Note: I received a reply from a Jehovah’s in reply to my “Saturday Morning Distractions…” post from a Witless Witness, defending, or witnessing to his faith. While I appreciated his input, I have to say that is was long, pedantic and didn’t make much sense, even from a Witness point of view. It was just a conglomeration of quotes from witness literature and their extra special “New World Translation” of the Bible. It was very Karaoke. In other words my inner Simon Cowell dictator couldn’t in good conscience approve it. Now I’m open to criticism and dialogue, but this was just not up to par. If the gentleman is out there and wants to reply, send me another, shorter and too the point response, not a diatribe. As for his post it was rather weak. As Anne Robinson would say: “Sorry. you are the weakest link…Goodbye.” Try again my friend, a little more work and maybe your post will be seen, but then again maybe not.
Today was really cool. I have discovered what it is to be the Anti-Christ….well at least to Jehovah’s Witnesses. Of course this is an honor that I do not take lightly, and in fact do not assume alone. All of us who are Christian ministers of any denomination, liberal or conservative are Anti-Christ. This is especially of Priests of any type, yours truly included. It’s kind of strange, since all of us Christian ministers regardless of denomination are at least part of the Anti-Christ. It’s kind of like how Christians talk about the Body of Christ having many members, only the opposite, the body of Anti-Christ having many members. So all of us in the Body of Anti-Christ need to stick together. It’s tough to do this alone.
Not only am I the Anti-Christ to the Witnesses because I am a Priest, but I am also, by virtue of being a commissioned officer of the government, I am a servant of Satan because all worldly Powers are his servants. I guess that this makes me part of the Witness “Axis of Evil.” Throw in my love for a really good beer and working in a hospital ICU that routinely gives blood transfusions and I am a top level bad guy. It’s almost like being Osama Bin Laden, only worse. I find this cool that a group could think so highly of me. If only they could send me to hell, but wait, they don’t have hell, just damnation through annihilation.
Of course damnation for the Witnesses is kind of lame. Those who are faithful Witnesses, the 144,000 or those left picking fruit and petting animals for eternity get to avoid Armageddon and annihilation. For the rest of us, especially those of the Anti-Christ caste, it’s simply annihilation, poof and it’s done. That’s lame. There is no eternal Lake of Fire, no brimstone, no eternal punishment, torture or any of the things that give Hell its own particular ambiance. Dante would not be impressed.
Now when I think of hell I am drawn to the Lake of Fire imagery. You take heat and humidity and combine them, like summer in Louisiana on steroids for eternity, and that is my image of hell. I hate heat and humidity. Add to it Demons who are like super-sized mosquitoes on pro-wrestling kind of really great ‘steroids and that would suck. Add to this the horrible clothes, sackcloth and ashes, and the lack of a good wifi-fi connection or cell phone coverage and hell really is hell. Simply being annihilated is easy, really no punishment at all, especially when the alternative is working in orchards and petting animals for eternity. That’s like being sentenced to being a migrant worker with your lovable dog in a San Joaquin Valley Orange grove in the heat of the summer. Perfect world or not, that blows, especially if you worked you ass off to get to real heaven only to get bounced by someone that you converted.
This goes back to the odds of a faithful Witness getting into heaven. With approximately 6 million living Witnesses fighting for 144,000 slots, the chance of getting in is pretty low. Even not counting the millions of Witness who have already passed on, only 2.4% get to real heaven. If you add the guys who got in at the beginning the odds have to be well under 1% of all Witness who get to go to real heaven. Of course those who do are really special. They get to rule the world. The world that they get to rule consists of lower performing Witnesses, orchards and domesticated animals. In other words you have 144,000 bosses ruling over a Zoo, an Orange grove and it’s pissed off attendants who thought that they were going to be where you are. No wonder there is another revolt in the Book of Revelation, that would positively suck.
So to all my brother and sister Christian ministers and Anti-Christs I send you my regards. You are not alone, we are one Body, one spirit in Anti-Christ. Take heart, we’re in this together.