Monthly Archives: April 2009

April 10, 2009 · 18:55

The Long Good Friday

Lent is over and today is Good Friday and I have the duty at the Medical Center that I work at.  Yesterday I celebrated a Maundy Thursday Liturgy here, and today we had our Good Friday service.  Since I am a Priest, but in a more Anglo-Catholic type church, I get to do the “Protestant” services.  Both Maundy Thursday and Good Friday were very meaningful to me this year.  It is the first time in a long time that I have had chapel responsibilities during Holy Week and good for me to be able to share in those sacramental acts. I make sure that like Bishop Blackie Ryan, that I look at the person receiving the sacrament and give them a smile.  It may be one of the few good things that happens to them during the day or week.

In my previous posts about surviving Lent I noted how that I was going to try to be happy.  I altered a few things to do this and found that instead of being an ordeal like past years that this Lent was not too bad.  In fact with the exception of stuff that was PTSD related this was a pretty good Lent.  I actually think that I had some spiritual growth.  Kind of way cool that the Deity Herself would give that grace to me this year.

Getting back to today, Good Friday.  For some people Good Friday is simply another day, even for those that observe it.  It comes and goes, just a speed bump on the way to Easter so we can all get happy.  But those for those who live in my world, that of the Intensive Care Unit and Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, Good Friday is a year round event.

How is that so?  Well since you asked, let me tell you.  Here we live in the constant shadow of life and death.  We have flesh and blood people who suffer.  People who find out suddenly that they have an illness that will kill them. They are people who face their own mortality in what often is a long and painful ordeal.  Sometimes they face this alone and even if they have friends and family present may still feel very much alone.  In fact, they may even feel God Forsaken.  The cry of Jesus uttered from the Cross can be their own.  “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”   For some this is an incredible burden, the pain which is not simple physical, but spiritual and emotional as well.   Here at our medical center, and thousands of others, we live at the intersection of life, death and eternal life.

Today has been a busy day already, multiple calls and visits with people going through various ordeals, both patients and staff. We have a number of people on our wards who may be with Jesus by Easter Sunday. Many I have gotten to know over multiple stays here.

There are those also who spend this Good Friday like Jesus’ mother, and the others gathered with her at the foot of the Cross. These are the families and friends who can do nothing more than watch and pray, comforting their loved one and each other.  There are those who patiently and lovingly care for people, the doctors, nurses, Corpsmen and technicians all hours of the day.  There are some who think that medical professionals have an easy life.  Some may, but those that I know do not.  They are in a combat zone without the bullets knowing that every day that they come in to work that there is a good possibility of dealing with death, and certainly with the pain and suffering of those who feel forsaken.

Among the crisis there was the homecoming of a number of our Corpsmen returning from Iraq. There are babies being born and people getting well.

At the same time there is joy.  There are those rays of hope where somehow beyond all expectation someone recovers. There are the patients who despite their suffering constantly look out for other patients and the staff.  They have overcome by reaching out to care for others, and they radiate joy.    There is also joy in seeing someone have a “good Christian death.”  You know, the kind like the movies, where the dying person knows it is there time, gathers the family and friends around and gives them his or her blessing, shares stories, laughter and tears at the same time and when everyone is done, the Priest says a prayer, maybe the person is anointed, the Our Father is said and the person passes to the next world.

Today in the Good Friday Liturgy I had a short homily.  And it focused on this understanding that God is with us.  That God who entered time and space in the Incarnation is with us in life and in death.  Good Friday is they way that God puts flesh to the words of the  23rd Psalm, “even though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.”  Jesus enduring this death, is not a God who is distant or uncaring.  He knows what it is to not only feel, but to be God Forsaken.  The Cross is that portal by which we know God, the portal by which we come to know the mystery of the Trinity, the place where a simple Roman Officer, a Centurion gets what almost no one else gets. “Surely, this is the Son of God.”

Here at the hospital I will walk the halls, and spend my time in my ICUs, watching and waiting throughout the night.  For many here, this Good Friday will not end tonight, but Easter will come.

Well I have eaten my pea soup and bread, taken my short break and time to get back out on the floor. Pray for all who labor tonight in hospitals, those who care for the sick and dying, those who deliver babies, those who maintain vigils in ICUs and await crisis in Emergency Rooms.

On Monday I’ll be doing the memorial service for a young 4th year medical student who was killed in a motorbike accident this week.  He was just weeks from graduating and entering our Surgical internship program.  He was a good officer and promising physician.  Pray for me a sinner.

Peace, Steve+

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April 9, 2009 · 21:25

More on our Unsung Heroes-Military Advisers, Past and Present

cop-south

Iraqi COP on Syrian Border

While many people know about conventional military campaigns through the plethora of books, articles and electronic media outlets, the subject of advisers is on that is seldom touched upon.  This is true in history, journalism and media. It is not a glamorous subject.  There are few books, articles or movies on the subject.  Part of this is because advisers don’t have all the heavy duty gear that looks good in print or on TV.  They serve with foreigners, and unfortunately, many Americans have no interest in other people, their history or their culture.  So the advisers labor in obscurity.  Living among the soldiers of the nations that they are in they serve in small teams, often far from any support if they get in trouble. Advisers have often stayed after the bulk of American forces leave.

This is not new.  It was the case in Vietnam.  Take the story of Captain, later Colonel John Ripley, adviser to a Vietnamese Marine Battalion, Ripley was awarded the Navy Cross for his actions on Easter Sunday 1972.  This was hte day that the North Vietnamese opened their Easter offensive.  Ripley under intense fire blew up major highway bridge over the Dong Ha.  Supported by fires from his Vietnamese Marines he would dangle under the bridge for three hours, rigging 500 pounds of explosives to it.  His actions prevented 20,000 NVA soldiers and over 200 tanks from crossing the river near the DMZ.  His actions are recorded in The Bridge a Dong Ha. Similarly, Captain, later Major General Ray Smith was awarded the Navy Cross for his actions with a small Vietnamese Marine unit on April 1st 1972. These men’s exploits were not uncommon.  Unfortunately the majority of the Vietnam era advisers have been forgotten.  The film Go Tell The Spartans starting Burt Lancaster told the story of a team of advisers at the beginning of the Vietnam War.

Unfortunately the military itself doesn’t always treat these men and women with the respect that they deserve. Adviser tours are often not treated the same as service with “big battalions.”  The duty is not glamorous.  Many times advisers and trainers are chosen from men passed over for higher level command at the Lieutenant Colonel and and Colonel level. In the current wars I have met many of these men.  Devoted, honorable and professional, they serve in places where their decisions and example will impact Iraq and possibly Afghanistan in ways that the big battalions can never will.  Many of these men are in the twilight of their careers and many times volunteer for one last chance to serve in combat.  Others are pulled from the Reserves, and some even pulled out of retirement.  I knew men in each category.  Younger officers and staff non-commissioned officers are often pulled out of traditional assignments for adviser duty.  They often assume greater responsibility, advising and sometimes even directing units far larger then they would in a normal assignment.  They have to be diplomats, trainers, mentors, and advisers to foreign officers senior in rank to them.  In the case of some Iraqi officers, men who have served in several wars commanding troops on the front lines.  To do the job right advisers have to learn the language, culture and traditions of the units that they advise.  It takes maturity, wisdom and tact to do this work.  Junior officers and non-commissioned officers also serve in these capacities at the battalion and company level.   I had the opportunity to serve with many of these men in isolated camps, they are to be admired and congratulated for the tremendous work that they do.

Navy and Air Force personnel often are found advising medical, logistics and civil engineering units.  Likewise they are also found in reconstruction and development teams.  In these places women as well as men advise the indigenous personnel.  They often, especially in Afghanistan share the same dangers of those who advise combat  units. This was the capacity that LT Choe and LTJG Toner were killed.  She was a Medical Service Corps officer.  LTJG Toner was a Civil Engineer Corps Officer.

bedouin-meeting

Meeting with Bedouin Family

Before I went to Iraq in 2005 I knew a Marine Corps Captain who was pulled from our unit to serve as a battalion level adviser in Iraq.  In Iraq this young Marine Officer had a bounty on his head.  A Chechen sniper attempted to take him out.  The bullet hit the lip of Kevlar helmet, just above his left eye. less than an inch lower it would have gone through his forehead.  The Iraqis found and eliminated the sniper. The Captain survived and finished his tour.  He kept the helmet.  A Gunnery Sergeant serving with an Iraqi infantry company was wounded in a convoy action.  He told me his stories and how his return back to the states was.  It was difficult, but he said that he would not have missed the assignment, saying that “his Iraqis” were like brothers to him.

As a chaplain in the largest operational area I was able to see the diversity of our teams, the conditions that they lived and the people that they worked with.  I prepared by reading about the Army Chaplains who served in this role during the Vietnam War.  It was actually just part of a chapter of the Army Chaplain Corps History of the Vietnam War.  However, that chapter taught me something that I figured would have to be true.  I had to be out and about with them. I good friend of mine followed me into Iraq.  He went to a different area with Army advisers in Mosul.

My tour not only allowed me to serve with these men and women but to work with the Iraqis and see things that many Americans never get to see.  One of the more interesting events was getting to speak to the first class of female Iraqi Police Officers in Ramadi.  There were also the foot patrols with the Port of Entry teams at Al Waleed on the Syrian Border.  Our little team met with Iraqi officials and mingled among a crowd of several thousand Iraqis waiting to be processed back into the country.  Since this was the busiest port of entry into the country it was the site of a lot of terrorist activity, weapons and currency smuggling.  In another place we were with a Brigade senior adviser who had to have a Iraqi Colonel who had just taken command of a unit fire his logistics officer who was selling coalition fuel on the black market. It was a very tense exchange.  The accused officer even tried to involve me in the conversation, saying that if people followed God that they would be honest.  Our senior adviser asked him if God would approve of him betraying his country.  The officer was fired.  The senior adviser later told us that this officer had put a price on his head before this confrontation.  All through the meeting my assistant, RP2 Lebron sat menacingly to the side enforcing peace in the the tense moment.  Thankfully the new Iraqi commander, who had taken over from a corrupt General was an old pro and had the job of cleaning house.  Things got better after that.  I was with one team when one of their favorite Iraqi officers was killed while out with his troops.  Our guys were saddened by the loss.

Like I said on my previous post, these are the unsung heroes of the Iraq war and the war in Afghanistan.  Their sacrifice and service needs to be vocalized.  This part of the war is now part of my life. The story of these men and women needs to be told.  I will not let them be forgotten.

iraqi-border-troop

With Advisers and Iraqi Border Troops

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April 8, 2009 · 20:27

The Dangerous and Often Thankless Duty of Military Advisers

me-and-btt-with-bedouin-kids1 Me with Advisers to the 2nd Border Brigade with Bedouin Family on Syrian Border 23 December 2007

There are a group of US Military personnel that are seldom thought of or mentioned in the wars that we are waging in Iraq and Afghanistan. These men and women from all branches of the military are those who serve as advisers, trainers and mentors to these nations security forces.  The duty is dangerous.  The advisers, be they to the military, police, or civil administrations often work in the most isolated places in these countries and are stationed in small teams with the Iraqis and Afghans that they advise.  The are often far from the “big battalions” that have lots of firepower available and often operate out of larger and more secure bases with air support close at hand.

Recently there have been a number of incidents where advisers have been killed by either renegade soldiers or police, or by infiltrators posing as security force personnel.  In one humanitarian operation a couple of Army advisers were killed in Iraq.  These men were working with an Iraqi unit in doing humanitarian work in a village. On March 27th Navy LT Florence Choe and LTJG Francis Toner IV were killed by an Afghan insurgent posing as an Afghan Army soldier.  For me these events triggered some anxiety as I remembered how many times I was incredibly exposed to danger from the same kind of events.  A couple of days ago I mentioned that I had been feeling some anxiety that I could not explain.  I finally figured it out.  It began after I read about the death of these Naval Officers serving in Afghanistan. Since then every siren, loud noise and helicopter has raised my alert level.

The advisers are drawn from all services.  They are all Individual Augments that come from both the Active and Reserve components.  They do not deploy with their own units, which means that they go to war with people that they might have trained alongside getting ready for the mission, but otherwise have not served with.  When they come home they go back to their old assignments or new orders and are separated from the men and women that they served alongside for 7 to 15 months.  In other words they are isolated when they return home and go back to places where the majority of personnel, even those who have been “in country” have no earthly idea or appreciation of the conditions that they served in and dangers that they faced.  This happened to me when I returned and I went through an emotional collapse as the PTSD that I did not know I had kicked my ass.  Sights, smells, noises, crowds, airports and in fact almost everything but baseball diamonds caused me to melt down as they all brought the danger back to me. Don’t get me wrong, my tour in Iraq was the highlight of 27 plus years in the military, the part of which I am the most proud.

I have a special place for these men and women.  I served with them in Iraq’s Al Anbar Province as the first Navy Chaplain, and on of the first chaplains of any service to be assigned to cover these teams since Vietnam.  My assistant, RP2 Nelson Lebron and I deployed together from out unit.  I had prepared well.  I had been on the bubble to deploy for months.  My background in military history and past service with both the Army and Marines helped me. Likewise my military and civilian education helped me.  Shortly before we were notified of the deployment I went to the Jordanian Army Peace Operations Training Center course on Iraqi culture, religion and society.  I had served as a chaplain in the trauma department of one of the largest trauma centers in the country.  RP2 Lebron had deployed multiple times to Iraq, Beirut and Afghanistan where he was awarded the Defense Meritorious Service Medal (no small feat for an E-5).  He is also an incredibly gifted boxer, kick boxer and martial artist who has fought on Team USA and holds more title belts than I can count.  He most recently won the Arnold Schwarzenegger Classic. I had served with him before and he knew that his mission was to keep me safe.  I don’t want to sound arrogant, but the Chief of Staff of the Iraq Assistance Group said that we were “the best ministry team he had seen in 28 years in the Army.”

When we went to Al Anbar we were sent out with the Marines and Soldiers advising the 1st and 7th Iraqi Army Divisions, The Iraqi Police, Highway Patrol, the 2nd Border Forces Brigade and Port of Entry Police.  We operated in a area the size of the state of Oregon.  In some cases it would take us 2 days by air and convoy to reach isolated teams on the Syrian border.  When you travel by air in Iraq you are always at the mercy of the weather and aircraft availability. I had the rare privilege as a Lieutenant Commander to be able to arrange all of my own air transportation.  Most people, including people higher ranking than me had to depend on others to do this for them.  We worked with our advisers to get out to them.  We would be out 5-12 days at a time with anywhere from 4 to 7 days between missions.  In our 7 months we traveled over 4500 air miles and 1500 ground miles.  Almost all of our air travel was rotor wing. We flew in CH-46, CH-47 and MH-53s and the MV-22 Osprey.  Our convoys were usually not larger than 3 American HUMMVs and sometimes a few Iraqi vehicles.  Our biggest guns were .50 cal or M240B machine guns.  Most of the time we were in places that had no large forces in position to help us if we got in trouble.  Even on the bases we were isolated.  Our teams were with the Iraqis in almost all cases.  We often ate in Iraqi chow halls and used Iraqi shower trailers.  Our advisers had us meeting their Iraqi counterparts.  We met and dined with Iraqi Generals, had ch’ai (tea) with small groups of Americans and Iraqis and got out with the Bedouins. We were in a number of particularly sensitive and dangerous situations with our advisers.  It was an incredible, once in a lifetime tour serving with some of the greatest Americans and Iraqis around. Iraqi soldiers in with our convoys would ask me to bless their trucks with Holy Water like I was doing with the American trucks.  I came to admire many of the professional Iraqi officers that I came to know and pray for the people of Iraq, that God would grant them peace. They are wonderfully hospitable and gracious.  We were often treated to food and tea by Iraqi soldiers, and civilians.  After nearly 30 years of nearly continous war, dictatorship and terrorism, they deserve peace and security.

iraqi-army-hummv-in-convoy-paused-at-road-junctionCombined US Iraqi Convoy

I had one Iraqi operations officer, a Sunni Muslim tell me that he wished that his Army had Christian priests because they would take care of his soldiers and had no political axe to grind. He said that the Army did not trust most Imams or Mullahs because they had compromised themselves during the civil war.  Another officer, a Shia Muslim came to me to thank me for being there to take care of our Marines.  He said that he, an Iraqi Shia Arab, hoped that if they had any problems from the Persians (Iranians), that we would help them.  These is little truth to what is floated that Iraqi and Iranian Shia like each other.  The memories of the past die hard in the Middle East.  When Persia ruled Iraq they treated the Arabs like dirt. Likewise the memories of the Iran-Iraq war are still alive.  Iraqi Arabs, Sunni, Shia and even Christian have little love for the “Persians.”  General Sabah of the 7th Division had us to his quarters for dinner. We had a wonderful and friendly discussion about similarities and differences in Christianity and Islam. We departed friends. The last time I saw him ws in the Ramadi heliport.  He saw me, ran up to me in from of his staff and Americans in the little terminal and gave me a bear hug, telling all that I was his friend. Another Iraqi General told me just before we left to come back as a tourist in 5 years because everything would be better.  I honestly think that he is right.  I hope to go back someday.  It would be a privilege to see my Iraqi friends again.

This is what our advisers get to do every day. Yes they are exposed to great danger, but they are building bridges between peoples of different history and culture.  They are the unsung heroes of these wars and will likely never get credit for all that they have done.  They have my highest admiration and I hope that if you know one of these men or women that you will thank them.  I pray that they will all come home safe and be blessed with success.  I would certanly serve with them again at any time and in any place.

Please keep the families of LT Choe and LTJG Toner in your prayers. A link about these fine Naval Officers is below. Peace, Steve+

http://afghanistan.pigstye.net/article.php?story=FlorenceBChoe

3rd-bn-mtt-group-with-chaplainWith “Ronin” Advisors to 3rd Bn 3rd Brigade 7th Iraqi Division

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April 7, 2009 · 20:30

So this is it what it feels like to be the Anti-Christ…Cool

Note: I received a reply from a Jehovah’s in reply to my “Saturday Morning Distractions…” post from a Witless Witness, defending, or witnessing to his faith.   While I appreciated his input, I have to say that is was long, pedantic and didn’t make much sense, even from a Witness point of view. It was just a conglomeration of quotes from witness literature and their extra special “New World Translation”  of the Bible.  It was very Karaoke. In other words my inner Simon Cowell dictator couldn’t in good conscience approve it.  Now I’m open to criticism and dialogue, but this was just not up to par.  If the gentleman is out there and wants to reply, send me another, shorter and too the point response, not a diatribe. As for his post it was rather weak. As Anne Robinson would say: “Sorry. you are the weakest link…Goodbye.” Try again my friend, a little more work and maybe your post will be seen, but then again maybe not.

Today was really cool.  I have discovered what it is to be the Anti-Christ….well at least to Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Of course this is an honor that I do not take lightly, and in fact do not assume alone.  All of us who are Christian ministers of any denomination, liberal or conservative are Anti-Christ. This is especially of Priests of any type, yours truly included.  It’s kind of strange, since all of us Christian ministers regardless of denomination are at least part of the Anti-Christ.  It’s kind of like how Christians talk about the Body of Christ having many members, only the opposite, the body of Anti-Christ having many members.  So all of us in the Body of Anti-Christ need to stick together.  It’s tough to do this alone.

Not only am I the Anti-Christ to the Witnesses because I am a Priest, but I am also, by virtue of being a commissioned officer of the government, I am a servant of Satan because all worldly Powers are his servants. I guess that this makes me part of the  Witness “Axis of Evil.”   Throw in my love for a really good beer and working in a hospital ICU that routinely gives blood transfusions and I am a top level bad guy.  It’s almost like being Osama Bin Laden, only worse. I find this cool that a group could think so highly of me. If only they could send me to hell, but wait, they don’t have hell, just damnation through annihilation.

Of course damnation for the Witnesses is kind of lame.  Those who are faithful Witnesses, the 144,000 or those left picking fruit and petting animals for eternity get to avoid Armageddon and annihilation.  For the rest of us, especially those of the Anti-Christ caste, it’s simply annihilation, poof and it’s done.  That’s lame.  There is no eternal Lake of Fire, no brimstone, no eternal punishment, torture or any of the things that give Hell its own particular ambiance. Dante would not be impressed.

Now when I think of hell I am drawn to the Lake of Fire imagery.  You take heat and humidity and combine them, like summer in Louisiana on steroids for eternity, and that is my image of hell. I hate heat and humidity.  Add to it Demons who are like super-sized mosquitoes on pro-wrestling kind of really great ‘steroids and that would suck.  Add to this the horrible clothes, sackcloth and ashes, and the lack of a good wifi-fi connection or cell phone coverage and hell really is hell.  Simply being annihilated is easy, really no punishment at all, especially when the alternative is working in orchards and petting animals for eternity.  That’s like being sentenced to being a migrant worker with your lovable dog in a San Joaquin Valley Orange grove in the heat of the summer. Perfect world or not, that blows, especially if you worked you ass off to get to real heaven only to get bounced by someone that you converted.

This goes back to the odds of a faithful Witness getting into heaven.  With approximately 6 million living Witnesses fighting for 144,000 slots, the chance of getting in is pretty low.  Even not counting the millions of Witness who have already passed on, only 2.4% get to real heaven.  If you add the guys who got in at the beginning the odds have to be well under 1% of all Witness who get to go to real heaven.  Of course those who do are really special.  They get to rule the world.  The world that they get to rule consists of lower performing Witnesses, orchards and domesticated animals.  In other words you have 144,000 bosses ruling over a Zoo, an Orange grove and it’s pissed off attendants who thought that they were going to be where you are. No wonder there is another revolt in the Book of Revelation, that would positively suck.

So to all my brother and sister Christian ministers and Anti-Christs I send you my regards.  You are not alone, we are one Body, one spirit in Anti-Christ.  Take heart, we’re in this together.

Peace, Steve+

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April 6, 2009 · 22:59

Holy Week Superstitions

Holy Week is a funny thing for me.  While I generally look forward to Easter, I always have a sense of foreboding.  I think this actually goes back to childhood.  Family members dying around the time, major events and crisis’s that unfold.  My dad was in Vietnam during Easter 1972 when the North Vietnamese launched their offensive.  So I guess that I’m somewhat superstitious. This week a dear friend lost her father to cancer.  My own parents are not in great shape. My dad lost 7 pounds this month and weighs under 120 pounds.  He is doing worse and worse.

I was talking with one of our attendings today who reminded one of the nurses what weekend was coming up.  She asked why, and he said, think about it, something bad almost always happens around Easter. I patently concurred with the good doctor. My experience in other hospitals always involved really tragic events. It seems that something tragic always happens, a mass murder, a series of tornadoes that wipe out whole towns, fires that kill families, Tsunamis and other events.  This week there has been a killer earthquake in Italy.  I am not alone in the way that I feel. Snopes.com even has a page devoted to Easter superstitions.

So with a twinge of anxiety I face this week.  I do look forward to what this week means. Maunday Thursday, Good Friday and Easter.  I will celebrate each, but at the same time I feel strange. I hope that this is just a bit of PTSD and nothing more.  May everyone experience the joy that Easter  should bring and I pray that no disasters overtake anyone this year. Peace, Steve+

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April 5, 2009 · 22:16

Lenten Journal: Passion Sunday

Lent has been interesting this year.  I did a number of things different. First off I decided that I would try to be happy and not morose.  It seemed to have worked, with few exceptions my mood has definitely been better.

This year I decided to be less concerned with the physical and dietary aspects of Lent.  I actually needed to do this this year. Physically and emotionally I was not as good off as I have been in years past.  As far as Lent was concerned, I had become a slave to the season. Lent had become something to be endured, not enjoyed. Where in the past I would have done things out of a legalistic mindset and obeyed simply because it was written, I did not this year.  This meant I occasionally got a bit of meat on Wednesdays and Fridays. But again, this was not because I was simply defying the rules, I can do that well if I need to, after all I’m a Myers Briggs INTJ, rules need not always apply if they are not helpful.   But I had to do this now, because I had, like the Pharisees before me put the observance of the rules higher than my relationship with Jesus.

Spiritually, because of my emotional state I decided to let go of the daily office for Lent, and Lent only. I will be going back to it on Easter Sunday.  What had happened was that in my rigid adherence to doing it I was grinding myself down to spiritual dust.  I was not reflecting on the Gospels or other readings, I was just doing them.  I was spiritually exhausted. Prayer was becoming forced and rote. I knew that if I continued in this manner I would not be any good for anyone.  Instead of this I simply began to pray on my way to work, and my way home and when I went to bed.  I never prayed for me except in regard to being able to care for others. Sometimes an Our Father, or a Hail Mary, maybe a recitation of a couple of decades of the Rosary, maybe extemporaneous intercessions for people that I know.  Sometimes just a simple thank you to God, after all She does deserve to be thanked at least once in a while.

As far as prayer goes and seeing answers, I guess I am a bad fit in a “Charismatic” church.  I believe that God can heal people. But there were many times early in my hospital ministry that most of the people that I prayed for died.  Talk about having a complex….When I was asked if I would pray for someone I would hesitate.  I would sometimes want to ask  “Are you really sure that you want me to do this?”  Today, working in ICUs and critical care I approach prayer from a glass half-empty or there is something wrong with the glass point of view.  I am not a Pollyanna type of person.  Somewhat jaded, I can be like the Chaplain version of House MD. Yet at the same time I’ve been surprised by Her grace during this Lent.  Things that jaded ICU attending physicians and I but can only chalk up to something really unusual. Possibly even miraculous and maybe even done by the Deity Herself.  Thus this Lenten season has been marked with spiritual surprises.

Instead of beating myself to death to observe rules that were forced on us when it became easy to be a Christian following Constantine (See an earlier Lenten post here), this Lent I decided the Lent let the Deity work Her grace in me.  I decided to get out more and take part more in the life of a local parish. This has been hard since we moved here. I travelled a lot in connection with my assignments and after Iraq I got really wierd about being in crowds of people and really sensitive to noise and light. My wife belongs to a really cool Roman Catholic parish near us, but since Iraq it is just too much for me.  It is big and like I said,  large crowds of people that I don’t know, often unfamiliar worship music and too much exposure to noise and light really get to me. That’s the damned thing about PTSD, it makes simple stuff hard. I used to go to mega-churches, and now the bigger the church the scarier for me.  So I met a wonderful Episcopal Priest, Fr John,  over at the hospital who is the Rector of Saint James Church in Portsmouth.  We became friends. He invited me and I decided to to crawl out of my protective shell that I have lived inside spiritually since Iraq.  The Church is historic, it is the African American church, many of the parishioners had ancestors that were slaves, or who were themselves part of the civil rights movement. Many are prominent in the life of the city. These folks love Jesus and a lot are connected in some way with the military.  The church itself is not large, but is caring and involved in the life of the community.  The Gospel is proclaimed in word and deed.    Since my small denomination has nothing anywhere near me, this has become my local home and I hope to grow in community with these wonderful people of God over the coming years.

Today of course was Passion Sunday. We began with the Liturgy of the Palms outside the church and moved inside singing as we went.  There is nothing like a “high church” primarily African American Episcopal choir that can do both traditional and majestic hymns as well as spirituals and Gospel.  We followed with the Liturgy of the Passion followed by Eucharist.  The service cemented some things that God has been doing in me since I came back from Iraq, and what God has been working in me this season.

I hope that as I celebrate Maunday Thursday and Good Friday services at the Medical Center that God will continue that work in me, and hopefully in some way touch others with Her grace.  For once I am really looking forward with anticipation to Holy Week, for I am not alone.

Peace, Steve+

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April 4, 2009 · 22:05

Saturday Morning Distractions-Jehovah’s Witnesses at the Door

molly-and-daddy Me and Molly, Canine Terrorist and defender of the Realm reading my blog.

The morning was quiet, too quiet.  I had taken a leisurely light breakfast of Kellogg’s Special K with cinnamon and pecans and sliced fresh bananas, with my Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla coffee with non-fat french vanilla creamer.  Laptop on my lap and dog at my side I perused Facebook, read my favorite comics and scanned my home town newspaper’s obituaries and crime beat sections.  What better way of keeping track of old acquaintances? The morning seemed ideal. Then it changed.

Placidly laying next to me on the couch after finishing off the residue of the milk from my cereal bowl, my little canine terrorist exploded into action, alerting me to the danger at hand.   I had not heard anything, in fact I am not sure if the unwelcome visitors even had time to push the doorbell or knock. However my little shit was now at the door barking furiously as she bounced up and down her hackles raised.

Dislodging my laptop from my lap I rushed to the door yelling “MOLLY DAMMIT SHUT THE HELL UP OR I GET THE BOTTLE!”  The “bottle” is what we call the “Molly Bottle” a small spray bottle filled with water with which we soak the little shit when she fails to obey when people come to the door.  As I got to the door I moved her back and opened the door just a bit, leaning over to keep an eye on her while seeing who was at the door. My eyes spied a woman with a book bag with an Awake magazine, while Molly charged the glass storm door barking furiously. Looking up I simply said “Go away or the dog will eat you.” and closed the door.  Satisfied Molly trotted back to the living room. Judy said “Did you punish her her for disobeying?”  As Molly and I each got back on the couch and Molly moved next to me, I said “no, but I almost told her that she was a good girl.” Judy, looking disgusted said “I think that you just did.” Molly wagged.  All was right in her little world and peace returned to our quiet abode.

Now let me get this straight.  This is not a hit piece on the Witnesses.  They have every right to waste their Saturdays bothering people who just want to be left alone, like yours truly.  I just don’t get it though.  When I was a young person I would attempt to counter-evangelize them as they came to the door, since of each pair one is always in training.  Giving up on that as I got older I would politely tell them that I was not  interested.  As I have gotten even older and come back from Iraq my resentment for anyone ignoring our doormat which plainly states: “We love our vacuum, we found God, and we gave at the office,” has become palpable.  I don’t want to be bothered by the Witnesses, vendors or any other solicitors.  I will however give the young Mormon missionaries a nice greeting as one of their Army Chaplains saved my ass and career when I was a young chaplain. He is now the denomination endorsing agent. Both Judy and I provide these young men with his contact info should they desire to enter the military as a chaplain. They are usually surprised by our friendliness and leave somewhat perplexed.

What I don’t get about the Witnesses is the illogic of their whole system.  Now I know that atheists say this about all religions.  But as one who believes firmly in the Deity,as expressed in both in the Apostle’s and Nicene Creeds, I just don’t go around knocking other people who believe in God for the fun of it.  I do respect the beliefs of others even if I disagree with them.  I believe in our country that we have a wonderful history of tolerance for wide variations of religious practices, and that this tolerance is good for everyone. I will not mess with the Witnesses gooned up understanding of the Godhead, hackneyed translation of the Bible, the many times they have predicted the Second Coming and missed, or their somewhat odd social customs or limitations on medical care here.  I will only focus on the odds of going to real heaven if you join them.

Like I said, I just don’t get it.  The Witness system is one that if you join you will be destined to fail to make the grade.  There is no way around this cold fact. The Witness only believe that 144,000 will get to top level, real heaven.  The rest of them, number 144,001 and higher will end up petting animals and picking fruit on a perfect earth.  Unbelievers are simply annihilated, do not pass Hell and do not collect $200.  The Mormons have a much better deal, if you are a male Mormon who has done all the right Mormon stuff you get to be God of your own planet.  Now I have no desire to be God, far too much work and trouble if you ask me, but a pretty good deal if they are right about this stuff.  For the Mormons good religious folks get to second level eternal life, especially if they have been baptized by proxy by a Mormon friend or relative. Real scum get to go to hell.

Let’s face it.  If there have been millions and millions of Witnesses since they came into being and only 144,000 boat spaces in heaven, then the odds are stacked against you for getting in.  Since you acquire points by bringing other people in you are in effect creating more competition for those slots.  Not really a good idea if you ask me, not that I’m selfish or anything.  Now let’s suppose that you became a Witness, handed out tons of Watchtower and Awake magazines and ushered in gazillions of other people into the faith.  Let’s say that you did enough to break into the top level.  You work your way up to 144,000 and then pass away.  You got in  right?  Not so fast.  Joe Schmuckatelli the lapsed Catholic that you converted the week before you passed away got serious about his new found faith.  He really hustled and was a superstar, the guy was a hall of fame Witness converting half the population of Salt Lake City to the faith.  Hey, I said he was an all star, he even out hustled the Mormons on their home field.  Old Joe not only gets in, but by getting into the top tier he bumps you out.  It’s just not right, its unfair.  You work you ass off and end up picking fruit and petting animals for all eternity.  That just blows.

Anyway, thank God for my little canine terrorist.  Peace, Steve+

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April 3, 2009 · 21:35

A Beautiful Day for a Ball Game

“You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church.” Bill “Spaceman” Lee

me-and-lefty-phillips3 Me with California Angels Manager Lefty Phillips in 1970

Today was one of those rare early April Hampton Roads days…it was really a pleasant day.  High about 80, partly cloudy and winds from the southwest at 25 MPH.  An absolutely wonderful day for the first ball game of the year at Harbor Park.  The field looked great in spite of some nasty weather and the damage done to it by thousands of supporters of President Obama when he visited Norfolk the day before the election.

I walked from my car to the ballpark in wonder of the day.  I do believe that the Deity Herself had blessed us with this most wonderful of days.  I got to the concourse and looked at the field I had visited so many times before.  Harbor Park is a parish church of the Church of Baseball, arguably the one true church.  Like the Trinity the game is filled with 3’s.  Three Strikes, Three Outs, Three bases.  Distances between bases and the pitchers mound, all divisible by 3.

I wrote yesterday about the gift that my dad gave me.  It was nice to receive it one more time.  The Orioles and Nationals did not disappoint.  It was a well played game.  Orioles starting pitcher  Koji Uehara, formerly of the Yomiuri Giants, threw 6 innings giving up one hit, a 2 run home run to Nationals Third Baseman Ryan Zimmerman.  Japanese journalists sat at a table on the concourse reporting the story.  The final was 6-3 Baltimore.  Orioles slugger Nick Markakis belted a two run shot over the right center wall and ever patient Second Baseman Brian Roberts took a ball off the wall deep right center for a triple.  Nationals lead off hitter, former Norfolk Tides outfielder Lastings Milledge hit a solo shot off reliever Matt Albers in the top of the 9th. It was scary for a few  minutes as it looked like the Nat’s might make get a rally going.  In an interesting twist, though there were only 9 hits in the game there were no strike outs.

Sitting in a seat that in a major league park that I could never afford, my time was well spent.  I got to wish Orioles Catcher Greg Zaun a good season before the game.  He needs it, catchers get the hell beat out of them.  It was cool to see little kids looking with awe at players as they signed autographs.  I remember being a kid back at Anaheim stadium and having players talk to me, autograph hats, balls, programs was something that I have never forgotten.  Seeing the wonder in these kids eyes took me back in time. At the same time and realize that I still have the same sense of wonder that these kids experienced today.  I think that every kid need to have this experience.  I know that 99.9% will never go on to play in the show.  But the lessons that they learn on this hallowed ground, this beautiful diamond are lessons that can be used in all of life.  It’s like memorizing Bible verses, but more lot more fun.  If only we could make the confirmation process, or the ordination process more like baseball….Hummm… maybe I am on to something here….

The game ended far too soon today, the waether was too nice, the company good.  It was nice just to sit back for a couple of hours before the game and take it all in.  There were almost 12,000 people there, actually 11,833, but who but the statisticians gives a damn about that?

Opening Day is Monday, the Tides have their home opener on the 20th.  Time for church.

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April 2, 2009 · 21:37

Baseball is more than a Game, it is a Gift from my Dad

Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” George Will

Baseball has always been a source of enjoyment for me.  I’ve noted in numerous other posts that God speaks to me through baseball.  For me there is something mystical about the game.  It extends beyond the finite world in some respects and there is a symmetry to the sport unlike any other.  George Will’s quote at the beginning of this post is dead on.  Not all holes or games are created equal.

The game captured me in 1970-1971 when my dad began taking us to California Angels games while stationed in Long Beach California.  Well before that he planted the seeds watching games on a black and white TV, playing catch, teaching me to throw, field and run the bases.  While my dad thrived on all sports, baseball was the one that he gave me as a gift.  He gave my brother golf, another spiritual game, which Zen masters love, but which is not to be compared with baseball because it is not in its purest form a team sport.

Other major sports such as football, basketball, hockey and soccer are limited to rectangular playing surfaces of set dimensions determined by their leagues. With the exception of a couple of old hockey rinks there is no individuality to these venues, save perhaps for team or sponsor logos.  All of the other sports play a set time clock.  If a team gets way ahead early, it is likely that the game will be over.  While it is possible that a game could go into “overtime” the overtime in these games has different rules than regulation time.  “Sudden death” “Shootouts” and truncated times show that these games are not meant to go past regulation time.  It is an aberration from what is considered “normal.” In these games a team with a big lead can simply sit on the ball and run out the clock.

Baseball is not like that.  In order to win you have to throw the ball over the plate and give the other team a chance to come back. The nine innings could in theory go on for eternity, as they nearly do in in W.P. Kinsella’s The Iowa Baseball Confederacy, A story which is patently eschatological, though not in a pre-millennial dispensationalist manner.  Foul lines in theory go on for eternity, only the arbitrary placement of the outfield wall and the physical limitation of hitters keep the game within earthly limits.  I’m sure that outfields are a lot more spacious in heaven.

Save for the late 1960s and early 1970s when fascists took over the design of stadiums in order to make them suitable to play football on, baseball parks have had their individuality.  Outfield dimensions, type of grass, the kind of infield and warning track soil which is used, are all determined by the team.  Some fields cater to hitters, others pitchers.  And with the overthrow of the stadium fascists at Baltimore’s Camden Yards, the baseball park regained its dignity.  Gone were the ugly, drab oval stadiums, fields covered in  often shoddy artificial turf.  The unsightly and even hideous venues such as Riverfront, Three Rivers, Veteran’s Stadium and others, even dare I say the Astrodome and Kingdome were demolished and made nice piles of rubble, replaced by beautiful ballparks each with its own unique charcter that reflect the beauty of the game.

Tomorrow I go to Norfolk’s Harbor Park to see the Commonwealth Classic an exhibition game between the Baltimore Orioles and Washington Nationals.  This is one of the first of the new generation of minor league parks.  Since the Tides were then the AAA affiliate of the New York Mets, the outfield dimensions are nearly identical to the former Shea Stadium.  The outfield backs up to the East Fork of the Elizabeth River, shipyards and bridges dominate the view.  There is not a bad seat in the house.  Showers are expected in the morning but expected to be gone before game time.

Tomorrow the gift that my father gave me begins to unfold again as it does around this time every year.  This year is different, my dad is in a nursing home in the end stage of Alzheimer’s disease.  Last year he still knew enough of what was going on to talk about the Giants and diss the American League. Dad was always National League fan. He called the American League the “minor league.”  He told me stories about the greats of his childhood and he was an avid fan of Pete Rose, Rose’s banishment from baseball hit him hard.  I guess it was for him like the banishment of “Shoeless Joe” Jackson. 

Dad gave me a gift, a gift called the game, the game of baseball.  Sure, it’s only just a game.  Right… in the sense of the Grand Canyon just being a hole and the Pacific Ocean a pond.  Peace, Steve+




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April 1, 2009 · 22:13

The Unprincipled World of World Net Daily

I wonder about some folks sometimes.  I’m a want to get along kind of guy. I always believe that there is room for spirited debate in the political process of the country.  I believe that the opposition party to the sitting President and or Congress also have a necessary responsibility to principled resistance to proposals of the other party which violate their core beliefs as a political party.  At the same time there is also the need to work together to find solutions that both parties can accept, it is the art of political compromise and once a hallmark of our nation.

Of course the most strident on the political Left and political Right tend when out of power to do things that make themselves look stupid.  Likewise, they hate the opposition,  They loudly advocate positions that not only attack the political figure that they hate, but the country as a whole.  There have been those on the Left who  have done this, especially with President Bush.  However, even more unseemly has been the response of some “conservatives” who have gone from principled opposition to irresponsible rhetoric.  This type of behavior if done by a liberal who ignite a firestorm on the Right.  If a liberal suggested secession from the Union or openly wished the failure of a conservative President there would be an outcry.  If a liberal organized spurious legal campaigns well after numerous courts consistently rejected their arguments following an election, talk radio hosts would crucify them.  If  liberals encouraged soldiers in war zones to disobey orders from the conservative President, there would be a blistering conservative response. Liberals who did so would be called traitors and the Right would call for charging them with treason.   If a liberal published blatantly misleading articles to deceive uniformed readers about policies of a conservative President, conservatives would cry foul.  If a liberal group formed their own “Common Law Grand Juries” to bring charges against a conservative President, conservatives would would be beating the airwaves and petitioning the courts and Congress for redress. Unfortunately it is supposed conservatives led by World Net Daily who are doing all of these things.  The behavior is unseemly, crass, histrionic and unprincipled.  It is also extremely dangerous in an already polarized society.

Unfortunately, these are the actions of supposed conservatives to President Obama.  “Conservative news sites” such as World Net Daily, many talk radio hosts and many other supposedly conservative “news” outlets are doing these things.  I do not question these peoples patriotism.  I do believe that they love the country very much.  I do however question the manner in which they make their opposition known and the hatred for their opponents that seems to drive them.  When one party has power and controls the White House as well as both Houses of Congress and fails they tend to lose elections.  The consequences of losing just suck. The other party, especially if it has a majority sizable majority Congress can pretty much do as it wants. The losing party if it is smart figures out what it needs to do to win next time.  That is politics, that is life.  It sucks to lose.  Ask the Democrats.

Many on the political right have moved from principled political opposition to very dangerous rhetoric which espouses succession, stockpiling of arms and the formation of private militias led by “patriots.”  This is extremely dangerous.  Writers like George Will and the late William Buckley are example principled opposition.  Ronald Reagan, a saint to the Right treated his opponents honorably and never stooped to this level.   The same is true of conservative icon Barry Goldwater. Joseph Farah, Bob Unruh of World Net Daily, Alan Keyes and others on the radio such as Sean Hannity have led this march to the abyss.  Numerous talk radio hosts call themselves “the conservative underground” while broadcasting to millions of listeners on public airwaves.  Farah and others have led many of the actions that I described previously. All of them will be responsible if some lunatic or some group undertakes violent action.

This is dangerous and irresponsible.  It is similar to the behavior of radical Imams in Iraq who were in large part responsible for much of the violence in that country.  The Iraqi Army historically had Imams, however due to the behavior of Sunni and Shi’ite Imams and Mullahs many senior officers refuse to bring them into service.  I had one General tell me that the Army did not trust them because of their actions.  I had another Iraqi officer, a Sunni Moslem say that he wished his Army had Christian priests to care for his soldiers and their families, because they did not have a political agenda like the Imams and would care for his soldiers.   Like the irresponsible Imams in Iraq who incited violent actions which helped rip that nation apart, the kind of opposition exercised by Farah and others discredits the very ideas that they say that they are defending.  They are playing with fire.  Their actions very well could push unstable individuals into taking violent action against the government and their fellow citizens.  As a military officer I find this disturbing.  These are the same tactics that Nazi sympathizers used to undermine the democratic institutions of the Weimar Republic and undermine the authority of the military leadership of the Army and Navy.  This happened in the middle of a world wide economic crisis.  Does this sound familiar? The result was a disaster for both Germany and the world. Farah and his ilk are convinced of both their cause and their rightness in doing so.  I would never suggest taking their freedom to speak away, nor am I am not calling them Nazis or Facists. I only seek to show how the methods they are using are both irrepsonsible and dangerous. Unfortunately these people  are marching into an abyss that will destroy them and harm the nation whose Constitution that they claim to cherish.  God help us all if they continue down this path.  Peace, Steve+

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