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An End and A Beginning at the Twilight of a Career

Friends of Padre Steve’s World,

Toady was the turning of another page in my military career, probably the last one before I retire. I left my old command, reported in to my new command and will begin checking in to the Naval Region before reporting to Norfolk Naval Shipyard, in Portsmouth where Lord willing and the creek don’t rise next summer. The shipyard hasn’t had it’s own chaplain in years and my mission, with no resources other than me is to try to help justify the re-establishment of a chaplain billet there. I will give it my best, but with the continuing cuts to religious ministries in Naval Installations Command I think the best I can do is to care for the sailors and civilian employees to the best of my ability and let the chips fall where they may.

I suppose that it is fitting that someone like me, a Priest who is a historian at heart finish his career trying to make a go of it. The shipyard is the oldest in the Navy, Drydock Number One is the oldest in the Western Hemisphere. The Frigate USS Chesapeake, one of the first six frigates built for the re-established U.S. Navy was the first major warship constructed at it. The USS Merrimac was raised and rebuilt in the Drydock One by the Confederate States Navy as the Ironclad CSS Virginia.

The Naval Yard was recaptured by the Union later in 1862 and following reconstruction it became one of the major construction and repair yards for the Navy, and our allies in the Second World War.

The battleship USS Alabama was constructed there and thousands of ships were repaired or overhauled at it, including Famous ships like the USS Arizona and HMS Illustrious, as well the largest modern Super carriers of the U.S. Navy.

I look forward to learning more of the history as I work there.

So until tomorrow, all the best.

Peace,

Padre Steve+

 

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Filed under civil war, History, Military, national security, Navy Ships, US Navy

The South Dakota Class Battleships: The Best of the Treaty Battleships

USS South Dakota Class Line Drawing

This is the fifth in a series of six articles on the battleships built under the provision of the Washington and London Naval Treaty limitations in the 1930s. I am not including the ships which were completed in the immediate aftermath of the Washington Treaty limitations. This series looks at the modern battleships that the World War II combatants would produce in the 1930s which saw service in the war. Part one covered the Italian Vittorio Veneto class entitled The Pride of the Regina Marina: The Vittorio Veneto Class Battleships. Part two French Firepower Forward: The unrealized potential of the Dunkerque and Richelieu Class Battleships covered the French Dunkerque class and Richelieu class Battleships. Part three covered the British Royal Navy King George V Classbattleships entitled British Bulwarks: The King George V Class Battleships Part Four  which was about the North Carolina Class is entitled The Next Generation: The North Carolina Class Battleships. I have already published the final part which covers the German Scharnhorst Class entitled Power and Beauty the Battle Cruisers Scharnhorst and Gneisenau . The German Bismarck, Japanese Yamato, British Vanguard and American Iowa

Classes will be covered in a subsequent series.

As the world edged closer to war in the late 1930s the U.S. Navy followed up its decision to build the two ship North Carolina class battleships with additional fast battleships. Initially the General Board wanted two additional North Carolina’s but the Chief of Naval Operations William H. Standley wanted a different design.

USS South Dakota BB-57 in 1943

Design work started in 1937 and several designs were proposed in order to correct known deficiencies in the preceding North Carolina class to include protection and the latest type of steam turbines.  As in the North Carolina’s the Navy struggled to find the optimal balance between armament, protection and speed. In the end the Navy decided on a shorter hull form with greater beam which necessitated greater power to maintain a high speed. The armor protection was maximized by using an interior sloped belt of 12.2 inch armor with 7/8” STS plates behind the main belt which made the protection the equivalent to 17.3 inches of vertical armor. The Belt continued to the bottom of the ship though it was tapered with the belt narrowing to 1 inch to provide addition protection against plunging fire which struck deeper than the main belt. As an added feature to protect against torpedo hits a multi-layered four anti-torpedo bulkhead system was included, designed to absorb the impact of a hit from a 700 pounds of TNT.

In order to accommodate the machinery necessary to provide the desired speed of 27 knots on the shorter hull the machinery spaces were rearranged.  The new design placed the boilers directly alongside the turbines with the ship’s auxiliaries and evaporators also placed in the machinery rooms. Additional design changes made to save space included making the crew berthing areas smaller. This included that of officers as well as the senior officers and shrinking the size of the galley’s and the wardroom from those on the North Carolina’s. The resultant changes allowed the ships to achieve the 27 knot speed, improved protection and the same armament of the North Carolina’s within the 35,000 treaty limit.

Two ships of the design were approved and with the escalator clause invoked by the Navy two more ships were ordered all with the nine 16” gun armament of the North Carolina’s.  The leading ship of the class the South Dakota was designed as a fleet flagship and in order to accommodate this role two of the 5” 38 twin mounts were not installed leaving the ship with 16 of these guns as opposed to the 20 carried by the rest of the ships of the class. The final design was a class of ships capable of 27.5 knots with a range of 17,000 miles at 15 knots mounting nine 16” guns with excellent protection on the 35,000 tons and full load displacement of 44,519 tons.

The lead ship of the class the USS South Dakota BB-57 was laid down 5 July 1939 at New York Shipbuilding in Camden New Jersey, launched on 7 June 1941 and commissioned on 20 March 1942.  Following her commissioning and her shakedown cruise South Dakota was dispatched to the South Pacific. Soon after her arrival she struck a coral reef at Tonga which necessitated a return to Pearl Harbor for repairs.  When repairs were complete she was attached to TF 16 escorting the USS Enterprise CV-6 during the Battle of the Santa Cruz Islands on 26 October 1942.  During the battle she was credited with shooting down 26 Japanese aircraft but was struck by a 500 lb bomb on her number one turret. She joined TF-64 paired with the battleship USS Washington during the Second Naval Battle of Guadalcanal on14-15 November 1942. During the action South Dakota suffered a power outage and was hit by over 40 shells from Japanese ships which knocked out 3 fire control radars, her radio and main radar set. 3 destroyers were also lost but the Washington mortally wounded the fast battleship Kirishima and destroyer Ayanami which were scuttled the next day and damaged the heavy cruisers Atago and Takao. She returned to New York for repairs which completed in February 1943 and joined the carrier USS Ranger CV-4 for operations in the Atlantic until April when she was attached to the British Home Fleet. She sailed for the Pacific in August 1943 and rejoined the Pacific Fleet in September and joined Battleship Divisions 8 and 9 and supported the invasion of Tarawa providing naval gunfire support to the Marines. The rest of the war was spent escorting carriers as well as conducting bombardment against Japanese shore installations. She was present at the Japanese surrender in Tokyo Bay and returned to the United States in 1945 and was decommissioned and placed in reserve on 31 January 1947. She was stricken from the Naval Register on 1 June 1962 and sold for scrap in October of that year. Various artifacts of this gallant ship to include a propeller, a 16” gun and the mainmast are part of the USS South Dakota Memorial Park in Sioux Falls South Dakota and 6,000 tons of armored plate were returned to the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission for use in civilian nuclear programs and a second screw is displaced outside the U.S. Naval Museum in Washington D.C.  She received 13 battle stars for World War II service.  South Dakota had the dubious distinction of having the youngest sailor of the war 12 year old Calvin Graham who confessed lying about his age to the Gunnery Officer Sergeant Schriver. Graham was court-martialed and given a dishonorable discharge spending 3 months in the ship’s brig before he was able to be returned to the United States where just after his 13th birthday he entered 7th grade.

USS Indiana BB-58 Bombarding Japan in 1945

The second ship of the class the USS Indiana BB-58 was laid down at Newport News Naval Shipyard on 20 November 1939 launched on 21 November 1941 and commissioned on 30 April 1942.  She served throughout the Pacific War by serving with the fast battleships of Vice Admiral Willis Lee’s TF-34, escorting carriers during major battles such that the Battle of the Philippine Sea or as it is better known the Marianas Turkey Shoot. She returned to the United States for overhaul and missed the Battle of Leyte Gulf but served at Iwo Jima, Okinawa and operations against the Japanese home islands.  Following the war she was decommissioned in 1947 and sold for scrap in September 1963.   A number of her relics are preserved at various locations in Indiana and her prow is located in Berkeley California.

USS Massachusetts BB-59 in January 1946 in the Puget Sound

The third ship of the class the USS Massachusetts BB-59 was laid down on 20 July 1939 at Bethlehem Steel Corporation Fore River Yard in Salem Massachusetts and launched on 23 September 1941 and commissioned on 12 May 1942. After her shakedown cruise she was assigned to the Atlantic Fleet where she took part in Operation Torch, the Allied invasion of French North Africa. During the operation she engaged French shore batteries, damaged the battleship Jean Bart and sank 2 cargo ships and along with the heavy cruiser Tuscaloosa sank the destroyers Fougueux and Boulonnais and the light cruiser Primauguet. Following her assignment in the Atlantic she sailed for the Pacific where she began operations in January 1944. She took part in almost every major operation conducted by the Pacific Fleet escorting the Fast Carrier Task Forces and operating as a unit of TF-34 the Fast Battleship Task force including the Battle of Leyte Gulf.  She ended the war conducting operations against the Japanese home islands.  She was decommissioned in 1947 and stricken from the Naval Register on 1 June 1962. She was saved from the fate of Indiana and South Dakota as the people of Massachusetts with the assistance of schoolchildren who donated $50,000 for her renovation and preservation as a memorial. She became that in 1965 at Battleship Cove in Fall River Massachusetts and she remains there designated as a National Historic Landmark.  During the naval build up of the 1980s much equipment common to all modern battleships was removed for use in the recommissioned battleships of the Iowa class.

USS South Dakota at the Battle of the Santa Cruz Islands


The final ship of the class the USS Alabama BB-60 was on 1 February 1940 at Norfolk Naval Shipyard. She was launched on 21 February 1942 and commissioned 16 August 1942. Following her shakedown cruise and initial training off the Atlantic coast she joined the repaired South Dakota and operated as part of TF 22 attached to the British Home Fleet. She conducted convoy escort operations, participated in the reinforcement of Spitsbergen and in an operation which attempted to coax the German battleship Tirpitz out of her haven in Norway. Tirpitz did not take the bait and Alabama and South Dakota returned to the United States in August 1943.  After training with the fast carriers she took part in the invasion of the Gilberts taking part in Operation Galvanic against Tarawa and the Army landings on Makin Island. As 1944 began Alabama continued her operations with the fast carriers and the fast battleships of TF-34.  She took part in operations against the Marshalls and took part in the invasion of the Marianas Islands and the Marianas Turkey Shoot. From there she supported the invasion of Palau and other islands in the Caroline Islands followed by operations against New Guinea and the invasion of the Philippine and the Battle of Leyte Gulf before returning to the United States for overhaul. She returned to action during the invasion of Okinawa and in shore bombardment operations against the Japanese Mainland. When the war ended the Alabama had suffered no combat deaths and only 5 wounded following the misfire of one of her own 5” guns earning her the nickname of “Lucky A.”  Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Feller served as a Chief Petty Officer and gun mount captain on Alabama during the war. She was decommissioned on 9 January 1947 and stricken from the Naval Register on 1 June 1962. The people of the State of Alabama formed the “Alabama Battleship Commission” and raised $1,000,000 including over $100,000 by schoolchildren to bring her to Alabama as a memorial.  She was turned over to the state in 1964 and opened as a museum on 9 January 1965. She was declared a National Historic Landmark in 1986.  She has been used as a set in several movies and continues to serve as a museum preserving the legacy of the men that served aboard her and all of the battleship sailors of World War II.

In the 1950s a number of proposals were considered to modernize the ships of the class to increase their speed to 31 knots using improved steam turbines or gas turbines. The Navy determined that to do this would require changes to the hull form of the ships making the cost too prohibitive.  The ships were certainly the best of the treaty type battleships produced by any nation in the Second World War. The damage sustained by South Dakota at the Second Naval Battle of Guadalcanal would have not only put most battleships of her era out of action but might have caused enough damage to sink them. Their armament was equal or superior to all that except the Japanese Yamato Class and their protection was superior to most ships of their era.

It is good that both the Massachusetts and the Alabama have been preserved as memorials to the ships of the class, their sailors and the United States Navy in the Second World War. Because of the efforts of the people of Massachusetts and Alabama millions of people have been able to see these magnificent ships and remember their fine crews. Both have hosted reunions of their ships companies since becoming museum ships and with the World War Two generation passing away in greater numbers every day soon these ships as well as the USS Texas, USS North Carolina, USS Missouri, USS New Jersey and USS Wisconsin will be all that is left to remember them unless a home can be found for the USS Iowa which stricken from the Naval Register awaits an uncertain fate as a resident of the “Ghost Fleet” in Suisun Bay California.  No other nation preserved any other dreadnought or treaty battleship thus only these ships remain from the era of the Dreadnought.

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Four of a Kind: The Illustrious Class Aircraft Carriers

HMS Illustrious in 1944

In the mid-1930s the Royal Navy recognized the need to develop and built new Fleet Carriers. The Illustrious Class of four ships was ordered as part of the 1936 Naval Program.  The four ships of the class HMS Illustrious, HMS Formidable, HMS Victorious and HMS Indomitable were some of the most important ships to see service in the Royal Navy in the Second World War and would see action in the Atlantic, Arctic, Mediterranean, Indian Ocean and Pacific.  They were tough ships and all sustained serious damage at least once in their careers that might have sunk other ships.  Different in concept than the Royal Navy’s only modern carrier the Ark Royal they displaced more than the U.S. Navy Yorktown Class and just somewhat less than the following Essex Class ships although they were over 100 feet shorter in length as compared to the American ships.

The class was built with an armored flight deck which covered the hangar deck with both as an integral part of the ship’s structure and defense.  The American ships hanger and flight deck were part of the superstructure with the armored deck being that of the hangar deck itself.  This provided advantages in protection against bombs and later Kamikazes but there was a trade off in both aircraft capacity and the ability for the ships to handle the larger aircraft that came into service following the Second World War.  As designed the ships carried just 36 aircraft as compared with the 80-100 aircraft of the American ships and the 72 that the Ark Royal was rated at.  Later in the war the Royal Navy adopted the American practice of an air park on the flight deck which increased their capacity to up to 70 aircraft. The last ship of the class, the Indomitable was built to a modified deign with an expanded two deck hangar with increased aircraft capacity similar to that of the Ark Royal.  An additional drawback to the design was that any bomb which penetrated the armored flight deck exploded inside the hangar causing deformation to the actual ship’s structure.

British defensive doctrine for these carriers was focused on the passive protection provided by the armored flight deck and by a far heavier anti-aircraft battery than the Yorktown Class and comparable to the Essex Class. This was a different doctrine than that of the Americans and the Imperial Japanese Navy which embarked large air groups believing that the aircraft were integral to the defense of the ship.

The ships displaced 28,919 tons full load and were capable of steaming at 30.5 knots with an operational range of 11,000 nautical miles at 14 knots, far more than any previous Royal Navy carrier but far less than the Essex class which could steam 20,000 nautical miles at 15 knots. The Essex Class ships were had a greater displacement as well as a higher top speed of 33 knots.  The Illustrious class was best suited for operations in the Atlantic and Mediterranean and less suited to the vast expanse of the Pacific where they would spend the last year of the war.

Illustrious under attack by German Bombers

HMS Illustrious: Illustrious was laid down in April 1937, launched in April 1939 and commissioned in May 1940. Upon commissioning she and her air group deployed to the Mediterranean where in the dark days following the fall of France they escorted vital convoys, supported the Royal Army in the war in North Africa and conducted strikes against Italian shore installations and fleet units.  Illustrious launched the first major raid against an enemy shore base by carrier aircraft on 11 November 1940. Her aircraft from number 813, 815, 819 and 823 Squadrons made a night attack on the Naval Base at Taranto sinking the battleship Conte di Cavour and heavily damaging the battleships Andrea Doria and the new battleship Littorio and moderate damage to the Caio Dulio This strike helped cripple Italian naval power and helped give the Japanese inspiration for the Pearl Harbor attack.    On 10 January she suffered severe damage from 6 bomb hits while escorting a convoy near Malta. She was attacked again at Malta causing more damage and she was withdrawn from action and sent to Norfolk Naval Shipyard for repairs. The damage was severe enough to keep her out of the war until May of 1942.  One of her shafts was so badly damaged that it had to be cut away and could not be replaced which reduced her speed to 23 knots. On her return to action she covered the landings against the Vichy French island of Madagascar and the Sicily landings. In 1944 she was in action with the Far East Fleet conducting raids against Japanese held islands in Indonesia and in 1945 was in action as part of the British Pacific Fleet where she saw action at Okinawa where she was hit by two Kamikazes and Formosa where a near miss close aboard by a Kamikaze caused severe damage below her waterline.  She sailed home where she underwent repair until 1946 when she was returned to duty as a training carrier in which capacity she served until she was decommissioned and scrapped in 1954.

Grumman Marlett (F4F Wildcat) on flight deck of HMS Formidable

HMS Formidable: Formidable was laid down in June 1937, launched in August 1939 and commissioned in November 1940.  She actually “launched herself” a half hour before her Christening ceremony which gave her the nickname “The ship that launched herself.”  Formidable saw action in the Mediterranean in 1941 and was heavily damaged by two 1000 kg bombs while escorting a Malta Convoy. This put her out of action for 6 months as she was repaired at Norfolk Naval Shipyard.  On her return she saw service first in the Indian Ocean and then in the invasions of North Africa, Sicily and the Italian Campaign. She also saw service in the Arctic sinking U-331 and in raids against the German Battleship Tirpitz.  She was in action in 1945 against the Japanese with the British Pacific Fleet where she relieved Illustrious after that ship was withdrawn from action. On 4 May 1945 while supporting operations off Okinawa she suffered massive damage from a Kamikaze, temporary repairs kept her in action until hit by another Kamikaze on 9 May. She was withdrawn from action and a fleet review determined that she was not economically repairable in the austere post war years. She was placed in reserve in 1947 and sold for scrap in 1953 with the scrapping taking place in 1956.

HMS Indomitable

HMS Indomitable: Indomitable was built to a modified design which allowed her to operate far more aircraft than her sisters. She was laid down in November 1937, launched in March 1940 and commissioned in October 1941. She was slated to accompany the HMS Prince of Wales and HMS Repulse to the Far East and the defense of Singapore but ran aground on a coral reef during her shakedown cruise in the Jamaica which prevented that deployment.  After repairs she operated with the Far East Fleet in the Indian Ocean and took part in the invasion of Madagascar in November 1942.  In July of 1942 she took part in the Malta resupply mission Operation Pedestal where she was heavily damaged by two 500 kg bombs which penetrated her flight deck. She was withdrawn to the United States for repairs which lasted until February 1943 when she returned to the Mediterranean.  She took a torpedo hit from a German Ju-88 bomber on 15 June 1943 during the build up to the invasion of Sicily and again returned to the United States for repairs which were completed in February 1944. She then took part in operations with the Far East Fleet in the Indian Ocean before joining the British Pacific Fleet in 1945. She received minor damage from a Kamikaze hit on 4 May 1945 while operating near Okinawa. She finished the war in good shape compared to Illustrious and Formidable but was damaged by an internal fire and explosion in 1947 the damage from which was never repaired. She remained in service until she was placed in unmaintained reserve in 1953 and scrapped in 1955.

HMS Victorious

HMS Victorious: The Victorious was probably the most celebrated aircraft carrier in the history of the Royal Navy. Her World War Two service was remarkable by any standard and she was the only ship of her class to be modernized to carry jet aircraft following the war being refitted in much the same way as the American Essex Class ships were in the 1950s with an angled flight deck.  She was laid down in May 1937, launched in September 1939 and commissioned on 14 May 1941. Within 10 days of her commissioning she was taking part in the Hunt for the Bismarck and her Swordfish torpedo bombers scored one torpedo hit on that ship.  She saw much action in the North Atlantic and Arctic escorting convoys and deterring forays of German raiders into the Atlantic. She served in the Mediterranean during some Malta operations including Operation Pedestal and the Operation Torch landings in North Africa.  Due to the shortage of U.S. Carriers from heavy combat in the South Pacific in 1942 Victorious was “loaned” to the U.S. Navy deployed to operate with the U.S. Pacific Fleet following refits to operate U.S. built aircraft. She operated in the South Pacific from March to September of 1943 with the USS Saratoga in operations against the Japanese to include the New Georgia landings. She returned home and took part in raids against the Tirpitz which put that ship out of action for several months. She deployed to the Far East in 1944 and support operations in the Indian Ocean before being transferred to the British Pacific Fleet.

Victorious on Fire off Okinawa

She was involved in extensive Pacific operations including Okinawa and the raids on mainland Japan. She was stuck on a number of occasions by Kamikazes but remained in action.  After the war she was modernized and remained in service until 1969 when the Royal Navy decided that it was going to end its fixed wing operations and decommission its remaining attack aircraft carriers. She was broken up at Faslane beginning in 1969.

The modernized HMS Victorious

The Illustrious Class ships were great ships which performed admirable work in the Second World War. They and their brave crews continued the proud tradition of the Royal Navy. It is my hope that at least the new Queen Elizabeth Class carriers will be renamed for a ship of this class, preferably Victorious.

Peace

Padre Steve+

 

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Filed under History, Military, Navy Ships, world war two in europe, world war two in the pacific

PTSD²: Learning to Live Together When Both of You Have PTSD

Judy and Steve[1]_edited-1The Abbess and Me

The Abbess and I have been married 26 years.  We have dealt with PTSD for all of that time. Now we did not always know this was the case, not until she received the diagnosis back in 1989 and even then we did not really appreciate the effect that it was having on her and us.  She has written a wonderful piece over at her place, the Abbey Normal Abbess’s Blog entitled “The Abbess talks about a household with PTSDwhich I have linked here:  http://abbeynormalabbess.wordpress.com/2009/09/18/the-abbess-talks-about-a-household-with-ptsd/

Any regular reader of this website knows that the host, Padre Steve deals with PTSD, a gift that he brought home with him from Iraq.  There are a decent number of articles here that reference my struggles in coming to grips with this, how it affects me and how I am working with Elmer the Shrink to figure this surreal, confusing, illogical and sometimes frightening mess out.

Now before I came home with PTSD and actually figured out what the hell was going on with me and why I was falling apart I had little understanding of what the Abbess was going through.  She suffers from childhood PTSD, abusive father, generally un-protective mother who probably had her own childhood abuse issues going on and a sister who physically abused her.  She also was traumatized when she was between two and three years old when a Doctor removed a cyst from her face without anesthesia, that is one of her earliest memories and for many years caused her to fear going to the doctor.  When we started dating the family was probably in one of their more peaceful states but there were plenty of times where I saw some scary shit going on.  At the same time the Judy that I knew was the confident young college student, gifted artist and President of the Delta College German Club with a vibrant faith.  There were hints back then that she was damaged by her family of origin but I just took it as something that she would simply grow out of.  I had read about PTSD in Vietnam veterans but kind of brushed that aside and had no idea that someone who had not been to war could suffer from PTSD.

After she was diagnosed with childhood PTSD neither of us really knew what to do with it and most of her therapists did not deal with it and instead focused on depression and one even tried to diagnose her and turn her into a sufferer of Dissociative Identity Disorder the diagnosis formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.  That was a fiasco brought on by “Christian” therapists who tried to find demons in everything.  Of course if there were demons involved or Satanic ritual abuse that made it easy, you didn’t need to deal with the PTSD or any of the psychological components to what was going on.  I think that these therapists, one of who is now famous for his diagnoses of former NFL star Hershel Walker did great harm to Judy and others in making a psychological diagnosis based on unsupportable “spiritual” causes.  These spiritual “causes” were not based on fact, but rather the therapist’s suppositions which were based on conspiracy theories   usually involving how police worked with satanic groups to conduct satanic rituals and then return the victims to their homes.  If we know what we had known now we would have made a malpractice suit against the therapists and pastoral counselor involved in Judy’s treatment at the time.

It was not until I was on active duty in the Navy that a therapist began to work with Judy’s PTSD.  Even still with her getting treatment I was still learning how to grapple with all the reactions that I had seen for years because to me they were still not logical.  I am a methodical and logical person and if you know anything about PTSD you quickly find that much of what happens to a person has nothing to do with logic, but what the brain and the nervous system are doing and not how a person is deciding to act at a given point.  So when Judy would startle or have some kind of meltdown I would try to counter with logic.  This to my surprise never worked and I was always left frustrated.  Over the years I became a bit more understanding but still would have trouble with the severe startle reflex as well as the occasional meltdowns which over the past couple of years have gotten to be less severe because of a conscious effort to help her work through her PTSD symptoms and become more aware of what was happening and triggers.

Doonesbury ptsd-pmsPMS -PTSD Judy’s Best friend said to me “You’re a girl now”

Then I went to Iraq and came back with PTSD with all the trimmings.  I think that she started figuring it before me so when I finally crashed on June 16th 2008, I do remember the date well, she was not surprised when I came back and told her that the doctors thought that I had PTSD and were referring me for treatment.  The good thing for me was that they did not refer to the Psychology or Psychiatry clinic but to the Deployment Health Office where I met and began to work with Elmer the Shrink.  My first visit to his office I got a copy of the Doonesbury book dealing with coming home from war and PTSD.  I laughed and cried all the way through the book.  Until I went to Iraq I had never been a big fan of Doonesbury but I really appreciate it now.  Military.com has a link to the Doonesbury at War series which I find quite nice to have.

http://www.military.com/warfighters

I appreciate the help and understanding of people that I work with.  That helps; I don’t have the sense of abandonment and isolation that I experienced the first 8 months that I was back from Iraq.  I think that my medications are getting managed a bit better as well.  One thing that is hard to understand when you first start getting treatment is that you are kind of an experiment in progress as the doctor’s figure out what works and what doesn’t work.  This I think can be very frustrating to people who want “fixed” right now.

doonesbury ptsd onsetSome of my dreams get pretty physical

Before I went to Iraq she was the more observant one of us.  Now I am the more observant. The one value of PTSD that I don’t really want to lose is my awareness of what it happening around me.  It has I’m sure been more help than hindrance getting me out of dangerous situations quickly because in many cases I sense things even before I see or hear them.  As I have pointed out in other posts this has come in handy especially in our nutty Hampton Roads traffic and the “kill or be killed” mindset that you have to have to survive on I-64 or I-264.  While I like the ability to do this the startle response that I have now is really annoying.  We have a phone in our house that the ringer sends me into orbit.  If I am sitting in the living room when it goes off it scares the absolute shit out of me as it does Judy.  It is interesting to see both of us almost jump through our asses when that damned thing goes off. Inevitably it is the damned Rite Aide Pharmacy automated line or a equally damned telemarketer that does this.  Other loud noises get me.  I was driving to work and there was a vintage Chevy Camaro just ahead of me and in the adjacent lane to my right. It was still in that morning twilight when the Camaro started backfiring out of its twin exhaust pipes.  The backfire sounded like a burst of semi automatic weapons fire close up and the flashes from the pipes looked like muzzle flashes.  Other unexpected loud noises get me as does the sound of helicopters, especially at night.  I don’t do crowds well unless they are at a baseball game.  I went to do the invocation yesterday at the Norfolk Naval Shipyard to kick off the annual Combined Federal Campaign.  I was expecting a small rather sedate event.  It was nothing of the sort.  There were at least a couple of hundred people in a relatively small auditorium, a band, reports and photographers, a color guard and drill team from a local ROTC unit even balloons and banners.  The noise and light, many moving pieces gave the event a pep rally feel which drove up my anxiety level pretty bad. I was able to keep from having a panic attack or a meltdown, but it took work not to fall apart especially with the week that I had had and the fact that in the previous 31 hours I had only 3.5 hours of sleep.  I don’t like my outbursts of anger which can border on rage depending on the sense of danger that I feel although some expressions that I have come up with in these events are pretty funny as I question the parentage and oedipal tendencies of some people.  Anxiety, tremors, muscle tension, insomnia and nightmares are no fun either.

I guess for me that the war is not over and I know that if I was to go back I would do just fine. I almost think that another deployment to either Iraq of Afghanistan would help me in some ways. I guess I might get another shot at it as things continue to develop over there.  Personally I think I need it to close the loop and one day when peace comes to Iraq to go back there to visit some of the Iraqis that I got to know while there.

Dundas at HitSomehow I was More Relaxed in Iraq than I am Here

So now I am much more understanding of what Judy has lived with since childhood.  She has been a help to me in understanding my struggle as well and what I have experienced has helped me have a lot more compassion and understanding for her.  The only one without PTSD is our little dog Molly so it does make for interesting living around our little household.

Peace,

Padre Steve+

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