Jeff Dad and Me at the California State Capital about 1972
Father’s Day is one of those days that cause me to reflect on life. The Abbess and I were never able to have kids of our own but love our nephews and nieces as well as some very special children of various friends. Of course we have our little Papillion-Dachshund mix Molly who I guess I am the Doggy Daddy to; she is a sweetheart and a huge amount of fun. Lately she has intensified her training of us giving voice to what she wants on a more frequent basis. Yesterday she jumped up on the Ottoman that I had my feet propped up on looked me in the eye and barked to be let up on my lap. I guess she didn’t think I was fulfilling my Molly-Attention Quota or MAQ.
So we went to church at St James and Father John gave a Father’s Day message which was appropriate to the day, but I always feel a bit awkward when people wish me a “happy Father’s Day” since I have sired no children of my own. I’m okay with that but it is just an awkward time.
May 2009 the last time that we had actual conversation before Alzheimer’s took him away from us
The sermon took me back to better times with my dad who still is confined to a nursing home unable to do anything for himself. I have not been able to bring myself to go back to see him since November when I saw him last, that was a difficult visit and unless it appears that his death is imminent or something happens to my mother I don’t have the emotional reserve to make the trip. As my favorite theologian Harry Callahan once said “a man’s got to know his limitations.”
Thinking back to better times I have been thinking a lot about the early years where he did so much with me especially with baseball God how I wish that he was well and we could go out in my folks back yard or Oak Grove Regional Park which is directly behind their home and “have a catch” as Kevin Costner as Ray Kinsella said to the ghost of his dad in Field of Dreams.” I remember when he joined Judy at my commissioning as an Army Second Lieutenant 27 years ago yesterday. He wasn’t happy that it was in the Army since was a retired Navy Chief, but as my career progressed he let me know how proud that he was of me. When I became a Navy Chaplain he was overjoyed and was elated when I made Lieutenant Commander.
When I was a kid dad inspired me to want to be in the Navy although that was not his goal but he taught me to work hard, take responsibility for my actions and try to treat people right. He and mom always made sure that I was in church so in a sense they helped me on my way to becoming a Priest and Chaplain.
My dad was a good dad, I guess since he is still alive still is a good dad. He wasn’t a perfect dad and God knows that I wasn’t a perfect son. I remember fondly the good times, regret the years that we drifted apart but rejoice that in the mid-1990s that we reconnected in a good way and that in the years leading to his complete disability from Alzheimer’s disease were able to do a few things and to hear him say “I love you son.”
God bless my dad Carl and all fathers this Father’s Day, those still alive and those that have passed away. Most of all I wish a happy Father’s Day to my little brother Jeff who is a great dad to his children Darren, Nate and Julia.
Peace,
Padre Steve+
The Inglorius Padre Steve's World 
Indeed. Lost my father to brain cancer while I was in college… just as he and I had started to find our way toward friendship and healing of the emotional wounds he had inflicted upon me. (He was so very injured emotionally as a child, he was pretty much lost after each of became 8 years old). Nearly 30 years have passed since his death, and I’ve found that in the past 3 or 4 years, I have really felt his missing presence.