“One of the beautiful things about baseball is that every once in a while you come into a situation where you want to, and where you have to, reach down and prove something” Nolan Ryan
Baseball is more like life than any sport it is a game that requires stamina and gives players who continue to produce a chance to keep playing longer than most other sports, even players that are not super stars. But sometimes life like baseball presents every person situations where it takes everything that you have to keep yourself in the game.
The military is something like sports because in order to remain viable in the military you have to remain physically fit and in an age where the military is shrinking there is little grace given to the old veterans. I am not going to recount most of my post-Iraq experience battling PTSD as well as a number of nagging physical injuries to my shoulders, left elbow, right knee and right ankle. Neither my brain nor my body was responding the way I thought that they should and for the first time I discovered the connection between the two. Jeff Passan wrote concerning ball players, particularly in light of the recent plight of Yankees great Jorge Posada and his battle with age and deteriorating performance “It’s a battle with the brain, with knowing and feeling you belong despite your body’s revolt. The two work symbiotically, and once one turns, it’s difficult to keep the other from following.”
That was true for me for the first time in over 25 years in the military. I have shared my struggle with my weight recently but another hurdle that I faced was trying to get my head back in the game regarding my physical fitness. I felt my injuries; they were nagging and took forever to heal. Gone were the days of taking a day or two off and then going back into my usual fitness regime. I was old and I felt like it. Mickey Mantle said “I always loved the game, but when my legs weren’t hurting it was a lot easier to love.” It wasn’t until the spring of 2010 that my mind began to get back into the game and I began to test my body in ways that I hadn’t since Iraq. I began to get back in physical shape and though my weight kept me from getting off the fat boy program my score of 265 for the physical fitness test portion was rated as “high excellent” not quiet the top level but not bad for someone on the comeback trail. I was just one pushup shy of the outstanding score and I stopped because I thought I had the number that I needed, I had more in me but quit. As a result the spring of 2010 went down as my second failure. In the Navy if you fail three times in 4 years you can be processed for administrative separation. For me this would have meant being forced to retire despite having been selected for promotion to Commander. It would have been humiliating.
When I reported to my new command it became my goal to not only be in weight standards but to continue to improve my physical performance. I had to. A failure on either portion would have probably meant the end of my career. I had to dig deep and as the weight came off my physical performance became better and I began to feel like a whole person again. Even so as the time neared for the Physical Fitness Assessment I was concerned I could not take any chances on my weight and likewise could not do badly on the physical readiness test. Nolan Ryan was right. I had to prove something and I wanted to prove something and I was willing to dig deep to do it.
As I mentioned before I came in 6 pounds below my maximum weight. This afternoon I took the physical readiness test with about a dozen officers and sailors from the hospital. As at many commands people wait until the last day to take the test so attendance today was light. Another 700 or so will take their PRT in the coming days.
The weather this afternoon was wonderful. I have taken the PRT and the Marine PFT at Camp LeJeune in May before. Usually the weather is already uncomfortably warm and humid even in the morning. I had planned on doing the 0630 time because of this but I had been up late counseling a former shipmate so I elected to go in to work at my normal time and take my chances that the weather would cooperate in the afternoon. When the time came the temperature was about 75 degrees with a nice breeze and bearable humidity. I felt good and knew that I was going to do very well; the question would be cracking the “outstanding” barrier, something I had not done since shortly after my return from Iraq when despite injuries I pushed myself to make the grade. After than the injuries owned me and I went through several tests where I simply did okay, not failing but nothing to write home about.
We lined up and the first exercise was sit ups or crunches. I have always done well in this event but over the past few years have really gotten my technique down. In 2 minutes I did 101, well above the 85 that I needed for the highest score of 100 points. I could have done more as I stopped about 15 seconds before the end of the time but you don’t get extra credit. The next even was the pushup. When I was young I struggled with pushups. It really was a mental thing. Back then when I was 23 the Army required 65 pushups for the maximum score. Now at the age of 51 I still need 64 for the maximum score. I did 65 and again it came down to technique. I have worked to perfect my pushups to keep the best form using the most compact movements and breathing on every rep to get the most I can in 2 minutes. Bad form ensures fewer pushups can be performed and if you don’t breathe you tend to wear out sooner and often not be able to go much more than a minute. Despite exceeding the maximum score I don’t think that I am really in my best shape and I will continue to work. Knowing that I had blown out the first two events all that was left was the 1.5 mile run. For me the 1.5 mile run is too short. I tend not even to get into a good stride and have my breathing right until the 1 mile point, so I have always liked the Army 2 mile and Marine 3 mile runs better than the Navy variant and before Iraq would run 5-8 miles every time I went out. If I really want to blow the Navy run out I have to turn on the afterburners. If I do this when I am in stellar shape I can nail the run in 9.45 to 10.45 minutes. With the injuries I had not did the run since the spring of 2009 instead doing the elliptical machine or stationary bike. That was not so much because I couldn’t do the run but it was a mental thing, I no longer believed that I could. I finally realized that I could and today I ran the run in 12.31. I decided that I didn’t need to push too hard. I knew the number of points and run time that I needed to get them. I was well under that time but well below what I know that I can do. Next time I will do better.
This was a victory for me but I cannot rest. I avoided the failure that would have ended my career but I cannot fail again. There is nothing like living on the brink to provide a little extra motivation. But as Satchel Paige said “Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”