japanese declared war on China. Chinese leaders Chaing Kai Shek and Mao Tse Tung issued a joint statement agreeing to work together and declaring “It’s about damned time they admitted that they are at war with us.”

On this day in 1940 the French after having their asses handed to them by the Germans yet again asked for surrender terms. General Charles DeGaulle immediately departed for England to continue the war against both the Germans and his fellow Frenchmen. Upon his arrival DeGaulle immediately complained about the bad food, plain women and miserable weather. He was embraced by Winston Churchill who got him drunk, left him passed out in a brothel and blamed the Vichy government for it. Churchill wrote afterward, “that man is a pain in the ass.” DeGaulle always doubted Churchill’s version of events every time he looked at the tatoo of a German tank on his ass.

On this day in 1944 Iceland declared independence from Denmark. No one noticed until 1953.

Most importantly on this day in 1960 Ted Williams hit his 500^th home run. and today the Nationals beat the Yankees and the Orioles beat the Mets.

Peace, Steve+

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Tagged as abraham lincoln, arsenal football, baltimore Orioles, Baseball, battle of bunker hill, battle of france 1940, bayern Munchen, cahing kai shek, chaplain corps, charles degualle, dey of algiers, don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes, fisherman's warf, general john pershing, general phil sheridan, golden gate park, golden hind, guinness stout, haight ashbury, iceland independence, japanese declaration of war with china, kilkenney beer, mao tse tung, mexico, new albion, new york mets, new york yankees, pancho villa, randall terry, republican party, ron paul, samuel adams, san fransisco bay, san fransisco giants, second barabry war, sir francis drake, stephen decatur, ted williams, texas, washington nationals, winston churchill

June 16, 2009 · 22:32

It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts-Thoughts on 26 Years of Commissioned Service

When I Knew Everything: Me in August 1983 following completion of the Medical Service Corps Officer Basic Course

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” Earl Weaver

When I was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the US Army back in 1983 I knew that I was quite possibly the smartest new Lieutenant in the Army. In fact in just a few days I will celebrate the anniversary of that auspicious occasion as I do most occasions by going to Harbor Park where I will see the Tides play the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, AAA affiliate of the Phillies. But anyway, back to how smart that I thought I was back then. I graduated from my Medical Service Corps Officer Basic Course fairly high in my class without really trying too hard, had a pretty easy time at the Junior Officer Maintenance Course. However, those were schools and anybody with half a brain can tell you that going to school is kind of like artificial real life. Yeah, you may be doing the living and breathing stuff, sucking up food and band width, but it is not real life. If you show up on time, read a little bit and take good notes you pass and move along.

However, real life has a tendency to take the smartest of the book smart people and kick their ass. Sometimes it takes a while but young guys in the military who think they know more than old dudes who have served on all kinds of places and been to combat. When I was the young guy there were still a fair amount of men who had served in Vietnam and even a few from Korea still in service. Now these guys were a mixed bag. Some had seen better days and were on what we referred to as the ROAD (Retired On Active Duty) program. Others though were totally professional and absolutely committed to the Army and their soldiers, guys like SFC Harry Zilkan, 1SG Jim Koenig and Colonel Donald Johnson. These men were amazing, and even some of the ROAD program soldiers and officers still knew a lot more than I knew at that point.

When I got to Germany I can say that there were a number of occasions where as a young officer I had my ass handed to me, even when I was right. I’m not going to go into ugly details but it suffices to say that a good number of those times I got what I deserved because I was arrogant and not nearly as smart as I thought I was. I was like a rookie pitcher thinking that my stuff was unhittable and finding out that guys who had played in the show for a long time had seen it all before. It was in Germany that I found that while I had good stuff that I wasn’t savvy enough to know when to change my stuff up or when to take the hint not to keep pushing my luck. I was kind of like Ebby Clavin LaLoosh in Bull Durham in wanting to do what I wanted to do.

tim_robbins_kevin_costner_bull_durham_001 I want to give him the heat and announce my presence with authority!

Crash calls for a curve ball, Ebby shakes off the pitch twice]
Crash Davis: [stands up] Hey! HEY!
[walks to meet Ebby at the mound]
Crash Davis: Why are you shaking me off?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [Gets in Crash’s face] I want to give him the heat and announce my presence with authority!
Crash Davis: Announce your f***ing presence with authority? This guy is a first ball, fast ball hitter!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Well he hasn’t seen my heat!
Crash Davis: [pauses] Allright meat, show him your heat.
[Walks back towards the box]
Crash Davis: [to the batter] Fast ball.

[after Ebby didn’t listen to Crash, and the ball became a home run]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: You told him didn’t you?
Crash Davis: Yup.

You having fun yet?

That was me as a young officer. You would think that I would have learned, but after I became a Army Chaplain I did the same damned thing. Now admittedly it was not in the units that I served in, but my hotheadedness still got me in trouble especially when I decided to challenge guys who had been around a long longer than me and who were a lot more savvy than me. I had no idea how cunning and brutal some chaplains could be despite having good warning from my XO and Brigade commander at the Academy of Health Sciences, LTC Jim Wigger. LTC Wigger pulled me aside one day shortly before I left active duty to go to seminary. He told me “Steve, I know that you think that the Medical Service Corps can be political and vicious, we can’t hold a candle to the Chaplain Corps.” I should have listened to him. He was right, a lot of those guys were political animals and had no problem taking down or destroying a young chaplain if they thought that they needed to do so. I got whacked pretty hard a number of times as a young Army Chaplain, but was fortunate that people who knew me and saw potential in me gave me some top cover and protection. Not everyone gets this. The Deity Herself must have taken an interest in my career to ensure that there were some guys around to save me from me. Chaplain Rich Whaley did this for me at the Chaplain school on a number of occasions even the time that I got thrown out of the Chaplain Officer Advanced Course (See one of my previous posts to read about this one.)

[Mechanized bull noises in background]
Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn’t he?
[laughs]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the f***ing bull! Guy gets a free steak!
[laughs]
Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin’ a blast.
Crash Davis: Good.
[pause]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash Davis: He did know.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
Crash Davis: I told him.

Thankfully by the time I had spent 17 ½ years in the Army I had learned my lessons. By the time I got to the Navy I had pretty much discovered when and under what circumstances that I could push things. I had learned the hard way in the Army. I finally learned that I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought I did. In fact when I went to the Navy I came in at a lower rank that my Army rank and took no constructive credit to try to get promoted sooner. I went in with no time in grade to make sure that I got the experience that I needed on the Navy and Marine side. When doing this I took the time to learn the nuances that made the work of a chaplain different in the Sea Services than in the Army. While there are similarities even the similarities are often different. These different similarities can kill you if you think that you’re smarter than everyone else.

I’m now coming up to 26 years of commissioned service and soon to 28 total years of service. I’m now a lot more like Crash Davis than Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh. In fact now I try to make sure the young guys chaplains and non-chaplains alike don’t get themselves in unnecessary trouble by assuming that they know more than they do. I have a dear friend who is an Army Chaplain. In his first three years in the Army he has won two Bronze Stars in Iraq. He will probably be medically retired soon because of a rare pulmonary and respiratory problem that he developed in Iraq. He was initially supposed to come in the Navy, until just before his care board met a washed up ROAD program chaplain supervising him on an OJT tour decided to torpedo him. It was crushing to my friend. He would have been a great Navy and Marine Corps Chaplain. I helped him recover and assisted him going to the Army. In his formation I used to require him to watch baseball movies and read books about baseball, and like Crash Davis I would call him “Meat.” The guy is a gem; the Army is going to lose a superstar when he is medically retired.

Anyway, my mission now is to help the young guys along and continue to keep myself both in the game and always learn something new to keep me sharp and to help others. It’s like Master Yogi once said “In baseball you don’t know nothing.” I’m sure that the Deity Herself would agree.

Peace, Steve+

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Tagged as academy of health sciences, Army, army chaplain corps, bull durham, chaplain corps, chaplain officer advanced course, chaplain school, crash davis, earl weaver, ebby calvin laloosh, germany, korean war veterans, lehigh valley iron pigs, medical officer basic course, medical service corps, navy chaplain, norfolk tides, philadelphia phillies, road program, us marines, US Navy, vietnam veterans, yogi berra

June 15, 2009 · 22:18

The Art of Balance, Baseball and living as a Passionate Moderate

I subscribe to the philosophy that balance is essential in life. This is probably because my kindergarten teacher took the pencil from my lf and made me write with my right hand which I believe made me amphibious. I think that is one reason that God speaks to me through baseball. It’s kind of like those mythical Chinese kids, Yin and Yang, who as I understand whose properties were fused by the Deity Herself into the perfect form of a baseball several millennia ago becoming the symbol of perfect balance in the world. In baseball there is a certain balance and symmetry that transcends sports played on rectangular fields. Baseball is the one team sport where no fat lady gets to sing before the last out, unless of course she is singing God Bless America during the 7^th Inning Stretch. Time in baseball is measured in multiples of three: Three Strikes to an out, three outs in an inning, and nine innings of three outs each. Likewise there are 90 feet between each base and 60 feet six inches between the pitcher’s rubber and home plate, again, multiples of three. There are 108 stitches in a baseball, again a multiple of three. Since we in the Christian Church understand God as a Trinity in Unity, One God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, it is apparent to me that baseball, being a game made up of “threes” is something that flows from God to us. As George Will once said “Baseball is Heaven’s gift to mortals.”

This is why I am a moderate which to me an integral part of balance. Moderation to the chagrin of many actually takes work, hard work. Moderates are often mischaracterized, maligned or derided by people who don’t understand the difference between a principled moderate and waffling follower. I don’t believe that lazy and unimaginative people who can’t make up their minds about which cola is better, much less examine a serious issue can be truly described as moderates. They may be wishy-washy but they are not true moderates. People who take a position so strongly that they can only see their particular view as the only way, be it political, social or religious often cannot understand a true moderate and because moderates don’t fit in their dualistic world view have to malign them. Unfortunately moderates tend to have big targets on them which draw the fire of extremists on any side of an issue. Moderates are often compared the Biblical church of Laodicea which the Lord says he will spew out of his mouth like a cheap beer. I once heard a fiery preacher in Texas say that the only thing defining a moderate was “the tire track down his back as he was run over by people who really believed in something.” Rush Limbaugh and others on the right treat moderates like traitors, and Limbaugh’s left wing counterparts pretty much see moderates in the same way. It is much like the way conservative Catholics and Protestant Fundamentalists view the via media or middle way of Anglicanism. Moderation does not go over well with people who live in a dualistic, black and white world. Moderation is like baseball where there is no replay for a called third strike, where umpires can make a bad call and where decisions can go either way. Football and other sports which depend on replays when a call is controversial seek to evade a key part of the human condition, they have removed as much as possible the judgment call and the gray area and unwittingly played into the dualism.

My understanding of being a moderate however is far from being wishy-washy spit coming from the mouth of God….oops, splurt. I believe that real moderates seek truth, and far from being wishy-washy or milquetoasty are pretty tenacious, diplomatic and able to see the finer points of argument and debate. Moderates occupy the crucial center ground on which the safety and stability of nations, governemnts and churches depend. As such true moderates must be principled and passionate in both seeking and defending truth. They also must be willing to defend themselves from both the left and the right. This is not simply pragmatism, though moderates tend to be pragmatic, it is necessity. Likewise true moderates are passionate about life and truth, there is no waffling, as a moderate though moderates know that thye don’t have all the answers, and that somethimes there are no answers. Thus for me I am according to my website title a “passionate moderate.” This is far from being an oxymoron, or for that matter any kind of moron. Being a passionate moderate entails holding a tension between opposing points of view, its the synergy of old Yin and Yang. Passionate moderates have to be able to engage anyone in meaningful dialogue from both the right and the left. Passionate moderates also must be able to confront individuals or groups which have moved to extremist positions that are ultimately detrimental to them and others. Being a moderate does not mean being a wimp, milquetoast or wishy-washy. It means having the courage of conviction to pursue truth and do what is right even if it deviates from a political, religious or ideological point s of view which believes it to be the only correct reflection of what is good right and holy in the world.

Thus there is a wide gap between real moderates and lazy people who can’t make a decision to fart towards their left or right buttocks much less to take a position that may be contrary to those comfortably and immutably ensconced in their ideological, religious or political beliefs. Passionate moderates are the center which must hold in order for a pluralistic and multicultural society to survive political, military or economic crisis; natural disaster or other catastrophes such as the Leisure Suits, Disco, Chevy Chevettes, Ford Pintos, the Purpose Driven Church, artificial turf and multi-purpose stadiums which house baseball teams.

Moderation, like baseball takes both patience and balance and is not for the faint of heart. Being a moderate means that you assume, like baseball that every pitch is a new game. With each pitch there is a different situation with numerous, if not infinite possibilities. A true moderate looks to the future and uses the past as a guide, not a place to remain. Christian moderation involves holding to the truth of the Scriptures, the Tradition of the Faith and to Reason as a basis of moving forward in the grace, mercy and peace of God. This requires balance, patience and fortitude, because the task is not easy. It is like those mythical Chinese kids Yin and Yang who were fused into the perfect sphere which became the prototypical baseball; everything in balance.

Peace, Steve+

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Tagged as 7th inning stretch, anglicanism, artificial turf, balance, Baseball, catholics, chevette, christian faith, disco, fat lady sings, football replays, ford pinto, george will, god bless america, laodicea, liesure suits, moderation, protestant fundamentalists, purpose driven church, scripture reason tradition, the trinity, yin and yang

June 13, 2009 · 22:41

One Tough Poo…Memories of a Fearsome and Fat Wiener Dog

“One Tough Poo” Drawn by Judy

If ever there was a little dog who took life seriously it was a fat little red smooth hair Dachshund named Greta, or Greta-Poo or simply “the Poo.” Greta was the second of our Dachshunds, or as they are known in Germany Dackels. We got Greta in 1988 when we were stationed in San Antonio. We were visiting our friends across the street, Anthony and Kathy and they had visitors who had brought the remnants of a litter of Dachshund puppies over. They were the products of a red smooth hair and a dappled smooth hair. One puppy was already spoken for, Anthony and Kathy were looking at a second, and the third, the runt of the litter was in the arms of one of the visitors.

Judy immediately fell in love with the very sweet looking and pretty puppy. Looking at her in the arms of another woman Judy realized that she could not let the other person have the adorable little creature. Judy immediately made an offer for the puppy which was accepted by the people who had brought her to Anthony and Kathy’s house. Forty dollars later the puppy was curled up in Judy’s arms. From that moment on we had the “mommy and puppy mutual admiration society.” Greta quickly became “Mommy’s Poo.” Greta’s sister “Miss-T” became the puppy child of Anthony and Kathy. The two puppies though now living in separate homes still visited each other and played with each other. Our eldest dog Frieda was sweet to the Poo. She accepted the new addition to the family and after ensuring herself that Poo was trained appropriately in household security retired at the age of four years old. Since Frieda lived to be 16 ½ this meant that she spend the majority of her life retired and complaining about our insufficiency in fulfilling her needs.

Poo was the most serious little dog that I have ever seen. She took herself seriously and though a happy dog always was somewhat dour. Frieda and Molly who we got towards the end of Poo’s life enjoyed being funny, but not Poo, and her very seriousness made her funny as hell.

Now Poo was a chow hound, in fact if you look under “chow hound” in the dictionary there is probably a picture of the Poo. Poo seldom met a food that she didn’t like, or at least wouldn’t eat to keep Frieda from getting it. As a result, though she was incredibly active she was fat. She should have weighed about 18 pounds, but most of her life she spent between 20 and 23 pounds. She looked like a red bratwurst and not a hot dog. Poo’s first sin was a defining moment in her life. Judy had left a freshly baked chocolate chip muffin on the arm of our couch and got up to refill her drink. As she went back into the living room she saw Poo, now the little shit, charging off with the muffin toward our bedroom. The very small and barely four month old puppy had the muffin in her mouth and was moving as fast has her little legs could take her. Chasing her down Judy got the muffin back, but the incident was defining. No food was safe if you left it alone where Poo could get it.

There were three other incidents of this particular “puppy sin” that came later in her life which are worthy of mention here. Both occurred when I was in seminary or during my Clinical Pastoral Education residency. The first was when Judy put a cast iron pan which has the residue of freshly made refried beans on the ground for Frieda and Poo to finish off. Now most of the time the two little shits would share whatever table food that we gave them. This time Frieda decided that she did not want to share. Now Frieda was a very strong animal. She grabbed the pan by the handled and proceeded to run away with it, mind you this was a cast iron frying pan. Poo was not about this prize get away. As Frieda sauntered off with what she believed to be “her” booty Poo chased her down and tackled her. They ended up sharing. Another was when the “Free Dog” and the Poo were left at home when we left the apartment to take a blind friend to the store. Now this was around Christmas and Judy had been baking cookies all the live long day. Somehow we left the house with a couple of boxes full of Judy’s best on the coffee table. How the hell we did that I will never know. The coffee table was well within the range of both of our little shits. As we pulled into our friend’s driveway we realized our mistake. I rushed into our friend’s house and said, “Bert, quick, I need your phone.” This was patently in the days before regular folks had cell phones. I called our home number. The answering machine went off, as I waited for my version of Bill Clinton to finish the message I wondered how many cookies the little shits had eaten. My words, “Dammit, Frieda and Poo, you better not be eating the cookies or you’re both dead. I’m coming home now!” I ran back to the car and sped back to our place. Dashing into the apartment I found that the cookies hand indeed been raided, but neither of our little shits was to be seen. One was hiding under a table and the other; I think Frieda, was cowering behind the toilet. I wonder what the look on their faces was when that answering machine went off with my voice telling them to get away from the cookies. God if we had the money for surveillance cameras, it would have had to have been as funny as hell. The third was when we had friends over for Saturday night pizza and Star Trek, the Next Generation. I happen to make a very good large New York style pizza, thank you. Anyway it was one of those nights when thunderstorms were crashing over the DFW Metroplex. One of these boomers came over our area that night. I’m sorry, if you haven’t been through a North Texas boomer you have only been in the minors. This was a cool one, we were under a tornado warning and the storms were bringing lightening, hail and massive thunder. We and our guests decided to go out to the breezeway between buildings and watch what the Deity Herself was bringing upon the Metroplex in punishment for the firing of St Tom Landry by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. As we gathered to watch the last piece of pizza sat defenseless on the pizza pan which lay on the coffee table which we had all been sitting around. The piece of pizza was rather large and a combination with pepperoni, mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomatoes, garlic and God knows what else. As we watched the storm the Poo saw her opportunity. When I walked back in to grab a beer and I saw the Poo devouring the very large piece of pizza. When she saw me she simply ate more frantically. It was if she was trying to shove it down her throat. I called Judy and we both decided that it was hers.

The Poo was also serious about home defense. She was committed heart and soul to defending the realm. This was in stark contrast to Frieda who after her retirement would have watched Genghis Khan and his hordes march off with everything we owned provided that they paid her. Poo on the other hand was devoted to the protection of her home and her mommy. As a still very young dog of maybe a year and a half she surprised a Pit Bull which had come up on our lawn. We were at the time living in a neighborhood near my seminary regularly featured on the TV program COPS. We had gone out to check the mail and Poo came out with us. The unwitting Pit Bull was in our front yard, which since we were both poor and without time to mow it ourselves it was rather high. In fact it was higher than the Poo. Our little shit saw her unsuspecting victim before we did. She bolted off the porch and tore through the high grass barking up a storm. The Pit Bull had no idea what was going on. He couldn’t tell from where the ferocious roar was coming from. Just before the Poo could reach him he bolted, tail between his legs down the street. The Poo heeding Judy’s “Dammit Poo get your ass over here!” returned obediently to the porch, satisfied that she had done her duty.

Well things progressed in the Poo’s life, she ate, got fat, and defended the realm. While I worked in my parent’s hometown of Huntington West Virginia as an Emergency Department Chaplain in a local teaching hospital’s Emergency Room we frequently spent time with both of my grandmothers. My parents had long before retired from the Navy in Mudville, sometimes known as Stockton California and it was by either chance or the Deity Herself and Her providence that I landed the job after my residency. As it were it gave us the chance to spend a lot of time with both in their sunset years. One day while visiting my maternal grandmother with Frieda and Poo we got ready to leave. Now both of the dogs responded to voice commands so we would let them walk to the car when we left. As we walked out the door onto the porch the Poo took off flying down the steps. She took off across the yard and made a right turn into the side yard. We heard a “yelp!” and then saw a black chow tearing out from the yard screaming as it raced away from my grandmother’s house. Following close was the Poo. It was like a Messerschmitt 109 diving on a B-24 and pumping it full of holes with its 20mm nose cannon. As the chow raced away, the Poo heeded our call to turn around. As she ambled back our way we saw something in her mouth. It was a huge mouthful of black chow fur. Our tough little Poo had taken the fur off of a chow nearly 4 times her size and weight.

“Classic Greta Poo…with every roll of fat shown” Drawn by Judy

After Frieda died in 2001 Poo continued her ways, she stayed active and when we got Molly she was determined to still be the Alpha-Poo but Molly wouldn’t be bossed around and the Poo had to make a grudging peace with the new little shit. Poo remained a fighter her entire life. She would never back down from a fight and was determined to defend the realm. We lost her in June of 2003 while stationed in Jacksonville Florida after she had battled cancer and paralysis. She was one tough Poo. She was her mommy’s baby and absolutely devoted to Judy. We do miss her. She and Frieda were there with us in our toughest times. Now the tradition of a little red dog defender of the realm is carried on by Molly, as ferocious as Poo but nowhere near as obedient.

So life continues for us, defended by 15 pounds of hell and terror.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under dachshunds, Loose thoughts and musings

Tagged as b-24, chow, chow hound, COPS, dachshunds, dackel, dallas cowboys, dfw metroplex, fort worth, genghis khan, huntington wv, jacksonville fl, jerry jones, messerschmitt me-109, mudville, muffins, pit bull, pizza, puppies, san antonio, star trek next generation, tom landry

June 12, 2009 · 19:31

You Win a Few, You Lose a Few. Some Get Rained Out. But You Got to Dress for All of Them

“Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.” Satchel Paige

Paige_Satchel1942 Satchel Paige on the Kansas City Monarchs

Negro League and Cleveland Indian’s Hall of Fame legend Satchel Paige was one of the most remarkable men who ever played the game of baseball. He came along after Jackie Robinson and others had broken the color barrier having played 22 years in the Negro Leagues as well as in Mexico, the Dominican Republic and the Puerto Rican League, where in the winter of 1939 he went 19-3 with a 1.93 ERA. While with the Kansas City Monarchs Paige helped lead the team to four consecutive Negro League World Series titles from 1939-1942 and again in 1946. During his time in the Negro Leagues played in numerous exhibition games against major league stars and future stars including Bob Feller and Joe DiMaggio who went 1-4 against Paige. During this time he would pitch in the summer with the Negro League team and winters in the various Winter Leagues. It could be said that Satchel Paige not only played baseball but lived it. In the Negro Leagues Paige often pitched twice a day, sometimes in two different cities. Record keeping in these leagues was almost universally lax so the feats of men like Paige, Jackie Robinson, Cool Papa Bell and Buck O’Neil will never be fully appreciated by modern statistically absorbed fans.

When he was signed by Bill Veeck, the owner of the Cleveland Indians he was either 42 or 44 years old depending on what documents you use…talk about a birth certificate controversy. Paige pitched 5 seasons in the Majors with Cleveland and the St. Louis Browns mainly in a relief role and pitched in the 1948 World Series and the 1953 All-Star Game after having been chosen for the 1952 game but not getting the chance play. He was signed by the Kansas City Athletics for a one game contract in 1965. He pitched his last game at the age of 59 or 61 on August 25^th 1965 throwing three shutout innings against the Boston Red Sox, the only hit coming from Hall of Famer Carl Yastrzemski who doubled. Paige set the next 7 batters down in order. In between his years in the majors Paige continued to pitch in the minors. He played his last game of organized baseball in 1966 for the Peninsula Pilots of the Carolina League in Hampton Virginia. The Pilots, now of the Independent Coastal Plain League, still play in Hampton’s War Memorial Stadium in which the legendary great pitched his last game.

Paige was recognized by many as perhaps the best pitcher to ever play the game. Bob Feller called him “the best pitcher I ever saw.” Ted Williams said “Satch (Paige) was the greatest pitcher in baseball.” Joe DiMaggio called him “The best and fastest pitcher I’ve ever faced” while Bill Veeck who brought Paige to the majors said he was “The best right hander baseball has ever known.”

The biggest thing in my mind about Paige was his love for the game and his determination to play as long as he could. In the Negro Leagues he pretty much played year round for 22 years. After his major league career was over he continued to play the game that he loved. He did all of this in a segregated and “Jim Crow” America. It was due primarily to Paige and others like him that black players got the chance to come to the Major Leagues. Most expected that Paige would be the first black player called up but this honor went to Jackie Robinson. In 1971 in his Hall of Fame acceptance speech he said “The only change is that baseball has turned Paige from a second class citizen to a second class immortal.”

I like Paige a lot. I remember reading Bob Feller’s book in grade school and his comments about Paige, especially the time he switched a bar of soap for the ice cream in a an ice cream sandwich. When Paige took a bit his false teeth came out with the sandwich. Now that I am 49 years old I like him even more. He took 22 years to get in the big leagues and didn’t quit and even after his major league career continued to play. He endured Spartan living conditions on low pay in a segregated and often hostile America did not deter him. Neither did his age, many men in their 40s would have quit before realizing their dream. That is the lesson of Satchel Paige for me. He was the oldest “rookie” ever to play Major League ball. I kind of understand what Paige went through. I started my Navy career after nearly a full Army career. In fact I was within 2 ½ years of Reserve retirement when I got the chance to serve in the Navy in February 1989.

Satchel Paige was an example to me that if you have the heart and talent you can achieve your dream even if it takes a long time. My advice for people who still dream dreams is to be persistent and don’t give up. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes by hanging in there, making the sacrifices to achieve the dream it comes true. After a very difficult 5 years following leaving the Army to go to seminary which included long term sickness to Judy, losing almost everything that we owned, and having to work menial jobs for unappreciative people to get through seminary, Additionally there were times when I was sure that it was over, that my best efforts had failed, something would break my way and I would be able to continue. It was remarkable. While I give appropriate credit to God I do not fail to give credit to all the people that believed in me and wouldn’t let me fail. The way that I figure is if you don’t try or you quit too soon you will always wonder if you could have made it. There will always be doubt and often regret. My Clinical Pastoral Education Supervisor, Dr. Steve Ivy at Parkland Memorial Hospital told me once, “Steve, you make your own future, stop living in the pain of the past.” That was an “Wow I could have had a V-8 moment” for me. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been great. His advice was on target.

Satchel once said: “Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.” The comment is way too true, but for me even more important is this: “You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But you got to dress for all of them.”

I think the Deity Herself would agree with both statements and I’m sure that Satchel is still pitching for the New Jerusalem Saints of the Pearly Gates League.

Peace, Steve+

satchel paige

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Filed under Baseball, History, Loose thoughts and musings, philosophy, Religion

Tagged as baseball hall of fame, bill veeck, bob feller, boston red sox, buck o'neal, Carl Yastrzemski, carolina league, cleveland indians, cool papa bell, hampton va, jackie robinson, jim crow laws, joe dimaggio, kansas city athletics, kansas city monarchs, negor league baseball, parkland memorial hospital, peninsula pilots, satchel paige, segregation, st. Louis browns, ted williams

June 11, 2009 · 22:40

I like Jesus very much, but He no help with Curveball

pedrocerrano

“Ahh, Jesus, I like him very much, but He no help with curveball.” – Serrano (Denis Major League)

Note: This is one of those particularly passionate posts brought about by hearing about the abuse of a friend by his church and remembering things that happened to me and other friends at the hands of supposedly Christian leaders, ministries and organizations. So I probably hit a little harder than usual. Please excuse this, it is an old wound that got opened up again this week as I saw good Christian people lose a baby and a friend be maligned by ministers in his church.

I think I agree with Serrano in Major League. I like Jesus very much but He no help with curveball. I believe that God loves and cares for us but I do not believe that God servers at our command. I also strongly believe that Jesus died to redeem us and that we need to have some kind of walk with God. I know that I am too much of a screw up to get by without the grace of God and God’s mercy. Hopefully we follow as best we can God’s will for our lives and obey the commands to “love God and love our neighbor.” Patently, while not Rocket Surgery, this can be surprisingly difficult as all of us to some degree or another. I and I’m sure most who read this complicate the matter by narcissistically assuming that if we ask God something for any reason that God owes us. We are often taught that is we pray the right prayer, serve on the right boards in church, figure out what miraculous spiritual gifts that we assume the Holy Spirit has given to us, gave a certain amount of money, vote for the right political candidate, support the right cause, ad infinitum, ad nauseum that God is obligated to do what we want. The mandatory and obligatory tithe from the Old Testament Law is frequently used by Christians as a means to determine how much we have earned God’s blessing, by our obedience of course, among other things. There are plenty of other means by which Christians are held in bondage but this is common and unfortunately too often there is no accountabilty by ministers and minstries across the ecclesiastical spectrum for the sums that they recieve from those who support them.

What I find fascinating is how much many people assume that God is involved in the minute to minute details of their lives. It is as if some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious narcissistic form of hyper-Calvinism, baptized in Pentecostal fires has overtaken the faith. In fact I believe that we in the west, particularly the United States have gone to ludicrous speed in pursuit of self absorbed faith in which we use God as a cosmic vending machine of individual blessing. Evidence of this belief abounds in what is blatantly misidentified as ”worship” songs in which our needs, our desires and our love for God are magnified above God’s Holiness and condescension to become incarnate of the Virgin Mary and become Man. Somehow I think that we have the paradigm upside down. Do I believe that God loves us? I patently do. I know for a fact that I can never love God or serve God as much as God loves and cares for me, but I base this on God becoming incarnate in Jesus, the Son of God, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified, died and buried, descended to the dead, who rose again on the third day, ascended into heaven and will come to judge the living and the dead, whose kingdom has no end. So yes, indeed, even to death I will believe this. However, this does not mean that I believe that if I do the right stuff that God is obligated to do things for me. Likewise I do not believe that God really cares a whit if I ever hit a curveball. He speaks to me through baseball but only through hard work and the coaching of my dad was I a decent utility player. When I told my dad when I visited him in the nursing home that he didn’t teach me how to hit, he told me that “you have to have the natural ability, lots of people can’t hit.” Despite his advanced Alzheimer’s disease dad understood that no amount of instruction or even prayer was going to make me a good hitter.

Unfortunately this is often the faith as marketed by alleged Christian “ministries,” churches and retail establishments. All you do is have to go down to whatever “Christian” bookstore chain has a outlet in your town. I remember a day when actual Bible studies that dealt with God and not us were available in Christian bookstores. Now if you actually like me, have walked around one of these places of edification you will fill racks upon racks of “Christian” fiction, often romance novels without any hint of sex or sensuality, which is a shame since the Bible doesn’t leave it out; variations on the theme of what happens to the poor suckers who forget to pray the prayer to get saved in time before the rapture when the slick Anti-Christ comes after them. Likewise they are filled with all manner of “Jesus junk” usually made in China because the alleged Christians running the company care more about the almighty dollar than they do caring for workers in their own country. Allegedly Christian television networks and ministries consume hundreds of millions of dollars in money, given by people who actually believe that the people running them are actually hearing from God, This money could actually be used to plant churches, do mission work, care for the poor and sick and also pay Christian workers a living wage. I have lost count of the number of friends who have sacrificed everything including their lives to support ministries which threw them away when they were spent. I have seen workers in Christian ministries have to rely on charity because they were not paid enough while the “Christian leaders” that they worked for lived in luxury on the donations which came from the toil, labor and love of people who trusted them. The litany of the names some of these people reads like a sorry story out of Inside Edition. Peter Popoff, Creflo Dollar, Larry Lea, Bob Tilton, Benny Hinn, yes Benny, while others have turned themselves into almost purely political power players. I could go on, but to what purpose? My point is that many ministries, and not just the big ones, will hold their workers in near servitude and attempt to manipulate intimate details of their lives.

I find the message of many of these alleged “ministries” or ministers to be in absolute contradiction to the Gospel, which if I recall was to set us free from the bondage of sin, death and the Law. In fact if I recall Jesus didn’t go beating on politicians, tax collectors, prostitutes, and a host of other undesirables, but instead went after judgmental, legalistic and self serving religious leaders who abused their power and position. I have seen in person such people curry the favor of the rich and neglect the poor. I have seen people, including faithful Christian workers be ostracized and abandoned when they experienced circumstances and tragedy that do not fit the narcissistic prosperity gospel theology of their churches or ministries. Even worse is what happens when one of the lesser people falls into “sin.” Especially sexual sins while things like greed, gluttony, dishonest business dealings and a host of other things are ignored. It is onerous when the Church refuses to take care of its own. To save embarrassment of people who might read this I will not go into specifics only to say I have seen this happen and even experienced it myself.

The unfortunate underside of this is the effect that the theology has on the people who buy it hook line and sinker. Such people are victims of predators dressed as ministers. I’m sure that even if the ministries that they serve do not honor or care for them that God will still honor their work and sacrifice, if not in this life the next. Yet, it is criminal for church leaders, ministers and heads of supposedly “Christian” organizations and ministries” to leave faithful servants of God in the lurch when things don’t fit their theology. When we were in absolute crisis in 1989, wife sick, house and car lost, and all coming apart while in my second year of seminary I hit the wall. I decided to call the prayer line of the Terrible Blonde Network. I was desperate and hurting as I saw all I had sacrificed for going down the toilet. When I told the female “prayer partner” my story and asked for prayer she said something that I will ever forget. It is etched in my mind to this day. In a sickening sweet voice, this woman who did not know me from Tommy Lasorda, or Adam for that manner said: “Well it’s obvious that God can’t be calling you into ministry otherwise he would be blessing you.” I was stunned, but something rose up in my heart that said that she and those who thought like her espoused a theology from the pit of Hell. I told her that I didn’t need her prayer and that I would be content to suffer as the saints before me.

Now do I believe that God cares about details? Yes. Do I believe that God loves each of us with an undying and everlasting faithful love? Yes. Do I believe that he is obligated to do anything for me other than the gracious love that he bestows every day? No. Do I think or presume that God must do things my way because I have somehow got the formula of some preacher’s personal interpretation of a few Bible verses right? No way. It is unscriptural, is not supported by the testimony of 2000 years of the church and is nothing more than the deception and abuse of good people who really want to serve God.

I pray and trust that someday Christian leaders and churches will have the integrity and character to care for people, especially those that serve in subordinate positions.

Do I think that Jesus needs to help me hit a curve ball? I think so, but I think that this might be unreasonable on my part, and so far he hasn’t. Thus, if I want to hit the curve ball, I’ll have to do it myself.

Peace, Steve+

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Filed under alzheimer's disease, Baseball, Loose thoughts and musings, Religion

Tagged as alzheimer's disease, benny hinn, bob tilton, denis hayburt, inside edition, jesus, larry lea, major league, prosperity gospel, serrano, sins, TBN, terrible blonde network

Category Archives: Loose thoughts and musings

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One Tough Poo…Memories of a Fearsome and Fat Wiener Dog

You Win a Few, You Lose a Few. Some Get Rained Out. But You Got to Dress for All of Them

I like Jesus very much, but He no help with Curveball

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